The Toe Picker

So I snuck in to K's room to see if she had found the "tease action" that I had left for her under her pillow and this is what I found!!! YAK!!! YAK!!! Instantaneously I had flashbacks of my sister, and I won't say which one....though YOU know WHO you are, picking her toes anywhere and everywhere! I could not stand it growing up but it has now become a sister-sister-sister joke. Though not one that I am OK with if my daughter is going to carry on the tradition. YAK!!! YAK!!!

Yes. She thought that she was hilarious.....

...and this is what we were supposed to be laughing about. She has been having a nightmare about witches and it really has me bothered so I have been trying to make jokes at bedtime to have her brain thinking about "funny happy bubbly wonderful" things....Ya know....like a dinosaur sneaking in, hiding under her bed, coming out as she drifts off to sleep, and scratching her eyeballs out...? I know. Sometimes my jokes are retarded. LOL

This is one of K's famous looks right before bed. She is deep in thought. Thinking of some silly story to tell me or of some conniving scam to let her play just 5 minutes longer. I love it!...and let me point out one last thing. Look where her hands are. Her arm arched. Her knee up. Her fingers picking the toes. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....................!!!

love you kin

I found the best flashback pic of all times while I was searching for some great ones to show off at "The Girls Club" SVC reunion that we're doing the night before Jenny's wedding. Get ready cause after this night, they'll be some even better ones!

The Merge...

So when I saw these in my J Crew catalogue, I was dying with excitement.......and I won't even tell you in how many colors, I ordered these in!?! hehehe

Now I'm sure that most of you won't even understand what the big deal is with these "Tretorn" sneakers but there will be a few of you who know why I'm so excited! Not only do I love that these shoes are not the norm on others feet, but they are also super cute aaaand they have a sentimental meaning as well.

I was in grade 4/5 when "Tretorn" sneakers were the must have in Burlington. Our best-friend Julie Fatijewski was the first to show these off while wearing a "Roots" sweatshirt and a pair of jogging pants. It was even better if you could get the side trim/swish in a different color or plaid than anyone else had. My 2 favorite pairs were the pink trim and the grey plaid.

So when I think of or hear the name "Tretorn", it has a very distinct memory and style of who Kate Terry was back then! I know. I'm a dork but I can't help but love them!

Hmmm....

A new Spring sport? I'm thinking it could be a YES! We'll see.....

dear carter

the best thing about today was when you woke me up with a hug and a kiss on the shoulder and then said "good morning mom. did the bed bugs bite?!?" thanks bug a boo!
i love you

ps...thanks for making me so proud last night at scouts with your "football cheer"!


dear kindra

i love that you are so happy to see me and that you are never embarrassed of your meddling mom. and yes. we will do gymnastics.
i love you

xoxo

Look what I get to do this weekend?!?!?

---i think you are constipated...in your soul. yeah, i think you have a really big load of grumpy petrified poop up your butt!

---the trick to not feeling cheated is to learn how to cheat.

---there is no such thing as an unwritten life, only a badly written one

---a photograph is a secret about a secret. the more it tells, the less you know.


***"The Brothers Bloom" (2008)

My Hero...

These photos were obviously taken last summer during a family get-together but it is the most recent picture of my Grandma Sainsbury, my mom's mum, that I have. Since as far back as I can remember, she HATES being photographed so I don't know when I will be able to steal another one!

Granted, she has been through a lot in her lifetime...trials...births...deaths...loves...success, but that is not why I love and respect her so very much. It is her attitude that stands out more than anything.

The phone calls she made to express her love. The letters she wrote to express her positive encouragement. The smiles and the hugs that I knew she would always give.

She is my last surviving grandparent and I know that her time will soon come to an end. As sad as that makes me to not have her with us, I know that my Grandpa Sainsbury will have planned new adventures for them on the other side! I know that the influence she has had in this world will not have been for nothing. I am so thankful that part of her "being" has been handed down to me.

She has taught me patience, endurance, and faith no matter what you are going through. The times that I want to bitch, (and I do) I know that she would listen and then give me a hug, but that she would shake that finger at me and tell me to get that scowl off my face and never give up!

A few years ago, she wrote a personal history with great detailed experiences. Even though they were stories that took place close to 80 years ago, it did not matter. Circumstances may be different but "the issues" are the same. It was what I needed to read. That she had endured and had handled it.

