是厌倦寂寞吗？
还是早就习惯了寂寞？

found the userid to my previous blog. where was the *ching who used to be ever so frank, so open in her blog entries?

*sigh*

just lost that momenteum of life.

everyday just seemed like... every other day.

what's wrong?

don't know. but somehow i just lose that drive. that passion. that will.

supposed to be mugging hard. but didn't manage to do so.

& look, another day had just gone by.

遥望着你背影
有孤单太苍白
我多么想陪着你
走过人山人海

当天空变灰白
你的忧伤澎湃
我多么想走进
你紧锁的心海

我一直都在
你身后等待
等你有一天
回过头看我

我的笑送给你
希望你快乐
你的难过都给我

关于你的一切
我都好好收藏着

我一直都在
你身后等待
等你有一天
能感觉到我

就算我在你世界渺小
像一颗尘埃
我也会给你
我所有的光和热

当天空变灰白
你的忧伤澎湃
我多么想走进
你紧锁的心海

我一直都在
你身后等待
等你有一天
回过头看我

我的笑送给你
希望你快乐
你的难过都给我

关于你的一切
我都好好收藏着

我一直都在
你身后等待
等你有一天
能感觉到我

就算我在你世界渺小
像一颗尘埃
我也会给你
我所有的光和热

我鼓起勇气呐喊
你要听得见
我不许你再孤单
要你拥抱我给的温暖

回忆像慢慢远离的车灯
我们都带着悲伤的眼神

剩一个人还能不能
唱出最温暖的歌声

谁爱的比较深

从前的我们
哭着笑着 都总是两个人
后来的我们
就连招呼都有一点陌生

从前的我们
哭着笑着 都相信会永恒
后来的我们
为什么不能

爱情是忽然尽头的旅程
我们也只好不舍的转身
而那颗心还能不能
走的像当初般纯真

谁痛的比较深

从前的我们
哭着笑着 都总是两个人
后来的我们
就连招呼都有一点陌生

从前的我们
哭着笑着 都相信会永恒
后来的我们
为什么不能

如果爱在我身上留下伤痕
那么不爱更疼

从前的我们
哭着笑着 都总是两个人
后来的我们
就连招呼都有一点陌生

从前的我们
哭着笑着 都相信会永恒
后来的我们
为什么不能

i kinda panicked b4 making this entry.

thought some a**hole hacked into my blog. =((

but hengs i got back into my dashboard finally. haha.

anyways.. today kinda suay ahh.. but maybe all the luck went to the 4D i just bought! haha!! better WIN!!! lol! (>.<)

went down to watch fireworks, DON'T have.

went down for movie, also DON'T have.

wtf?!

& *bear's camera also spoilt. lol.

***

anyways, the super-duper OoOooooverly-rated v-day. yeps. i had fun. =)) it wasn't that dreadful w/o a valentine lahh..

maybe the sad-dest thing that happened was that i failed my 1st test of the term. busy doing v-day gifts + not having the mood to study for benny. so i deserved it. but anyways, what could be worse & made me cried my eyes out.

the meter of appreciation... well, couldn't really judge it. but i guess there's really much more to do to fill in that gap bahh. but did all that worth my time? i think so...



did this for most of the peeps. something else for *special peeps lol.

had alot of lessons that day... passing chocolates to pple around. ( and him haha. *py!)

i was working out the numbers for my *diamonds event for the past 2 days.. no good no good. just pray for business to get better over @ the *central forum lorr.. what to do.

yepps. *dinner was great wif my date!!! hahaha! =)) 1st time ever in my entire life, spending valentine's wif *marcius. yeps. i think *kevin will die laughing or sth. (>.<) okk lah. the date was enjoyable enough, he even gave me chocos! (from his fridge)

...just that he burst my heart-shaped balloon that *xuwen gave all the girls. but somehow he made me sth else out of it. lol. & he wasn't being such an a**. =))

& we met this stp *ah ma on the bus. zzz!! so unreasonable lorr. kns!!

we had dinner @ *siglap's coffee club express (to avoid all the sweet loving couples), & i met *jason at *tana merah mrt station. so qiao lorr! oh well. fate does funny things isn't it.

when i got home, TA-DAH!!!! =))



SO PRETTY RIGHT?! *beaming wif happiness & joy*

actually i kinda expected that i will get flowers, somehow. HAHAHA.

anyways, THANNKKK YOOUUUU!!! =)) **lovvee.

my favourite colour roses somemore! WHEE!!! heh.

a few more years b4 my mom will actually start nagging (AGAIN) & ask me to throw all my flowers away. (>.<)

awhile after, *cher came over to my place. & we headed to *zouk.



