End of Part 1

Back from part 1 of the trip to Malaysia!
trip with family was fun fun fun!

bus rides are long, but not so with playing cards at the spacious back of the bus!
visited places here and there, esp the Firefly Trip at Kota Tinggi!

okay, I can't type much as I really need the sleep alr...part 2 begins in the morning!
8 hours of sitting in the car looking at the road, listening to music...all the way to Sitiawan, 600+ km from S'pore...

this part 1 is really all about gaining weight....part 2 will be putting in effort to lose weight!

gonna wish everyone HNY 2011 when I get back on the 1st!
signing off for now.....and...I'm doing it, even with the haunting of unrealistic dreams...
mind has been getting dreamy when I'm stoning or even sleeping...thinking of scenarios that seem rather impossible given the situation, tsk and sigh
drains my concentration, but it also puts me into a state of temporary comfort..guess that makes the challenge here :/

can't think of this alr, I need to focus on other things too...even though there are some things unanswered...life is really interesting in its own various ways...

kk, gtg liao! cyas soon!

2011 alr? wow

ok, will be going to Malaysia from the 24th tmr to the 1st of Jan next year! please dun text or call me!

sooo....wishing everyone a very happy Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year 2011!
enjoy and spend precious time with ur families or with the Lord/Jesus at ur churches/chapels!
:)))))))))

still packing for the trip....time to unwind a bit and get out of the damn house! and also take a break from a lot of things too....my heart feels heavy, but I'm gonna change that and reshuffle my mind properly..

2011 will be a year of discipline for me, apart from going to NS la, also need to build up my endurance too, and on a lot of things....

yep yep, I gotta enjoy this trip wholeheartedly! new resolutions coming up, but thatt....wait till next year :D
and I miss S02 alr :(
hopefully there'll be a trip where we can enjoy ourselves!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year again! 2011 awaits!

grr....i want to type smth to rant out, but it seems that I can't, parents are making noise...

God forbid? hmm....

sian

been exercising and reading the Basic Theory book, and still awaiting a response from KUMON
if they still didn't reply, it's time ta call alr, if not I will remain restless for the rest of the 5 months zzz...
either that or maybe join AhPer in his job, or perhaps otherwise some other job...
it seems impossible to sit in front of the com for the whole day! I dunno how some ppl can, but seriously, there is not much lifestyle in staring at a monitor for >6 hours!
gotta get out there and venture around, I neeeeeed to move!

it feels that I am always treading on thin ice with a thickness of a finger, whenever I am talking to ya, unsure of what will happen when I have spoken
but actually, the outcomes so far are the same, or relatively all the time
sian: this word will always be on my mind everytime......don't ask why, because no one even bothers to figure out anyway....or even close to guessing it right, whatever the case is

hmm...was playing Fallout 3 when I came across this:

I am Alpha and Omega
the beginning and the end
I will give unto him that is athirst of the fountain of the water of life freely

Revelation 21:16

Cherish what I have, enjoy the moments, and ponder on how great it is that we are existing right now, how this world is created and built
that I think will make me more satisfied with life
although some things are beyond my control, hey, I guess that's how choices are created, these carve a path of no return, and adaption...is hard to accept sometimes...

enough 'emo-ing' or whatever you may call it, gotta continue even if the light at the end of the tunnel is dim or bright, if not I'm gonna be stuck in the same predicament, stagnant every time...despite this, some things will not change even if the journey seems impossible

what to do now...

prom's over...well, a really memorable one! managed to take pics with many peeps that I rmb, although not everyone zzz...

first time to have prom, and I guess it was pretty lively, partly thanks to the Muttons! never fail to make us laugh! should tune in to 987FM whenever I turn on the radio, from 4pm onwards

I'm really gonna miss my class.....sigh....yeah we've been through hell and made it together...and now another phase of our lives is about to begin...work, NS, etc...I'm gonna miss you guys...zzz

moral of the story: go out for gatherings whenever the opportunity arises! and when most are free I guess...chalet??? maybe ask manda

come to think of it, it's the 2nd week of the 5 months I have, and I'm quite bored. to. death. seriously.

"Idle hands are the devil's tools" -- so I need to find a job asap and not idle around looking at Fb pics or refreshing Twitter/Fb home pages!

well, on a lighter note, did managed to register at BBDC, get a driving licence, read up the highway code, guess I'm back to studying again...

better than nothing, guess I really need to fill up the huge void left behind by the rigorous JC study curriculum..there's really no pressure anymore, and I kinda miss that, or what every graduated JC student may face (not everyone of course)

maybe I can read up skill books of all sorts to gain more knowledge, cooking, simple repair, cleaning (gosh it sounds like the Sims, only but a 1000... times more complex :P)

maybe I can start to pick up the reading habit and read newspapers, catalogs, magazines, u name it

maybe I can start to prepare myself for the working life, get a bitter taste of the cold and cruel outside world of politics and gain more experience

maybe I should stop looking at Fb pics or new tweets, get a grip, move on, stop thinking so much and get on with it! advance further in life and keep a lookout for opportunities that God has planted in my everyday life and that I am so ignorant or preoccupied in my own world to even notice at all...yeah....I gotta be harsh on myself this time....I'm trapped in my own fantasy world...seems impossible to shun away from or suppress it....the mundane lifestyle of waking up at 9am plus plus, breakfast, playing, watching TV, lunch, playing, dinner, playing, playing, playing.....

I need to look at things from a broader perspective....at least that's what the Zodiac signs or whatever predictions u may call it....

well they are rather accurate, but on the other side, humans are just way way too complex to be categorised or properly defined...the different life experiences, bring-ups by your family, interactions, what we see, hear and perceive...yes, I've been reading up these Zodiac stuff (not on Fb please, I think those are just rather shallow, I look at the ones on Twitter, but you can say the same thing, stiLL! it's better than Fb!)

they tell u how the different ppl in their own respective Zodiac signs behave and all, and honestly, it's quite true, but don't fully believe it, as I've mentioned beforehand

I've tried to refer to what my impressions and observations are on the people I know, and wow...intriguing! many facts they mentioned do somehow perhaps match and some don't cause I don't really see it, cause it really shows the behaviours and mindsets of different people

gah, dun feel like giving examples here zzz...lazy to type and some may not be accurate (the word 'true' shouldn't be in here to describe)

go see for yourself if you have the time and have a Twitter account..some are reassuring, some can tell you how to perhaps deal with ppl of different Zodiac signs, and some can remind you on what not to do with different ppl

right....u can tell I'm bored and don't really type so much (this is probably the first few lol)

now....I gotta relax more until the start of 2011 lol, lazy spoilt brat u may say, but hey, exercising is a necessity so I'm working on not being a couch potato like last time in my younger years!

this period is about toughening up, sobering up, training up and many "ups" for my physical and mental ability...some things I have to let go, even though it takes time....I believe time is a double-edged sword, it can heal, but it can also hurt...the time passing by and not spending it with someone and not knowing each other's real intentions (spending here doesn't mean sitting next to each other, it can also mean just knowing each other's presence too you know)

I'm not gonna hide it already, not gonna put my words in white so people won't see my 'secret' words or communication

words spoken on a lifeless machine here are also ineffective in saying the correct message, so I'm not going to 'spill out' my feelings and cause another misunderstanding again here

I don't have much to say here, because it's not gonna help or change much, especially someone's mindset or thinking, it's his/her own individual thoughts

I just want to know you more, that's all, talk to you whenever an anticipated opportunity arises

this may sound rather cheesy or awkward, but, it would be enjoyable to talk

right, I guess it's time to get off liao...another day, another 24 hours of our lives spent..ok I don't know what to type alr, hence the abrupt ending!...tmr awaits, and I wonder how should I spend my time now...gotta plan...

cyas!

over and out

As finally over, studies finally over, 12 years of compulsory education are over!


what's next? the future awaits...
5 months of free time === can be quite sian, no pressure of studies anymore at this point of time
awaiting NS...can go out, play, etc, in the meantime...

so many events happened: Ah Hong's B'Day celebration, HP movie, Steamboat at Mr Lim, Movie Marathon...wow


prepare for prom...ok this is the first time since I had no Sec Sch prom..hope it will be fun, and obviously eye-catching ha


Job seeking: manage to find one particular place: Kumon
potential job for a tutor, since I was there last time, quite long back...have to take a look and not spend the 5 months exercising and playing, and perhaps going out...
sometimes, things are really really confusing, to the extent that one can't figure out what one's true feelings
oh well, I just hope whatever I've hoped for will somehow come true...whatever outcome it is, to put it simply, it shows that things won't really work out or not...and that I did not handle it well...
well, life is never that simple, no quickloads or quicksaves like in games, no shortcuts


okay....time to relax again and await tmr! see you guys at prom!

intricate state....

