Purpose in Pain

A few weeks ago I was talking to someone dear to me and she shared some things close to her heart that she has learned from some significant health issues. She very graciously agreed to share them here. 


Three months ago I had an abdominal surgery,  which taught me two significant lessons about the atonement of Christ.  
Lesson One:  Although my surgery was relatively minor, for several weeks I could not walk my children to school, or vacuum my carpets, or lug my laundry upstairs.  My husband, my children, and my friends had to help me out.   I am stubbornly self-reliant and found this challenging, as well as inconvenient.  Some things were done on other people’s timetables, not mine! 
  One Saturday, my older daughter was vacuuming the playroom for me and I was watching her, when I was struck by a sudden thought.  “Right now, Abigail is doing something for you that you cannot do for yourself.  She is learning to be like the Savior.  Tell her.”  So I did.  She smiled and looked quietly pleased. Later, my younger daughter was moving clothes from the washing machine to the dryer, when I felt inspired to tell her the same thing.  Rebekah drew the parallel, even before I could fully state it, then flung both arms around my neck, her face a great beam of joy.  “Oh, Mama, I love you!”
  I realized, then, what a vital reminder I had needed.  Sometimes I fancy that I can be perfected with just a little help from Jesus—after all, I’m a good person doing a good job.  My physical limitations had brought forward my spiritual necessity.  I cannot be saved without the full power of the atonement.  Christ truly did for me what I cannot do for myself, even redeeming me from my own ignorant self-complaisance.  There is a vast gulf between my mortal state and the holiness required to dwell in God’s presence.  Only he can make me holy, and he will do it in his time and his way.  Just as I had to swallow my pride and ask people to help me, I must ask him to help me, too. 
Lesson Two:  Through pain, I am drawn to the Savior.  He has helped me learn that my pain is a tool to help me understand, in a small measure, the pain he endured in the garden of Gethsemane.   I cannot comprehend the infinite nature of the atonement, but I am more grateful for the pain that he experienced for me.  Knowing that he has experienced my every pain completely helps me to understand how deeply, how personally he loves me.  From childbirth to lung surgery to endometriosis to abdominal surgery, he has experienced it all with me and for me that I may know that when I suffer, I do not suffer alone.  Truly, I am graven in the palms of his hands.  My image is etched in his heart.  Knowing that my pains are also his has filled me with greater gratitude for the atonement of Christ.  A grateful, humbled heart draws me to him.  
In this way, the pain that I experience in mortality helps to lead me toward eternal salvation.  I know he lives!  I know, indeed, that I am personally before his face, night-and-day.  This gives each new experience of pain greater meaning and replaces despair with hope.  And I know that if he loves a simple, ordinary me so perfectly, that he also loves every other man, woman, and child on earth with such specificity, such clarity, such compassion.  It is the burden and the joy that he carries.  Truly, it is his “work and [his] glory to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man”— one-by-one.

I felt the following talk and scripture were very fitting.
"The Atonement Covers all Pain" by Kent F. Richards and Alma 7:11-12
 11 And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.
 12 And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.

Elvia: Parenting -- God Did Not Place You on Earth to Fail

For anyone who has gotten to the end of the day and just wanted to cry because you just didn't know how you were going to be able to do it. Anyone who has doubted their ability to raise their children with some semblance of success- meet my friend. Elvia is a mother of four and grandmother of three. She enjoys biking and running and bringing a smile to all who meet her. The first time we met we talked for over an hour, our connection being a child with special needs. Her son Kevin, who is in his twenties now, has cerebral palsy, similar to Micah. She has become a dear friend, and has blessed me with her wisdom, experience, and faith. Here is a link to a couple of videos of her put together by the church where she talks about adjusting to her son's diagnosis, and one hard, very special night.
 Video 1: Kevin's Diagnosis, (click on the black and white picture at the bottom, and then the play button)
Video 2: A Light in Kevin's Room  (her portion starts at 1:11)

And in case you are feeling like "that's wonderful for her, but I don't have a child with special needs" listen to what President Eyring taught this past October:

"President George Q. Cannon said this about how God has prepared you and me and our children for the tests we will face: “There is not one of us but what God’s love has been expended upon. There is not one of us that He has not cared for and caressed. There is not one of us that He has not desired to save, and that He has not devised means to save. There is not one of us that He has not given His angels charge concerning. We may be insignificant and contemptible in our own eyes, and in the eyes of others, but the truth remains that we are the children of God, and that He has actually given His angels—invisible beings of power and might—charge concerning us, and they watch over us and have us in their keeping.”
     President Henry B. Eyring "To My Grandchildren"

