10:14 PM, Saturday, January 24, 2009
flip a coin
sometimes i just wonder if i've made any right decisions. its been the most slack fornight of my life. OOT during BMT. enjoying life in aircon, doing saikang while your friends are melting under the hot sun. strangely i dont feel happy. i wonder if it was a mistake. i could have gotten into OCS easily. being from the enhanced leadership batch already placed me at an advantage over others. moreover, i had 2 ex-classmates in my section and another 2 in my platoon. my platoon mates are nice, wonderful people. my PC, PS and SCs are all damn nice and approachable. my OC is one who cares. perhaps i was too rash? i guess its too late to regret it now. i'll just have to live with it. i guess the best way is to make full use of the extra time i have now to study uni and hopefully i'll be able to skip a few years..
this path i'm choosing, will i feel accomplished at the end? will i feel satisfied? i doubt so, though i so hope that time will prove me wrong.
songs of the week:
1. love story - taylor swift
2. if i were a boy - beyonce
3. i don't care - fall out boy
4. keeps getting better - christina aguilera
5. i caught myself - paramore
6. leave out all the rest - linkin park
7. mercy - one republic
2:42 AM, Friday, January 09, 2009
with a tinge of nostalgia
by the time anyone reads this, i'm probably off the main island of singapore enjoying my 2 weeks of honeymoon. its been a lazy month since the last post and i'm happy to conclude i have accomplished practically nothing. other than passing my BTT and obtaining my PDL, its basically a wasted month. not like my life has been anything on the productive side.
i wont miss home, i will miss the past. i will regret the things i had not had the courage to do, and i will hate myself each night. i've come to reject alot of things, to wane in my own self pity. a weird combination of disbelief and longing. it just seems that what i long for is not of this existance. where then would i seek for it? where will i be satisfied? it just feels so screwed up.
then again, i was hoping someone would ask me out to celebrate my last day as a civilian. but no, no one knew. no one bothered. not like it matters anymore. i'll probably just lock myself in my own emo walls. i wont miss my pink ic. i swear. number 2 blade hairstyle also feels weird and itchy. i swear i will let it grow back once i ORD. don't miss me, whoever you are! i'll be back :)
to my loyal fans, which i know none exist but i'm hoping there are,
goodbye for now, see you in 2 weeks. hopefully.
songs for the week:
1. supermassive blackhole - muse
2. decode - paramore
3. you raise me up - josh groban
4. here come the girls - sugababes
5. can't buy me love - the beatles
and more i can't remember now...
11:09 PM, Tuesday, December 02, 2008
another way to die? take SATs
ok. today was screwed up. lesson of the day - do not go shopping for prom stuff the day before. thats what i did. i assure you, it is nowhere near fun. no luxury of time, you can't think about stuff over the weekend. you have to make decisions NOW. i hate being rushed. thats me. so yea, i was feeling pek chek the whole time the salesgirl was recommending stuff for me. so lame can. then the bag i put the stuff in tore. -.- best of all was when i wanted to go back, it started to rain heavily. like thanks lor? i assure you i looked like the most retarded guy.. trying to protect the stuff from the rain and having to hold the bag without the handle. and i had to keep adjusting my super loose pants coz i couldnt find my belt before i went out. zzzzzzzzzzz. so yea. its been day 2 of stoning of my last week before SATs and i am barely ready. minus off tmr and thurs, i only have a freaking friday left. maybe i'll screw this up too. failure.
well i have something to lighten your mood:
was kinda searching for the MV for another way to die on youtube and i saw this on the front page. cute right? :D someday i'll do that too. lol. ok i'm off. whatever.
