You're kidding, right?

Yesterday morning I was on a quest to find a black skirt that was inexpensive and could be used for church until I drop another size or two. I have never been to Fashion Bug before, but as I was driving by I saw a sign that said "$5.99" and knew I had to stop. I don't have the money to spend a lot on clothing right now, but wanted the skirt and possibly a few shirts (my workout clothes are getting too big again). The problem is that I had no idea what size I was. I kept picking up clothing items and holding them up to me . . . feeling kind of lost. The sales lady came up to help me and told me she thought I was a size 14 pant and a size 12 top. I laughed and said, "You're kidding, right?" She wasn't . . . and she was right!! I can't believe that in 14 months I have gone from a size 38 to a size 12. I was actually too small on top to shop the women's area at the store . . . I had to purchase my top from the MISSES section!!! It was so much fun and I got 40% off what I purchased. It was smart shopping . . . and fun for a change. 180 pounds gone!

Such Excitement!!! :)

Of all things to announce, I'm going to give you the most exciting news of my life (at the moment). I realize it's pretty pathetic, but just humor me. I'm now officially a notary!! Free notarizations for all!! I'm also down another pound as of this morning!! 176 pounds lost!!! WAHOO!!

It MOVED!!

The scale evidently is not broken and moved again. It actually moved the wrong direction a few pounds and just sat there. I'm now 175 pounds down and getting closer to goal!! I realized something yesterday though that upsets me a bit . . . I may never reach my goal weight because in actuality, I have about 20 - 25 pounds of excess skin and adipose tissue that will never go away. It's kind of horrible, including thighs that jiggle when I giggle. I have an appointment with a plastic surgeon on the 10th to find out how much money I will need to save. One bad thing too is that I am unable to go back to school. My student loan money is close to reaching it's limit and will only pay for two more classes. I have to come up with almost $300 in order to take the next class. I'm going to ask my boss for help. She is an amazing person and knows some pretty influential people who may be able to point me in the direction of scholarships, grants, etc. It's pretty sad that I have a 3.91 GPA and can't get a scholarship because I didn't have children out of wedlock and have a job. I know things will work out the way they need to, I just hope I have the patience to wait for that time to come.

My Awesome Outing

My church invited a famous sculptor (can't remember his name . . Bowden?) to speak to the women today. He was amazing and spoke of his statues commissioned for the LDS church and how the images came about. It was amazing and the whole time I listened to him I felt I needed to go to Temple Square. It's been so long since I've been there, so I decided . . . why not?? I drove my car to the Trax station tonight, hopped on the train and drove downtown. Some way-too-old personal injury lawyer, who gave me his business card hit on me, which was strange. LOL I got there and immediately went to the statue of Christ on the second floor of the visitor's center. I sat there for about 30 minutes staring at it and then I noticed I had tears streaming down my face. I had wondered earlier why God hasn't sent me a man yet (yet is the operative word and it may change tomorrow) with whom I would want to marry and raise children. I went there wanting that question answered. I watched the movie Legacy about the LDS pioneers who endured trials beyond imagination for their faith in the Savior. As I walked out of the visitor's center through the south doors, I looked up at the temple. It was then that I realized my answer. How is he supposed to send me the man He has for me, when I'm not ready yet? I have to be the kind of person I want to attract first!! So . . . I will be patient and meet those whom I find kind and intelligent . . . and wait and see what happens. It's kind of like everything else in life . . . God can only do so much. We have to put in the effort on our side too. So . . . I couldn't help but smile a little bit all the way home on the train. People must have thought I was insane. Crazy, smiling girl riding the train alone at night (with my pepper spray in my pocket).

