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The blocks are over. Bio paper today. I screwed up for the essay. You know something's wrong when there's 25 mins to spare for bio haha. I didn't write enough.Mostly cos I didn't study enough. And for MCQs cos I did them too fast- 5 careless mistakes. Couldn't check the MCQs cos the first 30 minutes are allocated for MCQs, after which you have to put the qn paper under the desk. Weird, I know, but well I thought I wouldn't have enough time for structured, so I spent 15 mins for 15 questions and then hurried on to the rest of the paper. And ended up with so much spare time. Aargh.

But anyway it's finally over. I don't feel much relief though. None of that sense of some burden being lifted off my shoulders like I had last year after the EOYs. I suppose the BTs aren't as "important" as EOYs last year, but... well I think it's cos I didn't put in my best effort. Oh well. Nothing I can do now but to wait for the results to be mailed (!!!).

I will be less slack.

Today is an important day! No no not cos of what stupid block tests. On 27th June 2006 the forth Tuesday of June, at around 8.30pm, I shaved for the first time! Er the area around (or above rather, haven't done my chin yet) my mouth, not the whole head lol. Yay! Finally! Ok I won't go on for a whole para on how much I've waited to shave haha.

Hm anyway let's talk about the blocks. So far not so good. Econs on Monday was quite ok GP today was not too bad. But Physics. Aaaaaaaha Physics. Maybe it was cos the GP papers earlier today drained my brain or something. Probably cos I was just unprepared (didn't really study). I left a hell lot of blanks. And didn't have time to go back. Aargh. I won't be surprised if I get a U. Still hoping I don't though.

Please let me breeze through Maths, Chem and Bio! I'm sort of regretting taking up H1 Bio now haha. Oh well.

I look weird without my "moustache". Takes some getting used to I guess. Hm...

[EDIT on Thursday: I'm so sad... almost no one noticed. Or rather, maybe everyone noticed, but they just um didn't dare to say? Somehow shaving is sort of a 'taboo' topic lol. I quite sure I look different. It's pretty obvious...]

I never really knew him. He was just my grandfather. My mother's father. Almost just another relative. Since yesterday, on more than one occasion, I've caught myself dreading the hassle of attending the wake. I should not feel that it's a mundane task. We were never close, but he is still my grandfather.

I'm ashamed that I've not really managed to shed a tear for him. But when I look at everyone else, I can't help but get affected by them. I feel sorry that they, especially my grandmother, have to bear this pain of loss. We're still haunted by two years ago. I still am, at least. If fate deals a random hand, we have no luck.

Sudden losses are not much different from the long drawn out 'process'. I suppose it was easier for him- a quick departure, but not so for us. We still suffer, whether it is the 'long process' or the sudden one. But the sudden one... is just shocking. I just saw him 3 days ago, at lunch. He was all normal, nothing wrong. Just like any other day. One heart attack (not confirmed, but probable) and he was gone. I remember I was at the busstop when I got the call. I couldn't really believe it. I comforted myself with the fact that he lived for around 80 years (edit: 77. I actually never knew before today...) That's probably the first thing anyone would say when someone old passes away. What difference does it really make actually- the age at death? Yes, at least, he wasn't "shortchanged", but it's still a loss.

I wonder how long it'll take for everything to revert to normalcy. Actually even after that last time... things have changed a lot. A lot. I still wonder what everything would've been like if that never happened two years ago. But we've earned to move on. We will again. But it won't be the same.

Bur lives will be different; these few days will probably slow to a drag, but the world pretty much just keeps on going. t doesn't stop. The loss of someone makes no real difference to the rest of the world. I'm not religious, so it's frightening to think that once you're dead, it's all over. I thought about it a lot the last time. What happens when one is dead. Theoretically one should have lost all consciousness. But I dunno... I still remember that last time I was hoping she could still hear us talking to her. My mind was playing tricks on me- I thought I could see her chest moving up and down, breathing. I was just desperate I guess. Refusing to accept the truth. Rejecting it all. She was gone. Now another one is gone. I wonder when it'll be my turn. I'm afraid of death, to be honest. Yes I know I'm really too young to be contemplating 'death'. But why not. There's no rule that if you're young you won't die. And I hope I don't. I mean, I hope I don't too early. And even then, I think I'd still be afraid to die. They say people with religions can accept death. But I dunno... non-religious people can too. When they have lived a fufiling life with "no regrets". I suppose in time to come, I will learn to accept when my time has come.

