as usual, blogging in office to kill some time off.

one more hr b4 i can get out of the office!

well, it was supposed to be 'ladies night' wif my colleagues tonight, but *mom's sick so i'll be gg home, otherwise i'll be guilty stricken. lol~

life/work is still pretty much the same. got my moe offer, but i'm still waiting for the bloody offer letter to be snail mailed to my house. arugh!

*sigh*

i know i'm been v impatient. & it's a public sector company after all. but!!!!

*sigh*

i'm so looking forward for my change. i wanna plan my upcoming hols wif my dumby*!!!!

but it maybe yet another sh*thole again. worst of all, it can bond me up to 4yrs. heeh~ but on the bright side, the bond doesn't start the moment i sign the contract! & few actually know that my only ambition since young is to be a teacher! well, it kinda died off after gg into secondary? but it's indeed the only ambition i once had! lol~

ohs wells~

so i'm kinda looking forward to it. no matter how much negativity i'd heard.

but *sigh!

no letter no letter no letter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

feel like emailing the the moe person alr... maybe tonight. & give some excuse to check whether they had sent out the offers alr nots. lol~

i wanna make this a happy place, but unfortunately, i think i'm a very negative person in nature. or maybe... since my uni days.

...

... ...

... ... ...

nth much to blog abt also~ lol. all except for whiningssssssssssssssssssssss.

tata!

actually i'm kinda blogging becos i really really really had NOTHING to do.

*sigh*

freaking boring. totally feel like i'm wasting my life away. i really envy those pple who has found the right job, somehow, accepting & liking the level of work, having wonderful colleagues & all.

*SIGH*

anyways, i think i shld really complain less & get a life. honestly, i think i'm complaining/whining/grumbling too much every single day! but i guess that's becos NOTHING has changed since & i REALLY WANT A CHANGE. more work pls!!!! HAIS!!!!!!!

i wonder why pple/friends ard me are always so occupied. but i think that's my problem. i can't be alone. i don't pretty much enjoy being alone. i hate to feel lonely. period.

oh well.

i shld stop complaining. i shld stop complaining. i shld stop complaining. i shld stop complaining. i shld stop complaining. i shld stop complaining. i shld stop complaining. i shld stop complaining. i shld stop complaining. i shld stop complaining. i shld stop complaining. i shld stop complaining. i shld stop complaining. i shld stop complaining. i shld stop complaining. i shld stop complaining. i shld stop complaining. i shld stop complaining. i shld stop complaining. i shld stop complaining.

RAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!^!#(#&*$^!*($&!#*##)(*#&$&^$^!$&!!!!!#&#&*#^&*$*(&$)(*()$*$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i think i'm mad.

on a side note, i actually wanted to pen down my thoughts on some event/s.

1) how does 1 knows that he/she is the right 1 for you?

hmms. recently pple have been asking me that question. becos... somehow... i'm on the way of planning my marriage wif *mr dumby lam. but i really don't know the answer. my answer. what are in the checklist that determine that answer?

yes, i love him*. been tgt for 4 yrs alr &... still as loving i guess? heeh~ we compromised & accepted each other's flaws etc. & i still see myself wanting to be wif him* in the near future.

& so, did i just answer my own question? sounds like it. haas! =S

hate the housing policies in sg. otherwise, marriage can still wait! perhaps at least for 2,3 yrs more!

2) sth happened & it pondered on me the fragility of r/s (or even myself). i cannot imagine myself to stop talking to someone (whom i had been wif for the past 4,5 years) just the very next day when everything else was resolved/returned etc. *sigh*

perhaps i always picture myself at the losing end & hence that feeling.

oh well.

some things just somehow, won't change.

***

I AM HERE FREEZING MY ASS OFF IN THE BLOODY OFFICE!!!!!!!!!!!

I WANNA GOOOOOOOOOO HHOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i guess hardly any1 comes here now. but it's ok. hees! my life events aren't juicy news at all. lol~

read some past entries. when dumby* & i 1st met. keke~ i was actually NOT a show-off. haas! i'd hardly mentioned anything! =S & now i have this feeling from within that i shld blog more often. although i mostly blog whenever i'm sad/angry or vexed (or perhaps occasionally "extremely happy"), i will want to know how i'd spent my time when i was much younger, worrying for the most stp-est & most ridiculous things ever. lol~

right. & i know i always complain abt my life being mundane. but it really is. life has been quite a constant, to me at least. graduated since may 10, slacked till feb 11 & landed myself in a sh*tty job for almost half a yr alr.

nth much has changed. although i used to dread 'change/s', now i'm really looking forward to them. lol~ i guess pple do change overtime.

i guess goals/aims are really necessary in life so that we have sth to look forward & sth worth working hard for. but sadly, somehow everything boils down to whether you have the money to do so or not. money becomes the root of all evils.

at my current stage of life, perhaps the only attainable goal is to get myself a bloody job that i really enjoy at the baseline of my expected salary. i've so bypass the stage of complaining abt the sh*thole i'm in right now, & i'm dying for a change. it's not really that super unbearable, but i really do not want to waste my time/youth away doing/learning nth at all.