7 papers down, 4 to go...

played yesterday and today zzz....need to go back to studies alr....can't wait for CSE to be over!!..argh....

As are not over!...but I've been pondering over this since this morning..

What am I going to do after As? that is excluding training and probably work....

i really, really, really don't know......mind is totally perplexed....question marks here and there...???

maybe it's cause i slept for almost 11 hours zzz...10:30 to 9 plus in the morning...lagi best lol

i really got to plan ahead and choose my decisions, or else it's gonna be 5 miserable and confusing months of waiting to take the ferry....
guess im too bored liao....

gotta make use of my time wisely already....damn those new games are dissttrraaccttiinngg...
New Vegas, Black Ops, AC: Brotherhood

3 new games that are rather distracting, and those earworms from the music in the first 2 games are well...irritating, especially during the exam!
lololol....something I am still unable to overcome...

right...i guess it's about time to sleep and wake up early to revise chem...no more stupid surprises like in paper 2 and 3, need to prepare for the worst, since there're quite a number of topics that are not tested yet....

why am I still getting episodes of thoughts again? even with the heavy suppression, they still come back...sigh..guess I cannot be too bored, or my mind will wander to that again...

Temporary Shutdown

Will not be touching this space from November onwards, till the end of A levels or after the first week of terror....Chem, GP, Bio Maths.....

Tmr begins the week of hardcore planned revision....preparation is still slow, but I'm glad that improvements are gradually seen in my maths alr...need to focus a bit more for the other 4 subs....esp Chem...can't say that I have a good feeling that this year's paper will be easy....maybe I'm paranoid...well....this is for a good reason lol......

cutting down on Fb too....10mins per login or less...it's for the better....

time to gear up, prepare and to 'kill' the papers, so that the annoying overwhelming feeling of 'wah, this is difficult' can be thwarted.....

jiayous S02! and to those taking A levels!

the future is ours to mould and shape....let's make things right this time and do what we can!

until then, after As...will other things be settled....dun get distracted alr!

cyas!

Break day...

took a break from the spree of staying in school.....played for about the whole day!....sinful ttm lol....

consolidation of work is not much actually, just that I hope that my worries for the A level papers won't really be out!....
yeah, even though it's a so-called rest day, again..thought a lot about where we are now, at this juncture...
losing focus over these few days......I'm starting to lose my original mental focus alr....and well, all i can say to myself is this:
Stop trying to figure out already, and face it. I can't do anything about it at this point of time, since it's obvious that any attempt will not make things easy, especially for your easily-distracted and wondering mind. I can only sit there and only wonder whether I am of any help at all; the rest is up to the other party. That's their own lives they're running, so stop poking further at it and analysing. I can only go with the flow and must stop anticipating every minute detail or action shown, let things be as it should be. Whether I am talked to or not, or whether how much effort I have put in in trying to communicate, is the result of my rather foolish actions you did last time, and I can't really do much about it. There's no quicksave or quickload like in a game, this is life; what's done's done, and one of the things I have to do is to adapt.
It seems like I'm lying to myself, talking about facing it, and in the end, I did nothing but make things worse. I need to re-develop my discipline again, and only hope for the best....that things are fine on the other side....
I feel like I'm a lost soul, searching and seeking for something that may be there or not.........


well....that's part of what I feel now, getting part of this huge load off my chest....and I may have to cast this aside first and think of that bungling obstacle we call As...
I just hope that at the end of the long tunnel, things will be better than I thought, and also that it is mutual on both sides.....






all right........let's get back already...I've got a lot to catch up from this long break, gotta prepare and ready up. Jiayous! :)

21 days...

about 21 days from now to the first A level paper for my class, other Chem peeps and me... (those taking Sciences)

this time period will soon zoom past very quickly, and we are here studying...mugging......
well, farewell assembly has already finished about a few days back! I'm honestly going to miss my class :(
even though there's some friction here and there, overall, this class is a hell load of fun and laughter!!! that's something to be really proud of here! S02 ROCKSSSSSS!!!!!
Pictures taken, memories recalled, trip down memory lane...i can alr imagine what we are after As...! the future is ours to embrace, after As!


now.....it's just maths, maths maths, and other subjects. Mostly maths, cause I don't want a stupid borderline pass or fail that I've gotten for the past 2 years...that's really damn sian....
other subjects....GP especially, need to relook and revamp my stuff...seeing how hard Ah Per is studying for maths makes me ponder over this wild card-like subject....
CSE is still ok....but I'm worried about the themes 1 and 2, got this feeling that these will be in essay qns, or worse, cross-thematic types.....the horror for CSE students, both H1 and H2...
Bio, an unsure subject....cause content needs to be relooked at and memorised consistently...if not then it's a no-go alr.....
Chem, my strongest, but!...looking and doing the other JCs' Prelim papers, makes me all jittery, that either this year's paper will be hard, mostly concept-based qns, or the other students in these JCs are so strong and prepared in their chem, that they can score well in the As, and in the end, it's us who lose out....can imagine the competition here...zzz...
u gotta admit, pj's paper is much simpler and more straightforward as compared to theirs....so whoever said that chem will be easy, u need to reconsider...well, that's what I feel...


I guess that the gradual effort we put in is really interrupted by the anxiety and the thought that we are not fully prepared...well, for me, I'm not gonna let it repeat again like O levels, this is alr the crossroads of my life and I should've woken up and start placing more effort for my future...we all have to....
encouragement..positive thinking...ppl we can talk to to lower our worries...these are all needed here....it's hard to just venture out there alone, facing this obstacle....
this is where family and friends come in....they may not always be there, but their presence, advice and concern, are really needed...

well, I guess it's about time to turn in and face the mock exam tmr, see how the effort I put in can be expressed through doing the questions correctly...


I'm here if you really need me or my help, someone to talk to alone or to help when needed. If you really do, I'll do what I can to help within my capability. That is, if your decision falls under this.

???

Compromise..compromise..compromise...understand..understand..understand..careful...careful..careful..

some of the words that have been circulating around my mind since this evening....

I do what I can, but we all have our limitations
so about these, we need to understand..
we're not flawless
we cannot always be there all the time whenever and wherever
we still lead our own lives
it's not an issue of incompetence/whatever kind that is degrading
because the effort we put in should send a clear message that is enough to be understood
if not, then that will really make life even more complicated than it is

hence the 3 words as mentioned above
this is not forcing something down the throat or forcing a belief/thinking/whatever it may be..this is mutual understanding
this is how it all began and how it will lead

move on

fight on....fight on...
that's what's been going on through my mind...just about 2 months...and it will end...and also another thing arises, solving that stagnant thing that's been there over a long time...

It's hard, I'm doing what I can to stop...it's not a damn excuse here, it's going against what you felt...

but

it makes you stronger, tougher and somehow in a rather negative way to put it, more stone-hearted...
if ppl can do it, why not I?

Few questions have popped up in my head
not gonna say here, not until after everything is over, to say the least

Doing nothing doesn't mean I don't care/dislike/hate you, it feels that it's the only way to prevent misunderstandings and affecting each other, especially with that huge As in front of us, it's not going to work out...
why? seems that doing something always ends up as something bad, and it's back to square one (or zero), that's why

that's all I want to talk about...others are worth bringing up, but now's not the time...you do well, I do well, we do well, that's fine..sacrifices must be made, no matter how bad the repercussions may be to me, cause this is our own future we are carving here, and affecting someone else's is just wrong, definitely wrong...

ok, let's do this

mock exams this week, do what I can do to the best within my ability

sunburn!

just came back from class outing! tired ttm man...

Sentosa in the morning, Vivo in the afternoon and Serangoon in the evening at a restaurant!
>12 hours away from home, probably the longest ever!


