The love of friendships! The coming together of a community!

***I apologize, the font on this post is all messed up, and the pictures posted out of order! Not liking blogger these days...

This post is WAY overdue!  It has been on my mind since last November, but I couldn't ever seem to get the words to come together right.  I'm not sure I will be able to do it today either, but there has been so much love in my heart lately because of this wonderful community I live in, the love of amazing family and friends who have been by my side through the good and the bad, and the love of complete strangers who have prayed, well-wished, and offered up so much love and support for someone who is "a friend of a friend going through a rough trial."  It is the love of a community, my cancer-fighting community, that helped us get through our journey of breast cancer with the financial means to pay our medical bills, and the strength to continue the fight when it seemed to be more than we could handle.


When I was first diagnosed with cancer, we immediately made phone calls to our family.  We then made phone calls to our close friends.  We then made the post on Facebook to let all of our distant family and friends know.  The news then spread like a wild a fire.  My sisters friend were asking what they could do to help.  Co-workers wanted to know what they could do to help.  We were put in contact with friends of friends who fought the same battle.  The community was opened up to us.  My sister offered to throw a fundraiser, and she had friends who were willing to help.  However, as my life got so busy with doctor's appointments, three surgeries in one month, and just trying to understand exactly what we were facing, it was quite difficult for our family to jump in and take charge of throwing together a fundraiser.  Fortunately, I have amazing friends who wanted to help, so they took over the reigns of putting together a fundraiser.  They did an amazing job, and I'd like to share that story here.

My friends and I have been part of a book club for three years prior to my diagnosis.  If any of you are a part of a book club, you'll know that the topic of conversation isn't just about the book.  Our club consisted of many late night chats where advice was offered, laughter was shared, and deep rooted friendships were formed.  I was diagnosed October 14, 2013 and was unable to attend book club for the month of October because I was home recovering from my surgery that I just had the day before.  However, I was the topic of conversation that night.  The conversation didn't go as "I can't believe Ryan has cancer! That's going to be rough for her. I wish her the  best."  The conversation went like "I can't believe Ryan has cancer!  What can we do to help!?! How about a fundraiser?"  And those wonderful women spent the next month planning, organizing, and executing the most wonderful fundraiser I've ever been a part of. (The only at that time as 
well.)

After the fundraiser was over I, I asked them to do a write-up of their experience of the fundraiser.  I will share some quotes with you here and there from what they shared. My friend Megan said it well, "'If we can just get through the marathon.'  I don't know how many times we said those words while we were in marathon training mode.  Our lives revolved around eating right, preparing for our next long run, speed training, rest, etc.  I planned on getting a nice long rest after the marathon, and spending a couple of months just enjoying the fact that I was not training for anything. 

And then Ryan got her test results back. 

I once babysat a boy who could NOT wake up in the morning.  He had the most annoying alarm clock in the world.  It flashed lights, it beeped, and then went into siren mode.  It was the most jarring, irritating sound in the world.  That is the kind of wake-up call that we all felt when Ryan was diagnosed.  It pulled us out of our own lives and reminded us that everything is precious, and temporary, including our health.

And we knew that whatever we were feeling was nothing in comparison to what Ryan and her family were going through.  For me personally, there was a period of shock.  We had been just SURE that Ryan's test results would reveal something benign.  It took days to wrap my head around the malignant diagnosis.  Thankfully, Heather pulled out of her state of shock first.  She started talking about doing a fundraiser, and it seemed like such a great idea.  Someone should really do that.  I would love to help. 

I don't think any of us had any idea what we were getting into.  At least for me, I felt like someone else would take it on, and we, as Ryan's friends, would jump in and help.  About a week later, when we were setting a date, it was setting in that we were it.  Ryan's family is amazing and supportive.  But their energies were on Ryan directly.  They needed to be there for Ryan, Ian, and the kids on a day to day basis.  If this fundraiser was going to happen, it was going to have to be us.

Planning a fundraiser is no small task.  And it's one of those things that tends to snowball, and fast.  When we first discussed our options, we hoped to have a 5k fun run.  We thought that if we could get 100 people to show up, then we would have been a success.  But then we decided that we might as well do a bake sale as well.  And why not see if we could get donations for a silent auction.  We only had about 3 weeks before the fundraiser, so we needed to keep it simple so that we could get it all done in time. 

