I'm so worn out. Daddy went to the Emergency last night and we waited for hours. Really slow efficiency. I get really pissed in waiting. Finally till 1.20am, the doctor came out and told us about his condition. Fortunate thing was we brought him there early so the blood clot in his brain didn't spread to other places. However, he got to be hospitalized :( To do a thorough brain scanning. Reached home at 2am and K.O till 8am. Went to school for attendance and partial because i know my mind is still at my di's. Couldn't stop thinking about his condition now and then. Left school after lunch and headed str8 to NUH. Di was wide awake when i reached. He was wearing a tag around his wrist that says "Fall risk" which means daddy cannot afford to fall down. If he does, that's it.. Accompanied him for a few hours and i went off with mum and sis to bugis's temple for praying and went back home.

Home > Dance > Home. Really really tired :( Felt like my body couldn't take it anymore. And it's school again tmrw :( My head is hurting really badly..

1144hrs

Woke up with swollen eyes, went in daddy's room and saw him sleeping. It's the first time, the first time i ever saw him in bed in the afternoon. Neither did he went out. Something is very wrong. He woke up to have his lunch and i tried to talk to him again. I asked him how he's feeling and if he feels any discomfort. I started tearing when i had that conversation with him. Because all the discomforts he had are the symptoms of the illness which i did a research on. I tried to turn my head elsewhere so he wouldn't know i was crying but i guess.. he felt it when he heard my shaky voice. I want nothing, I just want daddy to be fine. I don't know why i have a bad feeling this time. It made me so afraid because they say a woman's intuition is never wrong. I feel so helpless :'( How am i supposed to go for FYP evaluation tmrw? With such a heavy heart, such a swollen eyes and worrying about him all the time.

1137hrs.

I have been crying in bed for hours. The only place i can turn to is this space. I reached home this evening and received a bad news from mommy. My tears literally roll down my cheeks. This afternoon, as usual, daddy was driving to work but on expressway, he realized he had trouble with seeing in both eyes so he drove to the road shoulder and called mom. Mommy was so worried that she asked uncle to drive her to the expressway as she was trembling. Mom suspected an illness but it couldn't be confirmed yet. I was so worried that i went to google about the symptoms of that illness and i was in a state of shocked when i found out daddy falls under most of the category. I just don't know how to react but i can feel my tears rolling down. There's so many things occupying my mind at that point of time. The thoughts of entering NUH A&E, the thoughts of waiting outside the ICU, the thoughts of sitting in a conference room with the doctor, the thoughts when doctor tell us to be prepared, the thoughts of heading NUH every single day, the thoughts of talking to him and hoping that he will react.. so many so many.

All of these, we've been there and done that. It was so scary and it's the last place i ever want to enter. The previous time was the worst ever. Our heart dropped when doctor told us the statistics and wanted us to be mentally prepared. Daddy is a strong man and brave man. He fought with the illness and survived. Di, you've done so much for this family. You slog your life to give us luxury life. You gave more than what we can ever expect. It's time for us to repay you so please.. for the sake of the family, no matter what, stay strong. We will always be here to accompany you. Please Di, give us a chance to repay what you've done for us. You know your babygirl here will always love you..forever and ever.

I'm feeling really tired now. I'm hoping to sleep and wake up to realize everything is just a dream. I hope it wasn't a serious illness, i hope it can be treated with just medication, i hope you will ask me the usual phrase, "you're not gg out today right? you're supposed to accompany me at home". I hope i hope i hope... i'm tired. Gn.

"Silence is a girl's loudest cry. You can always tell she's really hurt when she starts ignoring you"

Why can't you understand this?