No one would feel happy after given 3 extras, esp from a new OC.
I wun deny that it's not our fault today, but i just cant help but felt really really upset.
Ele and me had done alot for the AS, to make sure all the wpns are FFF, clean up the place when it's dirty, to improve all the sign in/out bks after listening to their complaints,etc... and one mistake just brush away all these good things that we did.
Still rmb that when we first took up this appt, many laugh at us for being stupid, coz it's one of the most dreaded appts that no one wld wanna take on, but we did coz ele noe tht no one wld volunteer so he asked me to help him. We really started from scratch, noe nuts abt AS, stepped into the old AS seeing only wpns and dunnoe how to start. we had to go around asking help from seniors, slowly we came up with all the sign in/out bks, slowly we noe our roles and responsibilities. The first few weeks were the toughest and busiest period of time for the both of us, having to juggle with trg and managing the AS, sleeping alot later than the rest and had to wake up alot earlier than the rest just to prepare arms for them.
All these hard work were nvr seen by the coy, and once they caught us sleeping in the AS during a coy mission base planning and from that day onwards we were deemed as slacking in the AS, only noe how to hide in the AS. Is taking a rest during the planning something wrong? before that we were busy preparing document for the OC to sign in order for them to draw their wpn but they did not see it, wad they see was us sleeping. Is it fair for us?
Claiming that it was unfair that we did not do our part for guard duty. If we deem guard duty is a form of responsiblity, is appt holder like us oso fulfilling our responsibility? I've alr told them, CAN! I can do guard duty, provided u guys share our hardships with us, slp at the same timing as us and wake up as early as us? I asked them if they want this to happen? And the reply i got was 'It's your job to do all this shit wad? who ask u want to be ASM?' wad am i suppose to say? we're saving their asses most of the time and this was the wad the coy repay us....
Posting all my unhappiness here was my very last resort, or shld i say it's my only way to release all the unhappiness, bcoz i dunno who is willing to listen to all this crap, it is really mentally stressing for the both of us and we were nvr happy most of the time due to all the unpleasant comments made by the coy, all the insults thrown to us which were so unfair to me and ele, and the lack of understanding for me from my DS... I felt as if the NS has made me suffer mentally alot in the wrong way instead of bonding me to my batchmates and teaching me to serve my country... the camp has turned into the darkest place that I wun wan to enter but had to enter...the bunk has turned into a place just for me to put my things and slp. And vry soon i think my bunkmates will turn into strangers...
I seriously hope the rest of the 6 months will pass faster...bcoz i wan to leave all the unpleasant memories in the camp and start afresh in the civilian life...

my blog is kinda pathetic now but heck la, dun think i'll be updating it as often..

Firstly, HAPPY 2010 everyone!!!
I really had a great time spent with friends, close friends and best friends though it's only a short 2 days...
booked out on tues night, din manage to go out or do anything on wed and thurs coz no one is free and my INTERNET was DOWN for that 2 days which made me damn super duper bored at home, kept slping and slping, hoping for the internet to recover but it just din...
had my countdown at home coz too lazy to jio ppl go for the countdown, but well, though 2009 ended quite badly for me, 2010 started well..
went to yh's house first thing when i woke up coz eager to use internet ma, den link up with FRIENDly forces(lol..) at harbourfront to eat before we made our way to sentosa for tanning(awhile though...) and games.. :)
2 interesting thing:
1) Someone organised the outing but in the end that organiser nvr come, first time got such thing sia... in the end kena suan by us...HAHAHAHAAH...
2) dunno why sporeans like to queue for things sia, the sentosa skytrain can use ez link card but i dunno why for some reason ppl queue up for the concession card sold outside..LOLOLOLOLs man...

haha, den after the outing went harbourfront food centre to eat, wanted to eat the super duper nice chicken rice but the shop din open, so had to find other food to eat, after that went to cck to meet up with kee ann before making our way to the objective(yh's place)..

