Last Chance FET

Well, the third time really is the charm. A positive with my 3rd HPT on our 3rd FET. And, FWIW, Peanut was our 3rd fresh cycle (and the only one that made it to xfer)! Hmmm, wonder if we're about to get our second and THIRD children...

I had a negative FR digital the evening of 9dpt, a negative FRER this morning, 10dpt, and now tonight we have a winner. I held my pee for four hours and opened a new box of FRER. I knew the first two had to be wrong. My pee has been smelling funky for days and days and the veins in my boobies are more pronounced. I've also been having a pain in my belly that I've only ever had when I was pg with Peanut.

Hallelujah!! Sorry I haven't been updating as we've gone along.

On July 28 we transferred 4 day three embryos. They were 8 cell, 7 cell, 6 cell, and 5 cell. There were 2 that did not survive the thaw. I'll try to post pics of the embies soon.

Beta is 8/9/2011. I'll be certain to update.

Greetings from NYC

I triggered last night!!!! Whoohooooo! I'm feeling great. I cannot believe how easy this cycle has been on me. I have had enough energy to enjoy the city and I haven't been uncomfortable. With my other 2 stim cycles, I was exhausted and my ovaries were so big that I had difficulty walking. I'm not kidding. Both times, they grew to the size of grapefruit. Holy crap it was uncomfortable. And now I know, unnecessary This treatment has been so much more gentle. No wonder Cornell has such great success rates. I told DH a few nights ago, "this is not IVF as we know it!" No mood swings, no depression, no mandatory afternoon naps...what's going on here? When I made that comment, I was in the process of mixing my drugs and DANCING to music on the tv. WTF - I would have no more thought of dancing with my prior stim cycles than retrieving my own eggs!

So, back to the story of now... I've got lots of nice follies and my uterus is 6.8 mm. It's just all good all around. I go in tomorrow early am for ER. Wish me luck!

We're staying in the city tonight and tomorrow, but we've been staying in NJ b/c DH is working there. I've been commuting in daily for monitoring. I've been getting up at 5 am every morning to commute in to be here by the 8:30 cut off for b/w & u/s. It really hasn't been bad. I come in and then I have the whole day to explore Manhattan. I haven't spent too, too much on clothes shopping. :-) I get pretty cheap when it comes to spending money on clothes and shoes so that slows me down. If it's not marked down several times, I have to be totally in love with it to buy it.

Hmmm, it just occurred to me that I started this blog to bitch and right now I don't have a damn thing to bitch about. I'm happy, healthy, and head-over-heals in love with my DH. Here's hoping I'll soon be pg and I can maintain this happiness.

See you on the other side of egg retrieval.

Fear

How can you simultaneously want something so much and be so terribly afraid to do what you have to do to get that thing that you want so much?

In this case, of course, "that thing" is a baby. What I have to do to get it is submit my body to the freakish science of IVF again. Logically, I know that this cycle will be easier on my body. Emotionally, I'm scared shitless. The fresh cycles with the OHSS were so hard on my body. The first FET the Lupron made me a crazy, psycho-bitch-shell of myself.

Deep breath. I'm suppressing with BCP's there will be no Lupron. My stimulation drugs will be a fraction of what they were before. Even so, I've been fighting depression for the last week. Is it the impending cycle or is it the BCP's? I don't know if BCP's have ever caused me to be depressed. I was blissfully clueless about what was going on with my body when I was on BCP's in the past. Isn't it a joke that we ever did anything to keep from getting pg? Anyhoo, I'm scared. I'm nervous. I'm trying to talk myself through this. There's a part of me that wants to yell uncle, but what will that get me. Years of what could have been.

Hmm, I didn't even touch on the fear of another loss. I'm going to go try to work and take my mind off of all of this for a little while. Fat chance!