*hearts her*

didn't really have the mood to club. i was pretty tired then. nevertheless, the company rocks! =)) *lovvee!! met up wif *fanny too! & yes YOU *steffie! =)) who's as crazy as per norm.

& no, i didn't get drunk. was damn sober. after 2 sex on the beach, 1 malibu & 2 tequlia. tolerance going up i guess. haa!

***
some random stuff.



me & *jasmine during *SC1101E tutorial.



the handsome *tutor. okk. he looked kinda sian here. but we still like him! haha.

& i did this during the trip to *singapore science centre wif my family.



*i-future exhibition was COOL. lol. but i guess in the future, pple are even LAZY to walk. anyways, good time spent wif the family yet again. =))

***

Hereby wishing everyone a Happy Chinese New Year!! =))

Didn't really catch the CNY feel this year... is age a deciding factor too?

i guess i've been too busy or sth lah. in a space of my own perhaps?

was pretty glad that, to the minimal, i can tell myself that the bad year is gone.

but what's expecting ahead? *shrugs*

the *bahasa & *econs tests awaiting me are already prepared to kill me alr.

*sigh*

why bad things always have to happen upon me?!

*sigh*

it was so, that i realised...

i'm just so ever trying to portray a *ching that i want pple to see me as.

which may not be real at all.

***

& this dependency has to stop.

yes i know.

but i just can't help it.

i'm sorry.

for it's all there for you to know.

maybe i'm thinking too much.

it's a small world after all.

till the next time.

(that will definitely be quite some time later.)

wah. i mus blog abt this.

historical moment of my life.

my brother actually bought me sth useful.

it wasn't that rush of adrenaline, but still, he thought of ME leh.

it was a *cool ball for my labtop.

*whee* =))

here it is. nothing that fanciful also lah... lol. but maybe got my name & number there lor. haha. not i design de anyways. *ching where got so zai wor.

anyways, just got f*cked again. seriously, i can't be bothered anymore. i really TOTALLY regretted working wif him lah. *sigh* but the event is tomorrow. worse come to worse, i'll settle all the sh*t myself. since when that hasn't been the case anyways.

rar! so feel like screaming. having a punching bag will definitely help.

***

didn't exactly have the mood to blog. life's been kinda dull actually.

maybe, except getting a *pink T10 that is half mine?

& i didn't get to sail AGAIN. maybe it's all fated. haha.

i need to find the meaning to live once again.

还记得那夜
清晨最初一眼
眼前的世界
看起来快毁灭

你在我身边
看着屋檐
像末日的雨天

假如雨越大一些
是否靠近一点

你没有察觉
心跳特别强烈

太疯狂沉默
却熄了一整夜

明明有感觉
可惜时间流出了我指间

回头却看的见
满地回忆的碎片

那爱一直到今天
才在我心中浮现
爱情真出现那一瞬间
我们都没发现

那雨是一直到今天
爱下在我心里面
淋湿了双眼
湿过今天
才清晰的看见 你的脸

后来那几年
当然也有雨天
我开始学会
等雨后的晴天

谁在我身边
度过长夜
任雨点在倾泄
却再也找不回
当时心动感觉

你是否偶尔
像我静静怀念
那一样的爱
倾盆的那一年

如果那场雨再度席卷
总熄在里面
我一定抱住你
绝对不让你走远

那爱一直到今天
才在我心中浮现
爱情真出现那一瞬间
我们都没发现

那雨是一直到今天
爱下在我心里面
淋湿了双眼
湿过今天
才清晰的看见你的脸

*sigh*
emu ilusion.

突然那几秒
好像天使飞过
看著你微笑
那段时间都禁止
远远的注视
仿佛爱情就该如此

为所爱的人
在我心里留一个位置
虽然那前方模糊
可是想法清清楚楚
比所有人都渴望你能幸福

我站在你不远处
默默地为你祝福
把对你的爱藏起来
放你去寻找追逐

我站在爱的不远处
不在乎守候多辛苦
当你孤单时想起我
那是我最大的幸福

对你的期待
每段都有记载
每一个眼神
我都想要收藏起来

不害怕寂寞
不止一样没人明白
已经快忘了
当初迁就在这里等待

虽然那前方模糊
可是想法清清楚楚
比所有人都渴望你能幸福

我站在你不远处
默默地为你祝福
把对你的爱藏起来
放你去寻找追逐

我站在爱的不远处
不在乎守候多辛苦
当你孤单时想起我
那是我最大的幸福
我站在你不远处

我站在你不远处
默默地为你祝福
把对你的爱藏起来
放你去寻找追逐

我站在爱的不远处
不在乎守候多辛苦
当你孤单时想起我
那是我最大的幸福

feeling... lertargic.

didn't do much actually. maybe i really used too much concentration designing my own set of acrylic nails or sth. but they're all very pretty. =)) thank you all who made an effort today.