A good sign . . . but it worries me a bit. :)

I wonder how I became such a perfectionist. I didn't used to be that way . . . so I thought. Truth is, that when you're 370 pounds, you don't expect that much out of yourself because you really can't physically DO that much. Now that I can do anything . . . I feel I should be able to do EVERYTHING!! Perhaps simultaneously. I have followed the post-op rules very closely and have done better than most, which is amazing for me! I can't remember an eating plan I have ever followed for a year before . . . and none of the others are as hard as the post-op diet plan!! Today, the nurse from Dr. Simper's office came to my company to give a brown bag lecture about excuses we make when it comes to eating healthier and taking care of ourselves better. It was fantastic and I realized how far I have come in the past year. She talked to me after and said she was surprised I am still following the low carb/no sugar rule still and said it was okay to relax a bit on it. She said that a few bites of cake at a party, etc isn't going to hurt me UNLESS it is a trigger food for overeating. She said to remember moderation and start enjoying healthy carbs again (like breads/grains). So at the store today, I allowed myself to buy a turkey wrap. I haven't eaten it yet, but I will this weekend. She also encouraged me to cut back on exercise, which is strange . . . when I was super morbidly obese, the doctors wanted me to exercise and now that I've lost so much weight, they tell me to stop. I saw the internist this Monday and she said I was in a strange heart rhythm. She gave me a beta blocker in hopes it would help, which it has. I'm also deficient in B1 (thiamin) again and have to add some serious replacement to my daily routine. No wonder I have been so forgetful again and my legs hurt!! I've been banned from exercise for another week!! AARGH. I'm also banned from caffeine, yet the new doctor forgot to order a CBC!! I'm not impressed so far. Anyway . . that's it for an update for this week. I've worked so many hours and have been pretty stressed out with all the new job responsibilities. I'm so grateful to have a good, well-paying job, but the stress of being new is pretty rough. I'm exhausted and I have relief society presidency duties early Saturday morning!! I really need to learn to say no more often! BTW . . . I found out that I will be in between classes for a few more weeks, as I have to come up with $290 to continue school. Right now . . . it's going to be a few weeks. I get three weeks. A coworker joked today about considering prostitution. I wonder if there is a market for overweight women with groovy skin?? LOLOL

NEW CAR!!!!

This is what my car looks like, but my car is a royal blue!!! I must admit that I'm having so much fun driving around, despite the paranoia!!!! It is the newest car I have ever owned, so it's as good as new to me. The dogs seem to like it and I'm trying to see how long I can keep it spotless inside! I am really grateful to have a good job, to have lost so much weight, and to be having some fun in my life. Life is good now. . . I don't know why God is being so good to me but I'm pretty happy about it.

Hmmm . . . Times have changed

I went to Karl Malone Toyota today just to look at cars. Mine has had so many problems and it has 92000 miles on it (FORD), so I can't take it on road trips. It overheats if I'm not careful and I have to keep the heat on full blast to avoid that. So . . .the salesman was great and he flirted quite a bit. He showed me a Honda Civic with 38,000 miles on it and my heart sank. I looked at the car and was certain I wouldn't fit in it. He asked what was wrong with it and I told him I had lost 172 pounds this year and am worried that I'm still too big for that car. He laughed at me and said, "Are you shi**ng me? You are one fine girl. You think you're still fat? Hell no." We both started laughing and forced me to sit in the car. The car had so much room in it, it was crazy!! THe last time I tried to sit in a Civic, I wouldn't fit even with the seat all the way back. I had to move the seat way up in order to reach the steering wheel of this one!! He then proceeded to ask me out. It was kind of fun and he was handsome!! I'm also considering a Scion. It has 50,000 on it but it is under warranty until 100,000 miles. Anyone have any car buying advice??? They are both manual transmissions, which is fine. The Scion feels more like an SUV, which I like They also said they could add a sun roof to either one!! I'm so tempted!! The price is also right. I don't want to pay more than $200 a month and both would work.

Before and one year later side view!!

Before and one year later!!

I DID IT!!!!

I am FINALLY under 200 pounds for the first time in about 15 years!!! I'm so excited about it. I met with the surgeon today and the scale showed I had lost 172 pounds!! My goal was to be under 200 by last Sunday, but four days later isn't that bad!! I"LL TAKE IT!! So . . . 48 pounds to go!! Life is pretty good now. Just dating people to see who is out there in that sea of old men faces!! Guys are a challenge . . . I'm a bit surprised by that actually!!

It's absolutely awe inspiring!!!