As it turns out, we don't do simple.  We had a meeting at Kneaders to see what ideas people had, and suddenly we were swimming in possibilities.  People were making phone calls, getting donations, and making assignments…all before we left Kneaders that morning! 

I had known the majority of these ladies for years.  But sitting around a park or book club chatting only reveals certain sorts of things.  I had observed parenting techniques, listened to husband vent fests, and discovered who was a sucker for a happy ending.  But there are certain things that you never see until a situation like this comes up.  I already knew I was hanging out with a wonderful group of ladies, but I don't know if I ever would have seen some of the things that came out while we worked on this fundraiser. 

There was no hesitation.  When something needed to be done, someone would jump in and do it.  There were a million little things that needed to be done, and any one of those things was not terribly difficult.  But the combination of those things was such a daunting task.  And every time it seemed too overwhelming, we would meet up and suddenly everything was divvied out and manageable again.  I observed these beautiful ladies step up and find ways to make everything work.  Suddenly our book club was a well oiled, donation-securing, money-making machine.  We all used our talents and connections to secure location, donations, the web site, auction items, permits, advertising, signage, etc. etc. etc. 

Personally, I was just one small part of that machine.  There were others who did infinitely more, but every minute I spent was more than worth it!  There were quite a few late nights, but we made the most of them; getting tons of stuff done, and having a girls night at the same time."  I am truly blessed to have these women in my life!

Many miracles happened during the planning of this fundraiser.  A community came together, my community that I live in, to offer support for someone they don't even know.  My friend Katie shared a few experiences that happened to her, "There was so much generosity and many blessings along the route to get to the big day. Out of all the corporations, individuals, & local businesses I asked to donate to the event only two or three of them gave an outright no. But most gave an immediate and resounding yes; with a few standouts. When I told Nick Frei (who was Ryan's Bishop in her college ward) if Cravings would donate cookies for the BBQ after the race, he responded with, "Of course, whatever you need is yours." Two days before the race we still didn't have any paper goods for the BBQ. It was a huge stress. I was inspired to stop at Smith's on Bluff St. After talking to the manager for just a couple of minutes about the event, she immediately promised to cover ALL of the paper goods: plates, silverware, napkins, paper towels, as well as cups for both the race and the BBQ. I started to sob right there in the middle of the store. It was such a relief to know that that was covered and we wouldn't need to come out of pocket for it. We also had so many businesses that were willing to just sponsor the event. And even up to the day of, we were still receiving calls of people that wanted to donate goods and services toward the raffle and silent auction."

The miracles continued to pour in the day of the 5K race/fundraiser. The week leading up to it, it had rained, and rained, and rained.  The Friday before the fundraiser, I was stressing out, but I also had two doctor appointments/procedures that day.  One was in the morning, an echo-cardiogram to get a baseline of how well my heart was pumping.  The other was my PET Scan to see if there were any cancer tumors hiding anywhere else in my body.  I was on the phone with my friend Heather trying to figure out a second location, my Principal to see if we could use the elementary school where I teach for an indoor location, (the fundraiser was going to be held outdoors at a park), and with my Bishop to see if we could use the church building.  All were so willing to help and trying to find a solution.  I went to my echo-cardiogram appointment at 10:00 am, and told the tech that I am highly stressed at the moment, asking if that was going to affect my test. ;)  He told me no, but I turned my phone off and just relaxed as best I could.  When I got out of that appointment, I had several voice mails waiting for me.  By the time I went to my PET Scan appointment at 1:00 pm, we had the change of location resolved, and we moved the BBQ lunch, silent auction/raffle, kids booths, music, and bake sale indoors to the elementary school where I teach. It was a good thing we got it resolved beforehand, because during my PET Scan I'm supposed to be calm and relaxed for the procedure. ;)

The skies continued to open up and dump rain the rest of the day.  Many prayers were being said, begging, pleading, for the rain to stop.  It didn't!  I was so worried about the rain, not that it would ruin MY fundraiser, but because my dear friends had worked so hard the past three weeks organizing it, that I didn't want their efforts to and hard work be all for naught.  Friday night they held a packet pick-up.  In the cold rain.  There was some hesitation and thought that no one would come. It was bitter cold and very wet.  To our surprise the majority of the runners picked up their shirts that night!  This gave a lot of hope that the race was still going to happen!  We all went to bed that night still praying that the rain would stop.

