finally it's all over.. stupid common test. *sulks*

i was so shagged when i got home.. it was raining.. had a nice car ride home from *dar's dad.. thanks!! =)) i was so near of dying.. lol~ & *dar accompanied me too.. heEs.. he gave me a little note.. folded it in some way i once taught him.. lol~ sweet little thing.. *muacks. =))) i was literally.. pouring out every single damn thing in my bag just to find it.. & he hide it... in my FILE. my bag was in a mess of piles & piles of maths notes/tutorial/whatever. (>.<)

anyways.. maths.. what a big disappoinment. seriously.. i thought it would be my best paper of all. but.. NO. it's so bloody difficult. *sulks* or it's just that my brain is too saturated from all those maths/maths/maths stuff.. i just couldn't do anymore. oh whatever. was a little depressed by the end of it.. but *dar cheered me up little.. =)))

& oh.. his dad gave me 3 mangoes. again. hAas. (>.<) the mangoes from the 2 "species" mango tree in his garden.. hAas. =pPppPPp

anyways. more updates. *cher received my post already.. so fast lor!! i sent on last thurs.. & she recieved it yest! (tues) the stp woman at the post office told me.. 1 week to 1 week half.. zZzz.. but anyways.. she's very happy. i'm glad. =))) hees. & she went crazy. lol~

hmMm.. & i have holidays from tomolo onwards!!!! *yay* finally can sleep lerx.. hAas. *piggy* need to go back school on tues though... & i already have bio homework to complete by the next bio tutorial.. zZz.

end of common test. start of another term's mugging. (>.<)

... *whines* lol~

i'm tired. very. ciaoz.

i guess everyone's sleeping... lol.

bio... was okay. just that i don't have enough time...

go maths. go maths. go go...

*whines*

i've started this whining habit. haha (>.<)

*sigh* i screwed up my chem paper.. esp section C. at 1st i thought i could do much better ya know??? hAix.. once i start on my sectionC.. my mind/brain went.. BLANK lor.. so scary =X i thought what happened to me... where have all my brain juices gone? so..for my class.. whoever pass is a PIG. lol~ let's see man. who's so lucky to be pigs. HAas! =X

Today is ChiaChin's bday too!!! sorry that we never "celebrate" with you.. every1 is busy mugging.. lol~ anyways you had Chem Common Test as a present already.. lol~ Anyways... happy birthday girl! =)))

then i meet *darling.. after... the weekend. but it seems so long ago.. lol~ that little dumby is still SICK!!! so long le lorx.. ZzzZzz.. i can't stand it anymore.. ARUGH! & he looked so shagged, so tired, so sick, so THIN!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHh... then i'll look so fat when i'm beside him. =(((~ dun like larhx!!! *WHINES*

met him awhile then poor me go home myself le lorx.. felt kinda lonely.. dunno why. lol~ but i'm now HOME!!!

anyways.. time for some sleep then MUGGING continues!!!! but i think my bio will be worse.. i didn't even study much of it.. arugh. i hate exams.

gd luck to everyone who's gonna have exams this week!!! well, i need some of that too.. but perhaps i could share? hAas.. lame. whatever.

well, i'd just.. survived.. 4hrs of tuition. *whoos* 1st time in my entire life. 4-hours. straight. lol~ =pPPPpPpp

chemistry. eeks! so much more to memorise.. i think i'll just DIE. *sulks* *whines*

bio. even worse more to go. *SULKS*

maths. almost done i think.. but i think i all forgot le.. *WTH?*

so.. basically, i think i'll just.. SCREW my common tests.. i just hope for a pass.. will my prayers be heard? I dun even ask for more than a C,C,E already.. lol~

okay.. time to mug again!!!

take care to everyone who bothers to come by & read abt my life.. hope everything's fine for you. =)))

I just loved this song.. =)))

"Running"-No Doubt

Run.
Running all the time;
running to the future,
with you right by my side.

Me,
I'm the one you chose;
out of all the people,
you wanted me the most.

I'm so sorry that I'm falling;
Help me up lets keep on running.
Don't let me fall out of love...