Got quite a sunburn in the morning from the scorching sun, playing handball and captain's ball...as well as the fun time in the sea! (won't forget the salty taste of seawater)
Rained at about 2 plus in the afternoon, you can imagine the strong sea breeze blowing in and sending some annoying sand particles flying towards your face....
Lunch at Vivo and then did window shopping...zzz, sure wish I had more moolah in my possession, guys' clothing are way expensive.....

decided to go to Chomp Chomp after a last-minute decision...waited for the bus 317 to arrive and in the end!...."closed due to pest control and spring cleaning"...immediate turn-off......
instead we went to the nearby restaurant that sells chicken rice and woo!...thoroughly enjoyed the spicy food (dun care whether lips are swollen or not, cause I like it!....)
had a lot of laughs too!...wow, wish I can spend more time outside with the class....lotsa things to talk about..

talked until about 9pm and had a lift from Belle's mom to Commonwealth...thanks again Belle! and your mom! (Ah Per, HJ and me)
also met Xiu Hui on the way back...coincidental....

well, starting to feel tired....gonna surf a bit more of the net and hit the sack zzz...
good times really pass too fast...gonna be back in the race on Wednesday....getting back results...wonder how we all fared this time....

woot! didn't really blog for some time!
honestly, i dunno what else to write other than talking about exams and stuff, or about the stress we students are getting....

so far the papers are......ok...
CSE, Bio Paper 2 & 3, Chem Paper 3
and Chem Paper 2's tmr...so haveta prepare, esp the planning qn

seems that I can't seem to finish both bio papers...some questions not fully answered....
cse hopefully can pass...at least I didn't choose the WRONG qn now ha!
Chem was ok, manageable...but left small parts not answered properly....
well, those are over...

Maths was a killer....even with the practice I had the day earlier didn't really help much...lost >50 marks, 35 a sure-goner....wow....owned!

but not just yet..there's still paper 2 on wed, and I'm not going down without some hard practice on those stats qns, even though the TYS qns are somewhat scary (P&C for example!)
plan to do maths after that, hopefully amanda can stay back too! also consulting mdm song with her, so better pia some stats qns to ask her :/

and of course, not forgetting, my sleepless nights last week!
had that ridiculously long-lasting blocked nose, and guess what, Wednesday morning: woke up at 2am, can't sleep afterwards.....win
now it's okay alr, guess that nasal spray works well..and hopefully, I can enjoy sleeping instead of dreading it like last week..cause it seems that the sinus gets inflamed for no good reason and pop!

right...that's probably what happened last week...and now back to work..jiayous! needa motivate myself again to not let my train of thought get disrupted...gaining more control alr...! smth I didn't have last time..

and to end this....what happened recently and how I acted was just....wrong...feels wrong...it's like back in sec sch again....talking about the same thing time and again...

not

this

time

I'm not gonna do what I've been doing recently, I gotta stop myself from doing this shit...cause that's not me at all...

right...back! adios and good luck!

18

want to thank everyone for the birthday wishes! :)

esp S02 and my family! for the presents, songs and everything!

this week is a really memorable week for me, from feeding Hong and Ah Per the chocolate and cherry with my mouth, to taking pics with my cousin who just graduated, and to getting punctured by needles during acupuncture....wow...this is a really memorable 18th birthday celebration! no doubt about that!

about the acupuncture...

asked the doc about my left ring finger, on whether acupuncture will help....shock of my life!

had my left arm, abdomen, shins and legs poked!

i tried to take a pic with my mobile, reaching for it which was in my left pocket, then my shirt that was originally pulled up, dropped back down to the needles.......ow....

it covered my abdomen and the shirt had touched the needles, imagine the prickly feeling and ant bite pain (6 needles)....zzz...hell of an experience lol...

want a second time???.........well........will consider that.....

failed to take a pic anyway, and after that, my right shin had a little bleeding from the needle...feeling a little painful, but it's okay now....

went back to school today to get GP essay, but in the end, studied all the way with Per till 4pm then left....(Liang actually came with Per in the morning, then left with An Na when we couldn't get the essays)

nothing to say........dozed off a little while reading lol...hard to concentrate with the hot envt out there....

swam for a while and here I am...

anyway, once again, thank you everyone for the wishes!

back to studying later...GP ah GP...

Rather put off by the Cs thing alr...need to put away distractions...no matter how close they are...and how much you prefer someone over the rest....I'm sure we're all aiming for good results in Prelims and As...

I can't do anything but just.....do..nothing...but just try to figure out what you're thinking....honestly I'm too simple a guy to comprehend but...all I'm saying is that it somehow feels different...and at the same time, it still feels the same...

Time's a commodity

84 days left, exactly 12 weeks....starting from next monday....makes us wonder how time passes so fast...and how long i haven't blogged yet

been having less than 6 hours of sleep for the past two days...and that killed my concentration zzz...hard to think properly due to fatigue....

thought of smth that i dreamt for the past few days, having similar encounters (lucid dream perhaps?)...and that smth really makes me wonder....is that going to be true? is it going to even happen at all? cause right now, it's practically still the same, and I find that encounter hard to believe at all...not gonna happen so soon I guess, but somehow...I hope it will...because having similar dreams means some thing has changed, and weird enough, left eyebrow keeps twitching from out of the blue when I do my work...what does that all mean anyway....zzz...
aiiee...whatever man....that work pile is still increasing and I still feel guilty that I haven't really touched mathsssss.....hong and jas kept pestering me to do do do....I kept doing chem or bio instead...*wail* can't run away from it....lol

what he said really was relevant to me....im starting to get worried about GP alr...probably even for CSE...all that imbibing, recalling, writing, wow...shows that I'm not really studying much, and GP is that damn subject that will drop if u dun have that mood and energy, since doing a damn essay or a compre with a gong-gong mind is gonna break u down

always tell myself that i must work hard...must do this and that, even my bro, and even the guys, tell me to not think so much
i always tell myself not to be complacent, hence the negative remarks i tell myself..but that has really caused my mind to wander all around about my future and results...wowz...haywire...

gotta look at the present and do smth about it, work work work, with a little play inside too lol
bro got new games again.....wah, more distractions to handle at home alr....and there are also new games that i want and they arrive in Nov wth!!!

Obviously, He's really putting me to the test, trying to see how I handle work, distractions, communication with ppl, handling relationships with ppl...the lot to worry about....

as i break away from games gradually and study and revise, I gotta learn to prioritise and strategise properly, or else all that revision will be up to naught...also seek out that motivation to strive....cause doing this without something to spur u on, can make u a dead person and at a dead's end

ok, im feeling dead alr....sleep bah, tmr pway a bit of games, then do those revision papers...and I WILL do MATHS!!! (Ah Per, I hope u're reading this!!)

Mind in a whirl...

lousy long week we all had....faced fridays twice a week and it...well, nearly wiped us all out, tired and shagged.....

night study is like practically having biscuits and milo...yucks...getting sick of biscuits alr....hopefully got bee hoon next week man....always feeling hungry after a few hours, like right now zzz.....

sigh, mind is all filled up with thoughts here and there....how long can I keep up this endurance???
seriously thinking that I'm thinking too much....people's comments, remarks...omg....why am I feeling so pissed just after a short remark?!
temper has been of a very short fuse lately....guess that's stress, hard to manage and control...esp to keep the stupid peace around me, not blowing up in the process, can I just tahan and tahan and tahan for the rest of my life at this rate!?
somehow i thought that i should just shut the hell up and not say a bloody word next time isn't it? that way i dun have to face comments that can trigger that short fuse so easily, life will be SO much better if I keep mum and nod my head involuntarily whenever the teacher is teaching....sensitive I am, but sometimes I just feel like saying this:

THINK before you even speak in the first place, even if it pisses you off or whatever you feel

that way we can all avoid these kind of unnecessary thinking and misunderstandings

you can say that I need to change here, of course, but that takes time, I can't change myself instantly or quickly like a chameleon changing its skin colour to suit other ppl
I'm gonna be like someone adapting to other ppl's needs and desires so quickly that I don't know who I really am
nowadays, I dunno why, but I just feel like blowing up to let ppl know my firm stance on some things...fine, 'don't make your problem my problem' or 'not my problem' , some would say, but that says a lot of things (go figure), because that is really insulting, especially to me, it's like as if I'm just an idiot trying to talk aimlessly, wtf do you want?!