We all woke up Saturday morning, November 23rd, still praying.  It seemed as if our prayers were getting stuck in the rain clouds, because the rain was still coming down in a steady drizzle.  The race was to begin at 9:15 in the morning.  I was sure nobody was going to come.  I got my family ready and we headed to the park around 9:00. As we were driving over, I realized the rain had stopped! Furthermore, I was nearly in tears when I saw how many people were there! Rain or shine, they came to support me. ME! I felt so loved at that very moment.  Although it was still very cold, the 5K run was a huge success! Plus, there wasn't a single drop of rain during the run!  As soon as we all finished gathering our stuff at the park at the end of the run, to head up to the elementary school, for the rest of the fundraiser, the rain started up again and rained the rest of the day! Our prayers were being heard and they were answered! Our Father in Heaven blessed us with dry skies during the race, and an indoor facility to carry out the rest of the fundraiser! 

I was one of the last to arrive at the elementary school, and I was brought to tears yet again when I walked in those doors! There were so many people in that room!  There was so much love and support being offered there! My friend Katie said it well, "I think the previous days of rain were also a blessing. It forced us to move the event to Crimson View Elementary, where we had a roof over our head, warmth, all the tables and chairs we could need, a stage, and a playground for the kids. All of which meant that people came for the event and stayed." It was an amazing success, and I couldn't believe it was all for me and my family.  I was and still am truly grateful! 

Ian and I are strong-willed individuals and we usually say no when it comes to people offering us help.  We didn't have the financial means to cover our upcoming medical expenses, but we knew we would figure it out.  My friends insisted on putting together this fundraiser, and I am grateful they did.  I wasn't really expecting much money from it, and if we got $5,000 I would have been happy.  Because we had a high deductible medical insurance plan, and that my diagnosis came at the end of one year, and treatment leading into the next, we needed $20,000 just to cover our deductibles.  I wasn't expecting to receive all of this from one fundraiser, and my friends were insisting on throwing another in the early Spring. We were willing if necessary, but wanted to "wait and see" if that would be necessary. We committed from the beginning to be good stewards over the funds so many had sacrificed to obtain, and provide, on our behalf. These were sacred funds and we intended on treating them as such! We didn't know for sure if the dollar amount gathered would meet the dollar amount needed but amazingly, Ian just paid our last medical bill of 2014 (we met our deductible quickly in January, but just now received our last bill) about a week ago. We've had just enough money from the fundraiser to cover all of our medical expenses to date! No matter how many times I begin typing this next sentence, words alone cannot express the gratitude we feel to all of you. We were truly blessed by the efforts my friends put in to organizing this fundraiser, by the willingness our community offered their goods, services, and money, and by our family members, friends, co-workers, and complete strangers willing to purchase shirts, race entries, lunch, baked goods, and raffle items.  

We are indeed grateful for the wonderful women who put all of this together. We will never forget the tender mercies and miracles that transpired that day.  As Ian and I were typing this out, tears of joy and love streamed down our faces yet again.  We are grateful to live in such a wonderful community.  We will be paying it forward for the rest of our lives.  THANK YOU SO MUCH! MUCH LOVE!

Chemo Round 3

As mentioned in my previous posts, chemo makes me tired.  Life makes me tired.  Being a mom makes me tired.  I feel like I am always, always tired. (Except now, when it's 3:00 am and I can't sleep!) Our Vegas trip was spent sleeping! I felt like a cat, sleeping for 22 of the 24 hours of the day.  It never seems that I can get enough sleep.  Well, after my second round of chemo, and from my blood draw preparing me for my third round of chemo, we found a medical reason WHY I was so tired.  My red blood cells were quite low, and my platelets too!  My body had been working overtime trying to recover from chemo, and I had been working my body overtime trying to continue life on as normal, you know with school, work, being a wife and a mom!  No wonder why I was utterly exhausted! No wonder why I wanted to take a nap at 8:30 in the morning, when I just woke up 7:00!  No wonder why I was in bed every night at 9:00, and that was only because my kids didn't got to bed until 8:30.  No wonder why I was so dang tired!