Running, running
As fast as we can... (as fast as we can)
Do you think we'll make it? (Do you think we'll make it?)
We're running...
Keep holding my hand,
it's so we don't get separated...

Be,
be the one I need.
Be the one I trust most.
Don't stop inspiring me.
Sometimes it's hard to keep on running,
We work so much to keep it going,
Don't make me want to give up.

Running, running
As fast as we can... (as fast as we can)
Do you think we'll make it? (I really hope we'll make it.)
We're running...
Keep holding my hand,
it's so we don't get separated...


anyways, updates.

I didn't have the studying mood.. & i don't feel like sleeping, so here i am.

i'm pissed abt it. I JUST CAN'T SLEEP. it seems so... ---> STUPID. seriously! When i'm a PIG & i can't FALL ASLEEP? it's the HOLS somemore.. when i'm supposed to be SLEEPING! hell no. duno what's freaking wrong wif me. *bish* people say i'm stressed out... becos of my exams? well, maybe. but i too kinda admit (now) that i was feeling quite... unhappy. so maybe.. all this shitty reasons larhx.. zzz

but i kinda managed to sleep better last night. waking up (ONLY) at perhaps 1am (cos *dar called), 3.30am, 8.30am & i finally got out of bed at 11.30am. =X lol~ my brother went to find his friend. THANK GOD. he's soOooooooooo freaking NOISY every morning. i feel like killing him sometimes!! his freaking friends called like 5, 6 times in the morning? (b4 11.30am) & he takes bloody LONG to pick up the freaking phone.. & he plays soccer wif a tennis ball & keep banging it against MY DOOR. ARUGH!

& *dar had food posioning.. EEEWWwww.....hope that poor thing will get real well soon... he was upset abt *toot* & suddenly he got himself so SICK.. keep vomiting & going to the toilet... poor thing. hope he'll feel much much better tomolo. after that jab & plentiful of sleep... *muacks*

*sigh* i don't ever think i'll finish studying.. seriously. i think i'm so SLACK. wanna *bish* myself.. but i just dun have the mood to study leh.. ZZzzzZZz..... hai. my grades are supposed to be better than my promos de lor!!! (well, the target i set for myself, not say the grades are THAT great but at least it was a C,C,E or sth) i just think i'm SO DEAD. kill me now.

&.... something happened. i can't say it here. but it's kinda... freaky. *sigh* i just hope everything will turn out the way i hope it will be... becos... i can't imagine what will happen.. if it didn't. nevermind. perhaps i shouldn't be so paranoid.

& i'm still fat. how to lose those fats when everyone ard me disallow me to skip meals? =S i'm a lazy pig. i DON'T exercise on my own accord. =((~ EewWww.

& oH! i brought a new pair of specs.. it's COOL! my sista & I thought so! lol~ it's RED & looks kinda like sun-glasses. HAas! (>.<) taking it this friday... maybe i could post a photo then? =)) then must act cool. =X speaking of which, i just lose my left lens.. while i was bathing. it's just so STUPID. arugh. everything just HAVE to go wrong. okay. back to my books now. at such wee hours. bah. I JUST CAN'T SLEEP. ARUGH. what's happening to me? anyways.. i miss my *darling so much. =((~ hope i could be by his side to take care of him now.. but what actually i could do now for him? well, i seriously do not know. guess i could pray? & meanwhile, don't get myself into trouble. trouble wif him. =X emu ilusion!!! (>.<)

p.s i'm wearing our ring. don't ask me why. i also dunno. just feeling wearing it.

well... guess the admirer's gone. maybe for good? =))) everyone please don't get so worked up.. or even worse. SOMEONE blamed me... *points finger at him*. =X

well.. yest was fun, fun & hell loads of fun!! I had missed ep's gathering twice in a row already lorx.. finally got together wif the class once again! hEes!! but i was too lazy to take any photos.. lol~ & that stupid boonpin keep snapping photos whats.. so who cares.. lol~ but sadly, we didn't take a sort-of class photo of everyone who was present last night.. but i guess attendence was like 30/39 larhx.. how cool is that after 1.5 years of after graduation? hEes.. class bonding is still as strong!! *yay* & we're thinking of a trip overseas after A's! WhhhhEEeeeee!