Today, the first African American became our 44th President of the United States. I watched it after I returned home from work, before I went out. I sat there with tears streaming down my face the entire time. I could not help but feel a sense of pride that my country finally got it together enough to elect someone as president, despite race. It's proof that in America, an American can accomplish anything. The past 12 months have been a year of change for me. A year of empowerment and a year of learning that I matter. We elected a man who believes in the value of the individual. . . the power of the individual . . .and for once, I also believe in myself. His timing is amazing to me. No more excuses everyone . . . we finally have a chance to rebuild our country. A chance to make a difference and as Barack has reminded us . . . we are the change. If we want it, we can make it happen. It starts on a small scale by volunteering and taking responsibility for those around us. Let's take care of each other . . . and make four better years! I'm proud to be American and proud to be a Democrat. Thanks grandpa for your influence.

Official One Year Photo

Look at the collar bones!!

Anniversary

Sunday was my one year anniversary after gastric bypass surgery. I have lost 170 pounds and 36 inches from my waist in just a year! I can't believe it. All of a sudden I have new problems to deal with like dating, etc, that I haven't had in an eternity. I don't wait for life to end anymore. Instead, I find myself thinking of all the things I want to do and planning them!! My relationship with food is entirely different. It's truly a miracle; however, I realize that every day is a series of choices. At any time I could start making horrible choices again and am vigilant. Nothing is going to stop me now. This year I will hit goal weight and the sky's the limit!! No settling for anything anymore. I deserve to be happy and that's what I'll be. I didn't get a second chance on life to waste it. I can't believe how different life is.

They didn't recognize me!!!

My CEO encourages employees to put together a goal post for the year of all their goals. I had a good time with mine . . . there is a parachuting man (skydiving), a plastic water bottle to remind me to drink water, footprints along the bottom to remind me that I want to be able to run a mile, and a few other things (including belly dance lessons). One thing is a before picture of me. Two actually. One from the front and one from the side. Underneath in glitter letters it says "NEVER AGAIN" to remind me to never look like that again (obviously). People look at the poster and comment on how cool it is, but they don't realize that super morbidly obese girl in the photo is actually ME. . . just one year ago. When I explain that it is indeed me. . . they look at me in shock and many say I look so different they never would have recognized me. It is indeed the greatest compliment I get these days. It is also encouraging to me that my coworker told me I was an inspiration and she knew she could get to goal weight because I'm there as an example. Never in my life do I recall anyone telling me I was an example (well, not a good one). It feels so good that it makes me kind of teary-eyed. It's also interesting to me that when you feel better about yourself it's easier to make better choices. This seems to be because I believe I have worth and that it's okay to have higher expectations in life than just filling up space. I'm willing to wait for the right guy to come along instead of rushing into something with just anyone because I know that I can be alone and happy for now. That being alone is so much better than being with the wrong person. Again, thank you to my grandparents. Two pounds to go and I will be under 200 pounds for the first time in as long as I can remember. A new life. A future.

My aunt saved the day!! Thanks, Sharon!!

So. . . I am now in charge of our Slim Down for Summer event at work. I have no idea what has and hasn't been done on it and found myself scrambling for someone to come weigh and measure all the participants by Thursday!! I called my aunt (who is a nurse) and she is going to come to the office Thursday to save the day!!! WAHOO!! Made me look so good to have someone lined up and ready to go on the first day!! Thanks again, Sharon. I requested your check today and it will be ready by Thursday morning!!!

Impressing the CEO

So tonight I went to a birthday party at Chili's for my CEO's husband. It was kind of cool that she even invited me so I went. It was a big group and a lot of fun!! Tonight, I was sitting here and realized that I'm wearing two different earrings!! One is a brown dangly earring that matched my outfit and the other is a stud. LOL. So. . . what an impression it made, I'm sure!! At least my hair was down, so maybe nobody noticed. She knows that when I first started working there I mentioned to someone that her brother was handsome (before I knew he was her brother, of course). Now. . . well, of course he was there tonight and it's a little awkward. She has such a nice family and it was so great to see her in action. I truly wish I could be more like her. She is so smart, confident, and just really freaking brilliant. One of those people who has so much energy that you want to be around them in hopes that it will rub off!! Anyway, the earring thing was hilarious. They let her last main assistant go on Friday and I will be taking some of her duties. I have so much to do right now and am hoping all the things that are due next week can get done!! I'm going to be sad not to have as much time to help the HR director with her work, but you never know what will happen in the future. BTW. . . I DID go to the gym after the party tonight!!! :)

Seriously>>>No WAY!! BRING IT ON!!

