When Four Friends Meet

No matter how full my mayonnaise jar may be, with golf balls, pebbles or sand, there is always room for a couple of cups of coffee...

When four friends meet, whether it is, for breakfast at Kopitiam, or dinner at Pasta Fresca; to bum around at the Esplanade admiring the skyline, or by the beach watching the sun set with your jeans rolled up, leg shin-deep in the water; to watch senseless movies on DVD back to back all night, or play taboo at a birthday party; for a game of street soccer on a lazy Sunday morning or to camp overnight at a park, hoping to squeeze 8 people in a tent which has enough space for 4, or if nothing else, just for a cup of coffee, whenever, wherever,
it is always a pleasure. A welcome break. Reminiscing, laughing out loud and sharing amusing stories. Our day to day struggles are for each one of us to grapple with but in a journey that is to last a lifetime, there can never be enough time spent with friends. They say one needs just 3 true friends to be wealthy. I have 176, sorry 177 on facebook. How lucky.

In life or in my mayonnaise jar, my family (the golf balls) must go in first, my job; my bread and butter (the pebbles) next, and then all the other small little things (the sand), last. But regardless of how much I put in, I will realise there is always space, for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend...


“What is the use of a sword, when all you need is a needle? Of all the wealth in the world, when all you need is a friend?”

20/20

20 things you should know about me…

1) I love kids.
2) I hate bitching.
3) I have a big heart.
4) I have an even bigger mouth.
5) I am not gay.
6) I am a vegetarian. YES I take egg. NO, fish is not vegetarian.
7) I love hugs.
8) I know I am tall, dark and…NO, I am not from South India. Stop being a bloody racist.
9) I am currently serving my National Service (NS) in the Singapore Police Force. Yes I did my Basic Military Training (BMT) with the Army but was transferred to the Police. NO I didn’t ask for the transfer, they just did it. They don’t ask you anything when you are serving your NS.
10) I am an Inspector (NS) and work at the Welfare Division (Staff Well-Being Unit), Manpower Department. NO I don’t catch thieves, and NO I can’t waive your traffic summon.
11) I am a sports freak.
12) I read 2 books a year. NO Harry Potter is not one of them. I read book 1 three years after its release and stopped at book 4 because it affected me too much.
13) Don’t feel bad if I have stood you up before, you are not the only one. But otherwise, I keep my promises: D
14) I am a good loser, but I still take it very personally. I just hate it.
15) I like making people laugh. Sometimes badly misunderstood to be affront. But you have to know, if I really want to insult you, it won’t be funny.
16) I am difficult to change.
17) Easy to convince.
18) I am an atheist. Kind of. (Please see entry titled “god or God” for more information)
19) I hate it when someone changes the topic of conversation abruptly. NO, you don’t understand, it gets on my bloody nerves!
20) I like to believe everyone is nice…to start with. Including me.

20 things you shouldn’t know about me…

1) I have a sick laugh.
2) I can be very loud.
3) When I say “good stuff”, I don’t really know what else to say.
4) When I say, “god bless”, you don’t really want to know what else I have to say.
5) I am a big perfectionist, some say idealist.
6) But I am a bigger lazy bum so it doesn’t matter.
7) I have cried during movies. NO I am not telling you which ones.
8) I am a bad liar.
9) I can forgive, cannot forget.
10) I can sleep while reading, eating, shitting and even while riding my bike!!
11) I hate bathing.
12) I don’t brush my teeth everyday.
13) I am a sadist. Sometimes.
14) My biggest fear is embarrassing myself. Seems ironic, but most times I don’t know (that I am embarrassing myself), so its ok
15) When throwing a grenade during my BMT, my officer had to stop proceedings for few minutes because I was so nervous. It’s not funny.
16) I cannot remember birthdays, hand phone numbers and Chinese names.
17) I have a very poor vocabulary.
18) And my spelling is atrocious. (I had to check the spelling of “atrocious” too)
19) My mother still feeds me. Whenever I can get her too. (Read 6)
20) I have acted as a woman in a play that lasted 1½ hour. I cried when I first got the role and I swore never to do it again. YES I wore a saree but NO I vehemently refused to wear a push up bra!!

