Supposed tat my mood is better.. =) but emptiness still fills me up slowly lah.. >.< dunno wat happened to me too.. but anyways. today i had a fruitful day! =)


had lessons til 1.30pm then went 4 Sea Carnival Heats!!! *WooTs* finally get to KAYAK!!!!! YEAHHHhhhHHHhhh... i didn't kayak since my second trip to OBS?! oh god!!! i SERIOUSLY missed it SOoooOOoo much!!!! i wanna go AGAIN!!! but then the weather lorx... sian 1/2.. rain until so jia luck.. stil got thunder & lightning!!! (boooOmmmm) then i can't try dragon boating too!!! >.< but then was feeling kinda useless cos my arms have NO STRENGTH at all to push the stp kayak 4ward.. arUGhh.. Heex.. i hit michelle's head twice.. *oPS! Sorry giRl!! Heex.. missed those time me & cey tryin our VERY best to drown 1 another.. lol~~ bUT i kinda enjoy kayaking 4 leisure more.. taking yr own sweet time rather than going soOOOo fast like dunno chasing after wat... lolx..


i also dun mind sea sport club liaoz la!!! so many cchs pple join. but 2 bad larhx.. i cannot get anymore darker liaoz. later pple can't see me in da dark.. =X


HmMMm.. starting to luv my class more.. Heex.. but stil not very united nehx.. mus try our best to make 04s06 roCks!!! =)


LAst nite my mood was da MOST horrible can.. also dunno wat happened to me.. >.< can't even study my bio lorx!!! lucky got some "info" ahhh.. if not sure fail until nobody's business... =X


"you're stil within me i guess. can't let go.. yet. AHHhh.. but i guess it's okay. i'll still notice you. i'll look for you. though we ain't communicating, it doesn't any bit bother you. so i guess we'll just let it be... making it ain't any bit bothering me too..."




[{*miSsing YoU*}]

hey.. shalln't make here too GLOOMY & everything... but there isn't much happy stuff tat i could blog abt la yarh..


hMmm.. actually i duno wat to blog too.. but i jus ended up here. today, nth much happened. was SoonyEe's & HuIliNg's bday.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY pEEPs!! Like so BAd.. also never celebrate JoannE's bday.. =X MAy really too much ep pple bday liaoz.. then every1 so busy, celebrate bday 4 pple until sian1/2.. lolx~


AhhHHhh.. was dying to find sth *great to look 4ward to.. & i could onli come up wif kev..


woah.. i jus DON'T understand lor. so wat if he LIKES ME?! why is every1 so f*ckin interested in whoever tat likes me?! arughhH.. so irritating & pissing me OFF CAN!? why mus i be the WONDERFUL TOPIC!? I DUN WISH TO BE MENTION AT ALL MANNnnnnnnnnNNNn.. It's really REALLY getting on my nerves lor. 1 day i shall jus SNAP, tat's the end of CHING. WooTs! I shld wait 4 that day to come by..


Having guides BTC2 camp this coming sat.. oh gosh. i gonna be sooOOo tired & stuff.. can't be lookin so ugly & torn & FAT & black & EVERYTHING in front of kev.. but i jus it's kinda IMPOSSIBLE larhx.. >.< okay wateva. can't be really bothered anyways..


Ching's life continue SUCKING on.... shall i REJOICE?


was supposed to be studying 4 my BIO 1 lorx.. wao laux.. spoil my mood. every1 is coming to TELL me abt FH.. oh god. i can jus go BANG the wall now & go to HELL.


"today, i saw u looking over. ONCE. tat's all i caught. oh well, i wasn't completely CERTAIN. but i do hope that u actually sensed my presence after all. Not pinning on any more hopes.. i wish tat we could at least chat. but we jus COULDN'T, & didn't. There's no fault, or is there? Feeling so tired, each time, trying my very best to come up with "beautiful" conversations. I don't know how a person i may seem to you, but my instincts tell me that it wasn't GOOD at all... rumours & everything bad are floodin, i feel so helpless, but there isn't ANYTHING that i can do about it. u aren't there to rescue me. i have to face all that crap ALONE. it isn't yr DUTY... but i just wished tat somehow u could rescue me, save me from all that NONSENSE and pain. no1 will ever understand how i feel. i guess, not even YOU."

HEY!!!! i m not dead yet. so i m back. haha


just being bored & everything la. today i went 4 pre-camp training at guides hq.. met up wif some scouts.. rot my day at hq & went 4 internal training 4 NDP.. oH now i never become the other contigent commander.. wahHhhhh.. good gam manXxx.. hAiz.. i dun wan be lor.. marching so tiring derx.. somemore i also dun wan commit myself to the NDP.. but looks like i dun have any choices lorx.. do i?


HMmMMmm.. was actually looking 4 SOMETHING/ jus anything 4 me to look 4ward now.okay maybe's kev's coming back barh.. i duno.. cos my mom is turning crazy, she don't wanna let me go back during da hols cos i HAVE to study 4 my common test during da 1st week of term3.. oh gosh.. i think i'm jus going to die.. & my house is gonna be under renovations. i can't go back home 4 like at least 10 days?? YeP. i m HOMELESS. so u'll find my whole family at some hotel.. & my mom dun let me stay over at ANY of my fren's house! OKay it sounds RUBBISH, but tat's my mom & i know tat she's like this. HA! so i give any thoughts to tat larhx.. >.< maybe when the atmosphere is jus meant 4 studying, i guess i just HAD to. POOR ME... but i guess i can't take it larh.. HmMMm.. we shALL see YArh..