Although my blood count was low, my platelets normal range should be between 150,000-400,000, and mine were at 108,000, it wasn't low enough to change up my chemo treatment.  My doctor still followed the original treatment plan, and we will continue to monitor my blood count (which we do anyway).  So, on Friday, January 17th, I had my third round of chemo! Wahoo! Half way point! I invited my book club girlfriends this time, who were the ones who organized my fundraiser too! (I know. I know. I still need to do a post on that!) Not everyone could make it, but they were with me in spirit.  However, I did have a great time with the ones who could come! Love them!  Get us in a room and you are bound to hear some interesting conversations! :)  My sister came by for a bit too and Ian stopped by for a bit.  It is sad when life is so crazy busy that our new meeting place has to  be at my chemo appointments.  If I had more time, I'd probably suggest reading two books a month just so I could see these ladies more often!

Anyway, back to chemo.  Chemo round 3 has been the absolute worst by far!  A good indication that it was going to be a cruddy go-around was A.  I was already exhausted and we had the low blood counts to prove my body wasn't up to par. B.  I woke up with diarrhea the morning of chemo. and C.  I came home with nausea directly after chemo!  During my doctor appointment, I asked him for some different anti-nausea meds, but he said since nausea seems to be my only major side effect, that I will just have to push through.  Which I was fine with, because typically by day 3 post chemo, I am able to function pretty well with the nausea lingering.  I was grateful that my chemo treatment fell on a holiday weekend, which meant that I can sleep still on Monday and be back to work by Tuesday.  Boy was I wrong! 

I slept most of the day on Saturday.  All day on Sunday.  And I mean all day.  I woke up at 6 in the morning to be with my youngest son, who woke up at one in the morning throwing up everywhere!  (On a side note, one of my kids have been sick either during or after every single round of chemo I have had so far!)  In which Ian was up all night with him, so I wanted to give Ian a little bit of a break.  I then went back to bed at 8:30 and slept until 2:30.  Got up to try and spend some time with my family and was back in bed at 6:00.  I then slept most of the day Monday.  Ian ended up staying home from work to be with the kids, because Blake still was throwing up a little bit, and I was far from being able to function as a human being yet.  The moments I was awake, I was combating horrific nausea, a nasty metal taste in my mouth, a burnt tongue and throat, diarrhea, and vomiting!  

On Tuesday, I felt horrible, but it was my day 3 post chemo.  I was suppose to be out of bed.  I was suppose to be to work.  I got my kids ready for the day.  I got myself ready for the day.  I was going to push through.  I am tough.  I can do this.  WRONG!  I dropped my kids off to my sister-in-law, called in sick to work and went back to  bed!  Wednesday was the exact same way!  I couldn't stand it!  What's wrong with me!?!  Why am I not at work?  Why am still in bed?  Why won't my stomach stop hurting?  Why do I have diarrhea?  Why am I vomiting?  Why have I not eaten a single thing since last Friday?  BECAUSE I HAVE BREAST CANCER AND AM GOING THROUGH CHEMO THERAPY!!!  Duh Ryan!  It's okay to take a sick day, or two, or a week!  My body needs it!  I was told this through a new friend of mine who is battling the same disease, just different stage in the journey.

By Wednesday night, I was tired of feeling so cruddy.  I decided to go into the ER and get an IV bag of fluids.  I called the on-call doctor before going in.  He said the choice was mine to go to the ER, but he recommended for me to wait until the morning and just go into the infusion clinic and get fluids.  His advice sounded dandy, but I've been through hell, and I didn't want to deal with it any longer.  I didn't feel dehydrated, but was just hoping that the fluids would get me started in the right direction.  Since I wasn't eating, and I was barely drinking, because water even tasted that horrible, I was getting desperate for something.  

