Such Excitement!!! :)

Of all things to announce, I'm going to give you the most exciting news of my life (at the moment). I realize it's pretty pathetic, but just humor me. I'm now officially a notary!! Free notarizations for all!! I'm also down another pound as of this morning!! 176 pounds lost!!! WAHOO!!

It MOVED!!

The scale evidently is not broken and moved again. It actually moved the wrong direction a few pounds and just sat there. I'm now 175 pounds down and getting closer to goal!! I realized something yesterday though that upsets me a bit . . . I may never reach my goal weight because in actuality, I have about 20 - 25 pounds of excess skin and adipose tissue that will never go away. It's kind of horrible, including thighs that jiggle when I giggle. I have an appointment with a plastic surgeon on the 10th to find out how much money I will need to save. One bad thing too is that I am unable to go back to school. My student loan money is close to reaching it's limit and will only pay for two more classes. I have to come up with almost $300 in order to take the next class. I'm going to ask my boss for help. She is an amazing person and knows some pretty influential people who may be able to point me in the direction of scholarships, grants, etc. It's pretty sad that I have a 3.91 GPA and can't get a scholarship because I didn't have children out of wedlock and have a job. I know things will work out the way they need to, I just hope I have the patience to wait for that time to come.

My Awesome Outing

My church invited a famous sculptor (can't remember his name . . Bowden?) to speak to the women today. He was amazing and spoke of his statues commissioned for the LDS church and how the images came about. It was amazing and the whole time I listened to him I felt I needed to go to Temple Square. It's been so long since I've been there, so I decided . . . why not?? I drove my car to the Trax station tonight, hopped on the train and drove downtown. Some way-too-old personal injury lawyer, who gave me his business card hit on me, which was strange. LOL I got there and immediately went to the statue of Christ on the second floor of the visitor's center. I sat there for about 30 minutes staring at it and then I noticed I had tears streaming down my face. I had wondered earlier why God hasn't sent me a man yet (yet is the operative word and it may change tomorrow) with whom I would want to marry and raise children. I went there wanting that question answered. I watched the movie Legacy about the LDS pioneers who endured trials beyond imagination for their faith in the Savior. As I walked out of the visitor's center through the south doors, I looked up at the temple. It was then that I realized my answer. How is he supposed to send me the man He has for me, when I'm not ready yet? I have to be the kind of person I want to attract first!! So . . . I will be patient and meet those whom I find kind and intelligent . . . and wait and see what happens. It's kind of like everything else in life . . . God can only do so much. We have to put in the effort on our side too. So . . . I couldn't help but smile a little bit all the way home on the train. People must have thought I was insane. Crazy, smiling girl riding the train alone at night (with my pepper spray in my pocket).

A good sign . . . but it worries me a bit. :)

I wonder how I became such a perfectionist. I didn't used to be that way . . . so I thought. Truth is, that when you're 370 pounds, you don't expect that much out of yourself because you really can't physically DO that much. Now that I can do anything . . . I feel I should be able to do EVERYTHING!! Perhaps simultaneously. I have followed the post-op rules very closely and have done better than most, which is amazing for me! I can't remember an eating plan I have ever followed for a year before . . . and none of the others are as hard as the post-op diet plan!! Today, the nurse from Dr. Simper's office came to my company to give a brown bag lecture about excuses we make when it comes to eating healthier and taking care of ourselves better. It was fantastic and I realized how far I have come in the past year. She talked to me after and said she was surprised I am still following the low carb/no sugar rule still and said it was okay to relax a bit on it. She said that a few bites of cake at a party, etc isn't going to hurt me UNLESS it is a trigger food for overeating. She said to remember moderation and start enjoying healthy carbs again (like breads/grains). So at the store today, I allowed myself to buy a turkey wrap. I haven't eaten it yet, but I will this weekend. She also encouraged me to cut back on exercise, which is strange . . . when I was super morbidly obese, the doctors wanted me to exercise and now that I've lost so much weight, they tell me to stop. I saw the internist this Monday and she said I was in a strange heart rhythm. She gave me a beta blocker in hopes it would help, which it has. I'm also deficient in B1 (thiamin) again and have to add some serious replacement to my daily routine. No wonder I have been so forgetful again and my legs hurt!! I've been banned from exercise for another week!! AARGH. I'm also banned from caffeine, yet the new doctor forgot to order a CBC!! I'm not impressed so far. Anyway . . that's it for an update for this week. I've worked so many hours and have been pretty stressed out with all the new job responsibilities. I'm so grateful to have a good, well-paying job, but the stress of being new is pretty rough. I'm exhausted and I have relief society presidency duties early Saturday morning!! I really need to learn to say no more often! BTW . . . I found out that I will be in between classes for a few more weeks, as I have to come up with $290 to continue school. Right now . . . it's going to be a few weeks. I get three weeks. A coworker joked today about considering prostitution. I wonder if there is a market for overweight women with groovy skin?? LOLOL