DEATH

We hope for eternal life, sure. But it's always sad to lose someone.

Well-meaning Christians say to me after a loss - It's okay, you'll get to see him again. And it annoys me.

We're not good dealing with death, and Christians aren't much better than anyone else. When someone passes away, people always want to talk about celebrating life, and not actually acknowledging the truth, which is sad. Like, death is sad. Death takes people away from loved ones. You won't see them again. You don't get to spend time with them again on this life. That is a sad reality. Whatever happens in the future, whatever in the light of eternity is to come, the truth is there is a sadness and a loss for the present.

And I think, we need to be better at acknowledging loss and pain and sitting with it, rather than just trying to distance ourselves from all pain in this world because you know, we don't like it and it's uncomfortable. I mean, Jesus wept at the tomb of Lazarus, his friend, even though He knew he's going to defeat death, he's still sad at that point. And that, I think, gives us a freedom to accept that God is with us in our pain and it's okay to be sad.

Death is a horrible thing, but one day, it will be dealt with.

IT'S BEEN AWHILE

Maybe I should write again?

PUMA 10KM NIGHT RACE 2015

10km must be chicken feet for most but I was nervous as hell. My last proper run was 30 weeks ago (so guilty, Shuhui); and during these 8 months I only ran less than a handful sporadically. 

So in my last minute attempt to jumpstart my engine I tried to clock a little mileage in the past 2 weeks - two 3km, two 5km, and one painful 6km. Not enough. Way underprepared. I thought, forget bout good timing seriously. 

But because of your incessant barking I managed to get my new PB (10km 57mins) Thank you! Ranked 16/1400. Yay!

Looking back it was still a very scary experience. I'm relieved that it's over.

IN LOVE WITH MY BED

There's an argument online that one cannot list sleeping as a hobby as you are not conscious when you're asleep. You can generally assume that these people refers enjoying sleeping to that groggy half-asleep state when you know that you have an extra 2 hours on a Sunday morning or do not have to drag yourself to work. People are happy they do not have to work but that doesn't really mean they like sleeping.

Well that is true to a certain extent. However, sleeping includes the entire experience from falling asleep to sleeping to waking up.

The sweet experience of fluffing up your pillows and crawling into your bed... pulling up your sheets up to your face... snuggling and squirming under your sheets to proper up your nest... scrolling through your news feed just one last time and watching that last youtube video... before feeling that pang of drowsiness hitting you... then you clumsily throw your phone behind you... you close your eyes... you fantasise of you designing your dream home... you fall asleep... you wake up... oh it's morning... you squirm into your sheets even further... you just cozy up inside for the next hour... and another hour... until you realize you really got to wake because you're really hungry.

So do people actually enjoy sleeping in the same way someone enjoys watching a film or having a picnic?

YES.

BIG THINGS, SMALL SHIFTS

You could have created the best party on earth, honed the meanest skills, charmed that new girl on Skout. But that Girl-Of-Your-Life that you have loved so dearly? You will love her now and lose her the next. Because, maybe, you have the inability to love.

You don't know what love is.

After losing her you will think that your life is over. But the next day will inevitably arrive, you'll sleep over it, and the moment to treasure will have passed. She would have moved out of town. You'll move on. So will she. And you'll realize that till then you will never learn what love is. Because love has already brushed you by.

The end.

10 TIMES OVER

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When you think you can't survive the ordeal, wait till you get hit by the same thing 10 times over... and you'll realize that you are strong. And anything else falters against it.

ELECTRIC CURRENTS THROUGH BROKEN BONES

The eye. The bone. The skin.

Sometimes you see a flinch, and sometimes a soul.

Everyone is searching, through and through.

But nobody finds.

We're engulfed.

The faces on the papers.

'Remembered by loved ones', it says.

It fills the page.

Everything else is hollow.

Kind eye. Thin bone. Tired skin.

Her hands, weary, slaps the sandwich together.

Her chapped lips, bites into it.

She heaves.

In her grey room, that stream of light.

The music on the radio.

The yellow stain on the sheets.

Her touch, long forgotten touch.

Her song.

Her morning breath.

Her torn fingers.

Their bodies entwine, broken currents.

But she's gone.

What was left of her is gone.

In love with the girl sitting across the table.