***

i wanted to ask actually. but i kinda backed off. maybe the present situation is for the best. or something along that line.

my sister just asked me questions which made me totally dumbdfounded. damn it. what's wrong wif my present life? *grumbles* STOP making me feel so pathetic.

i'm sorry for being a somehow party-plupper yest. wasn't in the right kinda mood to be out. & i felt kinda out lahh. just a little.

anyways it was kinda retard to go all the way to *paris ris park to FLY KITE. (we couldn't rent boats becos we reached kinda late) seriously. flying a kite. *jasmine, i joined yr little dating activity. haa! sad to say, it was freaking boring. & our poor little octopus kite landed on a coconut tree. they said the design on it had bad karma. there're lots of octopus hiding in btw the trees. lol.

oh. another exciting activity was to keep eating tibits by the sea. lol. so spastic.

& i went grocey shopping wif *MARCIUS, *ber & *james. OMG. *Marcius can just make me go BWG. seriously. & he wanna turn us all into vegetarian or sth. (but still, we got away wif it)

so all of us went to *marcius' place & we played a little bit of mahjong on his GLASS table wif a CARPET on top of it. (which made all of us had itchy noses) & cooking was... hilarious. lol. but we didn't had dirrhoea after that meal, at least for me. lol.

i still hearts the waffles @ *marcius' place!! whee! & the ice-cream i bought was like the best thing for the night. hahaha.

& i FINALLY got to meet *marcius' mom in person, after 7 years of "Who is *tsz ching?!" hahaha. stp *marcius made me so PAISEH LAH! zzz =X duno pple will shy 1 mehh.. =pPpp but his mom's pretty nice lahh. =))

***

sat night was out wif *justin & *samantha. they brought me to *no.5 emerald for cheap martinis & free flow of pea-nuts. lol. nice place eh!! i had never been to THAT part of town b4!! (>.<) i wanna go *alley bar lol.

anyways, was glad that *bear came down to rescue me & sent me home. =)) if not i will be SO light bulb.

***

i know who are nice to me, & those who aren't.

i shld seriously learn NOT to be so petty.

not pretty, eh?

anyways, yeps on the phone wif *bear. whining & whining again. hahaha.

just got back from school.. i took my *dad's car-key secretly. (so i bascially drove his car out lah duh) WHEE!!! HIS CAR SO COOL LAHHHH.. omg omg omg! *jasMEANy shld know lol. 1st time driving it.. (>.<) i totally hearts his car!!

had macCy breakfast as well, after laughing @ each other's indo costumes. keke. *jasMEANy & i joined "tradisional kostume" for the *bahasa project. was kinda disppointed that her costume wasn't GREEN thou. hahaha. *evil laughter* but MY COSTUME was the prettiest!!! *yay yay yay!! =)) sos happys!! & i got a *suami in 1 minute whom i can BULLY. =PPpPpppPpp

***

i keep having the impression that i'm like super busy, & continuing to be so till even after *CNY period. *sigh* i'm very worried for my mid-term test, especially *econs. i have to fight with pple who had studied *econs for 2 yrs alr lah! zzz. tutorials are like totally no-kick to them, but for me this kinda pple, i still have to struggle with the stp tutorials. *rar*! so unfair! =(( *sobs*

***

& i'm not in the exact mood for the so called "celebration". i don't know. i actually felt kinda upset becos it happened. maybe things kinda started off together, but somehow, both just have to end up the same way.

why are things so fragile nowadays?

***

saying "heck care" is ever so easy, but doing so is always another story.


i'll say "heck care" becos there isn't any way for me to care anymore.

not i don't want to.

PS. someone threw my flowers away. *sob* =((

i'm so f-ed.

*bertram NOT DOUBT just know HOW to get on the nerves.

wtf. totally feel like cursing & swearing.

!&@^@^#^#&##*#*@^@^#

*rar*!!!!!!

***

putting that asshole aside, i had a lovely dinner date wif my darling *bestie. =)) & she accompanied me to a place that is oh-so-scary. thank goodness she went there wif me. =))

i wonder WHY i had decided to work wif such a JERK! kns!

(to be continued. on the phone.)