& since i'm home, (& pretty much nth to do @ the moment) i shall blog. again.

work was ok. minus all the DREAD-ing, wanting to CRY (somemore) moments etc, i guess i was fine. pretty quiet, & the feeling of everyone in the office dislikes me. that's abt it i guess.

thank you all that kept me company on sms-es today. i guess i really needed that kinda attention. it has been a pretty long time (i think) since i yearned for such attention. at least dar* made the effort to ring up my phone a few times more than usual today. =))

*sigh* i duno. i can't take the feeling of 人面兽心。i'm not even angry wif my *mentor, with anyone or anything. i guess i just couldn't take any setbacks of life. which is VERY BAD. i wasn't even THIS upset/cry like sh*t when i got back this sem's results. this's like the WORST thing that had happened to me this year.

i'm still very upset. although every1 ard me convinced that it wasn't my fault/that i had AP, buttt i just don't like feeling i'm cropping up wif, esp when i'm @ my seat, doing my work by myself. i feel outcasted & disapproved of. it's a personal issue that has been targeted. & i KNOW my work performance isn't good too.

maybe i just could not excel in anything i do anymore. considering abt my sh*tty grades since JC, i guess i'd pretty much lose it (since then). it's never ME who's getting all the A's & good grades & all.. you know what i'm talking abt.

maybe *qs isn't cut out for me either. OR shld i say i'm NOT up to it. i'm not careful enough blah blah blah. & i think the next time if i EVER make any mistake/s again, i'll take it to heart SO BADLY. if i could, i'll stab myself or sth. (but i couldn't, it's all the agony flowing within again)

i really need to vent out all this kinda bad emotions. but i'd been keeping things to myself far too much... since.. a few yrs back when my heart was pretty much broken up. the period when i couldn't even cry while watching *windstruck wif *cher. HAHA =S (or maybe even before then, couldn't rem.)

& it's totally NOT helping when dar* isn't happy wif his* work either. -sigh- just hope that things for him* will get better as well. at least i could get out of that stp place in 12 DREADFUL DAYS later. for him*... still abit longer ah lol.

i guess life's never meant to be FOREVER smooth-sailing. it's impossible. see this sh*t can even arise w/o me noticing!!! (not even a SINGLE bit!!!) i think my emotions can be too easily seen right off from my face. pretty/very bad actually. i need to learn the art of a mask-face. who can teach me?!

& i dun have anymore things to ramble on alr. still waiting for dar* to call. wat a life i have right? or maybe we wouldn't even meet tonight, for there's another DREADFUL half day TOMORROW!!! can you imagine, i'm alr thinking up of ways to take leave for the coming 2 weeks alr... irresponsible i know. that shldn't be the way of how i shld behave anyway. but since i've never be defiant b4, it's never too late to try.

*sigh*

but maybe it's just all words & totally NO action.

out.

i'm actually not that lazy.

wanted to blog so badly...

today's a TOTALLy rock & roll, up & down roller coaster ride day for me.

wat could happen on a faithful thursday (intern) working day right?!

[except for my said *site visits, which are actually planned by my *boss. so nice of him!]

so.. yep i went to work/was late becos it's wasn't a princess day for me/ i should have known that it'll be a super BAD day for me since 1. i couldn't wake up 2. i missed the BLOODY bus 3. i dropped my wallet on the bus, the woman seating in front of me REFUSES to pick it up for me. damnnn~ do i look as thou i have some contagious disease?!

yep. my *mentor continued to point point point & point of mistakes in my work, then it happened. i was axiously waiting for the *site visit when my *boss (for the 1st time) asked me into his office becos he wanted to tok to me.

so he 1st asked how was i coping wif my work, i admitted honestly that i made (miss out the word 'alot') mistakes in my work. yepp, that pretty much is my problem, i couldn't measure to perfection. BUT I WAS TOTALLY WRONG.

he yada-ed for 5 whole mins, & once he asked me for my reply, all i could do was to break into tears. & i just can't stop sobbing.

summary of wat he said: i was disrespectful/so hard to work wif until my *mentor had to give me up to someone else to be in-charge of me/& my mistakes was actually the TINIEST problem of all.

so...(in conclusion) i have ATTITUDE problem. is not like everybody in the office LOVES ME (i know who kinda don't) i felt that i was so WRONG-ed. me?! being disrespectful?! to who?! those who know me will know that i'm a super talkative & LOUD person. but being in such a casual workig enviroment, perhaps i've slacken up too much. but to the minimal, why will i forget to be someone pleasant & approachable?!