Thank you Grandma for always being my hero and for never giving up....

I love you.....
xoxo

This scene in the movie "500 Days of Summer", always puts a smile on my face! Especially since we have all had our moments of feeling EXACTLY the same way! I sing and dance right along with him and I hope you do too! ENJOY!?!

I swear, some days, this is ME to a T?!? LOL!!!

To Feel Or Not To Feel. That Is The Question....

As some of you know, I am a huge, HUGE fan of Mentholatum. It is the cure all of EVERYTHING! Menth and I become so attached at the hip after all of the scars I have attained over the past few years. I found that by rubbing it on the scars, helped them to get back to their regular color and smoothness. It's my Mentho miracle!

Now, I can't forget my other cure cream, though it's one that I don't really like too much. It only gets my love and attention after 1, or 2, or 3, or 4, or fine, 5 idiotic mistakes! There is only one word for this mistake. BURN......

Burn #1 Heating pad 7/03 left leg calf
Burn #2 Hairdryer 8/06 right leg above knee ***circle skin graft
Burn #3 Hairdryer 8/06 right leg above knee and beside burn #2 ***train-track line
Burn #4 Four-Wheeler 5/07 right heel
Burn #5 Casserole Dish 3/10 right heel above knee and below burn #2 and overlapping #3

Just to give you an idea of what it is my poor right leg looks like, here's one sweet pic that will end your curiosity.......and let me tell you. It. Is. Yuuuuummy. Fo. Sho.

So how did I manage to do this once again??? Grrrr....that damn real cooking I don't do! One of the few times that I try to be Martha, Betty, or Ann, I get a burn to help me remember it by. Seriously. I pulled the casserole dish out of the microwave and was mid push to the table and my chair stopped inches away from my reach to the table to put the dish down so what did I do? For literally .2 seconds I put it down on my lap (it was sooooo not hot so i thought) pushed and picked it right back up to put it down on the table. No worries or no big deal...so we thought?!?

It was not until I was getting ready for bed and taking off my jeans when I saw the burn and the blisters bubbling up! I went into freak out mode because there was nothing I could do to fix it and I had no idea how deep the burn was underneath? Burn #1, #2, and #3 had all needed skin grafts and I knew I would die if I had to go through that ordeal again! Grrrrrrrr.....!!!

First call I made the next morning was up to my old friends at the University Hospital Burn Unit to see when I could have them take a look at how bad it was. Not until Saturday morning so I had to have a little flashback and remember how I should dress it until my trip up. That's when I dug deep and pulled out the Sulfadiazine cream, the gauze, and the wrap and off I went dressing away.

Saturday morning I had my apt up at the hospital and like I had hoped, it was not too deep of a burn. It only needs dressing changes twice a day which is no big deal but still. Such a re tard move!?!

I met up with my sister to finish up some wedding dress odds and ends and we were talking about, she was lecturing me about my idiotic moves.

"Seriously cooking? Really? You and the stupid cooking. Why do you need to cook?!? LOL!"

"I know. I know. I don't get it or even think about it cause I don't think it's hot enough to burn me! I mean. When you can't feel it, you don't realize it's even hot or that it can burn you!" I shrugged my shoulders and ended with a, "Well. All I can say is it happened and I can't take it back. Like I said, it's hard to judge when you don't feel it. At least I can say that. It's a good thing that I don't feel this because it would hurt like hell! I can't imagine the pain nor would I want to!"

Jenny looked at me like I had just said the dumbest thing ever.

"Is it though??? Is it really good that you can't feel it??? Cause I'm pretty sure that these incidents would not EVEN be happening if you could feel it!!!"

TOUCHE.....

Come on. I have to hold on to the last shred of positivity if I'm going to learn once again and laugh a million times again about the lessons in heat, paralyzed skin, the burn, the blisters, and the dressings!

So the question still stands.

To feel or not to feel. That is the question?

But funny story. After burns #2 and #3, since they were so similar in time, they actually sent in a psychiatrist to talk with me. Huh?!?

"Do you have feelings of depression? Do you feel about committing suicide? Do you enjoy hurting yourself for the thrill of pain? Are you seeking attention?"

