ak ari sabtu balik naek lrt. kat dlm lrt tu ada r atok tua ni. ak nak bagi die duduk. nthen ak pn bangun r, walau pun ak pn penat gak, bjalan satu hari dgn kasut 3 inci tu. ak bangun nak bagi atok tu duduk, ada plak kakak ni duduk tmpat ak dgn selamba nye. ak pn mcm ish pompuan ni. tp lepas tu atok tu turun station. nthen ak tnampak lagi sorg atok tua ni. die bdiri dh terlelap2 dah. penat kot. n takde sorg pn nak offer seat utk die. gile sedih. teruknye bdk2 muda ni kan. nt ak pn nampak r bdk2 skolah ni, ak pn tanya r leh tak bg seat utk atok tu. n diaorg mcm reluctant nak bagi.
ak kata "kesian atok tu bdiri. nampak cm penat je die. smpi tetido2" bru r bdk tu kata ok.
ak pn gi r kat atok tu, soh die duduk. mle2 die kata takpe. lepas beberapa kali bru r die nak duduk. lastly die duduk gak r.
n ak pn bdiri je dgn kasut ku tu. rasa nak bkaki ayam je... tp mengenangkan selesema babi tu... hu~ ak harap lepas ni sume org kat dlm tren yg nampak tu, termalu dgn diri sndiri n buat r apa yg patut next time..
Monday, June 29, 2009
Thursday, June 25, 2009
matematik kesayangan ku...
done with math paper. its physics tomorrow... skipped 3 questions for alpha and 2 for beta... while i was doing the paper, sakit perut tiba2 menyerang. tetibe teringat cerita dragon zakura. part yang budak yang ada twin brother tu. time tu mggu entrance exam utk tokyo university. twin bro die jahat. taknak bagi die lulus r kirenye, pi bagi die sandwich as hadiah kononnye. rupenye sandwich tu sandwich dah expired. so time esok tu, time die tgh buat paper math, die sakit perut... sian die. skang ni baru r ak tau rasanya. hahhaha. boleh lak berangan jap time buat paper math. oo. sasaki sensei, mori sensei, kubota sensei and wakayama sensei jaga my hall. mule2 ingatkan Mr Sa tak jaga dewan ak... ak pusing belakang, cakap kat Famer, "Famer, hari ni cahaya ak takde..."
Famer pun memberikan ak -ko ni ili... takde keje laen..-looks. lepas tu, tetibe mr Sa masuk dari pintu dpn. pasal tak leh nak toleh belakang lagi, ak pun buat la victory sign kepada Famer yang ada kat belakang ak. wuuu gembira dan bersemangat terus nak buat math paper.
tp tu la... angan tak seindah realiti. sakit perut+tak tahan nak gi buang air kecik... wu... lagi 5 minit nak habis tu ak dah pikir nak gi ke tak nak. tak pegi kang ak terkencing kat dlm dwn kang buat malu seumur hidup je. lagi baek r ak gi... so, ak angkat tgn n wakayama sensei datang kat ak. ak kata nak gi toilet. die kata sakit perut ke? ak ckp aah. so, ak pn gi r toilet. dgn meninggalkan soalan yg ak on the way tgh buat tu. sayang je, tp nak wat camne. taknak ak tanggung risiko yg len. hehe.
esok butsuri. mesti semangat! coz bapak jepun ak no 1 akan jaga dewan esok. hehe. jinushi sensei le tu. G2's papa. fujita sensei plak G2's father. kubota sensei lak daddy ak n Famer. hehehe.
semangat!!!
Famer pun memberikan ak -ko ni ili... takde keje laen..-looks. lepas tu, tetibe mr Sa masuk dari pintu dpn. pasal tak leh nak toleh belakang lagi, ak pun buat la victory sign kepada Famer yang ada kat belakang ak. wuuu gembira dan bersemangat terus nak buat math paper.
tp tu la... angan tak seindah realiti. sakit perut+tak tahan nak gi buang air kecik... wu... lagi 5 minit nak habis tu ak dah pikir nak gi ke tak nak. tak pegi kang ak terkencing kat dlm dwn kang buat malu seumur hidup je. lagi baek r ak gi... so, ak angkat tgn n wakayama sensei datang kat ak. ak kata nak gi toilet. die kata sakit perut ke? ak ckp aah. so, ak pn gi r toilet. dgn meninggalkan soalan yg ak on the way tgh buat tu. sayang je, tp nak wat camne. taknak ak tanggung risiko yg len. hehe.
esok butsuri. mesti semangat! coz bapak jepun ak no 1 akan jaga dewan esok. hehe. jinushi sensei le tu. G2's papa. fujita sensei plak G2's father. kubota sensei lak daddy ak n Famer. hehehe.
semangat!!!
