mood blue
listening to Tricycle by Psapp

Too Fast Too Furious...

Just for the sake of updating,
my holiday was abruptly cut short because a close aunt passed away. All in a whirlwind of a day, arrangements had to be made to go back to indo from melbourne precisely a week earlier than planned, and i'm still feeling somewhat bitter about it. How do you deal with mixed feelings like this? Torn between the grief for the loss of someone close and the reluctance to leave someone precious.

Today i accompanied my buddhist relatives to the temple to burn offerings to my aunt, just to be respectful. It was all rather strange to me, those fancy rituals people perform to the dead, like as though they are there in the same room but simply a different dimension, watching and looking.

They had some papers and boxes which they burnt in a chamber and they are supposed to be offerings. As i watched the fire through the open window of the chamber, standing 5 metres away, the heat scorched my face. and i wonder what hell must be like.

I'm back in smelly singapore, and each day ever since the day i left melbourne on the 19th i opened my eyes each morning wondering how it must be like if i were still in melbourne. waking up to the cold winter air which makes my toes curl while snuggling in the thick blankets in Flemington. holding rudy's hands and waiting for the tram while watching each other breathing out white frosty winter air. going back to smith's street for the third time because i was too fickle to haul out the things i wanted in a single trip.

but here surrounded by the disgusting and humid singapore air, school and obligations and commitments looming ahead, all i could think of is how my handphone isnt ringing with the familiar voice waiting on the other end. why did we not spend more time while we could?

i realise that i only blog when i'm depressed. and hence my blog becomes mighty depressing even though im actually not a depressingly depressed person.

It was nice to be in melbourne, even when rudy wasnt around, cos it was just such a laidback place. People were friendly (at least during those 12 days i was there), smith street and bridge road rock my socks, elizabeth street, bourke street, lonsdale and swanston kept me occupied, muesli for breakfast was cheap, awesome and gave me (ehem) good bowel movements, and milk comes mostly in giant 2 litre bottles.

The botak trees are ace! i really loved how the trees looked so skinny during winter, without leaves and all! I even loved wearing lots of clothings and shivering in the gentle wind that blows into the toilet everytime i come out of shower. I loved university of melbourne, where the brick buildings looked just like what i pictured universities to be like, so victorian and so classy, especially in winter, when all the gaunt and leafless trees with clambering branches were such excellent backdrops that make the place look almost like Hogwarts. But here in NUS, there are only ugly supposedly modern looking building that attempted to look polished but failed miserably by looking mis-matched, overly fanciful, not to mention having horrid names such as Lee Kong Chian.

It was nice to be in a place where there was noone familiar on the streets to bump into you, noone to judge you, noone to control you. Just plain old me, a great boyfriend and a fab shopping buddy. :)

no photos. My blog is laggy enough as it is, and i'm lazy. I need to be alone for a while to recuperate from all these rollercoaster of emotions.

and geez it's still August??? Feels like it ought to be December already.

good night everyone, i need to sleep.