I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed this week!! I had to break up with a nice guy, am overwhelmed at work, and am not sure when I'm goign to have time to workout as much as I want. Today . . . it got even more overwhelming. They fired one of the CEO's executive assistants and I have inherited many of her job duties on top of the ones I already have. I have worked 55 hours this week alone!! I'm excited to be trusted with the CEO's work, because she is picky about who has access, etc; however, I'm a little concerned that it will prove to be too much to do on top of my workout schedule and personal goals. I guess I just can do my best and hope it is good enough. I just don't want my GPA to drop. So. . . just venting a bit here, but the scale did drop a pound. . . now I've lost 168 pounds!!

Too much!!

I think working out four hours a day is going to be impossible to keep up for a longer period of time. I really want to win that competition at work, but my body can't handle it on this few calories!! I have found it almost impossible to get out of bed in the mornings since I increased the work outs. I usually don't have that much trouble waking up, but I am SO exhausted!! I'm also kind of stressed out. Tuesday was a bit emotional for me and I have so many work projects that are due Monday that I will have to work Saturday. I went to Ephraim today with the HR director to present the training program I put together. I got to present the FMLA portion and I was so impressed with myself that it just felt natural. I had no anxiety about presenting once the time came. It was very fun but I didn't get home until 7!!! I'm not exercising tonight!! Anyway. . . just wanted to get that off my chest. I just need to focus on school this weekend and get myself caught up after the distractions. AAARGH. Too much too soon is too much to deal with!! That was fun to write!! LOL

Ephraim

Since I started my new job in November, I have been putting together a training program for new supervisors and have been writing new policies. I do love it and today I got to watch the HR director actually give my presentation for the first time!! I was so excited and so proud of myself for doing a good job. THere are some things that need to be tweaked, but really . . . I worked so hard and it looks good!! Tomorrow I will go with the HR director to Ephraim and will teach the FMLA portion to the supervisors at our Ephraim office. I'm so excited to watch it again. She is teaching me so much and I just love it!! I also like my other position too, so it will be interesting to see how that works out!

Image issues

I have lost weight so quickly that my mind just can't seem to process the differences. I work with three great women who are all just slightly overweight. In fact, I told them today that if I looked like them, I would be done losing weight. It turns out that I probably weigh the same as one. They look so normal that it was surprising to me that I might actually look fairly normal now. In my head, I still feel sometimes like I weigh 370 pounds. The reality is that I'm not. I heard this might be an issue, but I never imagined how much it would play in my in mind. we started an exercise/weight loss/and/or inch loss competition at work yesterday. I got up at 3:30 to work out for two hours before work. I also just worked out again briefly. Tomorrow I plan to do the same and work out for two hours after work as well!! I'm going to win even if it kills me. For once. . . I don't want to be the worst physically fit person!! I'm going to be competition for someone!! WOW. . . what a difference 11.5 months makes.

Never understimate a class!!!

So. . . most of you know that I'm in school. This class is an image editing class and we are using Photoshop as our program. I have never used this or any other image editing program and I have no idea what I'm doing!!! The first assignment was a joke for me and it was horrible. So. . . I already have an A- in the class!!! Those of you who know me well know that an A- is an F to me. I know I can bring it up. I've been distracted lately and haven't been practicing with Photoshop so I can learn what I am doing. I will be changing that and focusing more on school. Can you believe though that I got an A- in a class that teaches a program most people learn fine on their own? I'm technologically challenged for sure!!! :)

I realized I put this picture on Facebook, but not on the blog!!! Here you go. BTW. . the jeans I am wearing in the picture are now too big!!