Woke up this morn, had breakfast den made our way to the new RV campus at boon lay to see see walk walk, saw alot alot of alumni, seniors after seniors of np, and classmates, the feeling of returning to the school just nvr change after so many years...
after that went jp to eat and had coffee at starbucks before heading for our houses..
went home to catch some rest before walking to meet my fellow falconites for BBQ session, a long lost quote has just revived,
"A squad that takes a long time to bond is a squad that actually has the strongest bond"-by our CII Jon Sir
I think it really applies to our squad, even though it has been 3 years since we graduated from the CI course, from strangers to good friends now, though we are busy our own work, we nvr fail to meet up annually(sometimes more than once) to catch up with each other, play, eat, chit chat talk cock, wadeva that we can do la..really felt fortunate to be in the squad and meet so many friends.
It's really hard to find such bonds nowadays, u can't find this anywhere in army(at least that's wad i think), u can only find this outside, where ppl really are close to u and do not wayang for their own benefits.
For me, i'm quite lucky to noe my sec sch npcc squad and cibtc squad, if not i tink i wld be real lonely when i enter army, it's usually these outings and gatherings with jin-gang and friends that made me look forward to BOOKING OUT!!!!
Now i've one last thing to look forward to, and that's the outing cum yong cong's bdae party on the 16th jan, after that it'll be the CNY before we embark on our ATEC trip to thailand..

A few months ago, when ppl ask which unit i'm being posted to, i am proud to say i'm from the cdo, but now the tone and the feeling when saying the 4 words are totally diff..
As time passes, one may wonder if he has done his best in wadeva that he has completed or can he do better.
yes, today, i finally asked myself this question.
before today i haven't thought that being a cdo man is a useless thing..
but today i really start to question myself if i could have done it better, whether i could have attained a higher rank, a sgt? or even an officer?
i've been living in a competitive environment, from pri sch to sec sch, my mum always like to compare my results with my 2 cousins(one was in the same pri sch, same class as me, and the other happen to be in the same sec sch with me)
I could still rmb that everytime after the release of exam results when i reached home, my mum would ask me how well i did, and straight after that would always be the same question, how well did ur cousin do? did u win her?
I understand that she's doing all these for my own good, but everytime when she found out that my cousin did better than me, she would scold me and blame me for watching too much tv and playing too much, i was stressed during that 10years. i want to tell her not to compare with others but i knew it would only disappoint her so i just kept quiet.
Since then, I've been living with this mentality that wadeva i do, i must win all my relatives, my cousins, and i cannot lose to them.
And so far i felt that i have achieved it, and as time passes, i realise my mum no longer compare wadeva i do with my cousins and i felt a little weird..
i always wanted to do the best to let my mum 'have some face' in front of my relatives, and having entered the best unit in the saf, i thought she would feel proud of me.
but today when one of my relative wad rank i was in cdo, i realised i couldn't say that i was a cpl as loud as before, because i'm just a man and so far all my cousins are either officers or sgts.
It's like a sudden knock on my head which wakes me up from my dream.
While shopping with mum today, i can't help but ask her, 'do u feel ashamed that the rest of my cousins are either officers or sgts and i'm just a man'.
and guessed wad she said..
'no, as long as u are happy den i'm fine with it.' and she told me her tears almost rolled out when she attended my BMT POP and red beret presentation parades.
Is this wad they mean by living for others?
If dat is, den i'm really living for others and has nvr really enjoy my own life where there's no competition with anyone, and i truly feel happy doing all the things.
In the past, the only thing which makes me feel no pressure was my cca. because i love all my ccas, from npcc in sec sch to lifeguard in jc, those were the only things that make me the happiest. On the other hand, books and notes are the culprits that caused me to live for others.
But now, after hearing those words from my mum, i'll truly live a life of my own and stop the mentality of always comparing with my relatives or even friends.
They may have a higher rank and may be better than me in any field, all these will not bother me anymore, i will continue to serve the ns and do all my things with pride and happiness.
So wad if i'm just a man, as long as i do my things well and i'm happy, den being a man is no diff from being a sgt or even an officer.
Jiayou!!! :D