Watch what you say around people, it may be your individual right cause it's your damn mouth, but not everyone can be all nice and take your words lightly and not to heart, we just don't show it in your face, we don't want things to turn ugly, in which at that moment, life just sucks


I'm only pissed off at ppl's actions or words here, not the people themselves (let me make my stand here clear, so it will avoid any unseen potential misunderstandings)
I don't want to dislike people over a few small comments, that's not fair to them at all

what I'm told to do, I'll tell myself two words: 'Heck care' (a nicer way to put it) and move on damn it!!!!!


need to clear my messed up mind about these redundant thoughts as this will really put myself in a negative light, being distracted and affected such that it will affect my concentration....
looking back at what I wrote, it seems that I'm getting more scary, cause I don't show my negative feelings that explicitly, I just take it in, and when I'm elsewhere, that's when the 'dark' side of me shows, like here....
there's seriously no other way to release my anger, playing games to release stress won't work here, they're virtual and it only satisfies you just so much, as losing yourself in the game is as good as losing your mind and sense of differentiating reality and the virtual world (schizophrenic much?)
esp since the As are less than a 100 days away, and with more work to do, games are not really of muchhelp and has become more time-consuming...but that doesn't mean that it's all work, no play...work-life balance

I've still got a lot to say, but that's enough for now already. I'll take those words in and not to heart, I'll do what I can to do that, because it's really hard for me to just forget like that, that's just me, respect that and things will be fine, no problem, comprendo?


ok, it's really late now, gonna have to go back to school for the Nanyang Concept Test, and also see some potential Uni courses that are of interest...bye....

Wow, have been staring at the post entry screen for hours....dunno wat to type lol...


been doing hw during night study for the whole week and at home...the beginning seems really tiring at this point of time...everytime i reach home, i feel too tired to do any work....zzz....luckily that's only on weekdays....

the school library cubicles are simply one of the best spots to do work! just that u need to go there early if u want to do with ur classmates lol...
friday seems to be the best day to do work at night, as there're not many ppl there (that was only for last friday from what i see, so....Disclaimer here!)

rrr...have to memorise stuff for Tuesday's Bio lecture...6 chapters to go, and that Biomolecules chapter has too many structures and functions to rmb!...zzz....

ok.....minor quick update! back to work...

119 days and counting...

mid-year exams are over not long ago, and we already got back some of our results....

and with the alumni talks on last Thursday...inspiring..motivating...it had set me thinking these few days on a lot of things....future....goals....results....these three things have been circulating around my mind...and it made me realise smth...

it's how we test ourselves that we can see our true abilities blossom and unleash...step-by-step as we pluck up our determination to strive on, that's how we can achieve

that determination is challenging to obtain, and especially to sustain it....it seems that the drive to do well needs to be constantly 'fuelled' in a sense, and that is hard for me to attain that level...

i have so many motivations around me...and i dun even have the ability to hang on and work hard consistently....my parents never made it to university (no A levels), my bro has good A Level results (A for GP, Chem, H2 German; B for H1 Physics and PW; C for H2 Maths --- He never was good at maths, that's what he told me), my cousin's results wasn't able to allow him to enter any of the 3 local Us.....

they're all around me, and somehow I'm unable to feel such sources of motivation....

what I've heard from school and family, telling that it's not too late, 119 days and counting down...less than 4 months to pick myself up...i need to grab hold of whatever time I have to do the best I can, and so can everyone else...sustain those grades that are good, and pull those that need to have be improved on...and also to knock some sense into my blur-blur mind to not repeat the same grave mistake again, or else, it's the end, and I've wasted my time and effort to be even in a rigourous JC curriculum....

it's time to wake up and open our eyes to reality; stop lying to yourself as it will not bring much good in the long-run like we take it for granted; face it and do it

well well well...

well, never blogged for quite some time...have been revising since after the ACID camp...

ACID camp was a blast and smth to really enjoy, helping these challenged ppl to cheer them up, work past their disabilities and have fun!

Shanghai Trip was smth to rmb too, ridculously long time of queuing, walking with bags in front for hours....having back pain after that...lol, had a great time with everyone there!

What I got back from these 2 trips: A bad back, a swollen thigh joint that still hurts till today

even hurts when I bow, sit or stretch...gotta start doing those flexibility exercises my dad does since he hurt his back...

photos of the trip will be on Fb, got 1113 pics (including several videos)

and today...did a really grave mistake for the first time ever....stupid blur me....how could I misread the bloody instructions?!

.................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

nothing to say, but I'll make sure I learn hard from this lesson, and not do that in A levels, I promise myself that, no doubt about it...

if i can even pass with an E, well...that's good

this had started my drive to work again, seems that so far failure is the drive for me to work hard...gotta be smth else to spark up my focus....

gotta get Bs or As for the 3 H2, or at least a C, that's what I told myself...

seems challenging, but no pain, no gain

this is a test for myself, and it's gonna start tomorrow, the beginning.....

Haven't been blogging for some time alr....must say that a lot of things happened between this time period...College Day, GP MYE, Mr Lim's Wedding on the 29th, being super late for CSE lecture yesterday, Bio and maths lecture today.....yeah....lots...of...events....

sigh...

i dunno how im feeling right now....mind feels like there're a thousand thoughts wandering about in my head...

what happened yesterday at home....forget it...fuck man....seriously, i know i can't seem to find a lot of stuff at home, but can u don't make it seem like i'm blaming you? i may have STM a lot of times, but this time, i find what u said is really unnecessary!

i noe i may have no right to shout or even raise my voice a little, but it seems that i can't even do that, not even once

even just attempting to do that, and u get all angry and all that...seriously i feel fucked up...

I apologise for this, u guys are the greatest parents to me, but sometimes being unable to voice up is really wth; even the slightest raise will cause a spark...and well, im living with that since im born, and I can't do anything

can't help it, but just want to vent my frustrations here, no one is to blame except myself

i gotta live with this for the rest of my life, seems like it, maybe i should see a counsellor? considering, but not now...

also thinking about smth else for the past few days....just want to say this:

Whatever you do, that's your choice. I can't do much except to ask, the rest is all up to you. I just do what I can to help.

But can you simply reply promptly next time? Or just notify that you need time to think about it, cause you may be having difficulty answering at that very moment? That's all

If not, I'm always going to keep guessing whether it's you, and in the end, it's mostly someone else asking me smth

ok, feeling much better now...gotta pack finish for Shanghai, seems that the temperature is extreme, according to Mr W Chan...

see you guys in a few weeks or sooner, hopefully i can buy back some goodies...

College Day officially starts tmr! and...for us, have to report at 11:30am! wah......so early to begin with, not sure about the rest but I think they probably have to report at this time as well, one last rehearsal I think.....

whole week was pure fatigue.....today supposed to hand in the GP summary and I wrote a page for Passage 1...but little for Passage 2...oh shit...didn't refer examples and to passage....gonna die when Mr Siraj returns the paper!....owned......

today's rehearsal was much better than on Wednesday...the latter was total chaos zzz......everything's almost gone haywire....ahhh, forget it.....

whole AV got a stern reminder (equivalent to scolding, but euphemism here) today during morning assembly in front of the whole school...can't say anything....but we all shared the blame here....sigh...learning experience as they said....

ok, gonna play a while then sleep for college day....weekend is packed with tmr's College Day and this Sunday's pre-ACID camp....wah...got chem TYS and Maths tutorial to go thru on Monday....owned....maybe more to come, but teachers, please hold ur homework handouts for this week!!! got GP exam on thursday and I haven't really prepared yet.... :(

okay...cyas...!

I'll adhere to that, for friendship...it just seems so fragile now...

in check...

zzz...tired from whole week....legs are feeling sore.....

had College Day Rehearsal just now....hectic but with loads o laughs too with juniors!

SPA on Thursday was relatively okay, didn't screw up, hope that 15% won't be totally gone.....

zzz...yawning as I type this post, gotta make this quick and sleep to recuperate....

The rigour of J2 life is starting to hit everyone, and we can't help but worry gradually everytime about the fast-approaching As...this week is somewhat less stressful, unlike a few weeks earlier when we were spammed ttm with homework...but that GP MYE is starting to make me panic a little....
ok..aside from work...mind is bogged up with countless thoughts here....seems hard to thwart them, but I'm starting to gain some control already....can my mind ever stop imagining and having ear-worms everytime?!

also, hearing from GP: 'Humans have insatible desires and wants', so recently told myself: I really should be content with what the situation is now, it's better than in the past already.