So today's the wake/funeral, and maybe tomorrow and the day after too. I know it's inappropriate for me to complain, but it's really bad timing. Block tests next week. I'm not even half-prepared I think. And now I'm probably gonna lose a lot of precious time. Sigh. Brought my econs notes over (at my grandma's house now). I'll just read through and try to memorise I guess. It’s my fault really. I should’ve started long ago. But I procrastinated. This loss of a few days is no excuse if I fail the blocks.

Doesn't life just suck. I'm not gonna give up though. Nothing's bringing me down.

Finally. After three weeks of procrastination. I have finally sorted out all my notes and tutorials and organised them as neatly as possible. That's one nagging thought at the back of my mind struck out. There's still the biggie though- preparation for block tests. I can finally start. Yep a bit late, I know. But better than never. Now I can really start 'studying'.

I was intending to start mugging like crazy after yesterday, but allow me one more moment of indulgence. I need to blog about farewell yesterday. [EDIT: Ok ended up as over one hour of typing, not just "one moment" haha.]

Ok, so it wasn't my farewell. But we put so much effort into it. For our seniors.

Reached school at 7am for final last-minute preparations. Damn early. Slept at 12 plus the day before. Luckily I managed to last throughout the whole day. Jonny and I still hadn't got the SL gifts ready yet haha. Sure, it was a last minute thing, but not too bad I guess. Um m&ms sorted into different coloured layers and put into glass bottles which we got someone else to get (haha slack). I'm really not good at gift ideas...

Alright so after just um idling around, practicing the two songs and (occasionally) helping out with the preparations. 3 hours just went by like that. Almost 10. We rushed like mad to get everything to the AVT from inner plaza. And then the seniors themselves weren't ready with their stuff, so the whole thing was postphoned to 10.30. Phew. Gave us more time, so we could at least quickly write rioHC 2006 on their caps (which already had their own names painted/'glittered' on), some indication of choir. Otherwise, like I was telling some people, 20 years down the road they might look at their cap and say "eh, what's this. ooh I didn't know I made a cap". Something like that haha.

And so we waited for the J2s to arrive at the AVT. Started late at around 10.45 I think. 10 to 12 was supposed to be Handover, organised by the J2s. The (ex) P and VP, sua and val, said their stuff, and then everything started. The previous exco went down in front and then they called up the new exco members one by one. Why they started with Bass SLs first puzzled me haha. Maybe it was just cos they were sitting at the edge of the row. Hm. Alright so jonny and I went down first. Sure enough, like jonny had said (cos he was around for last year's farewell) they handed down this boxer shorts with stars on them. It was the Bass SL... um "heirloom" since 2003. The previous SLs wrote their names on a star each before passing it down. Not bad eh? haha. One by one the new music comm, and then the admin comm were called down. Too bad kenneth wasn't there. I shook guowei's hand instead for the RM-logistics post.

The seniors already gave us our gifts when we went down, so we went back to get ours. I had to stall for time, cos after only a few hours, the "Sean e Bass SL" I wrote in permanent marker on the bottle was already fading! Aaah. Ok so I hastily rewrote it and went back down to pass it to Sean while Jonny gave his to Edmund. Jonny came up with some crap (yes, really crap haha) about how the different layers represented something. Like wth haha. Ok so I guess at least taking lit helps in something. lol. I hope our gift was um good enough. Hm I wonder if the m&ms would decompose or something. Ok they should right. Or would they melt. Aargh. At least there's still the bottle I guess.

So after a bit of photo taking we had lunch. The seniors already told us beforehand that lunch was to be provided by us, haha. So to cut costs we went for pot luck. The food was not bad actually. But I didn't get to eat much. Was too busy helping out with preparations inside the AVT while the seniors were outside eating. Streamers, candles, video and all.

After lunch we quickly rushed everyone in to watch the video. But Miss Lim came, and she wanted to audition the 4 potential SCs first. So we had to sing the front parts of Calme and Hainan. Not that I minded or anything, but 4 times of the front parts, each time stopping just before the song got to the better part? Aargh. haha. I was kinda hoping Jonny would be the male SC. But Defeng got the post. Looking back I think it wasn't that everyone expected Jonny to be SC. Everyone was hoping Jonny would be SC. Oh well. Not that I have anything against Defeng, but Miss Lim has her reasons I guess. Both Defeng and Jonny are good la. Oh, right, almost forgot. The female SC is Mel. I was kinda expecting that. Sort of. Hm actually come to think of it, does it always have to be one male and one female SC? haha. That's be ideal though I think...