It used to be a place filled with many many beautiful memories.
Went to Pulau Ubin almost every year since i was secondary school.
Twice as a cadet, once as an NCO and twice as an instructor.
I never failed to leave the jetty without a smile on my face.
But ytd i or rather most of us couldn't laugh or even smile at all.
Like wad oscar charlie says, everything was 99%perfect, just that one dot, that one percent that makes the whole thing imperfect.
I, or in fact, everyone was very fustrated during the last 2 days due to our faitgue and it was indeed very very disheartening when others have left and we had to stay behind.
The place has became a nightmare for many of us, we can almost walked the entire island without a map or compass, from the west to the east and back again.
The heavy rain just reminds me of my instructor course, bet eric and yini will rmb as well, the 4 days camp in pulau ubin during the course was a nightmare too, with the bottom of our feet totally 'disfigured'.
The route from the jetty to jalan ubin and then jalan noordin, reminds me of my cadet years when we had to walk from the jetty to the campsite but cadets nowadays do not do that anymore, coz the vehicles are their choice of getting to the campsite.
Though it feels good to see NPCC cadets or even the CIIs in Pulau Ubin, but we are doing a diff job and at least they only came for at most 3 days, unlike us.
I'm usually a person who likes to tell others the details of everything, but i can't now, though i really really wan to let it out...
There's been too much thing that i had to keep it to myself due to the stupid classification, and i can't possibly share it with my ns mates since they are equally miserable...
I guess this weekend is gonna be another dvd weekend, though it's long, i doubt we have the mood to enjoy it to the fullest.
Hopefully next week's area camp would cheer me up, eh wait, dun tink i can go for it sia, shit!! got coy live firing.. hais.....sorry guys, i try to meet u all for a meal or sth if i can make it.



Though it's still a very very long way to go, but i'm really really looking forward to ORD-ing and regain my civilian life once again. :(

haha, now even the officer rank in NPCC oso has the word NPCC below, looks super like the HK police rank la..

hmm, guess i have to believe that my ankle has went loose after spraining it so many times..just sprained it during thurs live firing coz of the super dark night condition plus super slippery slope..hais..

dun hav the feeling to blog this weekend though i have alot of things to say...feeling so down... :(

I think it shldn't be much of an issue posting these photos ba, hopefully i wun get charged coz of these man, lol..

but anw these are the photos that i managed to take with friends and family during the short phototaking session..

finally my blog has some photos man, lol..

went vivo with mum today..actually i dun really wanna go out coz my left leg is like so "unwalkable" after all the shit, but i see my mum so sian at home so just ask her to go out lor..in the end, i only talk to her and listen to her talk when we are shopping in vivo, the travelling time i just sat and fell asleep instantly..lol...dunno why so tired oso....

i think my left leg is getting more and more painful, just one step can make it ache alot and almost cramp sia...

guess i shld go some massage tmr or mon...

If u ask around, everyone will say that they dun believe that they have just gotten their red beret.
And so do I!!!
lol, it's just unbelievable that I actually survived all the commando's tough trg and got my beret.
Most imptly, I can't believe I just finished walking 72km around ECP for 2 days without slp.
And u know wad, we are the first batch which they tried with a MISSION before the 72km Route march.
Usually all of us would be pretty much shagged after every mission, but this time, it's even worse.
we were inserted at night and had to walk throughout the night to get to the objective and fight from there, and we had to redo coz it's not good enough, and after that we were supposed to be given 7 hours of absolute rest but in the end we only got 3 hours, WTH!!!!
and after that we straightaway start our route march under super hot weather..
the first 12km was still quite ok, felt pretty relaxed and motivated during the walk, but as night falls, the eyelid became so heavy that at several instances, i'm like sleepwalking, terrible man...
started from ytd 4pm and walked till today at around 3pm den end...shagged!!! and had to carry on with the parade with 2 feet full of blisters and abrasions at several parts of the body..

Well, it's indeed a painful and tough journey for us, esp when we are just a NSF, but what matter most or rather what i learnt during this tough period of time is that ur buddy is very impt in the sense that he is the only source of motivation u can find in times when u are extremely tired or felt like just giving up.
When i first stepped into the bn, i hated the trg and outfields so much that i felt like faking out an excuse to get out of commando, but it was those ppl around me that made me wanna stay and fight with them and earn this beret with them.
Trust me, it's really really not easy gettting this beret, esp for our batch, haha, so i think our beret is alot REDDER than the rest of the cohort...LOL!!!
yay!!! had leave till wed morning, can enjoy abit more liao, but i guess i'm gonna crash some courses in uni and see if i shld change my course....

so sorry that i can't upload the super interesting videos and photos here due to security reason....