Comment about background

If you're reading this from Facebook you won't know what I'm talking about. You will have to go to www.imcaesarsmom.blogspot.com to see. Anyway. . . I'm rebelling against the cold. Last year, it didn't bother me; however, this year I seem to be sans the padding I used to have. I can hardly stand it!!! I'm always freezing so I picked this theme to help me think of warmer times!!!

Hope . . the Cure for Despair

I know. . . it's religious, but the message is non-denominational!! It really inspired me (the actual quote), so I put it in my congregation's newsletter for January. This is a difficult time for many who await the New Year believing that somehow, the change of the calendar will make everything perfect. The truth is, sometimes difficult challenges do not follow our timelines; however, HOW we deal with things has more of an impact on our lives than WHAT is happening. Many sink into a form of despair after January 1st because they focus only on what is . . . not what is to become. A little hope can work miracles in your life and in the lives of others. As stated by President Uchtdorf, “The adversary uses despair to bind hearts and minds in suffocating darkness. Despair drains from us all that is vibrant and joyful and leaves behind the empty remains of what life was meant to be. Despair kills ambition, advances sickness, pollutes the soul, and deadens the heart. Despair can seem like a staircase that leads only forever downward. “Hope, on the other hand, is like the beam of sunlight rising up and above the horizon of our present circumstances. It pierces the darkness with a brilliant dawn. It encourages and inspires us to place our trust in the loving care of an eternal Heavenly Father, who has prepared a way for those who seek for eternal truth in a world of relativism, confusion, and of fear” (Ensign, Nov 2008, P. 22). Hope is contagious . . . it has a power of its own and truly spreads like “a brilliant dawn” with a healing power second to none other. When circumstances are beyond our control, the mustering of hope is something we can control. May 2009 be a year full of Hope . . . and Peace.

Merry Christmas

This has been such an amazing year!! I can't believe how many changes I have had in my life and how much I have learned about myself. I got a new chance at a life this year that I haven't had in years past. There were some years that I was so uncomfortable about the way I looked and felt that I found myself just enduring life. Now, I feel I am living and enjoying what life has to offer. I was brave enough to reach out to a possible career, have lost the body weight of an entire person, and have even met someone promising!! I also have a new little dog who will be celebrating his first Christmas tomorrow!! I'm lucky to have both of my "boys." My life is totally different and even though bad things will still happen from time to time, I feel like I have more self-esteem and confidence to deal with them much better than before. Thank you to my grandparents who believed that I deserved and was capable of a better life. Thank you also to the rest of my family for listening to me perseverate about food and the scale!! Thank you also for sharing in the joyful moments with me. It doesn't feel like I have had that many in recent years. . . this seems like the first year of peace in a long while and you guys helped me feel that way!! I hope that anyone who reads this will feel peace, joy, and happiness for the next year. If things are not going well in your life, hang on and just get through them. They do get better and the people around you will help if you let them into your life. Please know that all of you are important and in my thoughts/prayers. Peace, Michelle

Promotion

So why am I not excited?? I got a call from the HR director an hour ago (she is my boss) because she didn't want me to be surprised in the morning when I get there and find out that I have been promoted. She has been talking with the CEO (Amy) about the work I have done and has been really excited about my competence. The CEO suggested Monday that I should be promoted and my boss asked if she could keep me longer because we are both happy as it is. She is taking me anyway. The thing is, it is a huge honor. I realize that and am really grateful. The problem is, I LOVE HR and am learning so much. I was promised that I will still be able to assist the HR director in my down time. It's just so confusing to be there three weeks, just get settled and get moved! AARGH. . . any words of wisdom?? The other bad thing is that my hours would be 8-4 instead of 7-3!!! I love 7-3!!! The other girl will handle 9-6.

An A kind of day!!

I checked to see if grades were posted for my last course today. They were. Let me just start by saying that this was my first 400-level course at U of P and it was the first class where I actually got a B on a paper instead of an A!! I cried over that B!! My motto about school is . . . if you're not going to do it well, then move on because you're wasting money. Despite the B on that paper, I got an A in the course!!! I'm still at a 3.9 GPA and so happy about that. Those of you who knew me in high school knew that I spent my time practicing, not studying and didn't have great grades. Things have changed!! Next course will be an easy image editing course, which will be a nice change from all the writing-intensive courses I've had in a row!!! So. . . another class done!!! WAHOO.