I took an Ativan just before going to the ER, and then threw up again.  So I wasn't sure how much I actually was able to get into my system.  While at the ER, they gave me another 1 mg of Ativan, some Benadryl, and an IV bag of fluids.  I fell asleep.  I slept good.  I felt great.  Good thing Ian was with me, because I wouldn't have been able to drive myself home, I was so groggy when they woke me up! I slept great that night, and felt a little better Thursday morning.  I decided I could push through.  I went to work! Although I felt cruddy, it was great to be among the living again.  I took some noodle soup/chicken broth to work with me.  I still had  hardly eaten anything up to this point.  That chicken broth tasted so divine!  It didn't stay in my body long.  I wasn't out of the woods.  Still diarrhea.  Still throwing up.

I continued to push through.  I bathed my kids that night.  I was a mom again!  I was happy.  It was short lived!  I was up in the middle of the night with diarrhea again!  GRRRRRR  I took some more anti-diarrhea meds.  Prayed they'd work.  They finally did! I only made it to work for 2 hours on Friday.  Went to my Herceptin treatment.  My dad, mom, and sister came.  They tried to force me to eat.  I couldn't.  Everything I ate tasted like the smell of burnt hair.  Yeah, trying swallowing your food, whatever it may be, donuts, chips, salad, chicken, candy, soda, water, crackers, etc. and it all tastes like  burnt hair!  Makes eating really, really difficult.  I have lost probably over 5 pounds from this past week.  From round three of chemo.  

By Saturday, I began to feel "normal" again.  And by normal, that means just better than the day before.  I've pushed through.  I've started to drink more water and I was able to eat part of my meal for dinner tonight.  And lemon heads seem to be the only thing I can eat that actually tastes like what it is suppose to! Now only if they had any nutritional value to them.

On a good note from this horrible week, my energy levels have improved!  I've been able to get some good rest.  Except for tonight, of course.  It's rolling up on 4:00 AM! 

One thing I've learned from this round is that it is okay to rest.  I don't have to be superwoman.  My body needs the time to recover, and I need to allow it!  For my next round, I will make sure that I have sub plans prepared.  I will make sure that I will have babysitting and meal plans and school work prepared.  So I don't have to feel guilty about recovering from chemo.  Come on!  That is the silliest thing I've ever heard, and it's coming from me!  Feel guilty from recovering from chemo!  I got to get it together! I can do this.  We can do this!  And it's okay to sleep!  

And again, thank you all so much for your constant love and prayers.  Thanks for your support.  Thanks for your kind words.  We're in this fight together! 

Chemo Round 2

My second round of chemo was two days after Christmas.  I was grateful for this, because it meant that I could feel great on Christmas day for my family.  For my kids.  For myself.  It was nice to have a relaxing Christmas at home, watching my children play with their new toys, and not have to feel cruddy.

I have a little bit of anxiety the week leading up to my chemo treatments.  The anxiety stems from the unknown, as well as the known.  I knew how bad I felt after my first treatment.  I knew how dry and painful my skin on my face got.  I knew how my body ached.  My tummy ached.  How food tasted horrid.  But, I also don't know how my body will react the second time around.  Will I have the same skin problems?  Will I vomit this time?  Will I have diarrhea this time?  The hair was already gone, so I didn't have to worry about that one anymore.  That was nice!

My sister was still in town from Colorado when I went in for my second chemo treatment.  So, I  thought it would be fun to have my mom and two sisters at chemo with me.  My sister was heading back to Colorado this day, and my parents were headed to Moab to spend some time/Christmas with my brother and his family there, so it was good to get some good sister giggles in before they all left.  When you get all of us together we don't know how to do anything BUT have a good time!

Before each chemo treatment, I have my blood drawn.  This is so my doctor can look at my blood count to see if my body is strong enough for the next treatment.  According to my doctor, everything looked good.  My weight was still up.  I felt good.  I was ready to get another round of chemo in the books!