& ah, i really want to travel. not just for a short holiday, but to be away for at least a couple of months to experience life away from home. perhaps for the reason that i can never be selfish & throw my family responsibilities aside, the desire to break free is ever that strong and overwhelming.

*sigh*

but i guess it'll still remain as an un-attainable dream unless... well honestly, i've strike rich or sth. becos travelling is never cheap. i can skip shopping but i'll never torture myself wif horrendous food. lol~

& marriage? a current & yet not-so-current goal. it's not really like a "G-O-A-L" goal, but wif all the social stereotype that girls/women shld get married abt 30, i'm reaching the undesirable age soon. *laughs~

& at this current point of my life, i do not want to get married anytime soon becos i/we* are not financially capable. (see it's always abt the money, money, m-o-n-e-y~~~) & i guess money is really quite important to me, haas! & i hate being poor lol~

all these thoughts may seem oh-so-shallow but that's really pretty much of all that fill me at the moment.

right. so i only have 1 soon-to-be attainable goal in life now. but i think my problem is... i don't even know what i like/want in a job! *sigh*

life sucks.

supposed to have a meeting wif the boss & my mentor yest with regards to the cost rates.

however, it was somewhat called off becos we were all v busy at the timing when the meeting is scheduled for.

so i'm supposed to plan for the next meeting. however, the secretary's not in today, so i couldn't make any appointment.

oh wells. didn't want the meeting to be today either.... becos i know it'll drag on forever & ever & ever. i just know it. (plus i'm totally having the fri mood alr. haas!)

but apparently, i think my mentor doesn't give a f*ck abt my work! she was slacking the whole morning & yet she didn't ask me anything abt it. ohs wells.

maybe it wasn't her fault exactly becos i didn't make much initiative as well. but i know, deep down, she totally hate this rates thingy becos she doesn't buy this method of working! but if she doesn't accept this way of working, she'll soon be fired! yes fired! or so i was told. lol~

oh wells. as much as i dislike her, i don't think i can tahan until they fire her, seriously. here i am slacking away doing nth again, trying my every best to 'act busy'. i'm really of data entries & never ending data entry-ing!!! *rar*!!!

***

anyways, i might get an offer into the business/finance industry. ohs wells. i guess it's better not be pin any high hopes yet. just hope that i'll be called for interview at the very least!

hmms... i was asked the question as to whether or not i'll still want to stay in the QS profession. honestly, i do not know for sure either. & i guess i have to blame it on 'luck' to have such a wonderful mentor. & the workload is too extreme in this office. we're always rushing for nth, in my point of view. but that's how the industry functions... with Clients giving extreme deadlines & Designers' ever changing designs. ahhhh~~~ being at the bottom of the chain sucks.

but honestly, idk what industry i wanna work in either. i think my 1st choice is still for money to drop from the sky. haha~ i'll wanna travel ard the world, to see the world & to exp things that i've never ever get to. ohs wells. i think i'm just working for the money. to fulfill my dream of marriage: fancy wedding/honeymoon/house/car & in the near future babies. oh man! all this can't happen w/o money!

*sigh* the above paragraph sounded so bimbotic. haha~ but that's how i really feel. i think money is really impt. but i'm not actively saving... YET! =X

okays. signing off. 2 more hrs to go!!!

too bored at work. the workload is insanely on the extreme ends: freaking slack & freaking busy.

hais! -dislike-

oh wells. there's pretty nth much i can do also.

-bah-

i'd been wif the company for 4mths? still a probation staff becos i'm always late & inefficient! whee! really wonder whether i shld stay or move on. hmms... but there's never an answer to this qn.

does time really tell? will i really feel better/progress further in life if i stayed on? i really wonder the probability of benefits if i chose to be a stayer/quitter.

*sigh*

who can give me answer? i need signs. directions.

lucky i still have fridays to look forward to... party times wif my dearest friends! woots!

ahhhhh~~~ still waiting for 6pm.

