In my hypothalamus

(Cr tumblr.com) Maybe this upgrade ain't much of a blessing after all. Blame culture makes this dreadful place an even more unconducive environment to be in. Remember the swiss-cheese model? Apparently in this world that I'm currently in, it's all about finding someone to blame and not about reflecting the whole entire process altogether. I feel victimised. Pinpointing based on one's title makes it sound like it's okay for the underlings to make mistakes when it's not. Not only do I feel victimised, I felt disrespected and somewhat terrorised, which is quite a pity because I no longer feel protected in my own comfort zone. Forget about people who have the upper hand. What disgust me the most are people who put others down in an attempt to gain success and validation. No longer motivated to stay. The only driving-force that keeps me here is the mentality of "grass is not necessarily greener over at the other side". Then again, you'll ...

(Cr: relatably.com) Life's been treating me well thus far. I know it's probably too early to say, but I feel like 2016 could possibly be my year. Three major events taking place this year and not to mention, getting the big L after three to four years of contemplating. I am determined to get it checked by end of this year. Somewhat overambitious, but if my mind is set on something, I'll go all out even if it means sacrificing all the other goals that I have set earlier on. There's something special about being a quarter century old. The feeling is overwhelming but somewhat thrilling. I guessed I have my whole life figured out at this age. I know who my real friends are, I know who'll stood by me through thick and thin. I've achieved more than what I wanted and it still amaze me how I've managed to get this far. My perception has changed a lot too. For the better, I think. Wait, I meant, of course for the better. I don't remember being th...

(Cr tumblr)   There's so many things that I'd love to bitch about right here right now, but I'm somehow restricted by some stupid policies and stuffs that could be used against me which could result in me being "thrown off". So much for wanting a good future prospect. It's hard to meet the demands of unrealistic people because they can be so selfish and unreasonable beyond words. I'm actually counting down the days where I can finally be free. 2018, please come quick. 

(Cr: as above) Feeling all nervous because I have finally decided on getting back into 'the scene'. Am constantly having second thoughts about it. What ifs, mostly. Like, what if I'm not good enough? What if I don't have what it takes? What if I no longer belong here? And the list goes on and on. This used to be all that matters back then. All that I am, all that I've been. I've dedicated a great deal of my younger days getting involved in 'it', so much so that people would usually associate me with 'it'. I'm always the 'it' girl. But now, those days are long forgotten. May not seem like it, but I've lost a great part of myself when I left it all behind. So overwhelmed with guilt and regret now. Maybe I'm trying too hard to make up for lost time. Whatever that is bound to happen will be for the best. Gotta keep that faith. (Note: 'the scene' or 'it' have got absolutely nothing to do with dati...

(Cr pinterest.com) I'm not much of a pursuer, hence to initiate the conversation even after being shut out is hell of a big deal . What I have to offer may not be what you want, but it was all that I have. I'm not ready for anything exclusive even if it's mere casual or open, and it's all for the right reasons. Not quite sure if it means anything, but I'mma just drop everything and forget this even exist because it's truly a waste of time and effort.

, (Cr: pinterest.com)  Can't possibly say that it's entirely my loss, can you? I've got nothing to lose right from the start because you've given me nothing to hold onto. Maybe you did, but I was too numbed to even care. I know I haven't been completely honest with everyone when it comes to issues of the heart. Feelings, expectations, wants and need. I'm pretty much guarded when it comes to this. It's not rejection and/or betrayal that I fear. It's unexplainable - this thing that's holding me back. I just can't reciprocate no matter how hard I try. See, I used to think that having someone to love you unconditionally and irrevocably is all that it takes. But now, I think it's equally important for me to feel the same way. I back out every single time anyone start to show interest. Because I didn't want anyone to be led on. Because I don't want to be that girl who takes without giving. Because like me, everyone else d...

 (Cr: tumblr.com)   At least one of us found happiness and made it there. Someday, I'll follow through. In shaa Allah.