hmmm.. realized tt i haven't blogged for a long long time.. thanx for reminding me..
well.. quite a lot of things happened in this month.. both happy and sad.. exciting and boring.. many of which left deep impressions in my mind.. n i will always wanna remember them.. hmmm.. think i still get abit emotional at times.. cannot control myself.. but think i'm finally getting over him.. well.. i dunno whether i should b glad or wad.. coz i sorta dun wanna get it over.. dunno y.. he doesn't always appear in my mind anytime anywhere anymore.. he suddenly doesn't appear to be wad i perceived him to b anymore.. realized actually we r quite different also.. different preferences.. likes.. everything..
hmm.. i also dunno.. but yesterday night i dreamt about him again.. juz when i tot i was getting over him.. the dream really left me affected for the whole of today.. really hope it can ever come true.. sighz.. i really wonder whether i will ever do the same thing if the dream really come true.. will i really.. nvm..
think this time my terms is really a total crap also.. high possibilities of getting straight Fs.. wad i really really dun wanna get.. but well.. i come out from the exam hall everyday.. shaking my head and sighing.. though i may look cheerful and laughing.. inside my heart was really feeling so hopeless n helpless.. by the rate i'm going.. my As will b a complete crap also.. everbody have such high expectations of me also.. i really dun wanna dissappoint them lorx.. like ever since young i nv really dissappoint them b4.. dun wanna have this 1st time in this many years.. wad if i really get straigh Fs? think i'll kill myself.. ya...
oh well.. i think i get wad i deserved larx.. for wasting time on rubbish.. for not studying at all.. serve me right la..
well.. dun really noe wad 2 blog liao.. had been reading alot on psychology lately.. think i'm still very interested in it.. ever since young.. ya.. really super amazed by the way the human mind and brain work.. the way human thinks juz fascinate me.. though i noe it's quite useless to noe all those.. maybe next time i will really work in woodbridge larx.. or IMH.. i'm serious.. i'm mad..
oh well.. but now.. think it's juz a dream.. coz think psychology is a course tt is quite difficult to get in.. plus my current results.. think no chance.. nvm larx..
hmmm.. nothing else to write liao.. juz realized tt i'm getting quite sick of life liao.. still see no meanings in it..
think maybe i should learn to b more optimistic.. like wad he always tell me to do..
*everything seems as it is but everything is not how it seems...*
dreaming at: 6:47 PM
hmm.. quite a lot of tots r in my mind now..
hmm.. well.. think i'm quite happy wif the way i spend my times nowadays larx.. though it's quite wasting time.. quite happy that u r always there nowadays.. always beside me.. wif me.. even after sch.. i really enjoy the moments that we spend together.. haha.. though i feel quite bad tt i always tok n tok non-stop.. n den u can't fall asleep.. i'm growing more and more fond of that place liao.. so willing to spend all my time there..
hmm.. think i'm starting to get out of the depression stage.. maybe coz u r always there.. but well..
hmm.. many times.. i ask myself.. whether u r really worth my time.. n i always get no answer.. at least not a sensible logical one.. den i ask myself.. whether i'm too nice to u liao.. n i ask..wad actually is going on ur mind.. when we spend so much time together lately.. a very strange feeling always comes to me.. i hope i'm terribly wrong.. but i really dunno.. i always think that u r juz playing wif my feelings.. hmm.. this i really dunno.. hope u sincerely wanna spend all those times wif me..
by the way.. thanx for all the INTERESTING questions hor.. haha.. sometimes.. it really embarrass me to answer you.. but well.. think it's ok larx.. don't be afraid to ask.. haha.. coz i think i will always answer.. haha.. the infection of the mind sia.. haha..
thanx for all the massaging n wadever also.. will always remember that evening.. haha.. think u should get it larx.. haha.. =)
hmm.. den other than tt.. can't really think of wad to say..
hmm.. heard tt my sec sch new principal is quite bad.. hmm.. actually i dun really care.. but den.. when i heard tt mr tan may leave smsb if e don't get gold this year.. i get quite mad.. n upset.. i heard it's coz of the new principal.. hmm.. dunno.. i mean not that i have no faith in the band tt they will get gold this year.. i'm juz angry at the tot tt the new p is contemplating of "sacking" mr tan if we don't get gold.. i mean come on larx.. who's the 1 who brought the band up? who's the 1 spending more than 5 years building the band? who's the 1 seeing at least 5 batches of us graduate from smsb? who's the 1 spending so much effort? who's the 1 knowing the band the best? can't the new principal juz think abt it? sighz.. gold is nothing in music making.. and as compared to the bond the band built wif mr tan.. gold is really NOTHING!!!!
hmm.. i still love the smmb.. i miss my juniors.. i miss mr tan.. ms wee also.. sighz.. but always no time to go back.. really really really no time.. especially now wif the 5-days-work week policy.. i miss the times i spent in smmb.. the days when band is the center of my life.. arghhhhhhhhhhhh.. i miss smmb.. i miss smmb.. i miss smmb.. (realize that it's smmb and not smsb..)
sighz..
sometimes.. i juz think.. life doesn't really make sense.. y do we have to be born as a kid.. den we have to try so so so hard to achieve wad we are today? n wad we r tml? y do we have to study so hard.. when we noe tt more than 70% of our knowledges won't be of any use to us in the future?
y do we work so hard to strive for our dreams.. when we noe tt 90% of the population do not achieve wad they want in the end? 90% of the ppl are also not even working in the field that they were interested in when they were young.. even if we achieve our dreams.. so what?????
even if we become millionairs.. so what???? everyone will grow old anyway.. den comes failure of the body.. den failure of our mind.. den everything will fade into nothingness.. nothingness.. when we eventually die.. so y try so hard? y struggle so much? y suffer so much?
y can't time run backwards?
y can't we be born as adults? knowing most of the things we need to know from the beginning? not wasting time guessing our future.. since everything fade into nothingness anyway.. y can't we have that for every aspect of our life? y can't we grow younger each day.. y can't we discard our knowledges as days goes by? y can''t we juz shrink everyday.. y can't we start our life wif everything we want n need.. n den returning it all to nature as we live longer? y can't we get more n more innocent as days goes by? have less n less wants n needs as time passes.. the youngest will always take over the world.. the world will have less evils.. the earth's resources can be conserved.. world will den b such a peaceful and good place to stay.. wonderful..
y can't the world juz function in this manner?????
oh well.. think this is getting very philosophical.. sometimes.. my mind juz function liddat.. so complicated.. always thinking of things that are impossible.. n unrealistic..
i still love psychology n philosophy.. think i'll take tt in university.. dunno..
*There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so.. to be what we are is the only end of life..*
dreaming at: 8:17 PM
