what work has taught me

One thing we have talked about in Kairos (the program I am doing this summer alongside my job) is knowing yourself. Self-awareness is crucial in determining steps in life and following the Lord. I have been able to learn a lot about myself in recent years through personality tests and spiritual gifts tests and equipping classes through Crusade, so I felt like I had it down. Before this summer, I knew myself pretty well.

But I knew the general "me." I think there is "me," and then there is the more specific parts of "me" - how my tendencies relate to specific areas in my life. Through dating Eric over the past eight months, I have really learned a lot about myself: how I process information, how I handle disagreements, what alone time looks like, how I make decisions.

But being at Acumen has taught me about a whole 'nother part of me: the work me. I have learned that I like to have solid goals and practice steps to take to achieve those goals. This might be partially due to my time on student staff with Campus Crusade: Tim Casteel used the strategic planning method for us to identify current realities, set goals, then determine strategic path steps to achieve those goals. I really like this structure, but that's not always the way things are.

I had a conversation with Josh, my immediate "boss" (shhh, don't tell him I called him that four letter word) about this. He saw that I was struggling with a project and told me, "If we were going to build a house, but didn't have any blueprints, what would you start doing?" I said, "Well, what kind of a house? How many stories? How big?" and he responded with, "No, we're not making plans. The materials are all there, so we can just start building. What would you do?" Honestly, I would go crazy! That's not comfortable for me!

And speaking of comfortable, I have learned that even at work you won't always be assigned things you think you are good at. I have been praying that I would have joy at work and would approach things with full enthusiasm - then got majorly humbled when I had a sour attitude last week due to working on projects that weren't exactly the ones I wanted to do. But, in that, I am learning to adapt and be flexible and push myself. Those who stay in their comfort zones rarely achieve anything great.

And I am learning how to make friends. And that has been one of the sweetest joys of my job, and something I hope I can continue to invest in.

of work and rain and similiar things

I love my job. And I didn't know I would say that right out of college. Heck, a little over a month ago, I had no idea what I would even be doing! People normally say it takes a while to get to your dream job. I don't really know what my dream job is, but working at Acumen comes awfully dang close.

I work on the Creative Content team, so we are in charge of all of the content on the various websites at this e-commerce company. My job ranges from doing product descriptions to writing promotional e-mails to researching and writing for wiki articles on the various websites. We currently have five websites that are live and functional, and starting June 1 I think we will be adding new sites every fifteen days or so. Sound crazy fast? It is, but that's the way this company works. Check out this blog for another really cool thing about my company: we have robots. They are called KIVA but I like to say it like Wall-E says Eva's name. They are orange and smart and pretty amazing.


The rain has been never-ending here for the past month. I don't know what the deal is, but we have only had a couple of sunny days in May and spent the rest hoarding close parking spaces, pulling rain jackets tighter, and wishing we had umbrellas. (Well, maybe that should be "wishing I had an umbrella" because for some reason I still have not bought one.) I almost feel like I am back in Juneau, since it rained there all last summer. Except in Juneau it was just a light drizzle. Here, it pours. Our basement has flooded a few times, school was closed early one day due to flooding, and there have been numerous tornado threats. Fayetteville has been blessed and safe, but Oklahoma and Missouri have not fared the same. It's amazing to look at pictures and realize that devastation is only a couple of hours away from here.


Before graduation, a lot of people told me that the transition from college to real-world is tough. I tried to prepare myself for it, but no one ever really elaborated on it to me. I thought maybe it was working a full day - but that hasn't been hard for me. What I discovered was hard was not transitioning at the same pace as all of my other friends. I was miserable the first couple weeks, not at work, but when I got home. I was jealous of my friends taking trips and being lazy and doing whatever they wanted, whereas I had to go to bed early, be gone all day, then get home at night and not necessarily want to have big plans. Honestly, I threw a pity party. I knew my job was great, and I have been so thankful for it from day one, but I wished that they all had grown-up jobs. The Lord has really worked in my heart to help me to approach my situation in life with joy and to not envy them. His timing is perfect in each of our lives, so I shouldn't question it or think I can ever make life "fair."

And, as I started getting more comfortable at work, that became more fun, too. I thrive on relationships with people, so it took a little while to get those started, but I am so thankful for the people I work with, and I can't wait to continue to get to know them better and spend time with them.


My New Heights community group has been a huge blessing, too. I love our times together, and it is so encouraging to be around these people who have known me for only four or five months, yet they love me and want to pray for me. And we always eat really good food, so that's a plus, too :)


My prayer is that my life will be "worthy of the Gospel of Christ" (Philippians 1:27), and that changes my attitude about being "left out." About the rain. And about how I want to approach any and everything that comes my way.

Wednesday Wishes

These are currently things on my (very hypothetical) wish list:

Penguin's Clothbound Classics
These books are simply wonderful. Some of my favorite titles + the beautiful patterns on cloth covers. Not only would they be more fun to simply read, but they would be great to decorate with! My sweet boyfriend bought me the Pride and Prejudice a few months back, but I wouldn't mind making a collection.


Bow-tied Neck Poplin Dress
I can't decide if I like this dress better in beige or navy, but I think it's so simple but so cute! I would actually take almost any of the dresses from this website. They are fantastic.


Strawberry-Stuffed French Toast
This is the kind of thing I find at work when I am researching for cooking articles. And the kind of thing that begs to be eaten but would also require a week's worth of exercise.