i walked down from my house to tuition yest.. then *dar was trying so hard to get-to-talk-to-me. *ops!* & my key-pad is stupidly sensitive at the WRONG buttons.. my cell was in my bag & the "receieve call" button is apparently pressed on lots of times.. then all *dar could hear was the noisy traffic/my slippers making noise/the water that's shaking in my bottle while i'm walking.. lol~ i was studying on amines/amides & listening to my ipod shuffle then.. =pPPpp (>.<)

tuition was... tiring. perhaps i didn't have the mood for tuition... & i couldn't quite catch out. it's my organic chem seriously that BAD? =((((~ i hate this feeling.. somemore i don't have much time to study anymore.. & my bio.. (is that 26 chps in all) is DYING. i didn't touch anything related to BIO... EEEeeWwwwwwwww.... i hate it.

then *dar was like telling me in the middle of the tuition.. he's gg to study ALONE wif a GIRL. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! *pulls hair* *sulks*. HAaas! my reaction isn't that BIG la. but oh wells.. i just asked him to decide for himself lorx..after all.. who am i (even as a gf) to stop him from meeting/studying wif anyone? I think it's stupidly ridiculous to say: NO! GO HOME NOW! I DON'T LET. ---> so stupid & immature rites. HAas! so i've grown!! (>.<) one step out of it. okay this is insane. ignore me. anyways...

then i went took train wif *shiling to cityhall.. i was meeting *shiyu at 4.30pm.. so long never see her lerx!!! i was kinda hungry, so we went to eat $1 ice-cream.. i ate some mocha-nut ice cream, which made my throat felt so HORRIBLE.. i seriously REGRET eating it.. drinking water is unless.. & i was feeling so horrible.. EeeWWw.. =(((~ then we went BRA shopping!!! hAAs.. she wanted to buy this $80 Triumph T-shirt bra.. but i think it's seriously too expensive.. just to wear on the INSIDE. lol~ but it's really nice to TOUCH *ahem* (the image of *shiyu's ji-ko look appeared.. lol~) but in the end we didn't brought anything anyways.. i finally gave her her present i wanted to give her way back since CHRISTMAS. lol~ we just didn't get to meet larh.. *whines*.. & i too 4get to bring anyways.. (>.<) was glad that she went mad upon seeing IT. lol~ cos it was a bunny. her favourite. it was cute anyways. =pPPp

then we met up wif *ber.. lol~ she's SO DARK!!! even darker than me lerx.. but khaiwan's WORSE. red & black. HAHA!!

we took train to Bedok then 608 to zhiyang's house.. we reached ard 6? goodness.. there's onli Zhiyang, Khaiwan & CheeSiong.. 3 lao ah-peks watching BORING tv.. zero entertain, zero "as-a-guest feeling"... water also must pour ourselves.. lol~ ZZz.. then abt 630 more peeps came.. even more nearly 7.. finally the fire starters arrived so we could start fire.. did chat wif *dar for awhile.. 1st time of the day... he was afraid that i was angry... N.A.H (which was true that i didn't anyways..) & he missed me!!! =pPPp of cos he must larh! (>.<)

then the fun begins on.. cooking unhygience bbq food.. actually me, shiyu, jo, ber (aiya OUR pit =p) is the best spot le.. hAas! chop! we cooked the most yummy food too!! *yay! the ever-so-popular taiwan sausages.. everyone practically was complaining.. I WANT! save 1 4 me kays.. then they were all gathering ard the pit when they're almost done.. lol~ the scene was hilarlous seriously... then i was surprised that they brought nuggets.. hEes!! perhaps they did remember that i can cook nuggets.. or the trend started from this class anyways..