20 things I regret most…

1) Having regrets.
2) Making my mom cry.
3) Making my dad want to cry.
4) Playing pranks that went horribly wrong.
5) Being honest with some people.
6) Lying to others.
7) Not trusting my instincts.
8) Not making my future my priority in life.
9) Trying to please everybody.
10) Not pleasing everyone.
11) Being afraid of failure.
12) Breaking promises (includes standing people up)
13) Being over confident.
14) Not apologising enough.
15) Not thanking enough.
16) Not clarifying.
17) Not telling some people how much I love them.
18) Not telling others how much I hate them.
19) Not beating some people up.
20) Judging people.

20 things I gloat about…

1) My parents.
2) The way my father gloats about me when talking to other people.
3) My friends.
4) Beating Minakshi in PSLE after years of comparisons. O and A-Levels results are irrelevant.
5) Micky’s 21st Birthday Video.
6) Organising successful surprise parties. Have yet to be at the receiving end *hint hint*
7) Went through Students' Council (SC) without bloodshed.
8) Getting away with being late for school or not submitting homework because I was in the SC.
9) Kayaking 4 days, 120 km, with my f****chee*** buddy Ben and did it without puking or needing a tow. We did do a lot of swearing, groaning, swearing, going high on painkillers, swearing, crying, swearing, giving up for 2 minutes, swearing and then carrying on but we did it. You hear that Ben? I just f**** praised us.
10) My NS life. Been fortunate to say the least.
11) Never been slapped by a girl. (Shilpa not counted)
12) I can bullshit my way through anything.
13) I have got good diplomacy skills. (Read 7… You learn :D)
14) I am a good problem solver. (Read 12)
15) I am a good listener, even better adviser. You should try it some day, its really easy. :P
16) I have a bad memory so friends trust me. I usually even forget that it’s a secret.
17) Successfully playing a prank on Mini on the Radio. (Ask her for details)
18) And many other pranks I have played. If I list them all, I wont have space for anything else. For the record, I have stopped. So please don’t hold any grudges. I am a very nice guy now.
19) I am a humble guy. Ironic? Go figure.
20) My motorcycle.

20 things I want to do before I die…

1) Skydive.
2) Shave bald.
3) Teach.
4) Drive a bus.
5) Kiss a girl (fulfilled it with a guy. NS. It does stuff to you).
6) Get a six-pack.
7) Have kids.
8) Coach my son’s soccer team. Or daughter’s netball team; I wish she picks up a better sport though.
9) Holiday in the Maldives, Venice and Switzerland.
10) Work for the United Nations.
11) Ride a Harley Davidson.
12) Run a school or hospital.
13) Associate with the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation.
14) Write a book. Make sure it sells.
15) Become a professional.
16) Milk a cow.
17) Hit a winning six or a score a winning goal in an important match.
18) Make my parents proud.
19) Love somebody so much; I could die for him…sorry her…
20) Inspire someone.


"God grant me the serenity, to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference"

“First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.”

The title of this entry is a quote from Mahatma Gandhi, the great political and spiritual leader during India’s struggle for independence. Although probably said in completely different circumstances, the quote struck me as it accurately mapped my struggle to get my motorcycle licence. Although I only had the weekends free due to National Service, it still took me a good 10 months from my first lesson to finally getting my licence. It was a long, hard and lonely road. I even had friends placing bets on how long I would last. Unlike cars, there is no progressive training for motorbikes. There are 8 lessons and each time you either pass or fail. It is therefore not hard to believe that when I took my 1st lesson for the 5th time (after hiding my face all week in camp), I had made up my mind that I would quit if I failed again. I passed. I thought it was like a sign, that better luck was coming my way. I was mistaken. What is worse than failing, is taking a lesson in the pouring rain only to have the instructor tell you that you have to repeat it. Flirting with thoughts to quit every now and then, I somehow held it together. With practically nobody to turn to, it got harder to keep myself motivated. But after an encounter with a hot European chick with a sexy little tattoo on her hips, and a female on her Honda 400cc, things seemed better. 6 months in, having renewed my bet with a friend that I would get my bike before the turn of the year (that I eventually lost), I somehow worked my way to lesson 6. It just got harder and every time I failed, I felt helpless. By December, I got to lesson 8; which is the penultimate test that seperated me and my licence. I had to take it 6 times! On my 5th try, I made one fatal error during a near perfect test round and it cost me the lesson. I cried that day. I had all but given up, but there was more drama to come. I still had to fail one Traffic Police Test after having passed my lesson 8. I had to wait for one whole agonizing month just to give it another shot. I finally cleared my TP test on the 15th of Feb 2007 and got my motorcycle class 2B licence. We all have our moments in life. In that room that day, it was my moment, one I am going to cherish for the rest of my life. This was never about the bike, (of course it was, who am I kidding, I love my phantom!!). It was about pursuing your dreams, almost like a maniac. I learnt that if you fear losing, you’ll never win, but if you try hard enough, you’d probably will. I won.


“Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”


I owe it all to Farhin, a friend I made during my OCT course, for without his initial inspiration (to become a biker like him), constant advice and never ending belief in me, I would have not made it. It was almost like I had to do it for him because he had more faith in my abilities than I had. A very sincere thank you.

My Inspiration...

My Licence...

My Bike!!

god or God?

god: Any supernatural being, worshipped as controlling some part of the world or some aspect of life or who is the personification of a force.

God: The supernatural being, conceived as the perfect and omnipotent and omniscient originator and ruler of the universe.

I first learnt the difference during a General Paper class in Junior College as my teacher showed off some random guys essay and his “understanding” of the difference. Call me an agnostic but few will refute that while we can have full faith in God or god, we can never truly understand “its” nature. 65% of the world is Christian, Muslim or Hindu and they all believe in the same thing that has different names, for various reasons. Some find solace, while others find strength. Some seek answers while others demand explanations. Most simply need something to blame/credit.

We all desire a blissful life, or want to get as close to it as we can. So we turn to religion, which provides us with a set of rules to follow, to help us. We are in constant search for the truth; but truth is something we merely associate with“convenience, with what most closely accords with self-interest and personal well being or promises best to avoid awkward effort or unwelcome dislocation of life.”(Freakanomics) So then who is truly god and of what use is religion?

Christians believe in evangelism, which is the advocacy of the gospel (books that tell the story of Christ’s life and teachings). Interestingly, I am told, that those who don’t believe in Christianity will go to hell. Muslims accept polygamy. But more relevant to the rest of us is the concept of Jihad, which is suppose to be a holy war waged by Muslims against infidels. While its also defined as a personal struggle by a Muslim for a moral or spiritual goal, its former meaning is what makes the headlines more often. Hindus embrace the concepts of karma, reincarnation and all that follows. Some even practice vegetarianism. Then there were those who practised sati (widow burning) and agni pariksha (test by fire) among other prejudices against women in the name of religion. So where does all this put us on the big picture? When do we start asking the difficult questions? How do we start challenging our centuries old beliefs, assumptions and concepts? “Dharmha Matibhya Udgritaha” is a famous line from The Mahabharata (a sacred epic Sanskrit scripture). It translates into, “religion or consciousness of duty, is one that is dictated by intelligence”. Need I say more?

Empty your cup, challenge conventional thinking; the divide we find today is not in religion, it’s in the thinking…there is no race bigger than humanity, and no religion bigger than love…


“When I do good, I feel good. When I do bad, I feel bad. That’s my religion.” - Abraham Lincoln


A lot of the inspiration came from long engaging discussions with friends at the weirdest of times...



My buddy, Joshua (Christian), with whom I obviously at had a good deal of discussions during my 10 month stay with him!


Khairy (Muslim) and I had a long chat on religion at OBS!


Yee Kiat (Free-thinker) who had many random conversations with me. How a conversation lead from girls to religion and vice versa, we still don’t know!

Moving on...

It was crazy. I expected it. But that doesn’t change anything. It felt like being thrown out of my “routine” life to experience a non-stop roller coaster year. In a nutshell (2006); I went into the Army, got transferred to the Police, missed out on OCS to become an Officer, became an OCT and graduated as an Inspector, went from 0 to 8 pull ups but missed out on a gold for IPPT, lost about 8 kg (put some/most of it back on too), got my A-level results, did not get into the local university to study medicine, aborted going to the U.K to do the same, found other options in Malaysia and Australia, got inspired to ride a motorbike and got my licence.