Monday, June 15, 2009
sedar diri?
hu... im back ranting about myself. again. 5 more days to go...and then there will be Enter the Japanese Universities (EJU) trial examination. 21 June 2009. sunday. and then, on tuesday, my mid semester examination.
im very nervous about them right now as i realized that im very bad in my studies here. its really bad when compared to my friends here.
life kind of getting worse day by day. im extremely dissapointed and frustrated with myself. i keep on asking myself why couldnt i do well like my fellow friends here? everyday, every hour, every minute, every second i keep on asking myself that.
i mean, they could get 100% in quizzes, 90++, 80++ in tests or exams each time but i couldnt. 72, 74, -like that- IS the best that i could get.
most of the things that are being teach here are the same as in my high school. its just that the syllibus is quite different. the same formulae and all. why couldnt i remember them? why couldnt i solve them? why?
its frustrating and tiring. its not like i didnt study. is it the way how i study is wrong? with my sleeping trouble, im getting more emotional right now. i couldnt sleep even though im tired. even if im already lying on the bed, its just hard for me to fall asleep. sometimes i even stay awake on the bed till 4 am-(kesian penyu dpt mesej frust and aku kul 4 pagi). coffee? i dont drink coffee during weekdays. my coffee day is on saturday. or whenever tomorrow is holiday then coffee is allowed. (trying to avoid coffee. well, I AM trying, at least) im feeling so fresh right now yet its 2.30 am right now. just couldnt sleep.
back to the studies thing. you know how stressful and tension it is when everyone around you has high expectation on you? my mom, dad, sis, cuzins, aunts, uncles and all. and then, there are my teachers who keep on reminding us, doing the countdown thingy, keep on saying, repeating about the exam, and saying that "did you all worked hard enough? i cant see it" those kind of things mcm nak perli nye cara in class. it hurt so much when they say that although they mean it for some students in the class/ all of us. you know, like someone take your heart and stabbing it many times with knife. yes, i know they are saying those for our own good, but i couldnt help being emotional. i know we have to be perfect in all subjects to excel the exam.
yes, i know my tests results sucks but i do work hard. the most frustrating part is that when i keep on doing careless mistakes or stupid mistakes -as Ms V said- and having the misconception about things i learned. i hate myself for that.
i do ask my teachers sometimes. but most of the time i would ask my friends. i felt relieved when they could help me. but being one of the so called low ranked student here is still a sad thing.
life is hard when you are used to be among the top and suddenly you are at the bottom. although i know since the beginning that i'll have my downs and keep telling myself to prepare for it. yet im frustrated in me. now i know how it feels like to couldnt understand what i am learning.
yes, athirah, now i completely understand how you felt like last time. you know, when you dragged me behind the dorm block and told me your problem with maths. im having it now. i hate myself for being the worse in my favourite subject. i love math. math is my passion since i know how to count. me second would be physics. hu~....... same thing for all subjects... failures to score good results...
one thing for sure, i will not give up because this is my dream, mama babah kakak trust me and i want them and malaysia proud, secondly coz amanah dari duit cukai rakyat malaysia, and lastly because i have four little cousins that looked up to me sangat2. if i could go to japan, insyaAllah, and then bring home my success. and i hope my lil cuzins going to follow my footsteps. so, lastly, i hope anyone who read this, do pray for my succes in malaysia and japan. amiin...
im very nervous about them right now as i realized that im very bad in my studies here. its really bad when compared to my friends here.
life kind of getting worse day by day. im extremely dissapointed and frustrated with myself. i keep on asking myself why couldnt i do well like my fellow friends here? everyday, every hour, every minute, every second i keep on asking myself that.
i mean, they could get 100% in quizzes, 90++, 80++ in tests or exams each time but i couldnt. 72, 74, -like that- IS the best that i could get.
most of the things that are being teach here are the same as in my high school. its just that the syllibus is quite different. the same formulae and all. why couldnt i remember them? why couldnt i solve them? why?