Even though sometimes things may seem awry, just be happy with what you have and stop thinking of more...give it up and face it. People lead their own lives, and you can't blatantly and instantly judge/perceive that as something against you; it's not right at all and obviously, it's really jumping to conclusions.
the mind seems to keep replaying and thinking again and again without fail...still fighting that, I can win and thwart it, for the greater good and for a clearer and disciplined mind...

I need a religion, seriously. Easy to just say it out like that, but from what I understand for a long time, I hope that it can be something to calm my mind and confide in a god that will help to lead me and advise me in the right way. That will help me be a better person. Obviously, no god is a gumball machine; you can't just get something all the time with a snap of a finger, that's not correct.
Exposed to several religions from at home and around my environment, even my parents say it's entirely up to my choice to confide in one. One thing is that my parents have each of their own religion, and they're together, hahas....(random.....)


right....i think that's enough already....gotta sleep and pia for the weekend....gambatte!

zzz...haven't been posting for about 2 weeks already....homework to be cleared every weekend...

this month's going to be really busy for my CCA...College Day, SC Investiture rehearsals, and now the recent Masquerade concert...stayed up to 9pm!..zzz....

also got word that some of us needa go to UCC in person to see to the equipment and all that!....

one huge problem I find worrying is the A Level Chem Prac on Thursday, and the event will have rehearsals on Tuesday and Wednesday evening to night!...

so have to pia my hw this weekend...and of course, for sure will have to go out again with family...oh well....bo pian...sian....

had NAPFA as well...just need to get 230cm (which is so far from what I've achieved) and I can clinch that Gold...been doing leg raises in the gym and jumping to train up...which really starts to make my joints ache....like how I trained for pull-ups since last year till now, I hope doing SBJ will be about the same too, except that it's much less than a year to train...

also went to Sakura with PW group and with Liang and Belle, and after that went to Istana to support Chris too...nice place to be and also saw Mr President and his wife! first time in person!

zzz...off to pia hw already...dun want any more piling alr...and also prepare for Chem SPA...ciaos....

long week...little sleep...homework overload!....

gotta sleep alr and wake up early to do homework!...

just gonna list them out: ( * represents top priority, this is to remind myself)

1) GP essay*
2) Filling up GP Notebook*
3) 2 CSE Essays* + 1 (optional, but gotta do it somehow)
4) Chem TYS on TE and Group VII*
5) Chem Ionic Equilibria Tutorial* (Why? cause probably going thru on Monday)
5) Bio Apps 2C Tutorial + Summary
6) Maths Weekend Assignment on Apps of Integration*
7) Maths Complex No. Tutorial*

That's about all, and I gotta do it within the next 2 days, and have PTM tmr and Lunch with family on Sunday!
Need the time management here!...

was engrossed with this ST article on the forum:
http://www.straitstimes.com/STForum/Story/STIStory_514733.html

read it if ya like, it's been ongoing and becoming quite a big scene, if u ask me...

ok, gotta sleep!...zzz...nites!

with the current situation, I have to be really careful, dun want to have abrupt and wrong actions that will affect this delicate matter...forget and forgive...and do what I can to restart...
thank you for giving this chance...

back to the long and routine-like week of school after Common Tests...zzz...

NAPFA test on 4th May, and PE's been real tiring......all to get at least a Silver or Gold....to avoid an 8 week PTP lol...

Hopefully the thigh won't be a problem then, cause it still hurts a little, ran too much, or just placed too much pressure on it while climbing stairs.....

Work hasn't been given too much unlike before Common Tests, so far ok...but maths has been quite a obstacle....spent quite a lot of time on that Vectors weekend assignment just now....this is not good at all.....can be practice, but in the long run, that can be a problem....
mind feeling tired after that....so gotta sleep soon, and perhaps for once!...wake up early to tackle homework lol....always lying down in bed idling, then unknowingly fall back to sleep and wake up an hour or so later....

feel like swimming tmr, that feeling had better remain since I didn't exercise today.....gotta finish Chem TYS and other stuff that can be completed beforehand....

work life balance hahas...and speaking of which, played Monopoly with hong and jas, when Mr Siraj came up to the sanctuary with some ppl (holding video cams!)....oh nooo....he caught us red-handed, and said "Wah! You guys are relaxing huh....thought you have work!..."
hong said: "need to have a work-life balance!" and we all laughed!
Well, b4 he led the ppl away, saw him clench his fist and a momentary amused look for a brief second!....the thought of him highlighting this 'incident' in class on next Monday sure sent chills down our spines, along with laughter.....can't wait! (asking to die on Monday zzz...)
but then, he mentioned he's going abroad to settle some matter next week...either way, we'll still be one of the topics he'll mention when he gets back...moral of the story: need to do well for his class compre assignment!!!

apart from that....
sort of thought about this week's Assembly....in the future, we have to multi-task at work, and yet now, while studying, we're strongly enforced (or should I say heavily advised) to focus on one thing....so??
life's gonna get harder after As, NS and University......long way to go.....zzzz....

hope everyone's doing fine....
made up my mind about smth on Thursday night, need to focus and think of one thing at a time, if not, my life's gonna be very topsy-turvy, simultaneous bombardment of thoughts.....seriously mind-draining....also, when can I attain that aspired ability of self-controlled focus?

Helluva week....got back some of the results...GP, Maths, Chem....

E for GP and Maths...most saddening was GP Paper 2....sucks to the core....19/50

Well, on one side, I'm glad I passed...but on another side, there's this feeling that I've not worked hard enough...still, on the bright side, I now know which subjects to focus more on...and which sections I'm seriously terrible at!

This week has been nothing but sensing the atmosphere as very stressed....some didn't meet our expectations, some did, but all I can say is, you did to your best ability

Working hard seems to be never enough for this year, motivation is yet another part to attain, having to tell yourself everyday without fail that today's a new day to strive on...mind-draining but seemingly achievable...

I don't know how to continue, but to those who are out there worrying (including me), it's not over yet. Use the time over this short break to rest (seriously, REST [refreshing ease or inactivity after exertion or labor], we need it) and to pick yourself up...PW results are approaching but that does not mean we have to worry for the whole of next week before getting them...it's all up to yourself.

Jiayous S02!

Burning the Midnight Oil...

Gasp, I'm still doing the English Week Competition Essay which is supposed to be handed in today! (Technically)

Luckily, I finished Chem and Maths, but this draggy essay is starting to give me headaches already...and less than 5 hours of sleep!

So gonna die in Bio Lecture later at 8am! Hopefully, I don't fall asleep for Bio and CSE lecture! Appropriate times for my brain to have lapses of microsleep! lol!

Ok, gotta wrap up the essay and sleep already! Sigh! Start of the week, and we're all so busy with work! Also hope I do well or at least an Ok for Common Tests! Same for the rest of u guys out there!

cyas! Sian ttm man....

Over!

Common Tests are finallyy over....woooo!...

Bio and Maths were unforgiving, especially in their amount of marks for some questions...sian ttm...

Zzz....too tired to think already, so I'll keep this short...

Flu since Monday....terrible cause I kept sneezing during the CSE and Chem Paper...proved quite a distraction to other ppl I think...and also, it's a sneeze, not a cough! lol! sorry...
somehow, sneezing non-stop helps me focus, as I was quite off-focus during the Maths paper, as well as the whistling sounds from those J1s having PE...
Container classroom was cold ttm, and I'm sitting at the far side of the room, furthest from the air-con, even my teeth were chattering!
Mr Wong noticed that and helped to increase the temperature, so I gave him a gesture to thank him! Thanks a lot! Could grip my pen better and write properly hahas!

Played b-ball with guys after exam, and watched "How to Train Your Dragon" in 3-D, nice story, although the 3-D effects are a little hard to see, seems just like in 2-D...also a bit short, 90++ mins..
also didn't finish the drink bought along with the popcorn...everyone was so engrossed in the movie that we forgot about it totally lol
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..
..
Sleeeepy already...gonna repack my subject notes tmr...zzz...sleeping after the convo with Charlene and the rest, also needa buy stuff for Sat's AV Camp...honestly, this year's juniors are quite jialat, as quoted by Mr Ng...
Can't help but also agree, why? will find that out on Saturday...somehow, scolding is already partly on my mind, but I just dunno how to put the message across in other forms, apart from being firm, but seriously hope they won't stretch me to my limit, gonna be bad if that happens...and I don't feel like showing that, especially to juniors...please prove me wrong on this! Wonder what performance they have come up this time...

right! dun think too much about this, it's their job to show us, so surprise us properly please. Saturday...