I achieved some of my goals, missed out on others but what I did not prepare for is what shaped 2006 for me. It was revolutionary as I parted with some of my old friends, made a record number of new friends in a year and subsequently parted with them too. If my friends were “Serangoon Road”, 2006 was a “Sunday”. Point being, a lot happened. And interestingly, whether it was parting with a 10-month-old friend or a 10-year-old friend, it was just as difficult. A bunch of them went overseas for further studies. On the other hand, 43 others like me were stuck together for the duration of our OCT course. And if you thought 9 weeks in BMT was a time to bond, try 10 months. After a while we dreaded living with each other, hated each other’s face and couldn’t wait to get out of there. But when the time finally came, a sense of nostalgia overcame us. I cannot remember the last time I had so much fun. The 10 months I spent there were pure entertainment. (Apart from the 13 exams we had to sit for and a lot of the “sai-kang” we had to do) Simply because we had the craziest, coolest, lamest, funniest, laziest, uncivilized, most patient, diligent, chilled out, cunning, daring people I have ever met, living together. It was wild. As we reminisced at our last dinner together, we laughed, and some still had one last prank left in them but each of us knew, deep down inside, this was it. It was time to move on.

As the year came to an end and as I went to farewell parities and the airport, time and again, to see my friends off; or simply caught up with my old mates over lunch, there was a common sense of loss. There is a lot I take with me, but there are some things that just won’t be there anymore. My friends from my childhood, junior college or national service are all eternal. Only because time is limited and life is a certain, I am writing this entry. After all, having just turned 20, I am going through my ¼ life crisis, so please forgive me if I have stopped making sense.

“Flames to dust, lovers to friends, why do all good things come to an end?”

A picture tribute to a very special friend of mine, Sean

IT support by Sudhanshu Biyani

The difference between Love, Marriage and Love Marriage

Wishing everyone a very belated happy new year. At this time of the year, I expected myself to write “Report Card 2006” as a follow up to my “Crystal ball 2006” entry last year and of course about my recent graduation from the Police Academy as an Inspector. But to the surprise of many, including myself, I am sharing my thoughts on a more intriguing (relevant and less boring too) issue about Love, Marriage and Love Marriage. (Now that I have spent a year in NS maybe I should try gay marriages next time)

Disclaimer: My thoughts are expressed in my own personal capacity (Duh! It is my blog!) And may sound random, wild and incoherent given my little personal experience in the field. Also, any reference to anyone in particular is purely coincidental so take no offence. No pun intended. Besides, it is only my humble attempt in trying to understand some of the esoteric philosophies that surround “love”, “marriage” and everything else in between.

Love is “a positive emotion of regard and affection” and can also be said to be “endearment” or “devotion”. Marriage is a union, a commitment where you are “voluntarily joined for life”. You add them together you get love marriage; and you live happily ever after. Or do you? There is a reason why many people still get their marriages arranged because love marriage is not for the faint-hearted. Expectations are higher when love comes first because you chose. (Ironically, the expectations to compromise and understand do not always follow!) Everyone needs security, assurances, that things will work out so most leave it to fate to decide because that gives you the indemnity from the blame, if any. Fair enough. But those who decide to profess their love, commit their future or sacrifice everything for the special someone should do it then follow through. Don’t give it up at the very first hurdle of a parent’s ultimatum or differences that crop up. If you can come so far in a relationship then something must have been right. It is what brought you together in the first place. Break ups are painful and unnecessary. If we are unprepared, expect different things, don’t know the consequences, then we end up blaming everything else but the facts. When I told a close friend of mine who broke up after being in a relationship for 4 years, that “I understand” he replied dolefully, “You don’t understand Chirag, and I pray to god you never will because its painful”

…and unnecessary.



“Our anxiety does not come from thinking about the future, it comes from wanting to control it.”

A Whole New World

26/10/06 - 27/11/06

One month. Two experiences. A dozen lessons learnt. A great deal accomplished.

On the ground with the men and women of the Singapore Police Force

I was attached to Bishan neighborhood Police Centre for two weeks to learn first hand what it is to be a police officer on the ground. In a nutshell,

I learnt that...

The operations room is a cool and powerful place. (Yes, it's a lot like the ones you see in the movies!)
Knocking on tables when you are free just brings you more work and your colleagues won't be too happy about that.
You can bring your son to the police centre if he is naughty and we will be more than happy to make sure he never gives you any more trouble.
When you sit in a padded room in the Institute of Mental Health with a drunk, crazy Indian dude who is a US citizen and speaks a mix of Arabic, Urdu and Hindi, you don't really need any other form of entertainment.
That when you visit MOS at 2 am and do a routine check with the bouncer as everyone looks on, you feel good.
"Tango Yankee" means thank you over the communication set and just to understand everything else they say is a skill on its own!
Loading your revolver for the first time and holstering it before going for patrol is simply put, scary shit.
There are many people who are less fortunate, who have to deal with a whole lot more and that we are the luckier ones in life.
That a police officer's job is anything but easy; it is tough, it is demanding.

