Strange hunger

Since my surgery last Friday, I have been wanting to eat every two hours. Isn't that strange? I wonder if it is my body's way of prompting me to eat more to help with healing?? Since protein encourages cell regeneration, I guess it is a possibility; however, I don't want to eat protein. I want to eat fruit, etc. Hmmm. . . strange. I haven't stepped on the scale. If anyone actually reads this and is wondering about surgery. . . keep in mind that bowel movements will never be the same. I have used Miralax for four days and NOTHING!

WHEW

I must say that I am really happy that I didn't need pain medicine today until 7:30 pm!!! Things are lookin' up! I was also feeling pretty grateful for some awesome health insurance. My surgery will probably only cost me about 300 dollars out of pocket and I have a benefit card to cover the costs so it doesn't have to come out of my pocket!!! WOW. . . lucky. AND. . . as of this morning. . . 140 pounds gone!!

Proof that God knows. .. LOL

I was supposed to go back to work today and woke up feeling really sore. I forgot that driving a car over bumpy roads can also cause pain. By the time I reached the Capitol I was seriously wondering how I was going to make it through 11 hours (including lunch). When I arrived, Highway Patrolmen were lined up at the entrances telling employees to go home. There was a water main break and they had to close the Capitol Complex today. So. . . God loved me so much that he flooded the Capitol so I could have another day off!!! Talk about gratitude!!

Feeling better!

I got up this morning and felt a little sore, but it was dealable. I kept coughing up a lot of phlegm so I took Caesar for a short walk to get my lungs cleared out. Then I took a nap, woke up and picked up Toby from my parents. I could only stay at their house for an hour or so until I was finally in enough pain that I had to come home and take something. I work tomorrow for 10 hours and I realize I will probably have to take pain medicine while I am there, but I think I can do it. I also took a shower tonight and didn't have any trouble!!! I'm pretty sore right now and am just going to hang in bed for the rest of the night.

Better

I feel a lot better today and am less whiney. I re-read my Lortab-induced post from yesterday and said to myself, "geez. .. what a whiner." I think that the hard thing is. . . it's times like that when I remember that I'm still not married. It's just a reminder that I have a great family and everything, but there's no one to really share in those parts of my life. . . you know, like a spouse does. Oh well. . . never know what the next year will hold! BUT. .. I do need to stop whining. LOL

Home from the hospital

I met with the surgeon yesterday about the gallbladder pain and he admitted me to the hospital. He said I was too dehydrated and sick (malnourished) for him to operate but he did my surgery this morning after a lot of fluids and vitamins. He noticed that my liver was no longer fatty, but it had a strange nodular look, so he took a biopsy. That pain is actually worse than the gastric bypass. I will find out the results in about five days. I couldn't believe how much pain I was in when I woke up in recovery. They gave me Fentanyl, but it dropped my blood pressure so low that they were afraid to give me any more than two doses, neither of which removed the pain. I went back to my hospital room and the nurse gave me some Demerol, which did help a bit. Typical of the new me, despite severe pain, I wanted to get up and go to the bathroom right away so I could speed the healing process. I was also used to getting up on my own to the restroom and just taking care of myself because the night before I was doing pretty well and didn't need any help up out of bed. Today, I tried to do the same thing and upset my Nazi CNA, who wanted me to call for help first. If I waited for her, I would have wet the bed each time! I realize that I like being a hospital employee much better than a patient. The worst thing was that I felt totally alone. My parents weren't able to come visit at all on Thursday and no one was there when I came out of surgery. My dad did show up about 30 minutes after I got back to my room and I felt so relieved to see someone, especially when I was in so much pain. My mom finally showed up around 5 pm Friday to take me home. She bought me my new favorite meal, a taco, on the way home and a salad for tomorrow. She is also going to keep my dogs another night. I don't think I can get up and down the steps of my apartment building to let the dogs out all day. I do appreciate that. I hate it that my life is getting so much better, but it just makes me feel more and more aware of not being in a relationship. I walked around the hospital unit and looked at everyone else surrounded by husbands, wives, loved ones, etc. and it kind of broke my heart. I hope that Heavenly Father has something in store for me because I have a lot to offer someone now, especially now that I am getting smaller and smaller. My waist size is now the same size as my thigh was before I started losing weight!! I was proud of myself though because last time I was in a hospital bed there on the unit, I completely filled the bed with no room to spare. This time, I fit just great and had so much room to move around! I also feel stronger, healthier, and better prepared to take care of myself, so I made my mom just drop me off at home. Sometimes the best medicine is your own bed!!! Anyway. . . sorry for the long post. Just wanted to leave an update.