I did let my doctor know that I had a lot of nausea the first week after my first chemo treatment.  I told him I was taking my anti-nausea meds, but nothing seemed to help subside the nausea.  I gave me a different concoction of anti-nausea meds to go through my port.  He told me what they were called, but I can never pronounce the names of medication, let alone remember their names!  However, I was excited for them because he said they'd have a delayed release, so I probably won't have a problem with the nausea.
In the very very beginning, he told me that I probably won't have a problem with nausea or vomiting anyway, because that typically happens to people with high anxiety, and "I seem like a pretty cool cat."  Well, as cool as I may appear, and as much as I don't have high anxiety, I still get nauseous!  And the meds still didn't work!

So, nausea was still a big nasty side effect of my second chemo treatment.  It lasted 8 days.  It was a night out with friends, filled with lots of laughter, that kicked the last bits of nausea out of my system!  However, my face did not break out! Thank heavens!  I did not want to go through that again.  After my first chemo treatment, and skin issues, my sister-in-law gave me a big tub of Cetaphil moisturizing cream, and I used globs of that daily.  I also wash my face and scalp with Cetaphil gentle face wash.  I slept for the first two days after treatment, and I was grateful that I was still on Christmas break from school, so I didn't have to worry about taking time off from work.  

The first few days after chemo throw me into a little depression.  I'm sure some of the reason is because I just pumped my body full of harsh chemicals/drugs/poison, but I also think some of it is from laying in bed for a few days and just downright feel crappy in my tummy.  However, by the third day I feel the need to pull myself out of it and force myself out of bed.  So, even though I wasn't feeling 100%, I forced myself out of bed and faced the world. I figure if the worst I have to deal with is the nausea, then I can suck it up and carry on.  My mouth burned again, and the foods tasted horrible that first week, but my appetite was coming back and I was starting to feel myself again by about day 5.  Which is good, because school started  back up then.  Good thing it started on a Thursday though, so I could enjoy sleeping in again on the weekend. :)  

Love these women!!!!!

 That night after chemo, I spent some time at the pediatric night clinic with my oldest son.  He had come down with pink eye in both eyes!  Pink eye was running rampant down here, and spreading like a wildfire.  I wanted to get him some eye-drops before I was going to be down and out and able to do anything about it for a few days.  It was fun to spend some "one-on-one" time with him, even though it was was the doctor's office. I felt great, and couldn't believe that I had just had a chemo treatment hours before.   But I knew it wouldn't be too long before I was going to be laying in bed feeling cruddy, so I was taking advantage of spending some time with him.  And that meant piggyback rides through the parking lot!

During my chemo brain recovery, I asked my wonderful sister-in-law if she would watch our kids while Ian and I took a weekend getaway to Vegas! She wonderfully said YES!  Which was just the escape we needed.  Before all of this breast cancer craziness started, our lives were crazy busy.  I was training to run my first marathon, which I completed 9 days before the initial diagnosis!  I was also in school full-time working on getting my Special Education teaching license, working part-time as a Special Education teacher, being a wife and mother.  All the while, my husband was busy supporting me in all of my crazy adventures and adjusting to his recent career change.  I also had to lay to rest my triplet brother, at the young age of 31 at the end of July, so my family has been through the ringer in 2013!  Now that we had a couple rounds of chemo under our belt, and our schedules were slowing down just a bit, only to get busy again because I am able to finish my final semester in college this semester, my husband and I realized that we needed and wanted to take a break.  To sleep!  

We kissed our kids good-bye and loaded our bald heads in the car on a Friday afternoon, and headed to Vegas.  We checked into our hotel by around 4:00, and took a nap until 7:30.  We woke up to go eat dinner and then went back to bed! We repeated that cycle the whole weekend! It was the most relaxing time we had in a long time.  We felt a little guilty at first, like we should actually go out and do something.  But then I said no way.  I left town so that I could get some good, quiet, uninterrupted sleep.  It was the most expensive nap(s) I have ever taken, but it was needed and well deserved!  Plus the kids had an absolute wonderful time playing with their Aunt.  It was a win-win situation for everyone!

We jumped back into our crazy busy life as soon as we got back.  college was in session, and round 3 of chemo was waiting in the horizon.

The new Us!

We knew that hair loss was going to be a side effect from chemo.  My sister was holding out hope that I wouldn't lose my hair, because there are some people that don't lose their hair during chemo.  There are a lot of different chemo drugs.  Some cause hair loss.  Some don't.  Mine, causes hair loss, so I wasn't holding out any hope that I would be able to keep it.

