Endang

I've always loved listening to dikir and at that time, aku selalu berangan to be part of a group.
Some people would just laugh off or look at me 1 kind bila drg tau aku suke dikir.
They said they tried listening tpi found it to be mengarut.
These people just don't know how to listen la eh..
I really love the songs sebab selalunya mesti ada kata-kata nasihat, atau menceritakan ttg sebuah kisah which is selalunya cerita dongeng lah kan.

So anyway, after many months, barulah aku dpt tau ada kumpulan dikir barat pompan kat RP!
At first aku teragak-agak ah nak join, sebab dulu tk pernah ada dikir kat skola when I really loved it until I finally thought "Ah..manerla aku boleh join.. aku tak lawa"and aku ingtkan these performance based thingys are artificial. It was Iffah yang ajak aku join so aku cekalkan hati ah. I said to myself, " I loved dikir before but because tak pernah ada peluang atau invitation to join, the minat kinda faded. Now peluang ada kat depan mata, takkan nk lepaskan? Biler lagi nk grab the opportunity kalau bukan skrg?Sampai bile tknk berani buat keputusan or buat benda gile?" That time aku dh tawakal, kalau dpt,dpt ah.. tk jadi awok2 jadi paluan pun ok pah.. kalau tk dpt then tk dpt lor.. Yg penting aku buat muke tebal je..

Dan alhamdulillah syukur, I was accepted, together with Iffah. Dari situlah bermulanya segalanya utk aku. Minat aku pd dikir dtg balek, the peeps were all so fun to be with and kerana Endang lah buat aku semangat nk dtg skolah every Mon and Wed, sebab lepas tu ada training.HAHAHA! Aku happy sgt dan sayang sgt dgn Endang ni sebab aku dpt rasakan yg Endang ni adalah sebuah hadiah dari Allah utk aku. Sebab masa tu, aku dgn bdk2 swensens dh tk rapat lagi. Everyone is so distant; semua berpecah, dh tk bersatu lagi mcm dulu and aku boleh tgk dan nilaikan sendiri yg aku tak diperlukan atau dikisahkan lagi. Bukan nk emo lah, tpi nmpk sgt perbezaan yg berlaku. Aku phm not everyone can like you and people tend to be closer to their own cliques.

Tpi apa yg berlaku tu lebih dari tu. Tpi nk buat mcmne kan? Kalau org dh tknk, org nk pulaukan kita, kita cuba dulu rapatkan silaturahim tu mcm dulu, amek tau dan cuba phmkan apa silapnya. Tpi semua ckp tapis-tapis tknk ckp betul-betul..so too bad lah. Nothing is solved. Org yg rapat dgn aku, akan tahu org aku mcmne. Aku berbaik mcmne pun dgn org, aku takkan tunduk kpd sesiapa. Aku takkan mintak maaf dgn org yg aku tak buat salah. So far they have not gone yet to that extend and if they do, I hope aku masih mampu bersabar sebab mengamok aku ni burok. Org tk pernah nmpk aku mengamok, except for my mum and sis.They told me aku mcm org kena rasuk.
Soo.. :)

So yeah, I lost a large group of friends, and I was given back the new ones. Syukur alhamdulillah. I'm gonna jaga them betul-betul and suci kan friendship ni. HAHA. I hope we all stay bonded, together and tkde berpecah-belah. Infact I would love it if our friendship has no obstacles. It really sucks when you're bonded and then you have something to fight over with. I'm done with Swensens.I hope to find a new job. <3

Love,
Zeyma Black.

Zeyma Black

Not saying we didn't have fun but I'm happy that I get to spent time with you for 2 times. U can guess from the title,that I'm sort of in a spot like Jacob Black.. Loving someone who is with someone else. But of course.. Our story is different. Haha. I really hope to see him next time and spent more time.I don't care if it means our old friends come together. I know he doesn't know how I feel, it's a really one-sided thingy but WTH I don't care. Rather than I try to stay away and numb this silly heart of mine, I might as well listen to it and make it satisfied. As satisfied as Jacob Black to just love Bella as a friend but we all know,that it's more than that ;)


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Pasir Ris Drive 1,Singapore,Singapore

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- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Pasir Ris Drive 1,Singapore,Singapore

If you only knew..

