The aftermath???nonono...

The torturing process of sitting final MBBS finally came to its halt for me...Emotionally and physically it was really not an easy process,with so much knowledge to cramp inside that puny brain inside my skull seems like a never ending task....The adrenalin rush,the thought blocking and other anxiety symptoms manifested at its highest frequency over the past weeks...Deep in my heart,:"Wake up,this is final MBBS !"

Those three cases today...i crossed my fingers and hope for the best...please let me go through....

The last hour of exam just darted through and i was walking back my hostel room shivering...The air condition in quarantin ward seriously means bussiness(for our fatty tissue to generate heat).Felt that i may come down with a fever and the intention of sending my beloved Acer to Sg Wang went down to the drain....i wanted to go back at least for a few days ...i missed my HOME , father and mother...

The feeling of apprehension took its break as i am spilling out all my thoughts.Even my poor heart need a break from all of this.I made myself clear,no matter how is the outcome on that dreadful monday,accepting it and keep looking forward is the wisest thing to do...Even though meaning delaying "going out" to the "outside world".

Yes,it had ended...,hopefully ended for good :D

The feeling of apprehension....

Intense fear gripped over me the whole day yesterday after finishing OSCE exam....To put it simple,i really did not perform well....the greatest fear would be not able to make it for this paper....develop symptoms for obsession where the thought of OSCE keep on intruding my mind and also develop the compulsion to estimate the minimum mark that i am able to obtain.

This feeling is so hard to get rid off...Though watching anime may relief the tension a little but the echo of that fear still persist...I felt so helpless and really was at the edge...i never experinced this intense fear and stress up until yesterday...the stakes are too high i guess...

Im fortunate though there are people who would give me strength and courage to keep it going...those words of wisdom from my buddy wei2 really make a difference....and all those sms's (from budyline mostly..haha)and last minutes pointers by colleagues really helped a lot...it made me felt im not alone in this grueling exam.....

Look forward should be the cleverest thing to do,and nothing will be accomplish if i wallow in my own mind and emotion....I must put effort until the end!!!!!! add oilz frens!!

The road so far...

It's day two of final MBBS exam,the exams were just filled with suprises.... i kept on regretting i dont have enough time or miss this and miss that...sigh...just hope that evreything can end safely...

Tomorrow is OSCE day,where i need to shift between stations and solves different types of problems...another two difficult day in a row ...watched Marley and Me to relax the mind.And by watching that wonderful movie made me realize that sometimes life really take us to places we never expected to be in...no matter how hard we try to plan,there will always be suprises waiting for us...its a great movie indeed and probably that little motivation and hope are all i needed to boost my morality to finish this exam....weariness easily sets in time of stresses and we may lost our drive for what we were fighting for...

Everything tomorrow will need quick thinking,skills,good performance, and most importantly keep the head straight when dealing with unknown teritory... I can do it...4 more exam days to go through!!!

In the pit....

Today was not so great....woke up extremely late,at the end of study week,behind schedule for revision plan....and i just knew that i was being ditch from the initial indonesia plan post MBBS final exam trip...all d other 2 "members" throw aeroplane/pigeon"(whatever).

i was thinking,should i go alone?or find some other people who willing to go...but it so short notice,who to find?if i was told earlier probably i wont buy that extra ticket,wasted my money and time....zzz.....

Sigh.....maybe it's the exam stress....i am very irritable,been hiding in the room and avoiding human contact all day long....perhaps tomorrow is a better day....

Books/notes/laptop/biscuits/increase need for sleep...

Tht's basically sums up my past 1 week....in the middle of study week for final MBBS ,and feeling so drained at certain times and in denial(watching show/anime to numb the anxiety)...occasionally some exercise did do some good,at least preventing deep vein thrombosis(blood clots in vessels of the legs) or pressure sore from forming....

And the longer im in my room,the feeling of staying in a jungle just keep stronger...always woken up by unidentified bird :"piu-ing...."it just keep on piu-ing and pui-ing...to a stage it's get a bit annoying ,and a few days ago a squirrel stop by the tree outside my window(stalking me???-delusion of prosecutary)....and the occupants downstairs keep on feeding the small birds...but attracting crows instead....wow i am dame bored for writting this...probably exam syndrome in engulfing me alive....

I shouldnt complaint,as there only 2 weeks left to cramp all the past lesson into that limited human CPU....yes...must work hard,not getting distracted....need to add oil....add oil too fellow friends...