We sang Stand By Me for the seniors. It definitely wasn't perfect- far from it in fact. But like Kim said, it was meant for entertainment haha. And I'm sure I spotted some seniors laughing. For the wrong reasons lol. I love singing the bass part of Stand By Me! Dm dm, dihdih dm dm, dihdih dm dm, dih dm dm, dihdih dm dm, dihdih dm dm, dihdih dm dm.... Ok no pitch no fun haha. Basses had a melody part too. We um did our best haha.

So we continued with our 'programme' with the showing of the video. Zhongwei's damn pro at this kinda stuff. Even after watching it so many times just the day before to check for errors, I was still moved by the pics, the messages and the bg music. Oh and speaking of errors, man were there a lot haha. Before the final cut that is. He had to re render it twice haha. Takes really long to render a video. But it was worth it. And whoops I think in the final cut there still was an error. There's no such word as "stucked" haha. Tsk tsk tenors dunno how to spell. Anyway the messages jonny wrote for the bass tribute was really touching. Sua's message was a little too harsh though, even though jonny meant it as a joke, so I er put a ;) at the back. Apparently that did the trick haha.

Alright after the vid we performed another song. You Raise Me Up. Arrangement done by Sarah. Sometimes a really simple arrangement does the trick. Damn nice. I was struggling to maintain my composure and just sing the notes.

Next was our batch gift to the seniors. The caps! Glitter still kept falling off, but the caps were still very nice! Aren't jonny's ideas great. But I was the one who went to get the caps. Aargh I wonder when I'll get my money back. Anyway we each just picked a cap "randomly" (some people still chose) and then went up to give it to the seniors. I got Benjy's. Couldn't think of anything to say, so I er just passed it to him. Aargh I should have said something. Aaah and I think I shoke Sean's hand beside him immediately after giving benjy his gift! Ok I hope he didn't think I was ignoring him or something. Ok nvm... probably thinking too much.

Section time wasn't really section time. Cos we just mingled after giving our gifts and started taking a lot of photos. I really loved our basses gift idea. Still do. We wrote [insert name] e Bass on the front of an XXL underwear for each of the seniors and a message at the back! Haha! And the underwear was byford man. Good material. Not that they'd actually wear it though haha. Some seniors gamely wore it for us to take pictures. Oh right the messages. Well we started with a hidden message for Sua's (U suck!), by using red instead of blue for the special letters in the main message that made up the special message haha. Then next we did Edmund's- sua sucks u too! And then Sean's- sua sucks not u! Haha. Really amusing. I hope they didn't take it too seriously. After that we got kinda bored (or rather I persuaded jonny to stop with the "sua sucks" haha) so we continued with "money face" for Benjamin (he was the treasurer), "computer brain for Jun Wei, "dao wushu" for Yi Hui, "ping pong noob" for Chun Kai, and "soccer" for Guan Han. Notice nothing negative for Guan Han's hidden message. Cos we couldn't think of anything else haha. Ok I must say though that the whole point wasn't just he hidden message... The main message is important too! People just kept noticing the hidden one haha. Oh well. We tried to make the main message as personalised too. Nothing too generic. Jonny insisted we juniors each say something to the J2 basses before we gave them our gifts. I almost couldn't hold back. Dunno what came over me. Aargh. I just said "we'll miss you" or something.

We had a lot pictures taken haha. Luckily I remembered to bring my camera. I've got a lot of pictures. Aaah must sort them out later though. I tried to take a pic with every senior I knew personally. Btw, I dunno why, but I think I've almost got a phobia of looking at my own photos. Photos with me in them I mean. I just don't like how I look in photos. Very prc. It just seems weird, cos I'm ok with myself in the mirror. I actually like how I look in the mirror actually. Hm... Alright enough vain stuff haha.

A lot of seniors broke down during the photo taking. They also came together to sing a lot of songs. A lot of nice songs. I hope we get to learn them.

Well that was it for our farewell programme. But the seniors had their own thing after that. The string 'game'. Most of us stayed back to watch. Put simply the "game" just involved the passing of a ball of string to someone after twirling the string around your own finger/hand and then thanking that someone for something. The result was an 'emotional web'. And then they cut it all up and each person got to keep their bit of the string. Very meaningful, really. And the stuff they said to each other... very touching. They weren't directed at me, but what some the seniors said were really heartwarming.

