First Blood!

Yes, I am unable to hold off my excitement waiting for the download to finish... so what is this all about? Well, recently the long awaited beta account i've applied for over a year ago finally have been validated. Yeah, i am all hyped up on this upcoming game from mythic studio. anyhow >.<

without further ado~
WAR HERE I COME!! < after 28 hours of 9560MB download>

Good bye dream diary. R+I+P.

Yes, I decided to stop recording my dream/nightmares at the back of my all in one organizer. It appears that i am unable to find anything useful out of my dreams or nightmare. Infact, i haven't remember any dreams when i woke up since June. Well anyway, off with the dreams from now on.

A change of pace and settings would be good to keep life interesting.

A notion of happiness? or Sadness?

Sometimes I don't understand it when some people sacrifices so much for the sake of other person(s) happiness.
I don't understand. I never did.

Why sacrifices so much of others' sake?
I never knew.
I never found the reason.
I never try to look for it.
I never bother to search for the reason.

In the end, i concluded for myself that to be sad and happy is just one thin line away from each other. It goes with the saying that one man's happiness is another man's sadness.An individual itself can't run from such a thing. As happy as you are there'll be a small part of you that is sad. As sad as you are there'll also be a small part of you that is happy.
I don't know.
I don't understand.
I want to know. I am scared to know.
I want to know what i am for.
My purposes. My roles. My strenghts. My weaknesses. My choices.
I'm scared, scared of what future has for me. I question myself... Will I be able to change it?

What is my control orientation? Internal? External? I don't know. I switched between one another at the flick of my fingers that I don't know which of which i am at already.

I recall trying to recall my past memories. I recall being able to recall even way beyond 3 years old. But now, i can barely recall anything in my first 7 years. I felt my memories being eaten away by my dreams. Are they real? Are they just in my mind? I don't know. I don't understand.
The mask.
The perfect facade.
The best thing I have in my body.
Does anyone know? Can anyone see through it? Let alone break it?
No. Nobody. Noone knows. Nobody can tell how i writhed.

I loathed being alone, yet what i have done contradict it. I want to be alone. Yet I don't want to be lonely. Such selfishness. But i don't want to feel pain, mental or physical. I don't want to be pained by anything. Don't give me the "no pain no gain". That's nonsense. To gain by pain is already a sacrifice. I don't like to sacrifice any part of myself.

I don't know.
I felt lost.
I don't understand.
Someone save me.

Curiosity isn't the only thing that kills this cat, Boredom does too!

As bored cat said "I am dying soon"
Curious cat asked "WHY? Do not die yet! I am still too curious!!"
Bored cat replied "Because I am so dead bored today, most probably tomorrow, the day after tomorrow and the day after the day after tomorrow and on and on and on and on too. That is why."
So, Ms. Curious cat thought for long having heard the response that sparked her curiousity from Mr. Bored cat.
Ms. Curious cat thought that if Mr. Bored cat keep getting bored he will die and Ms Curious cat will lose her interesting subject of interest. Therefore, Ms. Curious cat tries to entertain Mr. Bored cat to be not bored anymore in order to move on to the next curious object. ALAS! Ms. Curious cat's efforts are in vain, in addition not only that Mr. Bored cat felt even more bored, Mr. Bored cat also became even more sleepy.
Few minutes later a dull thud was heard, along with it was Ms. Curious cat dashing towards Mr. Bored cat.
Seconds later, Ms. Curious cat walks away saying "It can't be helped, but he's such a curious object afterall"

To be continued

Dream Diary (Cont'd)

Anyhow, while pondering with what to write up next, i decided to put up a dream log instead. Surprisingly, you can dream while napping too!! Here is an experience of it or rather a description of the events pertaining to the nap dream!