[btw, i was SAID to be UN-approachable. yes i think i can go bang wall alr. besides being FAT, i actually HAVE attitude problem!!!!!!!!!! omg. & i only know it after 21 years of believing that i'm a "friendly & approachable & cheerful" person. pui!]

yarh. so my *boss tried to console me & all. yada yada~~ no doubt wat he said was right, to take it as a lifetime experience etc.. buttttttt *sigh* i duno. i was pretty VERY upset by this incident. not towards my *mentor or anybody. maybe the fact that they break that little confidence i hold within, abt me being a OKAY person on the whole.

& now, i have to write a paper, besides my internship report. *sigh* my *boss is over-enthu alr. but oh well, i seriously cannot think of anything else that i could write on, besides wat he had told me abt previous interns writing up on "quality management" in a *qs firm.

& becos of my pms, i cried uncontrollably. omg. wat a weakling i've protrayed myself to be, even in front of my 2 mth *boss (who will pay me a total of SGD$1000)

so i was told to compose myself... & to apologise to my *mentor of being disrespectful. come & think of it, they used such a harsh word to describe my behaviour. omg. i really feel like sh*t. (even NOW)

*boss treated us to lunch, then we headed for some *site visits. actually didn't see much also. cos we didn't really walk on the working places, just going into real sites & @ the exterior to take some photos.

yeah. but very fortunate alr lah. as i had previously mentioned, our *boss planned this whole thing for us. he didn't have to de lorr..

so i went to:

*Garden by the bay (yes near marina IR)
*Marina bay water barrach (2 bad we couldn't go in cos we didn't bring ID-s. damnnn)
*CST (common services tunnel) of IR
*Maha Budi School. (they having a&a & new blocks extensions)

didn't really learn much of any construction process. but i can share abit abt the *CST tunnel, becos the *PM introduced the project to us.

yep as the name, it was a tunnel 20m deep into th soil, built using sections of cofferdams. the tunnel is built to lay all the services cables to the IR, so when they wanna expand services to the IR, they do not need to excavate, dig out all the old services cables to input new ones. it is so deep down becos the a LRT track will be built across the tunnel, so they need to make space for it.

[photos soon]

so anyways got back to the office, continued to do some of my work. i was thinking for the WHOLE time how do i apologise to my *mentor. i have nth against apologising, but i really TOTALLY did NOT foresee this kinda attitude problem i actually HAD!!!

so finally after work, i plucked my courage & requested to tok to her in private (& not really that private becos i think everyone saw me sobbing AGAIN) so yeah. apparently she thinks that i'm not apologetic enough. she said she couldn't expect me to give her perfect measurements, (afterall i'm still a student & new to all the nonsesnse) but she couldn't take MY ATTITUDE when she asked for explanations regarding my mistakes/measurements. she expect me to go
:"oh i'm sorry for my mistake..." (if i were to say that for every SINGLE mistake i'd made, i think she'll ask me to stop saying sorry)

yeah. so i didn't respond the she expected me to be. [& btw yes i never really did said "SORRY" b4 for any of my mistakes, becos... i duno, i felt that i dun need to & that point in time. but i DO feel bad when i have so many mistakes can?! or maybe it's really the way i express myself. she said nobody has problem wif me but only her, so she let another person (now the manager *clement) to take charge of me. when she said that, i felt as thou i was a piece of TRASH lah. totally horrible & she couldn't TAHAN me AT ALL.]

then they said to HOPEFULLY see some changes in me, b4 11th july. & wif another paper for me to work on (hohoho~) GOOD GAME.

after reading this entry (any1), if you feel that i'm really in the wrong then pls TELL ME. LET ME KNOW. i duno. maybe all this while i really DID have AP. PLS TELL ME TOO.