Jonny seemed a bit pissed throughout the string thing though . He joined the choir with the J2 batch last year when he was sec4, so natually he was attached to them, but there they were saying goodbye to each other with that emotional web thing without him. I'm glad they allowed him to join them halfway. He was as much a part of their batch as he is ours. He said it was awkward haha. I'm sure he's grateful he got to join in. Hm jonny do you read my blog. I hope not lol.

Anyway, whatever MBTI says about me, it's wrong. Or I just don't know myself that well to self-test I guess. Because I am not devoid of feeling. That's one thing I found out yesterday. I was kinda expecting to get emotional already, cos when I was watching through the video the day before I already almost got teary. I didn't actually cry or anything yesterday. Got watery-eyed at some points, like when we sang the song, and during the section stuff. Sort of broke down when val invited jonny into the circle to join the emotional web. Aargh now that I think of it it's so embarrasing, breaking down in front of the P and VP.
男子汉大丈夫流血不流泪。 Ok to hell with that haha. I'm still a guy lol.

After the emotional web thing we still stayed behind with the seniors, listening to them sing, joining in when we could and all. Hm we should have a head start on all those carols haha. Ended up leaving at 6plus. I hope our batch can be as, if not more (if that is possible haha), bonded as the J2s.

Farewell was just really emotional for us all I guess. The irony of it all- The farewell brought us junior and seniors closer together. I regret not talking more with Sean, Edmund, Benjy, Yihui, Chunkai, Guanhan, Junwei and Sua. They're great bass seniors. Like it was said in the video, Basses love each other. Cos we are the best!

rioHC.

Woah. My first over-2000-words post. haha.

Tired. Really tired out. It's been like no school hols these past few days. Just that everything's choir. Aaaaaah. Ok let's see... Since last week, when we finally realised how imminent farewell for the J2s was (this coming friday), we started preparations and all. First time doing such a thing for me man. I never did any kind of farewell for seniors before.

Oh hm... do any seniors read my blog? Nik? haha. Oh well I'll blog about the gifts and all after the day itself then. Spent a lot of time and effort on the gifts. Tired out. Really love the bass seniors' gift idea! haha jonny's and my brainchild.

Monday was voting day for choir exco. I must say I was a little excited. But I didn't know we were using the "free voting" system, meaning we had 10 names and any of the 10 could be voted for any of the 7 admin comm posts (music comm chosen). And I also didn't know we had to make a short speech. Aargh. I think I screwed up. Everyone (except me) was so eloquent. Sigh. I'm just comfortable in front of a lot of people. Especially when everyone's staring intently at you. I felt so stupid talking erm crap. I ended up saying I was running for RM (resource manager)- Equipment (there are 3 RMs). I told them I was running for Treasurer and Welfare in the interview. But then people were already running for them. Dunno la. I suppose like some said I had the benefit of going last for the speeches, so I know what everyone's running for. But, hey I was nominated for Equipment.

Ok so after lunch we came back and the results were announced. No real shockers anywhere. All quite expected I guess. I'm sure the seniors had some exco in their minds already when they chose the final 10 haha. So I'm the RM- Logistics (or Equipment... it was printed as Logistics though hm...) Kenneth (my predecessor!) wasn't around that day, so while the rest of the old and new comm were having the one on one session I was tagging along with the guowei, the old RM Welfare. Hm apparently the equipment RM was the slowest at opening the lock at the sound room and choir room. But I broke the "tradition"! haha. Fastest now. Yay. Thanks to 4 years of experiece using that big erm "turning" lock. The number's not as easy to remember as the one I used last time, but not too bad I guess.

Just last night I got the call from emmett about being selected for SL. Not really very surprising actually. Jonny and I were sort of expecting it already I guess. But for some reason my reply to emmett was a loud "oh!". I dunno. It just came out haha. Hm...

Responsibility. I really hope we can bring basses to erm, greater heights. Or at least be as good as the other sections. rioHC!

And then there's schoolwork. Aaaargh. I really haven't started on anything. I know I'm dead. I just wanna make sure I don't die that badly. Really gotta put in everything after the farewell. Everything. Must cut out all my procrastination. Sigh. I've really gotten slack.

Should I just give up.

I meant to blog on Tuesday- 6/6/6 haha. But then I half forgot, and half didn't feel like blogging. There hasn't been much going on actually. Stayed at home feeling guilty about not doing work for most days. And going out feeling guilty about not doing work on other days.

Went bowling yesterday. Lost whatever bit of skill I once had. Only barely broke 100. Hm, I wanna go bowl some more.

Ok I lost my inspiration to blog. Maybe I'll edit this again later. Or maybe (probably) not.

Paranoia. Darned personality tests.