All valid questions but not so valid for me. Not depressed. Not planning suicide...yet...lol. Not seeking attention, in fact this burn I did not even tell my parents because I dread their attention with things like this. Last but not least. To hurt yourself, to cut yourself for the thrill of pain, you usually have to be able TO FEEL WHERE IT IS THAT YOU ARE HURTING!!! Not so much with me. I can't feel it remember?!?

Anyway. It actually turned out to be a great weekend and it was sunny so Yiiippppeee!!!


ps-xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo a million times to my kids! i missed them and had way too much time on my hands :( and yes. i know. i am such a nimrod. when will i learn?!?

A friend of mine told me the funniest story about Kindra today while I was over at the school....

"We were reading a book that used the word "in" a lot. Every time Kindra would read the word "in", she would pause and ask me... "Hmmmmm. You know who has the best chocolate shakes? "In n Out" has the best ones EVER!" ...It was so great! She said it almost 3 times and I was laughing so hard!

Yep. That's my little twin who loves "In n Out" and who loves chocolate! hehehe

So, Carter scared the living shiza, yes shiza, out of me this afternoon. I picked Kindra up from school and we made our way back to the house. Carter's bus drops him off 5 minutes after we get home so it works out perfect. We walked in through the back door and made our way to the Front Room like we do every afternoon to show me their work. We sat down on the couch that faces the front door and started looking through Kindra's back pack. All of a sudden Carter stands up from behind the opposite couch yelling "grrrrrrrr!!!". I screamed. REALLY SCREAMED!!! The bus had obviously dropped him off early and he just hid there as we talked away, waiting, plotting, and planning his plan of attack!

Yep. Honestly. Those 2 are mine!?! hehehe

I Just Caaan Nooot Geeet ENOUGH!?!?!

Day 2 Of The Sun aaand The Smell...

So I'm LOVING this weather...LOVING IT and so are the kids! How could they not when they're able to have a picnic on the tramp at dinner?!? Seriously I was not going to even take that battle on. Trying to connive and entice them into the house for a dinner while they longingly look out at the sun??? No. Not a chance.....

Yes. See my son riding his bike through the sandbox? Well, that was not his "regular" bike tonight. That was his DIRT-BIKE. I know. Kindra was only forcing the idea that much more since she is digging and creating jumps for him to ride on. And don't worry. He had the sounds down pat. hehehe Did I happen to mention that I love these 2 especially at moments like these, when they are working on "projects" TOGETHER!!!

Now on to the smell. This smell that I am referring to...it has a name. "The Outdoor Smell" and it makes me throw-up in my mouth. No lie. It's that "cold-warm outside, runny nose, wet hair, sweaty playing bodies, dirty, dusty, sandy, leaves stuck in hair or coat, kids coming in from playing/recess into the warmer clean air, half got a shower that morning, need I go on, smell". And laugh right now cause I KNOW that YOU ALL KNOW THE SMELL THAT I AM REFERRING TO!!!
It's half the reason why I have been sometimes referred to as "the smell nazi". And really?!? Really? Seriously? GOOD! Yes that's me and don't worry. We've now changed from the morning showers to the nightly showers so that I don't have nightmares about those dirty heads and toes stinky stanks seeping into and stenching the sheets and pillows. LOL hehehe
"The Smell Nazi" remember?!? Just hope that I endure to the end with this ones folks, cause tonight I was not so sure......
:(
ps. and on a happier note. did you know? that my favorite blog...mine...just turned 3?!? i know! it has gone by sooooo fast! thank goodness that i too was once connived and enticed to start this up!?! hehehe

And She Did It Again....

We were out running some errands this afternoon and Kindra once again threw out one of her classic K comments. As we were driving by a complex that we use to go to for family photos, Kindra asked me why we did not go there anymore. I simply said that she was no longer a photographer. That's when she longingly looked out that window and said....

"Ohhhhhh. Thooooose were the day's", with a long sigh added at the end.

I was quiet for a minute laughing to myself and then I asked her to tell me what exactly those days were.

"Well, that was when life was fun always taking pictures....and we went to California."

What?!? What was she talking about? She was 1 and fine. I will admit that we took a picture every month to catch a year collage of pics but still. She was 1 and our California trip was when she was 6.

Anyway, my wonder is how does she come up with these statements and where does she hear them?!? I NEVER say "Ohhhhh. Thoooose were the days."