Different days I see have varying impressions at different times already, and I'm starting to notice them that they are just like last year. It's been about 4-5 months and it's still the same? Why???

Imminent!

Common Tests are approaching in two days time!.....did a bit of this and a bit of that...but i doubt that's gonna work...one week is not enough, imagine preparing for As....the extreme horror!

this week has been nothing but revising, playing (terribly guilty of this) and eating (Seoul Garden with S02 guys on Monday, and many more on my part...)...
can say that I have to watch what I eat, all the CNY goodies are there left to take hahahas!
but, if u're gonna just leave it there, won't that be leaving it to spoil?
well, eat them and they're gone, for good...and I won't touch them again, that is I won't start hunting for more again hahas.....
just have to watch and control my weight, even though I'm always told I'm thin enough...

Science Centre Workshop was long and perhaps a little boring...discovered that I'm Alu +/+....means I'm a true blue Asian...haha....(being random here; of course not, there're other countries with a higher %)

been to school seeking short consultations for Bio, CSE and Maths....Chem, that's our own part, since she's not in school....

spent too much time playinggggg.....just simply addictive...well, can say that I've cut down on MW2, but Silent Hill, inFamous and all that...well, guilty of playing that a few hours ago.....

seeking a focused and disciplined mind is tough, I've set goals to control myself and yet I failed to follow them....which includes studying, playing, eating, etc etc etc....
shouldn't be too over-ambitious and set realistic and achievable ones...and it will take place after the CTs...

So first on the list:
1. Clear and arrange my notes on all my subjects on the 26th (Top priority)

others....still contemplating though....

I really should stop thinking so much already and focus...even though I managed to hold them back...some would still leak out and flood my train of thought that's on my studies...I'm sure you're facing about the same, although worse, from what I see recently...the struggles and reminders to get a hold of and control yourself...it's tough, obviously, let's face it.
I cannot do much except to shout "Don't give up" or something similar in my own mind, or even have this written on my face, even though it is hard to see that...but everyone has come too far to stop, admist the distractions and obstacles we face battling our mind that's filled with imagination and unnecessary thoughts.

I still feel guilty over what I've done, questioning myself that Why did it have to be you, of all people? creating an unforgettable scar in your life (what I see in my actions), and making you confused, as well as thinking so much about this...that's selfish and wrong of me to do that...
too caught up and lost in my own actions as I was that time...and come to think of it, how stupid I behaved..utterly immature....

Now, I'm not afraid or embarrassed like before, but still having the uncontrolled thought of postulating after my actions...

okay, that's enough..let's not talk about it already. Right now, we all have a huge obstacle to face.
Let's put in our best and see what happens after CTs. You have the strong willpower to do it.
Don't worry too much about other things, for they can wait after this. That's all I can say from here, the rest is all up to you, in your own hands. You can.

Back to CSE already~~~

finally this week is overr!....glad GP's over too!....paper was ok...esp Paper 2...felt more comfortable when reading the passage this time.....

played the whole day when reached home!....hopefully de-stress is successful...have to pia tmr already....woooo!....

CSE lesson after test.....zzz....copied till tired....

ok, need to regain the sleep lost from the past few days....

oh yeah, and happy 18th birthday Christine! hope u like the cookie cake the guys gave you lol....

nites!

School's starting already and time is really needed here!....

Did Chem and CSE yesterday, finished up most of them, did Maths today, planned to do Bio and GP, but I guess Maths really took a lot of time, plus game time...new games bought by bro, so tried it out....
really have to make the choice of going into the utility room to study, since the other com and PS have booming and distracting noise that really affect my attention span :(
what's the study room for when you can do your work, and on the other hand, there's someone playing....got no power to say here....looks like I can't do my work in front of the com....still pondering over this dilemma here....

GP test is approaching fast and I haven't really 'imbibed' yet....been doing all the past work that was supposed to hand in last week....
New plan: Finish Bio tutorials and Chem Rxn Kinetics TYS by tmr, provided that I don't have so much work....got CCA CIP to settle again before Mr R. leaves on Thursday....

also running tmr with hong and jas....that KFC on friday was fattening ttm, even though i ate the least! lol
need timee managementt hereee......rawr.....too many roles in JC already.....hopefully it won't be too overwhelming after the common test....

on a side note: stupid haze has been irritating my nose, sneezing on occasions....pray the sinus that was gone since the beginning of this year, won't suffer a relapse again in the morning....
another side note: what to get by this friday...hmm....
yet another side note: read the online GCE A Level timetable, apparently Chem Paper 3 starts first on 9th Nov, and the worst part, ends on 2nd Dec with Bio Paper 1!!!!!! seems long but thank goodness for good breaks between exams, although some are on the same day....check out if you are free....

http://www.seab.gov.sg/SEAB/aLevel/2010GCEATimetable.pdf

again another side note: been blog-hopping and fb-hopping too much! gotta stop that already....
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...
...

ok, too many side notes and incoming thoughts will shorten my sleeping time...gtg.....and jiayous S02!

Got back Chinese results, grade's the first letter of the language!...ok...didn't really die until that badly, thought I would pass really badly at first...can't really say much cause I still got the same grade as O levels...not retaking again!

was a waste during Sec 4 when I got the same C5 despite retaking it the second time...well not this time....5 more to go...1 (PW) approaching next month! the rest are next year....

more 'AAAA's this time!...grats to them! feels honoured to stand when ppl are clapping for you...

problem is they didn't show GP, killer paper..but nvm, it's our turn and it's really pressuring...

after that, went to Lot 1 to eat with Hong and Jas...made a promise to jog on Monday hahas...and English is encouraged between the 3 of us, since Chinese is gone...feels a little awkward since I usually converse in Chinese to Hong, but u get the point lol...u noe what I mean...

got lots of work waiting...but take a short break tonight...have to pia during the weekend...

get more sleep tonight as well....it's always 8 hours or less since the start of the year....

Zzz...

Just saw the class blog....full of homework!!!....somemore visiting this weekend, siannnn....

well, gotta tackle some tonight, esp the delayed Carboxylic Acid TYS......always wanted to do before 7:35 in the morning, but.....seems that my bladder is forbidding that........lol

PE of 300 reps today, a little tired after that, and the wrist is hurting again, thigh seems to be ok despite snaps, hopefully that won't cause any problems to running....

talked with Hong and Jas outside sanctuary, about PW and other stuff...nice to reminisce about the past, how we struggled with PW, OP experiences, how we sounddd like in our OP (esp Jas)

spun like nuts on the chair and vomitted in the end during cse, im ok already, sorry to make u guys feel guilty Hong and HJ, im all right after that, survived PE together somemore!

stupid motion sickness, seems to be all right on the aeroplane, well, not exactly for bus rides (the one back in Melbourne: Horror bouncing in my head... X_X)

work is awaiting to be written...gotta end this post soon....

got a gazillion questions to ask you....but they're still left dwelling in my head, lingering....perhaps forever?...seems so hard to raise it up...

Pause for a sec...

had a great weekend of visits!

Mahjong in the afternoon with Ee, Jas and manda, and after that blackjack with liang!
loads of fun and lols, also cause i won some moolah hahas...!

went to visit qm's house too, played Blackjack again, although the lucky streak wasn't there lol, oh well, still got some laughs...

went back home for yet another round of cards again at family gathering till 12am ++...this time the winning streak was back! hua-suan if u ask me, best stroke of luck over the past few years...

sunday was plain work.....damn kinetics, understood much better now today, but still dread the finding out of the gradient...gotta go back to work already so I'll end this off with........

according to the situations I face for the past few weeks, it seems that he wants me to take action and the initiative to help and lead other people....problem is, will I be able to carry that out properly? doubts arise everytime and I find them as lousy excuses to escape smth that everyone hates: failing in the process and embarrassment

have yet to refine myself if i want to help others, but i just feel obliged to do that....help oneself then to help others, or else helping will not be of use to both parties....true to the fact but time never slows down and all i can do is to see, with thoughts swishing and wandering....feels helpless to help, ironic....
so the only to help is to not help? dilemma here.....

ok, enough of thinking so much, and back to work already...ciaos

Thought today was gonna be a bad day since I only slept at 2, doing hw! Instead, it was both work and fun, double the enjoyment and happiness!