Grateful

I was thinking today, which is always dangerous. . . I was thinking about how much my life has changed since January. I took Trax and a bus to work this morning and I haven't done that since the week before surgery. I remember taking up the whole aisle in the train and people having to move around me. I also used to take up both seats on the train. . . now I don't. I would fill up the whole seat and my stomach was a few inches away from the back of the seat in front of me. Now. . . I look almost like everyone else when I sit down. Even the creepy guys on the train stare at me now, which is a new thing. I was told to get used to it because the smaller I get, the creepier they become. It's a strange feeling to HAVE to plan a future now. I honestly didn't think I would live long enough to have one. I don't think I wanted to live long the way I was. I went from wanting to hide from life to feeling like I want to be part of the world again. It's such a blessing that I can't believe God would love me enough to make it happen. That my grandparents would love me and care enough about my future to help me have this surgery is amazing. They don't have that kind of money to just give away. It helps remind me that I have worth. . . some day I hope to discover what my future holds. I'm hoping for a great guy. LOLOL.

Just waiting. . . and aching. . . and waiting

Any of you ever have those days when you just wonder what else can go wrong? Everything seems to come in threes, I guess. Kidney stone, gall stones, and now my car! Seems like every time I plan a surgery my car picks that time to have trouble. LOL. Maybe I should stop sharing my plans with my car?? So. . . I meet with the surgeon on Thursday and then we plan surgery. I'm hoping they will just add me on the surgery schedule Thursday or Friday. I don't really have much time off work (three days) and I would like to save it instead of wasting it on my gall bladder!! The surgeon's new nurse is an idiot and didn't understand what I was saying about being an add on for Friday. She is obviously not that oriented to how things work in medicine. I'm really glad I have medical experience. I can't imagine what it is like for people to have surgery who have no knowledge of how things work. It would be scary. So. . . cross your fingers that I can get it over with this week. I'm tired of feeling crappy every time I eat!!! I avoided eating Monday, which caused me to lose two pounds; however, I would prefer to eat!! BTW. . . 137 pounds gone!!! 90 to go.

LONG, PAINFUL DAY

I doubled over today in pain. . . I thought I was going to die!! I have never experienced pain like that and my brother took me to the E.R. I was covered in sweat and my temp was so low, due to shock, that it wasn't registering on their thermometer!! It turns out that not only do I have gallstones that are acting up, I also have a KIDNEY STONE!! OMG. . .Supposedly it is worse than childbirth and with both of them, I was miserable. I have developed a fondness for morphine though!! I love it like nothing else on Earth! Well. . . I can't eat the foods I love more than anything, so morphine is as good as I can get! I'm home now and worried because the pain is starting to come back a little bit and I only have Lortab. I hope it works!! I guess I will ahve to get my gallbladder removed now!

Toby

I sent a picture of Toby to his breeder and she immediately wrote to me and told me I shouldn't have him neutered. I'm not sure how I feel about being a puppy pimp!! It seems so wrong. Anyone have any suggestions or advice on this?? Yes. . . he IS adorable, but I don't know if I want to deal with the personality changes that go with the hormones either!! Having him possibly mark my house isn't an ideal thought!!