Z End

In the span of the last 24 hours, many events have conspired at this next chapter of my discourse. It was like an obvious message that someone had been trying to tell me all this while, whilst I bummed and fallowed in the time leading to now. It finally struck me to live larger than this rancid enigma of a blog of the last 4 years. Today, I saw God. No, not that omni-present one. Someone who I would say is God-like, righteous, and over-achieving. He has treaded the path of my next 4 years and shown the way ahead. And in fact, it does not require that I start from scratch. By some virtue of foresight and the same sort of conclusions,  I'm already running on most of the best practices he has adopted. Now, it's just time to bring things up to game. We have been dormant for way too long. The trick is always in the perspectives.

I have not slept in the last 24 hours. The excesses of a buffet, the disappointment of a no show, the high of a trip planning, the senseless conflict brought about by my brother (that kept me awake), cycling to the beach at the crack of dawn, and finally the discovery of this fore bearer. A series of unlikely events strung together on such a mundane day, but the message cannot be less clear.

One of the consequences is that this blog and its historical trajectory no longer provide the perspective that I require. Somehow the dots all connected up to this point. Here's to meeting at the same destination someday.

ID7

Blanche

No pictures.

I think that will be quite a recurring theme for a while as I reorganize this unproductive existence.

I have been telling some people about this idea of travelling by train across the continent for weeks. I realize that I have always been an observer. And a very bad one at that, because I hardly put down much of what I interpret in writing for the benefit of others (if anyone so cares).

Devil Is In The Details

Running late for poker night, still procrastinating. Wore my shirt inside out, changed in the lift without anyone noticing. Noticed people quarelling at the void deck, turned back to stare at them. Colored lights at the park nearby, haven't been there in ages to run. iPod on random, songs I haven't heard in eons. Mentioned chinaman a few times unapologetically in front of a friend from china. On my way back, saw the topless cobbler uncle riding across the junction.

Manic mode ceases.

Of Present 511

Over the month, I have been embarking on a series of self improvement initiatives that I promised myself I would. Learn driving, running to get in better shape, starting my own business and meeting more new people. But my time isn't as occupied as it should be. And I can't see how having or doing any of these things will make me a better person from my cynical viewpoint of the cosmos.

Coincidences don't happen as often as one would like. I met Gua yesterday stoning at the station after driving lesson. We hadn't met or talked in over 2 years I think. She needed a driving instructor, and coincidentally I showed up and gave her the contact for mine. Then we had lunch at this claypot place, talked about her psychology course and UK. Oh yes, neoteny and pre-determinism.

The universe has a funny way around certain things happening. Waiting to see more.

God Save Our Enterprise

Back to business once more.

Fool Me Once

My ego is tormenting me because someone beat me to an endeavor and I'm filled with anger and frustration because I have no idea how it was done.

HH

So strange that I didn't realize it wasn't real at first. I haven't been to Hanoi, but I dreamt that I was there at a certain cafe getting a tricycle ride from this disfigured girl, one eye was burnt or something. We reached this shopping centre and there were 3 different fat guys on 3 different stories, one was mugging, one was fortune telling, the last I can't remember. The next thing I know I'm at the airport, am already skipped immigration, onto a SIA plane waiting for it to taxi. I'm playing my iPhone games cos I'm bored.

Fog Wash

The pitter pat of rain drops on a late Monday evening, it's calming. The rain is one of my better companions, since it morphs and takes the shape of whatever I want it to be. No such thing as Monday blues anyway, since I don't work for anyone, more rather I work for myself on my own terms. Chiefly having the time to jog, learn driving, discover new food, be my own fat cat running my own business. A simple formula that has me fairly satisfied. However nothing much excites me these days, not new food nor meeting new people. Oh dear. Business is the only frontier that does the trick for me now.

Events of the day and months are now of a flitting blur. Meaning to say that there are none that stand out as an anchor point of meaningful experience. Yes, the word is mundane. Hence I'm afraid that I may reach certain milestones not knowing how I got there, which would be a terrible waste. That is partly my own undoing as well. I may have pursued too many objectives without taking my art to the next level. Thus the do-er becomes the observer. I resolve to document and be aware of my waypoints once more.

Alarack

And we shall be building empires without faces or people in them.

37

I realize that we have 37 friends in common. This is a number that will not meaningfully increase or vary. The other thing is that I have no desire or further intention of talking to you at all.

As Good As It Gets

I can barely recall the events of days leading up to today as I break my silence once again. I have spent a month absorbing more stories than I'll ever make sense of, starting new lessons, closing jobs, collecting dues, playing mind games, running and running. Very soon in a week's time, a big inflexion will arrive. We come together, say our happies, and walk away. Perhaps this is as good as it gets.

Waltzing Matilda

Every Day Is A Choice

While jogging across the field, I heard a woosh woosh sound. It was the sound of a kite cutting through the wind right above me. Just like as described in the Kite Runner. It has been a long while since anything amazed me in this simple way. Glad I came by here.

The Bagel Express

By the time morning comes, all the negative emotions associated with the previous day's incidents would have dissipated after a good night's sleep. Human emotion management 101 basically.

I remember a time past, when I could leisurely admire the serenity amidst the drops of the rain while looping that same catchy tune for months. This essence of subtle dissection has become a lost art in my life with the exception of tea appreciation. Conversely, it allows me shrug out the unpleasant incidents just as timely as they appear.

The spread between the human ability for care and consideration as opposed to hurt and mockery is just bewilderingly great. All in one day, ironically I have a great boss who treats me like a friend, and a former friend who makes sure we are at frenemy distance. I for one attempt to run my course in the middle ground. To return as much consideration as I'm given and likewise mockery on a nett ratio of myself to the world.

This ratio of giving and taking once troubled me quite a bit. On a Utopian hill-billy level, we should be troubled. But over time I learnt to see this as a great game of a balancing act. It is most hysterical and ironic that through each opposing party's effort to tilt the game in each own's favor (be it for good or bad), the balance is actually kept.

Let the dice roll on.

A Whiteout Solution

Somewhere along the way, the mind became mortal. As deep white endless stares back at us, we panic but can't run and hear no screams. Just those of awe and deep dissatisfaction for the state of being.