And this is what Elder Jeffrey R. Holland shares:
From the beginning down through the dispensations, God has used angels as His emissaries in conveying love and concern for His children... 
Usually such beings are not seen. Sometimes they are. But seen or unseen they are always near. Sometimes their assignments are very grand and have significance for the whole world. Sometimes the messages are more private. Occasionally the angelic purpose is to warn. But most often it is to comfort, to provide some form of merciful attention, guidance in difficult times...
I ask everyone within the sound of my voice to take heart, be filled with faith, and remember the Lord has said He “would fight [our] battles, [our] children’s battles, and [the battles of our] children’s children.” And what do we do to merit such a defense? We are to “search diligently, pray always, and be believing[. Then] all things shall work together for [our] good, if [we] walk uprightly and remember the covenant wherewith [we] have covenanted.” The latter days are not a time to fear and tremble. They are a time to be believing and remember our covenants...

My beloved brothers and sisters, I testify of angels, both the heavenly and the mortal kind. In doing so I am testifying thatGod never leaves us alone, never leaves us unaided in the challenges that we face...the Father of us all is watching and assisting. And always there are those angels who come and go all around us, seen and unseen, known and unknown, mortal and immortal.
     Elder Jeffrey R. Holland "The Ministry of Angels"

God is truly mindful of us as individuals, he loves us, and he loves our children. If our desire to do right is sincere, he will not let us fail. I found this quote by Elder Ballard while reading an article about The Family: A Proclamation to the World  : "Be the very best and act the very best you can. God will give you strength beyond your own as you strive daily to fulfill the most sacred mortal responsibility He gives to His children. Listen to the voice of the Spirit and the counsel of the living prophets. Be of good cheer. God did not place you on earth to fail, and your efforts as parents will not be counted as failure unless you give up."

So, be of good cheer friends, the angels surround us.

Brooke: Unemployment and the Windows of Heaven

As I was watching General Conference this past weekend Elder Bednar's talk The Windows of Heaven made me think of my dear friend Brooke McCoy and her latest blog entry entitled "Unemployment Tips". Elder Bednar taught:  "Often as we teach and testify about the law of tithing, we emphasize the immediate, dramatic, and readily recognizable temporal blessings that we receive. And surely such blessings do occur. Yet some of the diverse blessings we obtain as we are obedient to this commandment are significant but subtle. Such blessings can be discerned only if we are both spiritually attentive and observant (see 1 Corinthians 2:14)." To me, the following is a living example of just what Elder Bednar was talking about. Thank you Brooke for your honesty and willingness to share in order to help others.

Unemployment tips
I'm sure you are all sick of hearing about when Jason had no job.  I just need to get this one last thing written down cause it has been nagging at me.   The four months temp contract got renewed through June.  Hooray Hooray.  We hope it will lead to full time with benefits at some point but are very grateful and feel lucky.  My guess is that the temp one will be renewed one more time again but I'd love to be surprised.  Darby has yet to stop praying for it to become permanent, breakfast lunch and dinner prayers.   That girl has mega faith.  

I am been thinking about this post for a while and it intimidated me.  So much.  To write down all my tips of 'how we made it' through 9 months of unemployment.  Because really its like babies, unemployment is all I want to talk about right now.  How can you successfully describe the most influential time of your life in the last decade?  And I want to help  you.  I want to give you a hug and a pep talk and tell you what will help.  I've been so worried about what and how to write it that my memory is slipping, so here is what it is before I forget.  Might not be perfect, but what happened was real and it changed us and I hope this helps anyone who googles tips for unemployment (albeit this is the Mormon version) because we would not have survived with out the many many hands who were holding us up. 

Here is my best try. 

 Jason's job loss came at a total surprise.  He had just gotten a raise a few months earlier and was making more money than he ever had.  While not a flattering image, the thought of being caught with our pants down came into my mind a few times even though I thought we lived a frugal lifestyle.  I was wrong. There was much room for improvement.

I am a stay at home mom and that was not going to change.  If I had a career I could have picked up easily that might have been different.  I do have a degree but it has become a bit dusty.  Thankfully I had started a small business that summer selling Paparazzi and ended up being timed great and helped me feel like I was contributing to our situation. Plus it let me wear really cute new stuff when all our finances were frozen.  

Backing up there.  What did we do first?
First we tried not to freak out. 
We told our family and children.
We went to the temple.  Jason was great about this.  I think he went the next day.  
We prayed and fasted (this was throughout the entire process) 
We went on a date without children so that we could look at our finances (we had help from free babysitters, Thank you!). We also made a wide list of all options and contacts and possible leads. 
Jason contacted all work contacts and friends.
We met with our bishop to get council and tell him about our situation.  