Ahhhh

They fired two account managers today for underperforming. It had me a little down because it's right before Christmas; however, these people have been given plenty of warning! So after work, I decided I was going to the gym for a really good workout. I haven't been as often the last week because I have been sick. Still sick, but needed the work to see if I can get the freakin' scale to move again. I did 30 minutes on my legs and then I got on the treadmill for an hour. I actually did three jogging segments, but they were only about a minute long!! I figure it's still better than it used to be. The thing is. . . after I had done my hour I would have gone even longer; however, I had somewhere to be at six. It was the first time in a long time that I actually felt a high when I finished!! Isn't that cool??? I'm really grateful because this time last year I could barely walk across the room without getting out of breath!! Today I walked three miles!! It's a pretty incredible difference in just 10.5 months AND for having a cold! Thank you again grandma and grandpa for this second chance at happiness!

The tree and flirting!

So today we went to get our Christmas tree. Actually, I just wanted to see how much they were and find out if it was something I could spend money on right now. For those of you who know me well, you know how important the tree is. During the worst years, if I had at least a Christmas tree, everything seemed better or at least hopeful. This is Toby's first Christmas and possibly Caesar's last, so the tree meant something extra special. The guy first told me seventy something dollars and I felt quite sad inside about it. We got chatting and then we got flirting. Magically, the tree became $28 dollars!! So. . . it is home and decorated!! Toby kept staring at me wondering why in the world I brought a potty inside for him!! After I turned on the lights, he crawled underneath to lay down!! It was so cute. Caesar joined him shortly after and I caught the picture with my phone!! I love Christmas. It's a time of kindness and hope. This year, it was a time for flirting with the cute tree guy who asked me why I wasn't married!! LOLOL. Mainly, it's a reminder that God loves us and we are never alone. We are also reminded of the importance of our blessings and our families!!

Pay it Forward

Okay everyone. . . I just joined a Pay it Forward exchange and am seeking people who want to do the same. The catch? Really isn't one. Post me a message that you want to join in and I'll send you a little gift. . . then. . . you PAY IT FORWARD to someone else. You do this in the same way by posting a message on your own blog. You're it!!

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving was really enjoyable this year. I had a chance to get together with both my uncles and their families. My grandparents were also able to come visit from Scottsdale, which is a great treat for all of us!!! I swear that every time I see the kids in our family, they look so much older. Maybe I'm just getting really old!! I'm to grateful this year. . . more than other years because this year has brought me so much hope. Last Thanksgiving I remember telling myself that it would be my last grossly fat Thanksgiving. I never imagined I would weigh 160 pounds less the next year and how much of a difference that weight loss would make in the quality of my life!! While I'm still fat, it wasn't about the food this year, though it was great (thanks Mitch and Kris). It was about the people. In the past I felt so uncomfortable with teh way I looked that I focused on eating because then I didn't have to talk to anyone or notice that people were watching the fat girl eat. It was as though I could become invisible. It's the first year that the day didn't result in overeating and overwhelming exhaustion from a tryptophan (sp) high!! It was nice just to chat with family and PARTICIPATE a bit more. I feel so much less like a freak!! I also got a new member of my family this year . . . my little dog, Toby. He is so much fun and I am so grateful to be trusted with his care. My older dog, Caesar, has had some health problems this year and is still with me. I'm afraid it will be his last Christmas; however, I'm so glad that I was able to have him in my life this long!! I am so lucky to have my boys! I also have a new job, which I am really enjoying so far (of course I have only been there three days). I wasn't looking for a new job, but had prayed to know where Heavenly Father wanted me to be where I could feel a sense of purpose. The next day i met the CEO of the company and the rest is history!! Well. . . it's actually the present now!! It is a remarkable opportunity, the pay is higher, and it is a career path and not just another job. I work with people close to my own age and who are all so friendly. I have also been able to truly understand the power of prayer this year!! Never before in my life have I had such a close relationship with my Heavenly Father. I know he listens to me and loves me. I also know that he wants me to be happy and blesses me every day. It has taught me that I can't just sit back and hope for good things to happen. i have to ASK and be OPEN to them. They have been all around me, but I wasn't watching for them or taking the opportunities when they arise. I love my family . . . immediate family and extended. I am blessed to still have grandparents on this Earth and to have three uncles and aunts!! Thank you to any who read this, because you are people who have enriched and blessed my life! Many of you have provided answers to my prayers in one way or another. Never forget the power one person can make!!

