Friday, September 9, 2011
finally, i'm home agn...~
It's been quite some time that I come back blogging.
Holidays have started way back around aug,
and i din blog. D:
not dat anyone wud see, but still,
it's my home for ranting and expressing.
my personal space.
hehee.
Anyways, during holi, i rly slack full speed...
i slacked and rly enjoy myself. like chilling,
watching tons of anime, manga or reading anime fanfictions
well, and now i just TRANSLATED a japanese song from my fav anime...
and my head gonna burst.
It's like i keep checking online dictionary to translate some vocab...
and den, based on my jap knowledge,
i have to think of how to translate the whole sentence into proper English..
since eng and jap grammar are like polar opposites..
but well, after i finished it, I feel satisfied
and also, by reading the full meaning of the song,
it's very touching and heartwarming..
since the song IS a sad and heart wrenching song.
so..yeah.
dats it for now...
jus dropping by to put something into my poor blog.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
i almost broke down jus nw.
well not out of tears, not out of loneliness, not anything dats typical...
but jus i hate it alot. this feeling.
a feeling dat cant rly decsribe properly into words.
surrounded by gd ppl/frens, but i jus dun like it..
i've been alone too long or wad.. even i want to rant here but i cnt..
cos i dun even noe how to put into words..
it's just hard.
worst form of loneliness is not when u are alone. but when u are surrounded by ppl but cnt even open up myself or feel comfortable at all.
but yet, nt wanting them to misunderstand.
dat is, ppl always think im lonely or quiet, in fact i actually prefer being alone rather
den surrounded by a large grp of ppl dat i usually have nth to tok abt.
somehow, i cnt rly tell ppl properly abt this, even i tell,
either they dun get it, dun believe or jus huh..?
or even better, having words like emo coming to me.
yeah, im emo. yes. but well wads their definition of emo?
self mutilations? being alone? negative thoughts?
for me, i wan to be alone. yes. a.l.o.n.e.
negative thoughts? nt rly.. argh..
i dun wish to lose many gd frens too, but somehow, i jus cnt always hang out
often wif them and being smiley around them..
jus too tiring.. i need something..
but it's out of my reach
Sunday, August 7, 2011
i used to fear being alone.
used to fear being left alone.
used to yearn surrounded by ppl.
but all is different now.
in the end, i always put myself in solitude.
whether it's intentional or not,
it always end up with me doing my own things.
not being afraid anymore and rather, i got used to it and kinda like it.
and im no longer a scaredy cat.
as in being scared to be alone at home, dare not to be alone in the living hall during night.
afraid of gng to the toilet alone at night...
instead, i came to develop interest in supernatural stuffs.. -.-
well, like, it's interesting to me
and i love gothic stuffs, skeletons and all little creepy stuff.
ok.
PS: EXCEPTION; I HATE CREEPY INSECTS OR ANY INSECTS OR SLIMY SOFT INSECTS
i even have the idea of having my wedding dress being black and have black roses.
haha. my mum wud surely kill me if i do dat for my wedding.
well, that is IF i even marry in the 1st place...
after all the rant, it's jus i felt myself 'evolved' to like things that i disliked in the past.
it even became my interest.
i wonder if anymore things in me could change in the future.
Name: Felicia Chee
Date: Sunday 7th 2011f August 2011 03:13:27 PM
Colorgenics Number: 0/7/3/1/2/6/5/4/
At this particular time, you are feeling that you are or were unjustly and undeservedly treated and/or betrayed in your hopes and dreams. You feel that everything is against you. But look on the bright side for you are, whether you believe it or not, a survivor.
Being a likeable person you get on well with neighbours and friends. You don't need anything to 'Rock your boat'. You want to 'love' and to be loved'.
All the problems that you have been experiencing of late seem to have become a part of your life and there is little that can be done to change the situation. Your emotions run high - but even though you feel as if at times you are about to burst this situation will pass. Try to release your pent-up emotions by participating in some extra physical activities like running, swimming, whatever. There must be some favourite pastime, not necessarily strenuous, that can help you to relax.
For some time now your hopes and expectations have been denied and because of this you are becoming withdrawn and introverted. Continual disappointment has manifested itself in you becoming both suspicious and restrained you have become withdrawn from others and have receded more and more into yourself. You seem to have lost your innate enthusiasm and imaginative nature, for fear that you may be carried away by it only to find that you are wasting your time. You are loath to trust people, as in the past your trust has been misplaced. You seem to be keeping yourself cautiously aloof from others. At this moment in time your attitude is to trust nobody - until they can prove themselves to you.
You are moody and depressed at this time but it will pass. All of your hopes and dreams seem to have gone astray and you are fearful of planning further for the future. Disappointment at the non fulfilment of your hopes and the fear that to formulate fresh goals will only lead to further setbacks have resulted in considerable anxiety and you try to escape from this by withdrawing into yourself. But that is not the answer. You have the power to succeed, believe in yourself... all is possible to him who believes.
________________________________________________________________
omg... I took some colorgenics test.. and it's like.. so true.
especially those words that i bold. well, i guess, dat pretty sums up of what i wanna say.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
thnks to my proj and sch days dat i've totally forgotten abt my blog.
now i've come back to rant agn :D
2 more wks to holidays agn! whee!
i rly dread to go sch nowadays. like dere's no motivation for me to go.
plus it's not like i hate design, but i rly think im not suitable of being a professional designer.
im not so hardworking or very enthusiastic abt it. i prefer it to be my own little interest/hobby.
i dun take my notebook everywhere to start sketching or rly do alot of research abt materials inspirations.. etc.
if i wanna be honest, i dun rly noe wad i wanna do.
even if i've always said dat i wanna be a musician, can i take the stress and pressure from it?
since music is similar to design, i've come to think abt it now.
plus, i have not much music background and i rly doubt myself.
but i do love music myself though. i cant live without music.
every single day, i'll always listen to at least one music song or wadeva. like,
i wud nvr go by the day without listening to a single song at least.
in public transport, or in my dad's car, my iphone is my bestfriend.
sleeping time, music. till i go to my dreamland.
bathe- occasionally i bring my iphone to listen to music.
i jus love how music can really tell the story of my life.
the lyrics and the tune acheli create a scene in my mind whenever i hear it.
it's like the lyrics is telling the story, and the tune is bringing the words to life and creating the feeling/atmosphere.
sometimes, im stuck for words to describe wad i feel/want. or even my fears.
but lots of songs out dere written by some people always helped me to say my feelings or life.
the right song would always be my life story teller.
i have to pull myself back together and get going.
to rly think wad i wan to do in my life/future.
im already in poly, i need to think now, before it's too late.
tho im sure i cant be a full time designer... though i might consider for part time...
Saturday, July 23, 2011
people are around me, but it always goes back to square one, being alone.
i have to get used to it, and learn to try depend less on others as little as possible.
i dun rly wanna trust ppl anymore.
ppl are cautious with one another.
so am i.
i always dont rly think the good of others well or always.
but still, i still yearn for someone dere for me.
i dont wan talks or words only.
but well, typical world today; words are all over the place,
and the most hard to get is actions.
shall close off myself to others.
i dun wanna get hurt nor do i wanna be troubled.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
If it's your wish, I will follow you everywhere, even if your throne crumbles, and your shiny crown turns to rust, even if the bodies pile up endlessly, above the bottomless pile corpses. Beside you as you lie softly down, I will be until I hear the words "Checkmate".
-Demon Sebastian Michaelis to Master Ciel.