10:27 PM, Saturday, November 22, 2008
what are we up to?
i have a month of freedom left. yet i can't use it properly. i don't even know my purpose anymore. certainly not sleeping at 4 and waking up at 4? i really dont know what i should do.. i wanna do something, yet i fear being incompetent. i have this parochial view of life and i really really want to just get out of this pit. sometimes i wonder how can someone even be so cheerful in this bitter world. where's the love, the ties that hold our species so tightly together. the more i think about it, the more i question the very reality i experience. perhaps it is all but an illusion? what then is real? i have so many comments, so many things i want to make known to the world but everytime i'm close to doing that, the world just douses the fire with a new splash of cold water. its just so frustrating. to make things worse, as long as your views are not as one with the rest of society, you are shunned and condemned, and your views repackaged and exported to some unknown society. everyone out there just seems to be living in their own world, everyone wants to be special and they will do anything to be that. they steal, they kill and they destroy. whatever happened to love? the very quality that made our species unique. we have compromised so much, believing the lies of the selfish deceivers who only want power. what is the point of society when we are just strangers to everyone else. why is there no one willing to just hang out for the sake of hanging out; why must they always make sure they are constructive? why can't i just stare at the computer for half the day; why must i do something "productive"? would you rather me play soccer with myself? we blame the internet for destroying the meaning of society. truth is, we just want to shift the blame. no one wants to admit that the very education system is flawed. that the very foundations of lifestyle is corrupted. that the very basis of a money is as misguided as the financial system built for it. what have we accomplished? i simply do not see how the benefits outweigh the costs when my small city state sacrifices the significance of humanity for the sake of material returns. so many drown theirselves in work, at the expense of their family. so many children do not know their parents enough. what are we working for? to give our families better lives? i beg to differ. perhaps time should stop and the world should reflect on the meaning of existance. how i wish i lived in ancient Greece where i could be a philosopher, just discussing and debating, even questioning the very reality surrounding me. or maybe live in ancient China, where families were just so close. even prosperity could not break the heavily infused family values. just look at the world today. how many marriages and divorces are solely based on money? how many old folks are being thrown into homes, left to die alone in regret? how many children cannot even remember how their parents looked like because they leave for work before they wake up and come home after they fall asleep? what is the purpose of such lives now? to come into this world empty handed and leave empty handed? how so is that fruitful? no wonder so many in the forbes tops are great philantrophists. they simply cannot live with the guilt of living a life without purpose, without any sense of accomplishment. thats why i've come to dispise the rich. how many have actually made it to the top without pulling strings, stealing credits and bribing? how many have not played dirty in that oh so familiar family power struggle? how many have silenced their relatives to gain more power and affluence? just some food for thought.
quote Linderman "the world is hurt and needs healing"..........
my ranting will stop here. sorry for the wall of text.
10:41 PM, Friday, November 21, 2008
whats next?
i'm kinda scared about As.. so far all my scores have been borderline 70s.. considering quite some people find the papers easy, i'm not very sure if 70 will still be the cut off for A. i know i'll get 4 Bs for sure, not sure about econs which i screwed up really badly. and when i say screw up i mean it. its probably gonna be a pass max. didnt finish paper 2 and wrote bullshit for paper 1's 10 mark questions. i only hope i can get A for GP and 3 more As for bio, chem, math. its gonna be a painfully long wait..
if you're wondering what i have been doing, these two months without updates, its really nothing much. other than mugging, i have been watching alot of movies.. and i really mean alot. like 20 movies in two months. i also finished the whole of season 1 of heroes before bio paper 3. yea, i went for econs and chem p1 with hiro nakamura in my head. champion? lol. of course, that was in week two, which was kinda the end for me already.
thursday was the weirdest day of my life. after bio p1, i wondered whats next? come to think of it, 12 years of education ended on that day. its no wonder. even today, i can wake up wondering what should i do. i can waste the whole day doing nothing and still not feel like i've wasted time. it feels totally weird. after GP, i look at all the cheem words i stuffed in my head before the paper and i wonder if i'll ever need to use them again. after econs, i totally did not touch the newspapers. no wonder i feel so lost now. the life i've been trying to build the past 12 years has ended. whats next? its time to face the harsh and cruel world out there. i would trade anything just to relive my studying experience. i can't wait till the end of NS and the start of uni. then again, will i even be going to uni? my parents are rather reluctant to let me study overseas. my mum says i should do my normal degree in sg and then move to US for masters/phd.