I thought that I was okay with losing it.  I never was attached to my hair.  It never was what defined me.  I was never the girl with the most beautiful hair.  It was long.  It was thick.  It was blonde.  But it was just hair. The closer I got to my first chemo treatment, the more sad I became at the thought of losing my hair.  I realized it defined me more than I thought! It was beautiful.  It was a part of me.  It was another thing that made me look like  a woman.

My doctor told me that it would take about 17 days after my first chemo for my hair to be gone.  17 days!  That is quick.  I told Boston that by Christmas I would be bald.  He giggled.  I was a little saddened, not because he giggled, but because I was nervous about what I would look like bald.  On the exterior, I put on a brave face and said all of the strong, uplifting words, but inside I was scared and nervous.

I woke up each morning checking my pillow for any loose hairs.  I nervously brushed my hair.  I watched for those strands to just start coming out.  I was fortunate each morning that I got to style my hair one more day.  I was fortunate each  morning that I woke up with bedhead yet again.

I made it through the first week just fine.  However, it was day 11, Monday, that I noticed few more loose strands.  I thought, "Is this it?  Is this the beginning of losing my hair?"  Tuesday, day 12, I realized that I was losing my hair.  It was coming out in the handfuls every time I ran my hands through my hair.  I was sad.  I was nervous.  I was letting a part of me go.  By Wednesday, day 13, I was losing twice as much as the day before.  My hair brush was full of hair every time I brushed it. This night was Ian's work Christmas party.  I knew I wanted hair for that, so I pulled my hair up in a ponytail to preserve any hair that I could.

 Thursday, day 14, I brushed my hair that morning, and lost as much hair in that one brushing than what I did the day before, and the picture doesn't even do its justice.  So I didn't even wash it this day.  I pulled it up in a ponytail and went to work.  My goal was to get through the work week, so I could deal with having a bald head on my own without having to be to work.  However, with as much hair as I was losing, I decided that we needed to shave it Thursday night.  I probably could have just brushed my hair for an hour and wouldn't have had to shave it, it was coming out that much and that fast!

I wanted the boys to be a part of it, and Olivia to be awake for it, so we did it right after dinner.  The first thing to go was the ponytail.

Then Ian handed the clippers over to the boys to let them have a chance at shaving.  They thoroughly enjoyed shaving their mom's head. :) 

Ian learned how to cut his hair on his mission.  So he has always been the one to cut our boys' hair.  I used to joke that I am going to have him start cutting my hair, because it would be so much easier.  I never thought that joke would actually come to fruition! 

I was still quite nervous as he was shaving my head.  I was afraid I was going to look like my brothers.  My triplet brothers.  My "womb-mates."  I texted this picture to my brother Jason, so see if we actually looked alike.

When my head was buzzed, Blake wouldn't rub it.  He said it was too spiky.  Even after I showered, I asked him to rub my head.  He said "No way." I sat by him in on the couch and asked for a hug.  Again, he said "No way."  He then said, "Mom, I want you to sit over there." and pointed to a chair across the room.  Ian and I thought he was nervous to see me without any hair.  However, after Ian finished shaving my head with a razor, he ran up to me and said "Mom, I want to RUB it!" and LOVED it! :)

Ian is a such a great warrior through this whole process.  This is as much his battle as it is mine.  To show his support for his bald wife, he decided to shave his head as well!  But when heads are shaved, you have to shave a mo-hawk first! ;)

Now during this cold winter, Ian and I are both walking around with bald heads!  I was most nervous about losing my hair because I didn't know what I would look like.  However, I love it!  I'm kinda diggin this bald look, and I don't think I want to buy a wig.  I haven't gone around bald, yet.  I either have a hat, do-rag, or scarf on.  But, I still look like ME!  

Yet again, we are overwhelmed with the love and support as we take on the new challenges of this journey.  Miss Olivia wants to wear a hat, since her Mama is always wearing one.  The boys don't seem to mind our bald heads.  And our friends and family and all of our cancer warriors have loved them as well!  Thank you all so much!