Road Run was ok, helping out at AV, recording results and looking after ppl's bags...good to get busy sometimes...congrats to Hazel, Lr and QM for getting among the top 20 positions in their category!

Lessons went smoothly, and went to Yi Siew's house for CNY gathering with class, awesome ttm man! Meal's good, had games and karaoke songs till bout 10...
not much voice already, too much high-pitched straining...rough now lol...

ok, gtg soon, gonna be a day of visiting from classmates and family!

the clock is ticking...

It's Tuesday already and the following day's a school day!!...wth...

Just came back from relatives' house, played cards till so late, and there were mahjong tiles being 洗牌-ed lol...

Luckily, gonna have a last visit tmr at around the late afternoon, so there's time to tackle my homework...feeling really sian, still possessing the holiday mood, bet most are too...

Can't believe that when Wednesday commences, CCA, homework deadlines and tests are gonna fly in at one go!...with the juniors coming in, gotta send reminders to be at AV room...also got some Total Defence Day duty as well, good thing there's only Bio Tutorial...okok la...too many roles in school already...

thinking of so many things the moment today passes...lack of sleep as usual....

I hope everyone's enjoying and using this damn short holiday!...gonna be back in the saddle again...help awaits unless requested....

zzz...gotta sleep, needa wake up early tmr...
shucks, just realised I recorded part of the Orientation night in my mobile...maybe I'll publish it later this morning lol, too lazy to wait for the upload to finish..

Happy CNY & Valentine's Day

Tiger year at last....time flies too fast already...

did nothing much except play and went out for family dinner at science centre sakura...also saw QM as well! so qiao lol...also saw See Ting there as well, dunno where he was sitting though lol..

had stomach pains for the past two days already...applied oil and now much better....goodness, it hurts like hell trying to endure it...glad it's over for now...

ok...it's really late staying up like last night, got visiting and homework to do....sianz...
also got to sleep to avoid the incense fumes while my dad does the praying, cause the smoke can really irritate my nose and eyes lol....

Happy CNY and Valentine's Day!

CNY!

week's over...chem test done...oh yeah!

Duty at Orientation was fulfilling ttm, seeing J1s enjoying themselves and also looking at Gabes' moves during the dancing hahas...
somehow this year's orientation had more variety than last year's, lucky J1s..the watermelon eating contest is new lol...performances good...and seeing them dance in the whole hall was really going down memory lane
ended at about 10+ pm, so it was 6 whole hours done...yep...tiring...esp for the legs...

even did chem TYS on Gp II before sleeping at 1-2am....goood thing today's assembly was an hour later....or else it's gonna be feeling zombie-like again...

Class notice board won the consolation prize! Simple design too, kudos to the guys who did the painting!
Performance rocks as well...esp the teachers dancing, and the catwalk of the kids and their parents (teachers), cute pics of them, as well as their actions on stage...
performance was shorter than expected, time seems to pass slower at the control room...
also bought and released balloons with wordings of wishes with the class at the parade square, one memorable event to note!

LAN with guys opp Ten Mile...played till tired...and stomach was feeling unwell till now...urgh...


I'm sure everyone's gonna be busy with homework and visiting...serious clash here lor...and also can catch up with some sleep to say the least!
wonder when the juniors will come in, 13 of them is a lot for a small CCA...can't wait!, and also, have to change the style we lead this time...

have this feeling..it seems to have changed already...feels different...confused, puzzled, perplexed...
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well, left this post aside for an hour or more...ok can

Not gonna let this spoil CNY! Woooooooo.......family time....and rest from school...still can't run damn it....lol

Just great......

Back from doctor's and got an excuse from PE for 2 whole weeks!!!...damn it man....

All due to a tendon inflammation at the left thigh....sian...can still walk, but cannot risk running...
Cause was the 9 hour night cycling and that area of muscle didn't rest rather well, and it starts to show up about 1 month later..diao....

Can't do lower body exercises for such a long time...so I can't attend the Road Run already...sian...what to do....
Best thing is to let the thigh rest even though walking is essential to travelling around...hopefully it will be all right by Friday, or else it's X-ray, as the doc mentioned....

Oh well...can be a good break from exercising too much, as my dad put it everytime....can't help it....

Ok, back to work already...needa sleep early, got morning duty at the hall again tmr!

looking back...and forward...

another week passed...finally!

it seems that being at home every night on a weekday passes so slowly....and yet weekends pass too damn fast....

Everyone had a hard week, especially the OGLs...seeing my class' OGLs so busy everytime, 真的佩服他们...tests, tutorials and lectures to catch up...wow...simply awed by and admire + respect their spirit admist the tiredness of the normal school life of homework

No excuse for me, cause I'm nowhere as busy as them, even though have to help out with AV...you only have moments of rushing and setting up, and hopefully not screwing up when things don't go right...

well, that's the hard life of JC, no doubt abt that...

AND...there's still the addiction for GAMING!...managed to suppress on Thursday afternoon for once, doing homework but eyelids were heavy to keep them open...

everyday is a challenge, focusing on homework and lectures, and not letting the mind wander...it's pure mind-draining...

one thing that helped: my sinus is almost gone when waking up in the morning...the key thing that spoiled my concentration last year...

GP lessons were all about happiness and a good life...well, we're not exactly happy with the current stress, but with the ppl around you, that sparks the happiness inside, even though i tend to show a blank face everytime....blechhh...

Not a good life now, but these 'obstacles' are stepping stones to our goal...

PE was handball and today, planning for the FITT group work thing...2.4km run is my next target to overcome...long way to go to train, but better late than never...NAPFA is during May!!!.......................................

next week is another busy week, gotta report to school early and help for Orientation, always there to give a helping hand, that's service CCAs for you lol...gotta admit it's a nice job to have! Can see the new J1s packed in the hall before the rest except for the OGLs and SCs...reminds me of the past year Orientation hahas...ahh..the memories.....sitting there mind blurred...

also have to call the potential members to confirm their presence on the 17th at 2:30pm (Some didn't !pick up!, but most likely busy with dunno what...sheesh...), and NTU...the CIP plan is starting to dragggg...no e-mail for their AV services, damn it...

ok...got lots of work to tackle in the afternoon! get some real and well-deserved sleep!

CNY approaching...woo! 5 days of rest and eating lols...

time to hit the sack before stomach growls for food....zzz...hope everyone's holding up fine apart from the hectic school life...how about you??

zzz ttm...

Tiring week....more homework....less sleep...

Since the J1s came in, things were getting busier for my CCA, well, can treat this as a form of practice before getting new members and training...rather bad if I can't even rmb the equipment needed for outdoor/indoor...so it's a good experience!

Also celebrated Jasper's and Hui Jie's Birthday! Happy 18th Birthday guys!
As well as, Happy B'Day to Charlene (last week) and Yu Han (yesterday) too!

Hopefully, can do well for the Bio Lecture Test...the Periodicity Assignment today...was rather bad for the last part...did wrongly...
well, like Grace said for the Practical, what to do get scolded lor! lol, ok maybe not too lol...

Parent Teacher Conference today too, till 9 plus at night! The ambassadors and some SCs spotted Mac with me, and well, got their attention, since they have not eaten yet...oops...

Also got reminded not to eat at Control Room! Bad example as VP...will take that in mind next time...
The only tiring part was the shifting of the Visualiser witht the metallic table back from the LT3 Control room, down to near the stage...
any problem, have to see on Monday during Maths Lecture....whoops...

Forever worried about GP and CSE...essays are our greatest enemies...wish to thwart this negative thinking...well, have to action more by putting in more effort once again...

Ok....now's the time to enjoy sleeping! Needa energy for the increasing pile of homework...

The past is starting to haunt me, and the mind has to think about it unknowingly despite efforts to control the ever-wandering organ and get focused...it's inevitable, but still have to face it...pointless to run away

Gonna type this fast before going back to revision and cutting newspaper articles for China Desk that I have not done so when I got the msg hours ago!

Rawr....been keeping the stack since October last year till NOW....goodness man....definitely not bringing that forsaken stack, just gonna take out the pages, grab some tape, and probably bring to school tmr to do instead....dun forget some blank A4 paper...