Here are my tips:  
  
1.  Tell people. I contacted immediately a few friends I know who also survived unemployment.  This was probably the best for me.  Specially Lisa T, Sarah and Sara G were lifesavers with their tips and advice and friendship.  Others who were going through similar at the same time really helped me but I won't name them.  That would be my first piece of advice.  I put it on my blog so Lisa contacted me first through email and her words helped me.  Like I bawled reading them.  She said it would be hard and they barely survived, but they learned so much and became closer to the Savior.  Okay, I can do hard.  These ladies gave me details that I needed to hear to get a realistic perspective. Most of my advice is from what they gave to me.  Anytime I talked to someone who had 'been through it' or had a freelance type work schedule I paid attention to what they said.  Really helps hearing other people have done it even if they all said it sucks.  

2.  Use all your resources.  A tip we received was to use all your options.  We got the three kids on free lunches at school (saved us a ton on preparing meals).  We signed up for unemployment (which paid about the same as what our health insurance cost through Cobra).  We canceled any extras we could (which ended up us keeping our cable because they reduced it for us so that it was practically free bundled with our internet). 

3.  This talk by President Dieter F.  Uchdorft should be listened to again and again.  It is called the Good and Grateful Receiver.  I had lots of room for improvement and I did.  I remember in the beginning thinking, I will just pay it forward.  But the depth of how much we were helped became so great in nine months I could never pay it forward and that was point to me.  Just like we can never do enough to earn our own Salvation, it is a Gift from our Savior.  And also noticed people like to help those that usually giving.  

4.  Even though this is number 4, this really is the most important.  Faith, the Savior, and the Church. Our testimonies became cement.   Now that I am out of it, and hearing others perceptions of us, I know that at times it seemed a dark cloud was heavy over us.  But there were so many miracles that I have no doubt God was aware of us, even if I couldn't feel or get reassurance sometimes that it would end.  Faith is true power.  To face the unknown with Faith is a choice and we clung to it.  

5.  Other things we did was tried to keep a schedule of Jason 'working' on finding a job.  I tried to keep the kids out of the house for half the day so he could concentrate and work.  It was a challenge having two hens in the henhouse for what ended up being an entire school year but we could feel that this was a unique time and to take advantage of it and let stuff roll off (sometimes we stunk at this)

6.  Home projects.  Part of this was out of necessity cause things were breaking that we couldn't afford to replace but part is this for.  Seriously I think everything broke.  Youtube was his best friend.  He traded services like fixing sprinklers for a month of piano lessons or fixing a garage door for car service.  A couple of Jason's siblings gave us Home Depot cards and Lowes and I know that was great for him.  

7.  Write your miracles down.  We kept a miracle list and it is seriously amazing.  So many amazing miracles and acts of service towards our family.  Reminding me that we were loved and cared for.  You are probably on my list, even you anonymous ones.  I plan on showing it to my children when they are older or when they are struggling in their own lives.  The Lord provides.  And it is usually through another person that He meets our needs.  

8.  Time.  It will take longer than you think.  Double the amount.  Triple it.  There is rarely a quick fix and don't worry because if it taking longer than that means there is something special you will be learning and worth the work. I learned things in the 8 months that I didn't in the 6th.  Time is sometimes our best teacher.  

9.  Quotes, inspiration, and fun.   I found that I needed a daily dose of 'good things' to balance the weight I sometimes feeling.  I would listen to at least one conference talk a day, read my scriptures and watch church videos on the lds.org website.  The missionaries came over alot and felt like they were the light coming in our house.  We went to the temple every week or every other week, trading off between us and then together sometimes too.  The temple helps.  Soak up as much good stuff as you can get.  Emily Watson talks about two sides to everything like coin.  We can see the good side or the bad side.  Tried really hard to see the good side.  Like the fact that Jason actually knew what was happening in our house or kids homework.   
            
10. Also I tried not to let the perception of how would that look to other people.  If we went somewhere fun I often times felt I had to tell people who saw it, 'we had a gift card for this' or tell the practical reason we able to do things.  Try not to do that.  Someone gave me that tip from experience.  Also makes me slower to judge others.  

11.  Food.  Now is the time to eat your humble pie and it tastes delicious.  Don't eat out unless it is free.  Buy what is in season.  Shop the cheapest places.  Costco, Trader Joes, Sprouts, Whole Foods, etc is probably not the answer unless it is basic items or you run in for one or two things.  I went to middle eastern and hispanic markets, Food 4 Less.  I went to cooking everyday and not buying any prepared or package meals...every once in a while I would spring for chicken nuggets.  This also meant we couldn't eat as healthy as I wanted to but in reality taking out chips and ice cream and other extras was healthy afterall.  I remember one time when my mom came to visit the kids remarked 'oh strawberries, its been so long since we have had strawberries.'  Also, we ate up most of our food storage and i realized how much our food storage was lacking (cough cough, oops).