its frustrating and tiring. its not like i didnt study. is it the way how i study is wrong? with my sleeping trouble, im getting more emotional right now. i couldnt sleep even though im tired. even if im already lying on the bed, its just hard for me to fall asleep. sometimes i even stay awake on the bed till 4 am-(kesian penyu dpt mesej frust and aku kul 4 pagi). coffee? i dont drink coffee during weekdays. my coffee day is on saturday. or whenever tomorrow is holiday then coffee is allowed. (trying to avoid coffee. well, I AM trying, at least) im feeling so fresh right now yet its 2.30 am right now. just couldnt sleep.
back to the studies thing. you know how stressful and tension it is when everyone around you has high expectation on you? my mom, dad, sis, cuzins, aunts, uncles and all. and then, there are my teachers who keep on reminding us, doing the countdown thingy, keep on saying, repeating about the exam, and saying that "did you all worked hard enough? i cant see it" those kind of things mcm nak perli nye cara in class. it hurt so much when they say that although they mean it for some students in the class/ all of us. you know, like someone take your heart and stabbing it many times with knife. yes, i know they are saying those for our own good, but i couldnt help being emotional. i know we have to be perfect in all subjects to excel the exam.
yes, i know my tests results sucks but i do work hard. the most frustrating part is that when i keep on doing careless mistakes or stupid mistakes -as Ms V said- and having the misconception about things i learned. i hate myself for that.
i do ask my teachers sometimes. but most of the time i would ask my friends. i felt relieved when they could help me. but being one of the so called low ranked student here is still a sad thing.
life is hard when you are used to be among the top and suddenly you are at the bottom. although i know since the beginning that i'll have my downs and keep telling myself to prepare for it. yet im frustrated in me. now i know how it feels like to couldnt understand what i am learning.
yes, athirah, now i completely understand how you felt like last time. you know, when you dragged me behind the dorm block and told me your problem with maths. im having it now. i hate myself for being the worse in my favourite subject. i love math. math is my passion since i know how to count. me second would be physics. hu~....... same thing for all subjects... failures to score good results...
one thing for sure, i will not give up because this is my dream, mama babah kakak trust me and i want them and malaysia proud, secondly coz amanah dari duit cukai rakyat malaysia, and lastly because i have four little cousins that looked up to me sangat2. if i could go to japan, insyaAllah, and then bring home my success. and i hope my lil cuzins going to follow my footsteps. so, lastly, i hope anyone who read this, do pray for my succes in malaysia and japan. amiin...
Friday, June 12, 2009
its the flavour of life
when you say thank you to me
for some reason it hurts
like a magic spell that doesnt get undone
even after the goodbye
a hint of bitterness
the flavour of life
stuck midpoint between friends and lovers
like an un-riped fruit dreaming about the day of harvest
because of being unable
to just move one more step forward
what's causing this frustration baby
sweet talks and tasteless conversations
it sparks no interest in me
even when things do not go the way you want
it doesnt mean you have thrown your life away
when asked "what's wrong?"
the answer was "its nothing"
the smile that dissapears after the goodbye
it's unlike me
the more i wish to believe in you
for some reason it hurts even more
"i like you" instead of "i love you" sounds more like you
the period when you suddenly remember the scent
of someone you had almost forgotten
i want to be able to openly and honestly cherish
the white purity of the falling snow more
a future tender and warmer than a diamond
i want to grasp it
in this limited time we have
i want to spend it with you
when you say thank you to me
for some reason it hurts
like a magic spell that doesnt get undone
even after the goodbye
a hint of bitterness
the flavour of life
Monday, June 1, 2009
teardrop on my guitar
Drew looks at me,
I fake a smile so he won't see
That I want and I'm needing everything that we should be
I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about
And she's got everything that I have to live without
Drew talks to me, I laugh cause it's just so damn funny
That I can't even see anyone when he's with me
He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right,
I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night
[Chorus:]
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing,
don't know why I do
Drew walks by me,
can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly,
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
She'd better hold him tight, give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky cause
So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down and maybe
Get some sleep tonight
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing,
don't know why I do
He's the time taken up,
but there's never enoughAnd he's all that I need to fall into..
Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see
I fake a smile so he won't see
That I want and I'm needing everything that we should be
I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about
And she's got everything that I have to live without
Drew talks to me, I laugh cause it's just so damn funny
That I can't even see anyone when he's with me
He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right,
I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night
[Chorus:]
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing,
don't know why I do
Drew walks by me,
can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly,
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
She'd better hold him tight, give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky cause
So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down and maybe
Get some sleep tonight
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing,
don't know why I do
He's the time taken up,
but there's never enoughAnd he's all that I need to fall into..
Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see
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