*sigh*

wat an exciting day.

anyways, thank you *qian for being there for me. =))

dar* called hours later becos he* was @ meeting. sometimes i really hope to bash up all the work nonsense sh*t excuses away. but he* didn't have a choice, didn't he*?! & i really HATE to keep giving myself somemore excuses to convince myself all & over again.

//edit: but he* did come over wif 2 glass bottles of *sparklin ribena. =)) which somehow wrapped up my suay day. (minus the part where i spilt soup on myself. -______-") muacks! ilu*!

my blog is DYING.

oh dear.

there are actually many MANY things to blog abt, but i'm just NOT blogging!!! =X

(yeah i HAD been whining too much abt that, i'm sorry)

anyways, i think i kinda screwed up my work again. i duno. my *mentor never ever praise me. & for the last massive excel *BQ (bills of quantity) file i was trying ever so hard to finish ON TIME (within 2 working DAYS of 9am-6pm), she had alr pointed out like 10 (abt here lah) mistakes i'd made alr. it's kinda VERY demoralising. okay it's MY FAULT, but hey, my 1st time. i was rushing to finish & practically DIY-ed, understand all the drawings, measuring stuff i'd only learn for the past 1++mth. it sounded so easy. yeah.

last sat, b4 i left for work, *mentor told me wat to be completed by tues. she said "KEY-in values for floor, wall, ceiling for new & old wing of *treaure resort hotel in sentosa. & to measure all the staircases. [yeah. all those stuff we never learn in *PF2103. if you're wondering]

then i was like, hm. okay. wat's so difficult in KEYing IN right?! on monday i was like O-M-G. HOW TO FINISH!?! in brief, i need to key in all the area & perimeter i've measured previously, (this isn't a problem becos it's jus transferring of data) THEN it was all those BLOODY deductions for wall painting finishes & skirting. seriously, they're not as easy as they sound to be.

anyways, i really had a super hard time trying to finish. if i couldn't finish my work, i had to stay back on tuesday, until i managed to finished it. (& damn, my darling* had to take off that day, so i'm even more anxious to go off earlier. haa!) but SOMEHOW, i did finished it lah. but i didn't really check cos i don't wanna stay back any much longer. (it was alr 6.30pm) no OT anyways. & the allowance is super low alr.

staircases are ALWAYS the disaster. *sigh* but whatever lah. jus let me whine & whine & whine abt my work. =PpPpP

btw, i have the chance to go for a site visit tml. count myself lucky to (finally) skip some measurement! but it's really lucky indeed becos the other intern girl who was in the company for 4++mths alr, said that it was her 1st site visit too!

***

& sth random. on 20th june abt 12++am, i got home, closed my door & switched on my air-con. suddenly, a ball of BLACK (of sth) start making flapping noises near my door. i was sooOOoOOoo frightened lah!!! i thought it WAS a B-A-T!!! or some stp WEIRD animal. then i quickly crept over to my sister's room & opened my door from the outside. (those who had been to my house would know how i teleported to the outside)

i opened up all windows & door & quickly went to bathe. when i was done, the ball of SOMETHING was not @ the door!!! i thought i was finally SAFE, so i quickly shut my room again & jumped onto my bed.

next morning, i was awaken by some chirping sound of a B.I.R.D~ YES. apparently the ball of sth is NOT a BAT but a BIRD. (i actually slept wif a stp bird in my room the WHOLE night, but it didn't make enough noise to wake me throughout the night! probably asleep wif me lol)

the bird was actually quite cute!!! lol~ i told my *mom & she immediately took an old bird cage & asked my *maid to catch it!! damn drama lah! =X my *sis was like... "what's that stp sound coming from yr room?!" lol~

so i went for work yada yada, my *maid succeeded in catching the bird. my *sis was like going on & on abt buying *4D (dunno why she & my *mom think that it's auspicious for a BIRD to fly into my room, & slept wif me somemore) i suggested to buy the date (0620/2006) then she said to buy (2473), which is how you spell bird using hp's dictionary. even my boyfriend* went to buy it. HAHA. [but we never win lehhhhhhh]