Thank goodness for an hour break after Chem...planning to get busy already...also haven't touched the Bio Tutorial on Chromosomal Mutation and Continuous/Discontinuous Variation...so much work, so little timeee...

What's hardest won, most easily lost? Time!

ok, enuff typing already....got things to rush and revise...

AND....get ready for a little surprise HJ and Jas ...hahahahahaha!....the latter should be XD

we'll seeee tmr.....LOL..

Gotta have an early night....

2nd week oovveerr...

finally the 2nd week is over!...seemed long for everyone, and another good weekend to treasure once again!

had lots of CCA stuff to attend to...2 CCAs are indeed tiring, and since in J2, more time needs to be allocated to homework and revision...well, it was quite a choice to make last year, and hopefully, I can juggle between CCA and work efficiently...

had a GP Diagnostic test on Thursday, and a Chem quiz on R&C today...essay-content subjects have been on my top priority list for improvement, as there's a severe lack of content for GP and CSE, and I'm starting to feel the pressure if both subjects do not improve soon...too late to regret now...not reading while younger, lazy to pick up and read word for word...

The diagnostic test was er....full of crap, even though it was long...gonna get highlighted for my chicken-claw style of writing by Mr Siraj for sure!...quite a way to get his attention lol, if u know what I mean...if things get dire, it's time to consult when free...

the pressure from wanting to score well so badly has made my mind run wild at times...always comparing with my bro's, who got A for his GP in A levels...really commendable, and he's my good example...he reads newspapers since Pri 3, and now, I'm still struggling and pushing myself to read a newspaper...8 years of content can make a lot of difference...wow...mum always reminds non-stop to read his essays and read more...and these endless reminders are somehow a little annoying but true to the core...can't complain...

other than this current problem of essays, it's tutorials for the 3 H2s...sigh...many more months to go...

putting aside homework, school is all right to say the least! also enjoyed time with the class too, even though that's not really shown (ok, maybe the laughs are something more obvious)

also didn't manage to donate blood...too bad once again...this time it's not on my part unlike last year (Sore throat, so was forbidden to donate), it's the medical history of the family, and I need proof that I'm not a carrier of Hep B...guess the jab at birth didn't count...same case for my bro when he attempted to donate...well, there's always next year! hahas! nevertheless, good job Amanda!

now, seriously tired from the draining lifestyle of studying...sleeping soon and enjoying the comfort of the bed...

thinking and thinking...the speech made by the principal has set the mind wondering again...oh man.........

Face it, deal with it; what I remembered from her speech: she's right, I'll keep that in mind and do my best...whatever lies ahead, brace the unexpected and do something good out of it within one's ability...things may turn out better, and also, one would know that the effort and strive put in was really worth it...that I'm certain. It takes time, but it will show how strong-willed a person can be.

next week is another long one, filled with more challenges to see and overcome...bring 'em on!

Hope my mental strength won't be too worn out by the stress, last year was horrid; easily affected by noise. Now, it's much better, but the fuel for such a hard thing to attain more control is...SLEEP -_-zzz

gotta try to sleep b4 11pm on sundays and weekdays lol

nights!

worried; perhaps a little disinclined...hmm

2nd week about to begin...still doing homework...need to buck up my subjects
esp. for maths! weakest among the 3 H2, dun count in CSE or GP...they are both bad too...

can't help but worry, so have to improve...repetitions but still have to drill them into my head...blech....

nothing much to think of and type, so I'll probably end it off soon, before continuing on my work and sleep for the night...

argh, the joint at the thigh bone is beginning to sound...bad...cracking/snapping sounds when i swing my whole left leg everytime...right thigh joint is following up soon...with lesser of those disturbing sounds...
doesn't seem to hurt while running or walking...most probably the 9 hour night cycling last year in December during AV Chalet...pushed those muscles too hard i guess...hence the sounds and the pain at my left side...
shit, really hope this won't worsen and affect the NAPFA test and even during NS...or else, all the hard work and effort for the past 2 and a half years will go down the drain...well, we'll see during the medical check-up...now, cross fingers and hope for the best...and also, rest up for the next few months and less stress on it, cause I'm practically standing and using the same muscles...

oh! also cannot get sick this week! want to donate blood, unlike last year when I couldn't, because of sore throat...sian ji puah lol...

1st Week

1st week of school has passed...and everyone's tired already....whew....

got a new GP tutor, who has somehow made us realise how scary this subject can be, and at the same time, how we can enjoy learning its broad-based contents...never too late to realise now, we all got 10 months to prepare for As...though can't help but get worried...

Upcoming tests, tutorials, assignments, new lecture notes, more CCA stuff to settle...the list is not exhaustive, but u get the point on how life for J2s are...

glad to see the class again! been months since we saw each other, and hopefully everyone's got a good break...surely these two weekends will be well used to relax before the start of another hectic one again...

lessons filled with laughter too! esp CSE hahas

had a small meal with Jas today at Bistro Delifrance after pool...hardly tried it, dunno how many years already...not bad for a student meal! lol...

zzz...sleeping soon already, gotta catch up with the daunting Chem TYS given today...

I really hope what my current actions are, will not be misunderstood/misinterpreted

School commences...tmr

About to sleep already...stuff packed too...thinking about the start of the school term, and the start of a long and tedious year...

Feeling a little uptight since today...dunno what it is but, it's smth to do with school...hmm...

responsibility starts to really kick in for CCA...not saying it didn't last year, but more tasks are given this year.......
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whew...school hasn't started last week and I'm feeling a little stressed alr...

well, it's back to tutorials, practicals and lectures!...can't say it's different than last year though, just that the end has a huge obstacle...

hopefully, I can stick to what I've set for myself, gotta stay focused!...arghhh...

ok, time to sleep alr! seeing whole class tmr for the new year!...nites and sleep early!

School term beginning...sian..

Back from Sentosa outing with Amanda, Cindy, Ee Hong, Gabes and Gina!
Fun ttm! the water activity was fun! Also talked until it rained then we left, ate at Vivo then home...
Also bought FBT shorts for Gina, including that and disposable underwear for Gabes! lol!

Was quite late for it, due to buying the stuff and ran out of moneyyy....guys had to take the monorail back to Vivo to pass cash to me...
and also AV stuff back at school...shan't say much about this as well as for the day before...nothing to say...all the logistics is tiring even though the word means coordinating of details of an operation...more of the physical this time...

seriously, a bloody lousy start to a new year and new school term, already quite pek cek about stuff, who knows with the addition of homework, it would all come down real hard...
Mr R said I have to scold sooner or later, which I really dislike or in stronger terms, hate. Thought there isn't a need to scold but seems that things are getting rather too far sometimes as time passes...more responsibility starts to kick in for this year....teaching the future juniors, maintaining their skills and discipline...the lot...
I too did several wrong things...and I would need to forgive and not totally hold the rest responsible...we all did...
having several thoughts of even implementing strict rules if things get really too drastic...but that isn't fair...principles should be set instead, with the full cooperation of others that is..
we all have a job to do, and we have to be serious in it...problem is that if I'm not taken seriously, that's when the pissed-off mark comes in...

forget it, that's over, dun think about it already, just focus on how to improve the situation, that's smth I have to keep telling myself...even though the mind unknowingly slips into the replay and recall mode sometimes...

gonna be both a mentally and physically demanding year ahead...gotta perk up! Jiayous..
also....keep having weird dreams about random places with ppl I know...wonder what they all mean...still, good to be occupied even while sleeping! lol

HNY!

Back from trip to Malaysia!...Car journeys to and fro to destinations were simply boring, long hours here and there..

Went to Sitiawan, then to Cameron Highlands, back to former, then to Malacca...

Whole trip was to take a mind off the busy life we all had back here at home...cause the life there is REAL slow...

Also did the maths holi assignment, finished it there, woo! but, thing is that there are a number of questions left either blank or half-baked...well, more practice needed...

Left Bio and CCA stuff to settle b4 the school term finally starts...time is really gonna pass real fast this year...

New Year, New Resolutions, New Thoughts, New Decisions, New Choices...spent the car journeys thinking....for a long time...yeah...

Hope this year is not too much of a difficult ride, excluding preparations for As...

Pics of trip in fb...Happy New Year!