Like I said...a classic K comment that always makes me laugh!
I love you Kin!
xoxoxo

I LOVE This Guy!!!

So with the sense of sadness that I feel like my blog may have left today, I had to post this! I love Jerry Seinfeld and with it still being right in the middle of the Olympic time of excitement, THIS IS PERFECT!!!

I hope you enjoyed it and LOL just as much as I always do!!!

the other afternoon, kindra came home from school wanting to jump in the bath for a play-bath so i said sure.
carter and i were in the other room reading but i had to write down some of what we were hearing! where in her mind does she come up with her stories?!? it was hilarious!!!



bye mrs. tarranadon. see you next week!
i am going to go play. wahooooo.....wahooooo....
hurry get out of the water. its thundering and lightning. phew. that was close. how are we going to get back? we have to. oh nelly. this tube is mine. come out of there. no. hurry! run! ok. fine i will. i can't do it.
splash...splash...
i told you you could do it. we're going to be late. oh no. ok. ok. relax. totally terrifying though. maggie. get in the car. ok. ok. come on. i see something. you do? yeah. come on! woah. how did you see that? i found it all myself. besides. this is their home still. but we can just take it over. complete control!!! no. that's not right.
splash...splash...

quiet...............



"what are you doing, kin?"

"nothing."

"what's your story about?"

"um, i am pretending it's raining. um, the horses, the dolphin, and the electric eel. they're in a Jurassic time period and then they go to where the horses live. yeah....but mom? i like our house waaaaay better!"

phew!?! and i was getting kind of worried?!? LOL!!!

My Feelings of Wanderlust

We just got home from going to see the movie "Alice in Wonderland" and I loved it! Johnny Depp once again gave a great performance and I really liked the actress who played "Alice". It was one of those great feel-good movies that let you escape into the land of unreality and we can all use a movie like that?!?

It does leave me with a sense of wanderlust. The idea of wanting to live a life that is full of adventures, that is full of achievements, that is full of irresponsibility, and one that is full of ideas and desires that most would see as "mad". It is a feeling that I have felt for awhile. Don't get me wrong. I live a great life and I'm really very lucky. I KNOW that it could be much worse so I'm not complaining but I can't shake the feeling or the idea that we (we being my little family) could be doing so much more. That I was meant for more than this! (does that sound so arrogant or what?!?) Or maybe I'm just too hard on myself?!? LOL!!!

I have to blame being this type of person on my parents. Seriously. I grew up with a summer vacation to Prince Edward Island or a shopping adventure to Freeport, Maine. I grew up with a Mom who read to us at night "Dorothy and the Wizard of Oz", "The Boxcar Children" series, and books by Roald Dahl. They had us constantly doing activities that pushed us to use our imaginations. I try to be this type of parent and hope that when my kids look back on their childhood, they will have the same thoughts about their Mom.

Then I would say that the next thing I'd blame would be the place that I grew up. Though I was born in Utah, at the age of 8, we moved here. Growing up in a suburb that was right outside of Toronto, Ontario Canada, was an experience that I'd never take back. I remember the night when my parents told us that we were moving to Canada. I remember thinking,

"Oh, we're going to live right next to the Polka Dot Door!"

I was so excited when I saw our new house and our new school Bruce T. Lindley, which was also right across the street. It was 1985, a rainy day in November on my first day of grade 3 and I was so surprised to find out that they did not have a cafeteria. We had to bring our own school lunch every day using reusable and recycled containers. The first night we were actually living in our house, we went to the grocery store and could not find the milk. We went around the store twice until we finally realized where it was, here in these plastic bag like things.

These 2 findings were already proof enough that there were definite advances that we would now be experiencing. The education system was awesome and expected proper manners and proper respect. It also offered an athletic program that had you running Cross Country and Track & Field in grade 4 which I took full advantage of. I loved to run long distances and found a love for High-Jump. I always placed 2nd in my competitions and it was something that I loved to excel at. I competed in the "Burlington International Games" as well as the "Provincial National Games". Endurance was my "thing". Point is, that the positive influence was exactly what I needed and was what installed my "do not give up" competitive nature. It was awesome! I also competed in Basketball, Gymnastics, and anything I could possibly do. The way our coaches made us feel is difficult to put in exact words. You knew if you were "good" and you felt like you could achieve and obtain anything. Your personal expectations were not just for fun, but they were more for a national level of recognition.