I also used dry milk for all milk besides cereal and drinking. Started making dry beans in my crockpot (like homemade refried beans) and brushed up on my from scratch skills. 

If you are a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (and if you aren't I can send you a Book of Mormon for free), set up a meeting with your bishop and relief society president to discuss a plan and options.  We did that right away and that was a great source for us.  We also used and loved the bishops store house which I wrote about in another post (Canned Peaches).   

12.  Service.  Do as much service as you can.  Really helps to focus on other people and not yourself.  Jason and I said yes to everything we could.  There is a reason the Lord wants us to serve our brothers and sisters on the earth and it for them and also for us.   

13.  Family and Friends.  Be open.  We felt a closeness with our family.  We could feel there prayers for us to sustain us.  Jason's parents although in Argentina on their mission sent such sweet messages of times when they had gone through it to and I sure do love my mother in law and father in law for sharing those with us.  Out of bad things forced upon us, we are forced to change.   We know they fasted with us, and we fasted much.  We traded emails and texts and they shared their experiences and support and it helped.  The longer it went on and more interviews that had disappointing ends I knew they were rooting for us.  Both sides of our family cause we have awesome families.  Friends were dear to us too and I got choked up when I would hear they were fasting for us too.  Especially when they had trials in their own life.  I used to think people were dumb when they said they were grateful for the bad things in their life.  But now I understand more.  Because the most tender things can happen in those dark times and I never want to forget.

14.  Our kids.  Okay, so these are not ranked in order of importance.  But kids love ya no matter what.  Their smile can brighten a frown and really you have to keep it as normal as possible and thats good for everyone.  We did have to say no to things they were used to doing, like going to the movies, but if anything it made them appreciate more too.  It was neat to see us all praying about the same things and rallying around.  We still had lots of fun.  Just had free fun :)  Library, parks, movie nites.  for birthdays, instead of presents and parties they got to make a list of special privileges or requests.  The only rule is it had to be free.  Like staying up late watching a movie or  their favorite dinner or doing something every day that they love the week of their birthday.  This was a hit and a tradition we will keep.  



The last day of school, Jason was told he got the job.  My parents were in town and we saw the new Superman movie and it seemed like our own happy ending.  When I first heard that his job was contract work (ie: temp) I was discouraged.  I just wanted it finished and clean in a neat and tidy bow.  But life is not neat and tidy.  And the Lord's plan is greater than our plan and we just hold on and trust in Him.  

Jason is totally different person.  It was definitely harder on him than it was on me (can you read the understatement between the lines?) He said he had reached the end of his rope a few months before.  He is so happy now and things we would have complained about (like him being gone so much) we now are grateful for.  Apparently I had lots to learn. So be nice to your husband.  Try and limit contention.  Forgive yourself if you aren't perfect and be a team.  

In the first month or two I cried all the time.  Then I cried for all the goodness that came.  Then I stopped crying and got used to our new transition and just kinda swam in it.  It actually was an adjustment for me when Jason was working again, I loved the extra help around the house! 

The last part I will add, but know it is very special to me.   Is that when talking to my friend Alisa whose husband ended up getting Jason hired on at the temp position (and it literally took him taking him under his wing to do it).  She told me that when she thought about Jason and was talking about it with her husband that she had an impression that it was the prayers of our family and friends who had brought this about, that those prayers had brought his name to their thoughts about who needed it.  We still will always for them for their perception and kindness, we needed it and God knew that He could use them for His work in helping our family of seven.   

Modern Day Miracle: Brittney Smart

My friend Brittney Smart shared the following story on her personal blog. That same day I read a talk by President Thomas S. Monson entitled "Consider the Blessings". The two meshed so perfectly and were so inspiring I asked her if I could share her story again here. She very graciously said yes.

Modern Day Miracle

So, Paul gave me some diamond earrings a couple of Christmases ago. It was a totally unexpected and completely random romantic gesture on his part, and I've treasured them more than any piece of jewelry I've ever gotten. (Well, except for my engagement/wedding rings. Heh.)

Fast-forward to this morning as we were getting into the truck to head to church. Running a tiny bit behind schedule (what else is new on Sunday mornings?), I had Violet in my arms and was also wearing my over-the-diagonal-shoulder diaper bag. My pencil skirt and heeled boots, coupled with the icy driveway, made it so I couldn't climb into the truck safely with Vi unless I first took off the bag. So I quickly pulled the strap off over my head and climbed in.