hmMmm.. then we keep eating.. *ber cooked nice chicken wings! =))) i ate till i was soOOo full.. then meh meh came!!! after the long waiting.. (erm.. she's our form teacher for 2 years, last time) she's like the STAR of the class man.. every1 was so excited upon seeing her.. hAAs! then we crapped wif her.. asked her alot of questions abt teachers who taught us last time, were they married blah blah... & we talked abt lots of stp incidents last time..

then they a grp of them drank some 30% alcoholic thingy.. which i didn't take of cos.. i very guai 1 kays!! =))) then they got blood-shot eyes & khaiwan looked/acted so DRANK. damn funny larh!! & he don't believe that his face was as RED as his body.. then i took a photo to show him! hAas!! *ber pushed him & he was like.. so buay-stable.. Hahah~ so funny..

then we crapped & talked abt the trip overseas lor.. probably to genting larhx.. cos then it'll be affordable for all.. then i left sharing cab wif *ber & CheeSiong.. reached home 11++pm.. *dar & my mom was complaining that i reached home so late.. but i took a CAB okay! 1st one to get off the cab somemore.. so i.. don't bother. lol~ =pPPppp

so yarh.. lots of pple mentioned i got myself a bf already.. (yeah yeah, some1's FAMOUS. [gives the "whatever" look. hahaa.. kiddin la! =p]) then Chee even thought i changed bf.. then i so shocked. lol~ they want me to get whacked isit.. lol~ then they were talking abt the driving licence thingy.. guess i'll sign up just b4 A's barh.. then i could hopefully, drive soon!! hEEs.. but i still kinda like the idea of sitting in a car more.. haAs.. (>.<)

Anyways.. was glad that i did talk to *cher after so long.. hEes! & yeah. i went to see HIS friendster. OH MY GOD i saw that.. erm.. J...N. WAH! don't worry girl.. i got the same reaction as AMY. HAHAHAHAH!!! =X (m i too evil?) & i saw his testi for her... EWWWW. nothing to say. SERIOUSLY.

& i met *dar on thurs.. walked ard town & ate Nydc.. =))) i loved the cheese pasta thingy.. & drank lemon shiver.. then he was so VIOLENT wif me!! *complains & whines* but he sent me to tuition larhx.. after that went to have fun wif his gang of friends.. ya. it WAS jason's bday.

last note: i love empathy. =) & of cos, *dar and all my dear friends. miss all of you guys!!!

to: some1 who admires.. me?
heys.. perhaps you went to a wrong blog or whatever? hmMMm.. or shouldn't you be identified by me? I'm confused. & I'm seriously wondering who are you. yEp. so kindly let me know yar.. =))

Anyways, updates, updates. well, i never knew my boring entries would brightens pple day.. *gulps* i think i led a boring life.. ho ho ho. & basically, i don't have much "interesting" stuff to blog abt.. perhaps? So ya.. finally.. an update.

today.. *ahem* had lunch at home.. then studied chem till ard 2pm, my dad drove me to Orchard Plaza where i'm having my chemisty crash-course there.. for this & the following week.. 2 to 4pm... today i was kinda *lost* in the class.. i duno what the teacher's is talking abt.. he's quite nice larh... abit.. (perhaps i shouldn't use this word, but i duno wat other word to use =p) "gay"... (cc?) but he's funny larhx.. today there's renovations nearby the classroom.. so BLOODY noisy lor... then we shifted classroom.. the class is so HUGE lor.. like last time secondary school like that.. HAas! then very squeezy... yEeks! but still got *shiling & *chelle wif me.. hEes.. & i was feeling so unwell in class.. my nose is causing me a headache.. which i had a horrible one yesterday.. but it's gone for good after a pill & some sleep.. & perhaps a call from *dar.. hEes.