Flash forward to the Calgary Olympic Games of 1988 and the sense of Canadian pride, and not just during this event but in general, was one that I will never forget. For those 2 weeks, every activity that we did at school was about the Olympics. We had TV's going all day so that we could watch the events and meticulously keep a medal count. It was the excitement and it was the pride that we felt as fellow Canadians/Americans.

Ontario allowed me to live in a place that introduced me to all kinds of religions, races, ethnic groups, heritages, cooking, traditions, history, and different kinds of language. I immediately began learning French and was even in a French Immersion program, something I still quote and teach my kids. It opened up my eyes to how vast, grand, and wonderful this world truly is. I believed that I could do anything and could go anywhere. I knew who I was and for what I stood up for and the best thing was, that I, no matter what, was accepted. I loved to travel and to make the most out of a situation, always turning it into a "romantic adventure" in search of my future "kindred spirits" and my "soul-mate". Cheesy sounding but that's what my thinking was!

So with the Olympics being in Vancouver, it brought out a lot of wishful thinking and some feelings of regret. I wondered how my life would be and I know that it would be soooo different if we had never moved away from Burlington. Of course hind site is 20/20 but I know that I would be living a completely different life. Seeing and talking to friends that I met while living there, make it impossible to not know that I would not be living where I am, as a parent who lives with the daily challenges that she does. That realization and knowledge can be hard to accept and make challenges seem that much worse. I can't remember what movie or show that I am quoting but it brought to mind this funny comment...

"I know what the solution is! One of us just needs to invent and make a time travel machine!!!"

Don't I wish that it was that easy!?! LOL and I know that it's always glamorous on the outside looking in and that 9 times out of 10, it's never that perfect but is it still hard? Yes. Like I've said before, I know I live a great life and I know that it could be worse but there are times that I feel so very trapped living in a life that is impossible to control.

1...I am the mellow family Mom yet the wild unmarried girlie.

2...I am divorced but can't leave and take the kids away from Trevor.

3...My income isn't seen as an income with the Govt issues being how they are so it would be near impossible to get approved for a new house loan and so I feel stuck in this house for the rest of my life.

Last but not least and most importantly,

4...I'm still searching for a few more of my "kindred spirits" and for my "soul-mate".

LOL...not too long of a list, eh?!?

Anyway, I feel a whole lot better now sooooo


dear blog...thanks for letting me write and to get away with rambling murder! it's good to get it out of my head. love always, your kindred spirit

ps. and for the record. i love my kids and i love my life!!!! always and forever xoxoxox

Want Some Extra Sentiments Of Motivation?

ok. so i will be the first to admit that when the 2002 Salt Lake City Olympic games were in town, the last event that i even knew anything about was the 2002 Salt Lake City Paralympic games. it goes along with the idea that when you are ignorant to something, you are ignorant to everything that goes along with it. so yes. i. was.....and i feel ashamed to admit that but i am more ashamed that we put so much hype on the "regular" games but there was none given to the "Paralympic" games! the media should have done a better job. seriously....

well now that i have been so lucky to have been put in this classification and now that i am so motivated by people that i've met and the situations that i have been permitted to be involved in, the 2010 Vancouver Paralympic games are ones that i will be giving my full on attention to! the chills, the amazement, the tears, and the desire to keep my dream alive all are a few reasons that i would say to all of you reading this, that if you would like to feel the same sentiments, head on over to "Paralympic Sport TV" and see what it has to offer. too bad that NBC will not be doing the job so go over to that sight....though today they will be doing a special that starts at 11:00am.

let's stop the ignorance now and let's learn how others live their lives, how others are active, how others are pushed, and how others achieve their dreams and goals! let's learn how others who are different than you, are actually just like you! remember different is different, but different can be great!!! these are athletes who are competing with much tougher circumstances but that does not matter. not one bit! they are athletes who want to compete and medal so let's give them the respect that they deserve!!!

xoxo

One Last Thing Which Is The Most Important.....

OH and let's not forget to check this out!!! This is a piece that KSL did about another one of my personal hero's. Tanja has made the adaptive TRAILS program what it is today! She is the best when it comes to positive teaching and motivation. Best of all, she makes it FUN! Congrats Tanja!!! You deserve this award and recognition!!!!