Once I got in the truck, I saw the back of one of my beloved diamond earrings lying on the shoulder strap on the seat. My fingers shot to my ear, and lo and behold, there was no earring there anymore. When I had taken off the diaper bag, the shoulder strap must've scraped my ear just right so that the earring dropped...into the snow on our driveway.

I nearly bawled. No, seriously. My kids were alarmed. I didn't want them to see me cry over an earring, so I held myself in check, but I was very very upset.

Went to church, yada yada yada.

When we got home, Paul parked the truck on the curb so we could investigate the scene of the diaper-bag-removal (we could tell where I had taken it off to get in the truck because my snow footprints were still there). The kids were trying to help look for the earring, but to be honest, they were just tromping all around.

Carson kept saying, "Mom, I'm so sorry you lost your earring. It'll be hard to find, because the snow looks like it has millions of diamond earrings in it!" (It was a beautifully sunny day, and the snow was sparkling.) He was sweet, too, saying that he wanted to save up his money to buy me new diamond earrings instead of the take-out-a-loan Helm's Deep lego set that he's got his heart set on buying. Tender kid.

But also to be honest, I was pretty sure it wouldn't be found. I was mentally making plans to take my solitary earring into a jeweler and having them put it onto a necklace chain instead.

After everyone went inside a few minutes later, I stayed outside and said a little silent prayer that, even though it wasn't super important in the universe, that little earring meant a lot to me, and I'd love to find it.

I literally stood up and for some reason immediately reenacted taking off the shoulder strap of the diaper bag, visualizing where the earring would most likely have sailed off to. My eyes followed an invisible arc in the air and, when they hit the snow, I saw a teesny tiny indentation. As I was on my way inside anyway, I halfheartedly checked the spot.

There was the earring. A tiny diamond stud. Buried an inch into the snow in a large driveway. Absolutely an impossible find...except for, not.

I showed it to my little family the minute I got inside, and everyone - including Paul (and, who am I kidding, myself still) - was shocked. We had a tender little teaching moment about prayers and how they're answered and I offered a prayer of gratitude right then.

As if those diamond earrings didn't mean a lot to me already...they are absolutely priceless to me now. Super humbling and amazing experience. What a miracle!

"Again, my brothers and sisters, our Heavenly Father is aware of our needs and will help us as we call upon Him for assistance. I believe that no concern of ours is too small or insignificant. The Lord is in the details of our lives." ~President Monson

The Lord has Comforted His People

There were two pink lines on the pregnancy test, and I wasn't sure what to think about it! This would be my 4th pregnancy, but we only have one child, and the thought of losing another baby was pretty terrifying. It had been three months since we had started trying, but I was in denial about it, because I just didn't feel like I'd ever be ready for another scary pregnancy. When I saw the results, I couldn't be in denial anymore, and for the next week anxiety filled my heart, more than I have ever felt before in my life. I worried that we wouldn't get to hold this baby, that something would go wrong at any moment. I stressed out about lifting anything, and the day my son woke up with a fever really set me into a panic. What if I got a fever? You're not supposed to get your temps above 100, or the baby could die since they can't regulate their own body temperatures! Besides the concern for this baby, I also felt even more sad about losing our last baby. If there hadn't been a cord accident which caused her to pass away at 23 weeks, she would have only been 2 months old, and we certainly wouldn't be even thinking of a pregnancy right then. Becoming pregnant again wouldn't be such a scary thought either. 

I also remembered that being stressed was bad too, because high blood pressure can cause problems. I needed relief, since there were still another 8 or so months to go, and I couldn't spend every waking minute dealing with such high anxiety. Adding to those issues, my son also got hurt that week, and I worried that I couldn't keep him safe either! I worried about him getting an infection, and becoming really sick. I wanted to lock my family in our house for the next 20 years, as if I could really control everything, and keep us all safe from harm...
After about a week of this, I was driving home from grocery shopping one night, and started crying, again. I started praying, and told Heavenly Father that I didn't think I could do this again. As I continued to drive and pray (with my eyes open), I felt this wonderful, comforting feeling. I felt like I was being hugged, and that Heavenly Father was saying, "I'm right here." and, "I won't leave you comfortless." I felt a bit better, enough to dry my eyes and act like a normal parent when I got home. Then the next day, I was listening to my old institute teacher, Jack Christianson's CD called, "Be Not Troubled." and he spoke of a verse in Isaiah. This is what I wrote about it on my personal blog:


Isaiah 49:13
"Sing, O heavens; and be joyful, O earth; and break forth into singing, O mountains: for the Lord hath comforted his people, and will have mercy upon his afflicted."
Brother Christianson emphasized "HIS people." The Lord has comforted HIS people! we aren't just human beings wandering the earth, uncared for, and left alone. WE ARE HIS. He cares for us, and will comfort us. He will also have mercy on us when we feel afflicted.
I. love. that. I felt that I was comforted and that He had mercy on me. Not just everyone all together, but me personally.
I also found a great one as I was searching through Isaiah, chapter 40 verse 11 "He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather the lambs with his arm, and carry them in his bosom, and shall gently lead those that are with young."
I love the visualization in this scripture. He shall gather our babies (here and in heaven), and carry them in His bosom- watching over them and caring for them! I don't have to worry so much, because the Savior is here, caring for my children. My son would be OK, injury and all. My stillborn daughter is already in His bosom, being lovingly watched over, and this new little spirit is also in His hands. God cares for His creations, of which His children are His greatest, be it 4 weeks gestation, or 80 years!
I also appreciated the "gently leading those with young" part. He'll watch over our children, and be with us in our pregnancies. I have spent a lot of time wondering why pregnancy/childbirth has to be so hard, and wished that Heavenly Father had made it a bit easier to get babies here. This was a good reminder that God cares about his daughters, who are willing to give up physical/emotional comfort and peace of mind, to bring His spirit children here to Earth.

I really needed these experiences and reminders. I'm glad to know that we are in the Lord's hands, and that even if things don't always turn out like I want them to, I know that everything is being taken care of. I'd really rather that things go according to my plan at the moment, because I still don't know how this pregnancy will progress. All I know is that I've definitely felt more peace since that prayer and since finding those scriptures, and I hope it continues. I also know that at the end of this life, we will all be able to see things a bit more clearly, and maybe then we'll be able to understand the "why's" of our life. Until then, I know that as Sister Linda K. Burton quoted in the General Relief Society Meeting: “All that is unfair about life can be made right through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.”Thank goodness for that! 

Thank you dear friend for sharing your story with us. I think all of us at one time or another have had to deal with fear. Thank you for reminding us that Christ is there waiting to "gently lead us along". He indeed doth "comfort HIS people". 

Words of Wisdom from the Life of Nola Johnson

This past week I have been reading a personal history of my husband's paternal grandparents, Richard and Nola Johnson, recorded and transcribed by my sister-in-law. Grandma Johnson is a funny, lovely, lady that calls everyone "honey, sweetheart, dearie, doll-face and precious".  If you asked her I don't think Grandma would consider herself very spiritual, or wise, but in my opinion she is. I have shared a portion of her words with you in the hopes that you too will be inspired by this special woman I have the privilege of being related to.

"When I met Rich (a non-member), I just felt like "This is right, this is right, this is what you're supposed to do, you're supposed to marry him". I don't know if I ever got on my knees and prayed about it. I don't remember, because in those days, we weren't encouraged to get on our knees and pray about things. That's sad. Maybe it could have saved a lot of marriages, like my sisters. All three of them married badly. I know Mother must have been worried sick. She knew what her other three girls had done, marrying dummies. Anyway, I just knew Rich was a good boy, and it felt right. And that's the reason I married Rich, and I've never been sorry since.

Personally I have never been a goal oriented person. I don't know why. I should have been. My goals were to have children and live to raise them, and to raise them worthily. So that was the main thing. And then I wanted to get my dinky husband, I mean my sweetheart, in the temple, because, of course, I had been raised to believe I should marry in the temple.

So when Rich joined the Church in 1961, I was thrilled. We had been working on him for fifteen years. I did not receive my recommend, until I was sealed to Rich. Back then, I couldn't have gone before that. The baptism was exciting, even thought Grandma Johnson was sitting there hating every minute of it. She thought he was joining a cult.

..."We were sealed in the temple in 1967. Of course, the kids were there. it was exciting, being sealed to my husband, but having the kids come in, in their white clothes, was special. They looked so cute. They were still quite small. They were probably twelve and ten... So that was a special, special day. Being sealed as a family was something I had waited for for a long time. I never thought Rich would not join the Church, but I knew it would take a long time. I wanted him to join when he was ready, not when I was ready. It was the same way with the temple. I wanted him to want to go to the temple, not me. It felt like a long time, between the time he was baptized and the time we went to the temple, but it was not really that long.