03/01/08
Polonia International Airport. 10.56AM

Assuming a person would be taking a flight, there will always be a surge of anxiousness swirling, making some butterflies in your tummy. Afterall, "modern transportation does increase your risk of dying too!". Think about it, from the smallest vehichle(motorcycle), you have no protection on your rear!! Imagine if you got bumped from the sides!!! and "Somebody is gona get hurt real bad!! Somebody... I'm not telling! Maybe you know who he is *evil grins*"

But all in all, the fact that modern transportation does increase our effectiveness, performance, but also increases our risk of dying *sinister laughs*. Besides, you still have to deal with the anxiety preceeding the boarding etc. Like how i die =/ anyway, i should start depicting the "Maaf, penerbangan AK 937 telah didelay"

Yes, waiting for the announcer to announce "Passenger flight AK937, please board the aircraft" is quite nerve-breaking especially when you got there 2 full hours early, finished your novel, finished all your stashes of mangas and animes as well as exhausting your laptop's battery could be very annoying. . . Let me stress it very f***ing annoying . Waiting for the announce is such a relief like when you are holding a wee for 3 hours being stucked in a jam and there is no way you can just get off the car and wee anywhere down the road.

but the point now is, im so freaking bored waiting for boarding... Basically, so free to the extent that instead of pondering of what to do next or where to sit next, i am basically discerning to all of you what can be practically seen in this crappy waiting room... lol... did i say room? well rather than a room it's more fit to be called a hall with many chairs inside... Unlike KLIA or Changi Airport, the waiting room here is practically dull, and cramped with barely adequate lighting to support reading and writing. Sitting infront of me was a young mother holding her toddler son and next to her was her around 8 year old daughter, odd enough i start describing her features now! hahahaha! She had a very unique and distinguishable face features =3, thin lips, small nose, double eyelids, this girl has got korean look with her face shape! >.<>

Anyway, my flight which was supposed to be 10.45, has been postponed to 3pm -_-. Goodness, i was writing this post from earlier until 2.10.. that just showed how free i was back then hahaha.

Future reccomendation : Never buy a promo flight unless you're really that free to get your flight delayed... They tend to get pushed around for the scheduled daily flights >.>

P.S: Never buy promo flight, trust me. You don't want to get your flight rescheduled the day before flight and then get delayed again when you're waiting for it.

A little time for Mischief

Have you ever wonder how one possibly play an innocent prank? Innocent Prank?? Since when pranks are innocent!!!??? Anyhow, this is how evil i was ._.

Vile Villain
Vile Villain
You are one wicked villain. We can see it in the way you play malicious jokes on people and bask in their suffering. You thrive in chaos and calamity, and laugh in the face of virtue. You terrify us with your depravity, but your soul may not be entirely black. Something behind that foul exterior tells us that there may be hope for you yet.

Besides being a Vile Villain or VV, my personal favorite weapon is as follow ._.

Dagger

Your creativity and wit is absolutely perfect for a Dagger! It's lightweight and the easiest to use of all weapons - even a child can use this! Whether its stealthily stabbing someone behind their back, throwing it towards someone's heart or doing quick slashes - the Dagger does it perfectly. Sometimes being a quick thinker can be advantageous when wielding a Dagger.

LoL... someone pull me back into the light plz :p

Dream Log (Cont'd)

It's been few months since I updated this blog. However, not to worry i shall now update the dream log up and i shall not edit a word out of it. It might serve as a rememberance of my past experiences. Hence, here are few of the short logs

27/12/2007
Another dreamless night. Dream diffusal??
Change of sleep pattern is the cause?
Sleeping condition???

27/01/08
O dream... I wonder what happenned.
Nothing significant happenned as well other than my spending my days behind the screen everyday. My swan seems to have forgotten about me and our promises. Hence, it doesn't seem that i'd grew an attachment to my own home country unfortunately.

01/02/08

Weird enought I'm waking up feeling weird and very puzzled. Even weirder that i automatically write them up now. I wonder what caused that. . .
Hm... On word isn't enough to explain what i really felt when i woke up. It's more towards feeling very edgy and anxious but also a feeling of relief was there as i come to my sense

Anxious + Edgy + Weird + Puzzled + Relief along the way. I wonder what i dreamt of just before i woke up. I wish that humans could made something that will make me remember what i dreamed of.