First Day DONE

I really like the people I met at my new job today! Great bunch of people and I can't wait to get settled into my actual job!! So far, the HR director told me I will be in charge of FMLA for the business, which is pretty cool!! I will be doing a lot of research on that in the next two days!! I look forward to that because research is really my thing!! Anyway. . . I was glad I asked for a blessing yesterday and a few friends online helped me feel less stressed before I went to bed (thanks Amy and Brian)!!! OOH. . . the good thing is that my ID badge picture turned out really cute!! I looked at it and thought, "It's a change for me not to be grossed out." LOL. I'll see if I can get a copy of it to post.

Updated slide show - Don't know how to get it to just stay on one section of the page!!

OH SO NERVOUS!!

I start my new job in the morning and I am SO terrified!! What if I don't do well? What if they think I'm an idiot?? It's a new profession for me and I have very little experience in HR!! I rarely take them, but tonight I took a valium because I was stressed out. For those of you who know me well, you know I stress out about things that are unknown to me. The more I know about something beforehand, the less anxiety I feel. I think it comes from never knowing what was going to happen as a kid. OR. . . I'm just a control freak!! I didn't know who to call for a priesthood blessing because I don't have home teachers and my brother works. I asked someone I trust at church today and it was helpful until just a few minutes ago when the anxiety set in again. It's scary leaving the security of state employment, even if I had difficulty relating to a coworker or two (haters) LOL. Now, I'm at the mercy of a private company that may or may not lay me off!! I just have to trust that Heavenly Father wouldn't put this job in my lap to punish me! It is with a lot of faith and trust that I accepted and in many ways, I just want to NOT be the new girl and just know my job already!! So. . . if you pray (to whomever you believe) would you please say a little prayer for me??? Thanks all!

The hair cut

I couldn't stand the straggly hair anymore and decided to get some help with it today. I had about three inches chopped off and it finally feels a little less thing now that the ends are even. At least it will be easy!! With all the new growth I have a ton of little flyaways!!

No skiing today

My poor brother had to cancel today. I could tell he felt bad about it, but of course I was initially selfish and upset because I was so excited to go. It's all good and we are going on the 29th. So. . since this was supposed to be my reward for 157 pounds gone, I'm going to get a massage today instead. My insurance will pay part of it so it will be great!! I LOVE massages!!

157 POUNDS GONE!!

Tomorrow is my first day skiing!! I'm so excited and crazy nervous at the same time. My old high school friend, Michelle Gaillard, loaned me a pair of ski pants and I bought some thermal underwear. Now I'm set!!! It was so fun to talk to Michelle and her husband, Sam, tonight!! They are great people and a few times I had to remind myself that Michelle and I aren't 17 anymore!! Thanks for the loaner and even more. . . for the great company, Michelle!

WAHOO

156 pounds gone!!! I only have three days left at this job and I'm kind of nervous about being unemployed for two days!! What if my new employer calls me next week and says, "Well, because of the economy, we decided we aren't hiring right now." ???? I should stop worrying about things I can't control, I guess. I can't imagine God would send me this opportunity and then yank it away. He's not that type!!

Hair

I'm kind of bummed out about my hair. I'm sure I posted it before, but my hair (a lot of it) has fallen out since surgery. It started to grow back and then some fell out again because of the anemia!! I have a ton of new growth that's about an inch long and it's crazy!! It's so thin that I have to wrap an elastic around it at least four times to put it in a pony tail. My bangs are just non-existent. I know I shouldn't complain, but it really is driving me crazy!! Anyone know someone who does hair who is good enough to figure out something for me while my hair is growing back in??