  That was a marvelous day. I'll never forget it. And it was such a thrill to be sealed as a family. Coming home, the sun was shining. It was beautiful. That was because we had gone to be sealed. Of course, going to the temple was the greatest spiritual experience I've had, because I knew it was right.

 Whether we've lived worthy of that sealing will be proved in the next life, I suppose. It is amazing how you set up these goals for your children in this life, but how they're going to turn out, you have no idea, because the worst child in the world can turn out to be the best, and the best child can turn out to be the worst. That's about the size of it.

A spiritual experience she recounts occurred at her sister's funeral. She tells of it being freezing cold, and how the people who had come up from Arizona hadn't brought coats, and how everyone was bitter cold. She says; 

As I was sitting there, I looked at these people, and just for one instant, it looked like the pioneers, exactly like the pioneers. I could see these women with their shawls on, trying to stay warm, and something wrapped around their heads. And the men standing there, trying to keep them warm. It was inspiring. I don't know why I saw it. If we had never done work on my family who crossed the plains, I would have thought that was the reason, telling me to get busy, but we have. So I don't know why I had that experience. It was really inspiring, very interesting. It was exciting and so revealing to me. I still can see it, in my mind's eye.

Then I told the family about that. They said , "Yes, but we have a warm care we can climb into and turn the heater on. Then we'll go to a nice warm house. The pioneers didn't have that." They stood around and froze, at these gravesides, and sometimes they couldn't dig deep enough and were worried sick that the animals would get to the bodies. Then they'd walk, if they were pushing handcarts, never having some place they could go to get warm. Then I thought how blessed we were. All these conveniences we have. We don't realize it. I don't think we appreciate it. I try to, but I'm not sure I do. you can't, unless you've been through that, I don't think.

  I can't remember many other spiritual experiences off-hand. I suppose you have little ones here and there. I'm sure you do, off and on, if you listen to the still small voice. I have missed that, ignored that. Sometimes when I 'm cutting something up, I have the thought, "You better slow down." when I don't, I get cut. I have had those. I know it's because I wasn't listening.

The following is a portion of what this amazing lady (89 years old) wanted to share with her posterity:

First, be happy. You can be miserable if you want to, but that is not my idea of a good time. Plus, I know that by being unhappy, we serve the adversary, and I am not going to serve him. He is not the person I want to be close to, thank you. I want to be close to my Heavenly Father. He wants us to be happy, no matter what. If we do what we are supposed to do, live the gospel, and love others, we will be happy. The main thing is to be positive, not negative. You have to be positive. There are so  many things you can be negative about, if you are not careful. Read the newspaper if you want to be negative. But you have to be positive. You have to think beautiful things and enjoy the world. It's still a good world, and there are still a lot of choice people out there, not necessarily in the Church, just good people. We have to look for that. Enjoy the beauty that the Lord has given us. He has given us so much that we can be grateful for, and that is what we have to look at- beautiful flowers, beautiful trees, beautiful flowers. What would I do without my view of the mountains?

Make friends. They are very important to your life. I don't know what we would do without our friends. I am grateful for them. You have to be outgoing, People who move to a new ward, and then sit and wait for people to come to them, will not make friends. you have to get busy. When we moved we had two parties- one for the High Priests and one for the choir so we could get to know people. When we had new neighbors moving in, my friend and I had a party. We invited all the new people over, so they could meet each other, and us, so we have always encouraged friends. Mom Johnson used to get mad, because we were always busy with our friends. She used to say, "You can't have more than one friend." I think you can have a friendship with as many friends as you want to.

"I think you should show people you love them by paying attention to them, showing them that you love them, paying attention to them. 

"Stay close to the Church. Without the gospel, I can't imagine living in this world. It is such a mixed up, confused world. Your children are going to need the gospel to guide and direct their lives, and you're going to need it to guide and direct them. It is amazing what you can do. Kids want to date earlier than they should. You say "The Church says sixteen." It's just that simple. You just stay with those guidelines, and your children won't get as uptight about these things. I cannot imagine anything without the gospel, so I pray that the grandkids will stay close to the Church.

And then I pray my grandchildren will stay close to each other. I cannot imagine anything worse than not having family close by. Family is so important, and you have to be with family to enjoy them. Staying close to the Church and staying close to each other- those are the two main things in life."

The Hardest Thing: A Letter to a Friend

During one of her husband's business trip my friend became extremely worried and scared that he wouldn't return. She asked herself, "what would be the hardest thing to accept". The following is her answer to herself, shared in the form of a letter to a friend. I've been holding on to it, not feeling the time was right, until now.