***

some updates?

rarely updating abt my life. heeh~ i'm always amazed by the fact that i can update abt my life EVERY SINGLE DAY when i'm in my teens. when blogs are 'sort of' just borned/getting popular. i feel like an idiot everytime i backread my past entries. haas! =S but that was still ME isn't it?

oh wells.

i think i really did grown up on that basis. ^^

last sun, went *ifly wif my dumby*!!! it was an indoor skydive experience located in sg. honestly, i did not think that it was THAT FUN, but it was a gd exp no doubt. i will wanna try the REAL parachuting/skydiving!!! i think i'll prefer to feel the free fall exp b4 floating in the air~ keke! it wasn't easy okays!!! so hard to maneuver in the air!!!

but i really appreciate my dumby* for planning this event & bringing me there. =))) it wasn't a easy exp becos he* has dislocated his* shoulder b4 (so he* was advised not to go for this sport). & we had a big hu-ha b4 the event becos we didn't know abt that. so... he* had to get a doctor's letter, stating that his* shoulder's fully healed blah blah~

so anyways, yeps we went for it, we were bought inside 2 rooms: the 1st to see their introductory video, & the 2nd to be trained by our instructor, 1 by 1. next we were brought out to change into our gears & jumpers. haas!

& we were the last 2 'divers'. my 1st attempt wasn't that gd becos i couldn't feel my legs! (you're supposed to straighten them to a certain extent). dumby*'s 1st wasn't that gd either becos his* googles flew out right after he* went into the chamber.

my 2nd attempt was much better, & so was his*. (in fact, he*was even better than me) BUT! in a blink of my eyes, idk wth happened & just becos his* googles was misplaced again, he* fell sideways & dislocated his* shoulder. again. YES. he did. -____-"

sometimes, i really wonder if everything's fated. oh wells~

so anyways, we bought our expensive photos after changing out, & headed to the 铁打 immediately. didn't feel that gd after seeing my dumby* injured. =(((~ even though it wasn't an activity that i insisted on doing, i just didn't feel gd seeing him hurt.

in conclusion: NO MORE EXTREME SPORTS FOR HIM*!!!

gg for roller coaster rides are so much safer! at least they don't discourage pple wif history of dislocated shoulders to take the rides! & (CHOY!) if sth happens, i'll injure/die wif him*!!! =S

hahas! it's been really long since i last typed an entry like this. quite mind boggling actually. haas! old alr~~~ =(((~ or simply too lazy.

***

okays. i shall try & act busy again.

waiting for 6pm!! hoho! drinking night wif my girls!!! havoic!! kekeke!

<3

signing off.

more for the usual business of complaining & whining.

oh well.

sudden loss of words.

anyways the bottom line: i do not know whether to be a stayer or a quitter.

*sigh*

happy anniversary to us, me <3. =)

feels like we had been tgt for a very long time alr.

indeed. 365 x4= 1460 days + that 7 days we knew each other b4 getting tgt.

growing up, moving on & compromising made this day seems less special to me, but i know you'll make efforts for this day to be special to me. =)

thank you for being there for me all this while me <3. thru all the ups & downs, withstanding all my whinings & sudden attacks (=pPpP). the other day i was just telling my *mom & *bro how thankful i was for you* being there on my *21st bday. i think i'll die w/o all yr help then. lol~

looking forward to saturday! whee! heehs!

***

on the contrary to the joyous occasion, yest was quite a gloomy day becos i was called in to have a chat wif my hr personnel. well, apparently they are not that happy wif my working performance + attitude in short. oh wells. no doubt i was quite unhappy abt it, i guess i wasn't extremely affected (which i could have been, i know) becos i half-heartedly wanna leave this company alr.

likes: colleagues that i'll never have conflicts wif becos we hold diff roles in the company.

dislikes: my mentor. i think she's crazy. she can not talk to me for the whole week & suddenly act super friendly on a random day. -____-" but perhaps i havn't been taking enough initiative becos i feel that i had enough from her. since she will never help me wif my work, i also stopped asking work from her. & besides, even if i made mistakes, she'll never reprimand me at all! she'll just totally ignore my existence & asked every1 else except me for, as per the norm.

the hr pple said that every1 is aware of her weird personality & working style, that i just had to suck on it becos everywhere else in this working society is the same, the cruelty of the working environment. well, to be honest, i do not entirely agree wif her, becos i believe that there's somewhere in this working world that i can comfortably fit in.

besides, i'm kinda bored of my work scope alr. things are quite standard, just that at times, costing for the unknowns are really based on my mere instincts. & i also disliked rushing, rushing & rushing. changing, changing & changing. i have all the time in the world on my hands, yet i always had to rush out a quotation/cost estimation in 2hrs?! then oh! somehow i'm slow & inefficient becos i was the last in line to complete. wth?!

maybe i really am a quitter. but so what? there was this moment when i really took pride in my present job but that thought just wither off becos i really had nothing on hands to do. i'll just be in office everyday, waiting for time to pass & knock off on the dot. this is definitely not a working life i'll like to indulge in.

*sigh*

but i'll move on. the next problem on hand is to find another job/profession that interests me. but there's nth much that i really really had a passion for. oh well~

come what may.