Skiing

So. . . Adam is going to dare to take me skiing next weekend and I'm so excited!! The only problem is that I have no ski clothes to wear and I'm losing weight so fast, I hate to spend a lot of money on anything that will only fit for three weeks!! If anyone has any ski pants in a size 18, would you consider letting me borrow for a weekend?? I would also appreciate advice on how to dress!!! I'm cold all the time since I lost weight and my core temp is normally around 97 degrees now!! Warm will be key!

Technology

So I finally figured out how to add music and a slide show; however, I can't figure out how to move the slide show to the side. Oh well. . . it is what it is and where it is. I guess it will keep moving down?

Team photo

I'm so proud of my Above and Beyond team. We won the latest challenge and worked our little behinds off. What I noticed this time when I saw a picture of myself, was that I wasn't 20 times bigger than everyone else in the shot. I'm actually starting to look more normal now!!!

I do think this dress looks a bit fundamentalist though. I don't know that I will wear it again!! LOL

Caesar and his vet visit

It's official. I took him to the vet and Caesar is in heart failure. He is now on Lasix and a cardiac medication and will probably be on medication for the rest of his life. It was so sad to see him gasping for air and coughing this morning, I had to overdraft my account to take him in, but it was worth it. I'm just waiting for the Lasix to start working!! The vet said they usually don't live longer than one to two years after symptoms start showing, even with medication. I guess this next year Toby and I will do everything we can to make Caesar happy!!

154 pounds gone!

I don't know how I lost two pounds overnight, but it is what it is!!

Caesar is having trouble

Those of you who have been around me the past few years know that Caesar goes with me everywhere he can. He and I have been glued at the hip and he has been my best friend, when many humans would not have given me a second thought. Hehas been coughing a lot the past six months. I took him to the vet this summer, who did a chest x-ray and said his enlarged heart is pushing on his trachea, which causes coughing. He warned me that the heart will continue to enlarge and he will eventually go into heart failure. I noticed tonight that not only does he cough more often, he breaths really fast at night, like he's not getting enough air!! I'm sad to say that it's time to take him back to the vet and get him on a diuretic. I was hoping to get tires on my car and get it registered (it was due in July), but I think he will have to take priority even before Christmas for my family!! Eventually, it will get worse and he will need to be put down. From what I have read on the internet, they usually don't live longer than a year or two after symptoms start. He has been with me through some really difficult times in my life, he has loved me no matter what I look like, or anything I said or did wrong. He has just loved me for me and has been my best buddy. I am glad I am getting this new job because I am going to need a little more money so I can take him in. I just want him to hang in there for another month!! I do love him.

Update on work drama

So. . . the coworker who has been so mean seems to have a change of heard, perhaps only temporary. She is pretty moody, but I just have to accept her as is. I can't remember if I posted this or not but last Sunday, while trying to decide how to handle her, I woke up and turned on conference rebroadcasts. For those of you reading who are not members of the LDS church, twice a year my church holds a conference where leaders of the church speak to members all over the world. When I turned it on, one of the leaders was speaking about having Christlike courage. Then it went to another speaker who discussed why the church doesn't fight back to defend itself against people who say bad things about it. The lesson was that we have to be an example and forgive. My Ensign subscription has run out, so I need to find this article online at lds.org because it was incredible. It talked about pride and how pride makes us want to defend ourselves, when in reality we are only defending the pride. I don't know if that makes sense or not, but I took little gifts to coworkers for Halloween on Thursday and made sure I had one for her. She seemed rather touched and gave me a Halloween necklace to wear for the day since I had no costume. So. . . she is talking again and if tomorrow is a different story, I will still do the same. Appreciate her for her strengths and let her work out her weaknesses on my own. I'll leave the pride at home and just treat her like I treat everyone. . . I try just to be kind.

I hate technology

So I figured out how to put a slideshow bar on here, but can't figure out how to get my pictures from PhotoBucket INTO the slideshow!! Anyone have any idea??? HELP. . . technologically challenged.

152 pounds down!!

Two more down. Unfortunately, I woke up feeling really dizzy today for some reason. Not sure why, but was happy to see I lost two more pounds this week. My. . . it's interesting that I'm actually more obsessed with my weight now than I was when I was 370 pounds. LOL.