Dear Friend,

I've been thinking so much about you and our conversations.With thoughts of my husband physically not coming home to me, I had thought,"what would be the hardest for me to accept?" The hardest thing to accept and "let go" would be what I perceived to be the dreams left unfulfilled...the desires of my heart NOT coming to pass, or at least not in the way I thought they would.
I've been learning (not just over the course of the summer, it's been my life) to trust God...at deeper and more profound levels. I used to feel like a failure because there were times in my life when I didn't "listen" completely to the Spirit or I felt I didn't live up to my potential. They were experiences for my profit and learning...I've sincerely tried to repent and be forgiven. I think the Adversary likes to use them to discourage me and try to make me miserable. Only prior to my first son's baptism did the Spirit gently teach me that I was learning...learning to trust God and the promptings of the Spirit, learning to trust in the Savior and His Atonement, learning that mistakes ARE part of our earthly experience of learning. God knows our weakness. He is in the details of our lives. He provides for our mistakes to be "rights," as we trust Him. He knows what we'll choose and do in certain situations and we have to trust Him...only He sees the eternal picture of US and only He can help us become and reach our eternal potential. I know I need to be reminded of this often when I lose eternal focus. I need to be gently reminded to be content with what I have been allotted.
We oft times think we're all so different...all of God's children... when really, we are very much alike. We all have desires of our hearts....what would be our heaven on earth. We call it pain and sorrow when we perceive the desires of our hearts unmet, not given in this life. These thoughts shed new light on not judging others. Yeah, we can see others "outside" circumstances and judge that they must receive all the desires of their hearts; yet, it's only God that knows the desires of His children's hearts and the experiences they need to Become like Him and Empower them for greater things than what this earth life has to offer. We need to be reminded often.."I believe in Christ; he stands supreme! From him I'll gain my fondest dream; and while I strive through grief and pain, His voice is heard: "Ye shall obtain." Some desires of the heart are granted during earth life and I recognize some are not, but God always surrounds us with His tender mercies...knowing the small and simple things that will help us continue on our journey if we have eyes to see His hand in our lives.You asked what I would do...I had been asking myself the same question...what would I do if my husband and I were to be separated by death for a time? After much contemplation, I realized I would continue forward on the same journey towards Zion. I would continue to do what's at the root of my motivation...help build the Kingdom of God (part of that I believe is working to be self reliant both spiritually and temporally so that I can help my brothers and sisters too!) We have to individually work out our salvation...enduring to the end...patiently waiting upon the Lord. Sadly we see even in temple marriages, that an individual will exercise agency and choose not to endure. Will the righteous individual be denied those beautiful blessings because of the bad choices of the other? No. We individually work with God for our salvation and ultimately our exaltation. Again, I have to be reminded constantly, what is in the realm of my control and what -the things out of my realm of control- I must trust to God and His timing.
I don't want to fear living or dying. I don't want to fear NOT feeling joy in the journey. Shortly after my mother's passing, I was going through family photos in an effort to organize...I thought I was well. My soul began again to mourn as the photos took me back to the season with my mother in mortality. I exclaimed inside with great sadness, "oh, I was happy then." I've since learned how important it is to look forward and be grateful for what was given, what we have rather than what we no longer have...look forward with faith. A thought came to me as I watched a magnificent sunset Wednesday night with a small plane flying over head. I love flying after lots of fun experiences. Perhaps our Father feels the same of us..."I don't want my children to Not fly because of the fear of falling. Flying is a wonderful experience. I don't want my children to NOT live because of the fear of dying. Living is a wonderful experience." It's part of the opposition in all things. I know there is joy along our journeys...I've learned that with my son - who had a rough entry/beginning few months and his love of life....feeling pain helps us understand and appreciate feeling joy. I still don't know exactly how I would actually handle the physical loss of my husband or one of my children...I try to hold onto one of my husband's memorized quotes,"There is no tragedy in death, only in sin."
With the tender mercy of my husband's return and all the thoughts I had had and what I was to learn, I felt I needed to renew my efforts to "live in thanksgiving daily," learn all I could learn from my husband and my children (and others) while I was granted the season. I don't want to have any regrets come a moment when my earth life may be changed dramatically...my planned dreams and hopes changed from what I thought would bring my greatest happiness. We all have missions to fulfill during our turn on earth. We'll always be learning what that "mission" is all about as we ask for the Lord's help. There's an abundant life to be lived as we follow the example of the Savior, trust in our Heavenly Father, and follow the promptings of the Holy Ghost.
Hold fast. Know our family prays for you. Continue with those right things that you feel motivated to pursue along with the essential things that you already do on a daily basis. I pray your experience will be more clear sooner than later, and that the things that the Lord sees are the right things for you, will come to pass.
Love,
Your friend