I know I'm crazy but that's just me.
I love to delete posts which have incidents of which I hate.
It gives a feeling of it being deleted in my life. HAHA *evilsmile*

Anyway its the start of a new semester.
New class, new friends, new facis and of course.. new subjects.
My prayers have been answered and I got all I want :
fun and bonding classmates, facis who TEACH and subjects that were less stress..

I hate work. I really really really hate work.
I wanna quit and join somewhere else. I need new environment , new people.

I miss him. Not recently but since the day we got close.
Coz no matter how close we are, my hands couldn't reach him.
My words are not saying what I wanted..
My hands are moving against my orders..
But only my eyes stayed glued to him..
Its been 6yrs I've known him and miss him..
But I know he doesn't know that :)

I'm such a big-spender.
Now I'm in deep waters, I don't think I can float to the shore(i cant swim).
My debts are out of hands and its all my fault.
But then strangely this isn't something I'd like to complain about.
Coz I took the risk and am ready for the consequences.
So I better shut up about it then.

But what really bother me..
that has always been in my mind day and night..
every footsteps I take, every places I went..
I..see..you. I NEED you.
You were my source of inspiration to live a better life , a better person.
It dimmed a little last time.
But it didn't manage to put out what I really feel for you.

If you only knew..

what's up with people nowadays?

Seriously I'm very much irritated with the people around me.

Why is everyone acting like a little kid???

Do you have to show your dissatisfaction to me???

Why didn't you show it to the other person,who obviously has a fucked up attitude?

Is it because that person can benefit you in some way???

And to some people..

when you were alone I tried my best to keep you people company,

but when I'm alone nobody's almost never there.

You know how sick I am doing this when I can just shoot you in the head if I wanted to?

Well I've learnt alot this year.

A friend,no matter how close or near they are to you,they would always walk away.

Coz most humans lack the ability to keep the old and make the new.

They seem to be kick the old and make the new.

One the new is getting old,they'd be kicked out too.

Damnit la.

I'm feeling so fucked up.

Life At Its Best

Not really the best,actually.

It was going quite well the first few weeks but as weeks days goes by, it kinda gets harder and harder.

I know that nothing in life is easy as I want it to be,but some things are just kinda hard to deal with.

Firstly, is my Math and Science.Yes,freaking hell.Its like back to secondary school!

2nd-ly,going back to school NOW is really not a good time.I've alot to pay right now and the money isn't very easy to earn now that I'm schooling.Coz it just get worst!

I need about $900 to clear off my previous hp bill which I was too confident that I won't go back to school at all and was playing with fire for procrastinating with paying it.My concession is $50 and $100/mth for school pocket money!

What's more I miss the freedom I get when I work and lesser things to pay(duhh).

I miss working like hell,get the money and enjoy my life!

Karaoke,sentosa in the mornings,movie outings,eating at swensens,the lepak sessions after work till morning,the mornings I spent on the net till 4am..and the list goes on..~

I don't have to compete with anyone at work,I don't have to do those presentations,I don't have to wreck my brains and trying to find anything to contribute to the group..

And hell yeah, I miss the first time I went clubbing last year.

For dancing with my peeps,that is.The lights,the sounds,the crowd.

Not the mengatal sessions or drinking time.No,please.

Though I might have to add that I didn't miss having my gf fight with her bf,which led me to dance alone and in the end,just had to pluck up the courage to join a group of youngsters and dance with them.I'm lucky enough,they were more than happy. :p

I know that's so unlikely and so inappropriate for me.But thats what I like - getting all hyper and the my love for music.If Singapore were open-minded,I would have danced right there in my seat.HAHA.Just kidding ;p

I know this piece of cloth on my head would kinda get other people the wrong idea of me.

But I know better of course..I'm not giving this cloth up for clubbing or anything else.

I'm not religious,I am open-minded,in fact.

You know how some people like to eat brownies that are crunchy,while some like it if its soft and spongey?

Well I like it crunchy,and I have my own reasons,just like the others who have theirs.

Just like me wearing this,I LIKE wearing this.

K enough.HAHA.

Really...I miss working life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hate school because it starts TOO EARLY,everyday!!

Almost everyday I'm late..

Everyday kena graded for participation WHEN everyday I feel very sleepy and cannot think in the 1st meeting.

ARGH! -______________--

Oh well..what to do..This is the life I wanted..though not in my 1st choice :(

Gotta get through this stupid shit.

I feel so not motivated and pessimistic right now T.T