Invisible Moms
It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?'
Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this? Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'
I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, she's gone!?
One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: 'To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'
In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book and I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.
A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof, no one will ever see it. And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.' I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.
At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.
When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'You're gonna love it there.'
As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.
Great Job, MOM!
Okay, so Jack and Olivia are taking a nap and Keaton is still at school, so I thought while I had a minute I'd get sappy on everyone!! Once everyone gets home and up from naps I'll never find the time. So... I realized that 8 years ago today is the day that Dan and I first met. I remember it soo clearly. I was living/going to school in Provo and he was living/working in Idaho. He came down to SLC for general conference with some of my family. They had been wanting us to meet and I just kept telling them "No Way, he's too old for me!" Plus, I was having fun doing the whole 'dating scene' down in Provo. I guess it's true when they say that when you're least expecting it, is when you usually find the 'one' for you. Well, we all went out to dinner that night and the rest is history, we both fell fast and hard for each other. We commuted every weekend until Winter semester when we couldn't stand being away from each other any more and I moved to Idaho to be near him. It worked out great because I was able to transfer my intern hours to his office. He's a dentist and I was a dental assistant, how perfect is that? Dan proposed to me that Christmas in a VERY unique way (family will understand that one!) I knew it was coming, but was completely shocked at the same time. All my friends kept saying that it was way too fast, and that I was way too young, and they had good reason to feel that way. But how do you deny something that you know is so right?! We've had a great 8 years to say the least. We've moved 7 times and hope that our next move will be the final move. But who knows, we both enjoy change! I think the best part of my day is when Dan walks in the door from work and all 3 kids jump up from whatever they are doing, run to him and yell, "DADDY!" I love that feeling of total completeness, and at that moment I know that, "Yes" I definitely made the right choice! I love my man with all my heart!