uni? i dont even know what course i'll be studying. amid the current financial turmoil, perhaps business or commerce does not seem as the right choice. maybe... i dont know.
that aside, I AM STILL SINGLE. stop asking me if i have a gf or about to have a relationship! there have been a few heart throbs but i dont think i'll start a relationship soon. yes, and that means i'll be single for prom. while everyone else starts getting attached. poor me :(
its time to reconstruct my life... wish me luck. i think i will fail. my calander for the rest of 2008 only has 2 events left - prom on dec 3 and sats on dec 6. so if you wanna jio me, please let me know. i'm bored to death. it has been TFT and heroes S2 the past 2 days. if not i might just end up watching gossip girl or something o.O
anyway, 10 nice songs for you to look up and listen for the rest of the week:
1. Gives You Hell - The All-American Rejects
2. 1,2,3,4 I Love You - Plain White Tees
3. Womanizer - Britney Spears :)
4. Get Back - Demi Lovato
5. Love Bug - Jonas Brothers (as much as i hate them, this song is rather catchy)
6. Footprints in the Sand - Leona Lewis
7. God Blessed the Broken Roads - Rascall Flatts
8. What Hurts the Most - Rascall Flatts
9. We'll Be Together - Ashley Tisdale
and of course,
10. Thunder - Boys Like Girls
10:32 PM, Thursday, October 16, 2008
sing for all its worth
some day i'm gonna run to some corner and write songs for the rest of my life...
but for now, MUG LAH TMD!!!
i'm like resisting the urge to watch iron man in 1920x1280...
9:37 PM, Monday, October 13, 2008
tell me something i dont know (:
another cinderella story rocks (: they got nice dance moves!! and selena! (: (:
the countdown has begun.. kinda freaky.. gotta start sprinting. the finishing line is near! JIAYOU!!!
Tell Me Something I Don't Know - Selena Gomez
Everybody tells me that it's so hard to make it,
it's so hard to break it,
and there's no way to fake it.
Everybody tells me that it's wrong what I'm feeling,
I shouldn't believe in,
the dreams that I'm dreamin'.
I hear it everyday,
I hear it all the time.
I'm never gonna amount so much
but they're never gonna change my mind.
OH!
Tell me, tell me, tell me,
something I don't know x3.
Tell me, tell me, tell me,
something I don't know x3.
How many inches in a mile?
What it takes to make you smile.
Getcha not to treat me like, a child, baby
Tell me, tell me, tell me,
something I don't know something x3.
Tell me, tell me,
something I don't know.
Tell me, tell me,
something I don't know.
Everybody tells me
I don't know what I'm doing,
this life I'm pursuing,
the odds I'll be loosing.
Everybody tells me that it's one in a million,
like one in a billion
one in a zillion.
I hear it everyday,
I hear it all the time,
I'm never gonna amount so much
but they're never gonna change my mind.
OH!
Tell me, tell me, tell me,
something I don't know x3.
Tell me, tell me, tell me,
something I don't know x3.
How many inches in a mile?
What it takes to make you smile.
Getcha not to treat me like, a child, baby
Tell me, tell me, tell me,
something I don't know x3.
I'm, on my way.
I know I'm, gonna get there someday.
It, doesn't help, when you say:
It won't be easy!
Tell me, tell me, tell me,
something I don't know x3.
Tell me, tell me, tell me,
something I don't know x3.
How many inches in a mile?
What it takes to make you smile.
Getcha not to treat me like, a child, baby.
Tell me, tell me, tell me,
something I don't know x3.
Tell me, tell me, tell me,
something I don't know x3.
Tell me, tell me, tell me,
something I don't know x3.
How many inches in a mile?
What it takes to make you smile.