cos... i tell you. when i got home that very fateful night, THE BIRD'S DEAD alr. YES!!!! my *mom even went to buy bird food for it. & planned a mate for it a few days later. *sigh* poor birdy. must had injured itself when it tried to scare me/get out of my room/fighting wif my maid

ahhhhhh!! & i never manage to take a photo of the bird!!! =(( [not very nice to take a photo of a die bird right.] but it's a pretty little bird wif brown feathers & a greyish/greenish tummy.

[& i'd actually yada-ed so much abt this bird incident. HAHAHA =X but it's not a everyday thing that you slept wif a bird in the same (closed air-coned) room OK!]

***

&...

my *1st anniversary (of love)! heeh.

it felt weird (but yet new/special) to write the 'anniversary' word. (normally i'll be jus writing happy birthday or sth)

anyways, b4 sharing my GREAT (loving) ANNIVERSARY (yes let me gloat abit =X), let me share wif you guys the funniest SMS i've ever received!!! lol~

here it goes:

"Hey girl... some guy not yr bf came into yr lif & touched yr heart when yr bf was super busy in work??? Always waiting 4 yr bf v tiring ba?"

when i received the sms, i think my eyes grew VERY BIG. i re-read the sms & i started laughing.

(really) L.O.L~~~

when a few days b4 the sms, i told her (that someone) that i was doing something for him*, so i couldn't really talk then.

yes. this smart woman (who always think that my life's very happening), is NONE OTHER THAN....... *drumrolls* -Ms *I've never NOT NOT- : Ms *NG Siew Cheng!!! (she's *xiaoqian btw, for those who don't really know her. [she's also the *ms best-dressed & my party] i must increase her level of fame. haha! =S)

haha! i was wif dar* then. i showed him* the sms & he* started all his* nonsense. (regarding the 2nd line thou, not the 1st)

well, sometimes i do. but.. that'll (still/maybe soon it'll not) remain a problem btw us*.

& yes! back to my *special day. =))

had work from 9am-1pm, checking drawings for 2 new projects/went over to his*place wif lovely muffins (buy 1)/ate mac for lunch/slacked/guess-ed CORRECTLY (wat's new) where we'll heading on our* special day [thanks to i-weekly =pPpPp]/ watched *don't mess wif the zohan @ *marina/walk ard...

headed over to *singapore flyer! -yeah- that's the place dar* planned for us* to go. =)) never been there b4, so it'll be a good experience. i got excited when we* got off the cab (when we could have just walked over), started whining for him* to take photos wif me, but the place's quite disappointing, i must say. the map online really exaggerates too much of wat's alr there.

but a bonus was ndp practice. =)) we saw the soldiers/trunks/guns.

dinner was @ *toot* (to be filled in later), it was a mixed of italian, mexico & western i think. food wasn't that superb but we ate alot. =X had *escargots/turkey quesadillas/pork-ribs(his*)/tenderloin steak (mine)/special pina cotta/mango hazelnut something (like cake)

[photos up soon]

& YES i saw my fireworks while waiting for dessert after dinner!!! WHHEEEE!!!! =)) although it blasted for merely 20secs or so, it's still as lovely [esp watching wif the someone* special] =))

so we walk-walked somemore & finally went onto the *singapore flyer! i never bring my camera along (we rarely take any photos anyways & that idiot* attempted to surprise me so he* didn't tell me too either =pPpPp ) nokia *73's photos kinda blurry but still okay, since i'm not that particular. =))

we DIIIDDDD take photos together~ *yay*

the sceneries were quite limited. on the plot of IR, you could only see hundreds of cranes in super bright white light, the most litted area seen from the flyer (cos they're building 24/7 i think). the winding expressways wif fast moving cars is the most beautiful sight on the flyer. 2nd to it is the flyer itself, looking at it's turning mechanism, & the changing light shown onto it. there's also the cbd area, floating stage for ndp, (pple were actually still practicing @ abt 9++pm, kids also gathered @ some spot, waiting to be sent off. reminded me of the good old days of guides ndp) housing near the expressway, a super big green field @ the east coast park. (for some ball game maybe, not sure) & a bit of harbour front area. (but it's like in all orangy lights)

yep, i think there were like 5/6 couples & a group of angmohs wif us* in the same capsule. privacy wise, it was still pretty okay lah. everyone's just minding their own business, snapping tonnes of photos, walking ard the capsule, sitting, talking, kissing, hugging etc. haha!