after that me & *shiling decided to go to eat dessert at my favourite place!!! *laughs* hEEs.. we walked all the way to "Xu Liu Shan" from Orchard Plaza.. lol~ have company while walking there so it's NOT really that far away larhx.. hEes!! ate some mango pudding + ice-cream + mango sauce.. YUMMY YUMMY!!! =))) felt so contented after eating it.. lol~ *shiling drank some mango thingy too.. she was telling me how she fall sick after her mango feast. HaAs! She's horribly addicted to mango!! lol~

then we walked to the Popular at Orchard MRT there.. cos my house's out of PAPER & PEN. lol~ then was heading home then my mom called... she said: let's go bowl.. i was like.. HUH? lol~ then we went Kim Seng Bowl wif my brother too.. hEes.. sweet mom, brought me some sugar-cane drink & some cake... =))) then we bowled lors.. my score.. still abt the same larhx.. lol~ then there's this bunch of noisy ang-moh kids.. but they bowled till very cute larhx.. lol~ my ball is quite obedient today.. probably the lane conditions.. not as oily as the previous time i went safra wif *dar... lol~

then went home & had dinner & i'm blogging here now lorx.. lol~

Anyways.. this June hols, i spent my 1st & 2nd week slacking.. hm.. meeting/studying wif *dar... & went to school for extra chem lessons... watched Mr. & Mrs Smith & Skywalker Guide to the Galaxy or sth larh.. lol~ Mr & Mrs Smith was NICE!! eeEWWWw.. my sister got free tixs, so i went wif her.. lol~ the 2nd movie was quite boring.. i watched it wif my *dar.. same day~ lol~ one after another lol~ yeah.. then i cooked lunch for my *darling.. lol~ but well, appreciated? hmm.. perhaps he didn't show much of it. i admit my cooking skills isn't that good larhx. & my maid did helped.. anyways, he just said got room for improvement lors... yeah.. & i blogged in my previous entry.. sentosa trip wif my class.. & i almost conquered maths... lol~ but i think i got not enough time left to cover chem & bio.. (esp bio)... *sigh* & my chem's so horrible.. i can't remember anything... STUPID CHING. *bish*

& anyways, my stupid brother is back from Nanjing.. he went there for some exchange program.. he came back taller & darker.. & his "long" hair made him so haggot-looking... loL~ & he broke his specs somemore.. took lots of photos of flowers & places of interests but NONE of himself... stupid idiot.. (>.<) lol~ but he still brought things for all of us in the family larhx.. hEes.. he gave me some stupid-looking "dolphin"? Haas! still got chinese fan, eraser, notebooks... lol~

then my parents too came back from theire 1st ever honeymoon after giving birth to 3 little pigs.. (well.. my siblings & i lol~ =p) the photos they took so funny.. lol~ cos they had to climb lots of stairs there.. walking into those caves to see those nice stones & waterfalls... then walk up some mountians.. loL~ they're out of breathe & their legs almost broke.. lol~ then now my family is doing away wif the lift.. we'll be walking up to our home at the 8th floor.. by STAIRS. Haas.. they say to maintain their "newly" built stamina.. lol~ but it's good exercise anyways.. =pPPp

anyways.. had tiffs wif *dar... wasn't really happy abt they way we are... but i guess everything's fine? yeah. i'm immature & childish. can't believe i'm already 18. i'm legal to drink & drive. but oh wells.. perhaps there's so much more i need to learn in maintaining a relationship. it's difficult, but i'm trying very hard.. cos.. ehhh.. well.. i love my *darling. *blushes* lol~ -bish-

okay.. i guess.. time for mugging now.. so long.. till the next time i actually got the mood to blog.

"Everything changes. No matter how much you try to stop them." (Familar? lol~ wells, that's my quote for my blog... perhaps it was last year? can't remember loL~)

but it is true...

but somehow... i still can't get over it. i still can't get used to it.

ignore this entry.

perhaps i had too much free time in hand, seriously. thoughts after thoughts rush over my mind. *sigh.

one of those times feel like shutting only to myself, let the music blast & deafen my ears..

it has suddenly fall upon me. that everything indeed will change. we're living in such a globalised world, changes ARE inevitable. but still. i hate it. i'll still stick to this statement. I HATE IT.

yeah i know i should be studying.. after this i guess..

read my sec 4 autograph book while re-confirming someone's bday. reading all those... i should call them "precious" few pages.. it just make me realise once again that everyone is so caught up with their"new" life now.. in different schools.. perhaps sticking to different groups of friends or even the other-half of their present life. what's all this to complain abt? nah. just was kinda sadden by the, this fact.

it isn't that nobody cares. i know. everyone, friends DO care for one another. but perhaps time & the thought of " he/she's fine. " just stop you from reaching out once again. to your old pals. i admit. i ain't kinda a good friend after all anymore. but it isn't that i don't care. but just that i don't know how to reach out anymore. it just make me feel.. do i only reach out becos i just needed someone? yeah.. the stupid me is thinking too much again.. but sorry. that's something i kinda practice now.