I don't normally like to take personality tests, because I'm usually very skeptical of the results. But this one seemed quite interesting. Cos it's colourful. haha

Reserved Leader

Hover over each colour to see various "personality traits" of mine, according to the test.

Just looked through my result(s) from the MBTI personality test I took either last year or the year before (can't remember). The real one. One paper. Not the online version. I got INTP.

"Seek to develop logical explanations for everything that interests them. Theoretical and abstract, interested more in ideas than in social interaction. Quiet, contained, flexible, and adaptable. have unusual ability to focus in depth to solve problems in their area of interest. Skeptical, sometimes critical, always analytical."

I guess it doesn't sound too bad. In fact all the 16 types have pretty encouraging descriptors. I suppose they make it so. That's how these tests work. People always feel satisfied with the results. Almost always anyway.

I was quite satisfied with mine, until I discovered a some webpage with quite a depressing description of the INTP type.

"The INTP has no understanding or value for decisions made on the basis of personal subjectivity or feelings. They strive constantly to achieve logical conclusions to problems, and don't understand the importance or relevance of applying subjective emotional considerations to decisions. For this reason, INTPs are usually not in-tune with how people are feeling, and are not naturally well-equiped to..."

Aargh. That's why I say we should take these results with a pinch of salt. Yep, even with the famous MBTI test. There's no way it's 100% accurate right?

Hm... maybe I'm just dissapointed with my 'result'. haha.

Things went a lot faster this time. Maybe cos each section had two seniors from alumni. Or maybe cos we had more time to practice. Or maybe both. They dumped two other songs on us though. And we still managed it. Our batch has 6 recording songs under ou belt! Oh, yeah. Can't wait for the CD. I remember hearing that person in charge saying we'll all receive a CD of the recordings. Hm. Hope I heard correctly.

Today was really fun though. Who says we aren't bonded? Combining songs are fun man. Not the recording songs, but just random songs. Guys only- but with almost all the parts (except the alto parts which dunno why no one knows haha)! Lucky for us we have a very capable male 'sop' haha. Johnny. I'm happy singing bass.

Can't Help Falling In Love. That's my new fav satb song! I love the bass parts, and how it fits in with the other parts. We kept trying to combine it during the short breaks at the recording. Wanted it as basses only, but we had to bring in a tenor or two. But now I know all the parts! So can teach other basses. Potential sectionals fillers. ahaha.

Today was sort of the last day of choir for the holidays. Not counting the voting days and farewell. No choir for the whole of next week! Wah. I can't remember a week this year without choir. Not counting the weeks before I joined, obviously.

I just rediscovered my music collection, after adding some songs from the Bleach soundtrack. How did I forget about all those great song! The mini compo's gonna be on almost all the time from now on!

I'm still waiting

The last time I ever had mid year exams was in primary school. We didn't have to take any mid-years in chinese high. Now in the college section, mid-years are back again. And they're put after the June holidays. I suppose it's for us to make use of the June hols to study.

I cannot be as slack as I was in previous years during the June "hols". And I think for what is probably the first time ever, I won't be looking forward to the reopening of school and the start of a new term after a long break. Cos in the first place I don't think it's much of a break. And the block tests are right at the beginning of term 3.

No point brooding over it I guess. Ok, it may still be a break, but I feel really guilty everytime I don't do work. Never before did this happen during a long school "holiday". All because of the block tests.

I think I may really be waiting for nothing.

Oh, and I've finally changed the blog music!

"I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" by U2
I have climbed highest mountain
I have run through the fields
Only to be with you
Only to be with you

I have run
I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls
These city walls
Only to be with you

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

I have kissed honey lips
Felt the healing in her fingertips
It burned like fire
This burning desire

I have spoke with the tongue of angels
I have held the hand of a devil
It was warm in the night
I was cold as a stone

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

I believe in the kingdom come
Then all the colors will bleed into one
Bleed into one
Well yes I'm still running

You broke the bonds and you
Loosed the chains
Carried the cross
Of my shame
Of my shame
You know I believed it

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for...

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RECENT POSTS

Dread.

Many regrets.

So it all ends today.

Enough.

Cantare

One last day.

Depression

GOLD WITH HONOURS. We did it.

We are Hwa Chong Choir.

Okay where did my motivation go.

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No profile. Coming soon. After 31st Oct.
Oh. It's after 31st Oct already. Well, wait some more.




LOL. You know, those two sentences up there were written a year ago.
TWO 31st of Octobers have passed since. whee.

=)