Hats off to the men and women who keep our streets safe, every day and every night.

Bound for adventure, changed for life

After my attachment I went to Outward Bound Singapore at Pulau Ubin for a 12 day course. However the experience can be summed up in what I learnt in 4 days, 3 nights; out in the middle of the sea, sitting in a kayak, at the mercy of Mother Nature.

I thought I knew what...

Fear was until we set out to do over 120km of kayaking, going round half of Singapore and back, in 4 days having learnt what it was just a day earlier.
Challenge was until we finally set out on our expedition, highly motivated ready to take anything that comes our way, head on.
Exhaustion was until we kayaked for up to 10 hours a day with 5 minutes break every 45 minutes.
Hunger was until we had 2 pieces of Oreo biscuit for lunch in the middle of nowhere after 6 hours of kayaking.
Frustration was until we had the current against us and every time we took 2 steps forward, we would drift back 5 and if you stopped peddling, you would go back 7!
Limits were until we thought we couldn't do it anymore, but we still did.
Pushing them was until we knew we couldn't do it anymore, but we still did.
Helplessness was until I saw some of my closest, strongest friends, puking like there was no tomorrow but just having to hang in there, literally.
Pain was until my shoulder hurt like it was going to dislocate and all I could do was shed a tear, growl in anger, put some axe oil and continue peddling.
Motivation was until you peddled through your pain because your buddy is doing the same, because you don't want to let your team mates down, because you can't afford to.
Inspiration was until your whole life flashes across your face and you draw energy from everything; family, friends, loved ones and sometimes even the people who love to hate.
A storm was until we got caught in one, waves smashing, rain pounding right in the middle of the sea and all we could do was... peddle!
A sunrise was until I saw a new exotic one every morning as we set out to kayak at first light.
So near yet so far was until I saw Komlas and McDonalds at ECP from out there but just had to settle for another packet of Oreo biscuits for lunch.
Accomplishment was until we saw the shorelines of Pulau Ubin as we returned 4 days later having traveled a mammoth 120km in our self-powered kayaks.
Life was until I realised it was far from over (although at times we really thought we were going to die.)

"When was the last time you did something for the first time?"

Hope is not a plan

The title of this entry, “hope is not a plan”, is the quote that got me thinking about all that I am going to write in this entry. It came from a book written by a famous TV journalist, in reference to the post Katrina “management disaster” that took place in the United States. The Fifa World Cup recently took place and it was every country’s dream to not only be a part of it, but also to maybe even win it. But dreams are not visions. They are mere wishes based on wants. Singapore had its own campaign a few years back, GOAL 2010. It was a vision, a goal to make it to the 2010 World Cup. It was brave and at the same time, not outrageous. We had a plan –I am a Singapore citizen now- but sadly, pressure got the better of the local football association and the so very promising campaign was scraped. It was never about really making it to the World Cup but who is to explain that to society. Back in Junior College, my General Paper tutor gave me one advice on writing essays. Her exact words were, “ Plan your essay till it hurts”. Yes it was crazy, but she could not have been more right. Your essay is as good as your plan and your life as good as your visions. Only when it hurt did I know I had thought it through sufficiently and I knew what I wanted, and what I did not want. Another time when I was on holiday in Malaysia, I met a hotel manager and saw a picture of a beautiful lobby in his office. The hotel’s lobby was nothing like it and although the hotel owners were facing bankruptcy and a whole lot of other legal issues, this man was confident about seeing his vision through, to make his lobby like the one in the picture. He said to me, “I see this picture everyday and I know why I am here.” And that is what I have, a plan and a vision, to study medicine; get a girlfriend within the next 5 years and to ride a bike. I have got rejections (for medicine!!), endless lessons to pass and time and money both running out. But what we have to do is ask the right questions about our future, and then we see our present in a very different light. Ultimately, you will not be denied your destiny because what lies behind you and what lies in front of you matters little when compared to what lies within you.


“Hope is not a plan”