*****hehehe plus. i am one of the "guinea pig" xcountry skiers in the background!!! LOL!!!

The Unfortunate Familiar Lesson

Wow. Today has been a doozy. A REAL doozy. And it was caused by my pure stupidity, selfishness, and being completely naive and caught up in something that I thought was "for funny". But you know...it was not "for funny" at all.

I had the realization, duh, that when we act in certain ways, that it does not only affect you, but that the rippling affects can be so damaging, more damaging then you'd ever dream. It was one of the worst weekends that I've had in a long time, but no complaining. I did it and asked for it all on my own, not thinking about the "after affects". The worst thing is that I KNOW HOW DAMAGING THESE RIPPLING AFFECTS CAN BE.

I have a vivid memory. Sitting on the beach with someone I once knew. Coaching and encouraging this person about owning up to the actions and choices that he was making in response to what someone had done to him. Telling him that he was in charge of his life and that it was time to stop the cycle. I remember thinking and feeling such hatred for this person, who had hurt him, that I did not know, just because they had been so selfish with their actions, not thinking of who all they would actually be and eventually be affecting.

And now I am one of them.

One of those selfish people who had lived in the moment, thinking only about me, me, me. It was a realization that I never want to experience again. Honestly. It was a grrrr day!

I had a visitor today. One that I did not expect to see. She came over having sensed the feeling that I needed to "spill my guts" to an extent. I broke down. Something that I rarely do. Just sharing some of my concerns, frustrations, and just how overwhelmed that I truly am.

But like I said, it's my own fault. I go down a path that begins to feel monotonous, I get impatient, I get annoyed, and the rebellious side of Katie comes out and I think screw it. I'm done with this and I'm going to go down my own path that I think will bring me some entertainment, some happiness, some relief, and some fun. Even though, in my gut, I know it won't.

And you know. It doesn't. It only brings me back to the beginning. Having to start the journey over again and having to re-evaluate who Katie is and who Katie wants to be. Not a fun place to be buuut it is what it is. Why do I continue to have these moments, these understandings over and over? I don't know. You'd think I'd learn.....

So thanks to "you know who you are". Your visit was much needed and very much appreciated. It will all work out how it is supposed to. When? Where? How? Who knows but I do have hope that it will.

One day and let's hope that it's sooner than later! LOL PLEASE!!!!! Because my endurance is beginning to wear thin!

ps....I LOVE this song and I just found it?!? Heck...where have I been???

One last thought...

Isn't it amazing how life can be going SO GREAT and then one day, it can be SO BAD???? hmmmmmm.......

....and most importantly....this event that i am referring to was not horrible, bad, or scandelous. it's what i do. i can be too hard on myself when things like this remind me of other situations. so no worries. hell is not calling....yet?!? jk

The past 24hrs have been.....what's the word.....not really sure if there is one word that can describe it?

So when I heard this song today on Pandora.com, it fit perfectly! Plus I LOVE this song anyway....

or there is this song that could unfortunately work too?!?

No worries though. It will all work itself out how is should.....

:)

In case you were wondering what it is I'm thinking about as I'm headed down the mountain, listen to this song and you'll understand just a little bit!?!

Oh, and yes. This is my favorite movie of all time in case you were wondering that too.

:)

Life Is Good...Life Is REALLY Good....

LOL...funny thing that we remembered...For you skiers. Do you remember when it was cool to have tons and tons of lift tickets on your jacket? That almost proved how serious you were and how good of a skier you were! LOL just startin my collection!?! hehehe
As I was singing along to the radio and about to head up the canyon, I looked out the window. The mountains, the snow, and the sun, all mixed in one, were gorgeous. I know my camera does not do it justice but it was amazing. Instantly, to my mind, came the thought...

"Life is good. Life is really good!"...

And you know what? It is. It really is!

There's Something In The Air.....!!!

I had to laugh at this yesterday. As some of you know, I was hiding out in my car listening to a song after running some errands. The kids went in to the house. As I was coming in, the back door was open, and I could hear them laughing hysterically. Oh no. What was I coming in to? Well...this is what I found. Carter pretending to be me. Honestly......
And I am happy to announce that my tulips have decided that enough is enough and it's time to come out. Good. Because I am welcoming Summer with OPEN arms!