Discipline: The Glad Surrender by Elisabeth Elliot
I have loved everything I have read by her so far: Passion and Purity, Let Me Be A Woman, A Chance to Die (biography of Amy Carmichael)... this book sounds different from her others, and so wonderful!


Black Jeep Compass
Okay, okay, I said this list was way out there...

My roommate Lindsey
She leaves tomorrow to go to Shreveport for two months, then is heading off to South Asia! I know she's doing a great thing by committing two years to do mission work over there, but I am going to miss her like crazy! She has been such a sweet and encouraging blessing in my life over the past four years of college, and especially this last year as we have lived together. (P.S. This picture is us freshman year before our anatomy lab one day. She stuck with the health-science profession, but after that class I switched to being an English major.)

why are mortarboards so awkward on your head?

I have had three major graduations in my life.

Kindergarten graduation: 1995. We did a play about a garden full of flowers, and I was the only blue flower so I was lonely and sad. However, in the end, the farmer thought I was the prettiest flower and picked me to be used at church on Sunday.

High school graduation: 2007. Out of a class of 14, I was valedictorian and gave a speech. It was really small and personal; I had been with the majority of my class since elementary school, so we were like family. The last couple of months of senior year were rough, though, as far as relationships in the family went, so I was ready to move on to college and transition to that life.

College graduation: 2011. My friends and I decided that we felt like we were playing dress up. That this graduating-college business was not really happening. I felt so grown up in my cap and gown and stole and medal. And it's definitely bittersweet. I am so thankful to be done, and excited to have a job and be living here in Fayetteville. However, many of my friends are leaving. They are all doing exciting things with their lives, like going to law school and teaching in inner-city schools and doing mission work overseas. But there will be a transition to a new normal.

faithfulness

God is SO faithful!

Let me take you on a funny little journey, starting back in August. If you recall, I was seriously praying about spending a year after graduation in Thailand. I realized that wasn't where God had me, so I spent some time in complete confusion as to what was next. Then I decided that I was supposed to intern with Crusade and stay here in Fayetteville, which I was really excited about. That lasted for two or three months until mid-January, when I really began questioning that. I spent two months praying, and at the end of that I declined the intern position. My next logical step was grad school, but I was told it was too late to apply for a teaching assistantship, which I needed to pay for the program.

So for the past month and a half, I have been back in a state of confusion, wondering where the heck God was taking me and didn't He know I needed a plan. I applied to do this program called Kairos, which is a leadership training program that prepares students to go into the business world and make their workplace their ministry. Kairos distributes your resume among various partnering organizations, and they also have a Bible study and speakers come in. Who would have thought I would apply for anything like this as an English - Creative Writing major? I was sitting in a room with ten other people in the program as we introduced ourselves, and the majority of them were some sort of business majors. I felt like such a wild card.

However, last week, I had an interview at a company called Acumen Holdings. Acumen is an e-commerce group with numerous online retail sites, and they are adding a ton more by the end of this year. They chose my resume from the Kairos submissions BECAUSE I am a creative writing major and they try to have creatively-written content on their websites! WHAT THE HECK?! I got an e-mail yesterday letting my know I have been accepted for the job, and I start this coming Monday, the 9!

And, since I don't have a large variety of work-appropriate clothes, I get to go shopping this weekend!

Beginning to Close

Graduating brings so many new changes. One, of which, is feeling phased out of my involvement in Campus Crusade.

I have been involved with Crusade since my freshman year. I joined leadership second semester, and started leading a Bible study my sophomore year. I have had numerous more opportunities to serve through student staff the past two years. I am not wanting to brag on myself here; I am wanting to show that I have invested a huge portion of my time in college to this ministry. And now I feel like my time is ending.

Tonight, I sat in a room with student leaders planning for outreach and Bible studies in the upcoming fall. I was amazed at their ideas and hopes for the fall. The ideas they came up with were exactly along the lines of our mission. They were invested in planning, and I think they are going to make amazing Bible study leaders, and I know they will each have a huge influence for Christ.

I have spent time with the girls I disciple this week, and I have found myself challenged by the various people they are praying for and the ideas they have for sharing their faith. I was telling one of them, today, that it is easy to want to lead someone who is obviously behind you and needs your wisdom - however, even though it's hard and convicting, it's so much more incredible to disciple someone who is going to be a better leader than you were.

My time is ending. These students don't need me to lead them. They are leading others, and God is using them in incredible ways. I am sad, because my involvement in Cru impacted my time in college to such a great extent, but it is so encouraging to see the future generations continue to pursue students with the desire that everyone on campus would know someone who passionately follows Jesus Christ.

No one can see Jesus with your eyes.

"Jesus must appear to your friend as well as to you; no one can see Jesus with your eyes. Severance takes place where one and not the other has seen Jesus. You cannot bring your friend unless God brings him Have you seen Jesus? Then you will want others to see Him, too." -Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest

So often, when I lead Bible study or spend time one-on-one with girls, I want to see them get it. I pray that they are able to gain wisdom and insight from my words and my walk with the Lord. However, I think I more often pray that they learn from my experiences. I know that to encounter Christ and have a saving faith, it has to be their decision, but in wanting them to see Jesus I strive so much on my own to say the right words to bring them close to Him. The problem is, nothing I can say will reveal Christ to them in the way their own experience can.

I want to begin to pray less for my words to help my girls see Christ and more for them to see Christ in their own lives.