headed off to *zouk afterwhich, there's this *CCHSM gathering organised by fellow schoolmates. went for fun only lah. lol~ the only person i'm close wif, was *bear!! the rest were like hi & by friends. *phuture was packed (as usual) & *zouk was playing house. -eeks- but i really tried to accompany dar* to dance okay~~~

haha! to the place where we* 1st met! =X but we* actually met inside the cab parked outside my house for a tiny while~ lol.

thank you for the lovely day darling*. =))

& may there be the next & on-coming anniversaries to come~

***

*bestie!!! i don't care i wanna *mambo after my intern!! i don't care you mus got wif me!!! even if there's just 2 OF US*!!!! everyone else's invited to come along too, of cos. =))

blogging's so time consuming. omg. i practically spent my whole (resting) night away typing this entry.

till the next post! (hope i won't get lazy for too long!)

life's definitely unpredictable.

i said so, becos the MOST unbelievable thing actually happened.

omg.

but... what's the right emotion/s i shld feel @this instant?

hmmm.

oh wells.

[still waiting for my phone to ring. =((]

my blog has become a mouldy blog.

couldn't find a proper time/feel to blog. when i want to blog, i couldn' becos i'm @ work. (under strong surveillance) & other times, i'm busy wif work, watching *惡作劇2吻 & hanging out i guess.

4 more weeks of intern to go. now i've reached a point whereby i totally DREAD work. omg. probably becos i had nth much to do (becos no new projects came in) & i won't be having any internet access from tml onwards. (new staff coming in, so my little nest will be invaded once again) *sigh* & to add on to my misery, the part-timers left becos they were 'sacked' by the boss, who wanted to employ cheaper full-timers instead.

working 5.5 days are really no joke. the only day i could sleep in late is SUNDAYS!!! & i believe i'm the ONLY poor soul that has to work even on saturdays. dammnn.

or maybe i shouldn't be complaining THAT much becos it was ME who chose to have an internship. yeah. i learn something no doubt. to gain some experience in the construction industry no doubt. & most of all (i guess), to shut my mom's mouth, if not she'll be complaining that i'm lazy bum who doesn't deserve a 3, SUPER LONG months holiday. (just let me WHINE lah)

& speaking of which, dar* wasn't having a good time either. he* had to work his* ass off like till 12am?! almost everyday?! freaking hell. =(( that pretty much left me w/o him* on weekdays. my weekend male friend*. -sigh- [perhaps that's the MAIN reason that left me cranky & all]

but we had a good date yest. =)) whee. our 'special' day & a day after. he picked me up after work, with blue roses & my favourite cheesecake. =)) dinner was @ *central some japanese western resturant. the food was good!! (my main course is always tastier. HAHA! =pPpPp) most of all, i liked the ambience there. a tingling of cosy & romance. haha! (>.<)

we went *lunar afterwhich, my 1st trip there. it's a pretty good place to chill wif chinese & canto live pop. there's also this *angmoh who is claimed to be the *LEON LAI of US?! haha! but i must say he's canto is pretty good! but it's still weird to see an angmoh singing cantonese fast/love songs lah. lol~

we played stp games (dice/caiquan/ziguba) @ our little corner, enjoying the music & looking at sexy babes dancing at the podium. dar* claimed that i was drunk but i wasn't!!!

we still watched *the incredible hulk @ cine after. omg. i almost felt asleep =X (but i didn't actually SLEEP i guess. haha)

& will i actually blog abt my 21st bday?! omg lah. 1 mth alr. HAHAHA! =X