& i think i'm seriously shutting to only myself even more...

but i guess this pain will be gone soon.

& actually, there's even more problems cropping up. but i guess i just ignore.

why? i do not know.

i feel so tired sometimes. i don't know what else to do. facing all those irritating criticism & nonsense sh*t.

& perhaps others i darn't address here.

but do i seriously have attitude problem? don't know how to be a nice gf? it is always ME who spark off every quarrel? I'm so tired you know.. everything thinking back what the hell did i do wrong to you.. for you just to walk out of me like that. i admit i did blow almost my top.. but i wasn't ANGRY. maybe that shout was just to ven my anger of all this feelings that's being bottled up in me. & that you can't tolerate. why? why is it ME who always have attitude problem? you never know how i feel inside. perhaps i do not know abt you too. did you fu*kingly know how hurtful it is.. YOU DOUBT ME HAVING ANOTHER GUY BEHIND YOUR BACK? what kinda trust you put in me? I told you i can't sleep well.. why not you ponder upon your actions before you even come & question me? I just don't understand why. i love you so much & we always got so much sh*t happening btw us. why. & you can just say.. "Oh.. our relationship has only.. abt half a year more.." how FUCKING SAD IS THAT. you tell me. imagine i say that to you. tell me how much you put into this relationship. you can just say this kinda things to me.

i admit, i did say hurtful things to you too.. but i'm sorry... i said it at a heat of the moment. you're one person to me. but the most important & precious one. it's not that i don't account for whatever you say. but why will i address when you see me as some perfectionism? & i don't understand why can't you even try to understand. you said stuff like "oh.. must accompany you.. later you cry again". you know i feel so MOCKED at.. it's not the kinda CONCERN I NEED & I WANT OKAY.

everything's changed. seriously. perhaps you doubt it. but it DID HAPPEN. your attitude to me is in fact, changed. perhaps time is the factor. you think that we're together.. you need not be like that of the past. you need not assure me of your loving.. but.. isn't that all you did in the past that make me love you? why... constantly i have a adapt? maybe i shouldn't be complaining abt this.. cos you're trying your best to adapt too.. ARUGH.

i really love you, but i'm really so tired of all those sh*t that cropped up. i'm not thinking of a BREAK-UP. perhaps you can call me naive. but a break-up has NEVER occur to me. maybe i look for my true love.. i just think that it won't solve anything.. but brings even more pain & problems. perhaps in that way.. you'll know how much i love you. but somehow, i think it never occur to you. you always think i take you for granted. you're always the one taking initiatives, why can't i take some too? is it really my fault that i try to spend somemore time wif my friends.. cos 90% of my free time i spend it like wif you? perhaps you didn't even realised, you actually spend more time wif your friends alone than me.. perhaps you will say: it's I can't go out.. or.. it's just that i don't wanna tag along..

when was the last time i actually talked to stacey.. as in REALLY TALK. i think it was my bday can.. i'm not close to anyone now seriously. even in tai-tai gang.. i just wonder from person to persons.. cos most of the time, i'll be long gone during recess or after school. yeah. i know.. you have yr problems wif your friends too.. but i want you to know. it's a 2 way thing kk.. you never suffer alone.

i'm happy wif you. i seriously am. but i just don't understand why we keep quarreling.. & some of the times, i really don't know why i had to say sorry you know. then you got so pissed off & i CAN'T. why. cos you don't like it. then what abt me. i also HATE it when you bang on the walls & hurt yourself k! you only do things in YOUR way... cos it pleases you. then what abt ME.

haiyah. i dun wanna type le. STUDY!