Getcha not to treat me like, a child, baby.
Tell me, tell me, tell me,
something I don't know x3
Tell Me Something I Don't Know - Selena Gomez
Everybody tells me that it's so hard to make it,
it's so hard to break it,
and there's no way to fake it.
Everybody tells me that it's wrong what I'm feeling,
I shouldn't believe in,
the dreams that I'm dreamin'.
I hear it everyday,
I hear it all the time.
I'm never gonna amount so much
but they're never gonna change my mind.
OH!
Tell me, tell me, tell me,
something I don't know x3.
Tell me, tell me, tell me,
something I don't know x3.
How many inches in a mile?
What it takes to make you smile.
Getcha not to treat me like, a child, baby
Tell me, tell me, tell me,
something I don't know something x3.
Tell me, tell me,
something I don't know.
Tell me, tell me,
something I don't know.
Everybody tells me
I don't know what I'm doing,
this life I'm pursuing,
the odds I'll be loosing.
Everybody tells me that it's one in a million,
like one in a billion
one in a zillion.
I hear it everyday,
I hear it all the time,
I'm never gonna amount so much
but they're never gonna change my mind.
OH!
Tell me, tell me, tell me,
something I don't know x3.
Tell me, tell me, tell me,
something I don't know x3.
How many inches in a mile?
What it takes to make you smile.
Getcha not to treat me like, a child, baby
Tell me, tell me, tell me,
something I don't know x3.
I'm, on my way.
I know I'm, gonna get there someday.
It, doesn't help, when you say:
It won't be easy!
Tell me, tell me, tell me,
something I don't know x3.
Tell me, tell me, tell me,
something I don't know x3.
How many inches in a mile?
What it takes to make you smile.
Getcha not to treat me like, a child, baby.
Tell me, tell me, tell me,
something I don't know x3.
Tell me, tell me, tell me,
something I don't know x3.
Tell me, tell me, tell me,
something I don't know x3.
How many inches in a mile?
What it takes to make you smile.
Getcha not to treat me like, a child, baby.
Tell me, tell me, tell me,
something I don't know x3
11:06 PM, Wednesday, October 08, 2008
moar moar!!
11:02 PM,
ok.. i change target liao :)
9:48 PM,
i wanna get back, to the old days
super hot!!! <3<3<3!!!
Demi Lovato - Get Back
Don't walk away like you always do
This time
Baby you're the only thing that's been
On my mind
Ever since you left I've been a mess
(You won't answer your phone)
I'll say it once and I'll leave you alone
But I gotta let you know
I wanna get back
To the old days
When the phone would ring
And I knew it was you
I wanna talk back
And get yelled at
Fight for nothing
Like we used to
Oh, kiss me
Like you mean it
Like you miss me
Cause I know that you do
I wanna get back
Get back
With you
ooohh... eyeee...
Don't look at me that way
I see it in your...
eyes
Don't worry about me
I've been...
fine
I'm not gonna lie
I've been a mess
Since you left
And every time I see you
It gets more and more intense
I wanna get back
To the old days
When the phone would ring
And I knew it was you
I wanna talk back
And get yelled at
Fight for nothing
Like we used to
Oh, kiss me
Like you mean it
Like you miss me
'Cause I know that you do
I wanna get back
Get back
With you
You were the only one I wanted
And you were the first one I fell for
You're the only one that im in need of
And I don't want to be lonely anymore
I wanna get back
To the old days
When the phone would ring
And I knew it was you
I wanna talk back
And get yelled at
Fight for nothing
Like we used to
Oh, kiss me
Like you mean it
Like you miss me
Cause I know that you do
I wanna get back
Get back
With you
(Get back)
Get back
(Get back)
Get back
(Get back)
Get back
(Get back)
Get back
Oh, kiss me
Like you mean it
Like you miss me
Cause I know that you do
I wanna get back
Get back
I wanna get back
Get back
I wanna get back
Get back
Get back
Yeah!