I also dunno wat's my mood now. i feel.. O.K.A.Y i guess.. dunno larh.. jus kinda cranky.. i m jus typin & typing & typing. wat a nO-lifer. Maybe i think to SOME extent i m already NUTS. tat's why i can't feel anything now. really too NUMB? actually i SERIOUSLY dunno wat's freaking wrong wif me now larh okay. Ching's gone man. i can't even find myself back. I can jus be so seh 4 this moment but after tat i may seems fine.. (i guess) & my phone is like.. beeping & beeping.. my bill's like exploding. but who gives a damn. but actually i'm paying my own phone bill.


See.. how crappy i m. waiting 4 the 15mins later, so i can call MR.GOH. he's such a busy man. mus make appointment wif him one. but i also dun feel like tokkin on the phone. but since he asked me to, then fine wif me larh.. we haven been chatting alot too.. maybe i will feel somewat better.


I think i will jus die off w/o my com. 10 days or even longer w/o IT? hahaha~ we shall see how Ching will die.. in a small corner in Singapore.


Oh YEah, i have 4gotten. HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOANNE!!! & to TPJC too.. same age somemore woRx.. lol~ May is month full of pple having their birthdays.. esp in ep man.. HEex. which includes MINE!!!! how i wish i m as happy as the way i sound. but if u ask me wat m i feeling now... i could onli give u negative feelings man. or maybe.. jus netural? i dun feel anything at all.

okay i m back after disappearing 4 quite sometime.


okay, maybe my blog will jus die off, together with me, i duno. so, do NOT be surprised if this blog actually die-ed okay. it will die for a reason. the reason is that i jus dun blog anymore. & nope.. there WON'T be anymore BLOGs for me.


AhhHHh.. maybe is all these stp blogs which have got me into TROUBLE. TROUBLE TROUBLE TROUBLE. ching is lost.. ching is dying.. ching is... where's CHING?! i think tat i can't even comprehend myself anymore.. i duno.. i jus DON'T feel being MYSELF anymore... dun ask me why or wateva happened. Ching can't answer you..


Oh dear. & btw.. i dun like *j or whoeva or wateva. yEp.


See, i m lost at even my WORDS. DAMN


Yarh.. and suddenly i feel like adding on & whine on & on & on & on.. HAiYar.. i feel so sick, so tired of life. wat do i want in my freaking life? i don't even know the date of any days.. life just goes on & on & on & on w/o making any SIGNIFICANT difference to me. yeah i sUckEd. WayYYYYyyy sucked. THE freaking guy who like me can hate me. but he can't. so it tat all MY FAULT? i M the one who RUIN his life. YEp. & I DO NOT GAIN ANYTHING FROM ALL THESE. in fact, i have done nothing. & surprisingly, i m DESTROYING some1's life. woah. wat power do i have man? CHING?! since when u know black magic?!


Sorry 4 sounding like a biTch. I M A BITCH.


M i being too NICE all these while??? Too nice??!!! hardly sees tat. i m just the way I M. if i'm really TAT nice, why wouldn't i gain ANYTHING in return?! Ching doesn't understand at all. ARUGHHHhhhHHHHhhhhh.....


Forgive me. Forgive THE BITCH who's yanking NOW.

HAI!!!!!!!!! duno why i jus got a feeling to cry now.. *SobS.

So muCh of unhappiness & everything. i m vexed. i cannot take it ANYMORE!!! okay maybe i can heck now & then.. but the problems are always evolving around me... it's not like i can stop any freaking souls from liking me. Liking another person isn't wrong. but why haunt me like i'd murdered u? my conscious is all clear.. I HAVE NOT DONE ANYTHING WRONG.

okay maybe tat's not what REALLY bothering me right now. oh yeah. *j *j *j *j.. aiyar. wateva la. i was jus being crazy. dun ask me why.

i always wanted to blog. but dunno why when i m at this page, nth seems to come out.. zzz... i have sOooOOOo much to scream abt.. SoooOOo much stuff tat's shattering my weak soul. *sigh*

but i jus all tat matters is just *u. -sigh- duno larh.. it's not tat i dun wanna talk to u or msg u 1st.. it's jus tat i duno wat to say. i know u dun care a shit abt me. but i do care so much abt u. i know i m insane. or maybe i m in denial. do i actually like u so much? i duno the answer myself too.. but, all the stupid terrible emotions i have is all becos of u. yeah i know it jus couldn't be help. we r just some strangers... who met, who talked, who... i have fallen for. & we could jus say hi to each other.. dunno wat to say next. this feeling totally sucked. i dunno wat m i rambling on & on... pls forgive this shattered soul. maybe it's all fated. i could know see you from far, listen to you from far, watching you, & not letting you knowing anything abt it. I know these are all stupid acts, but tat's me. I can't stop myself from doing all these. why m i trying so hard jus to let the 2 of us communicate?

haiyar. i really siao. can type out this kinda thing. i go slp ler. i dun wanna talk abt the freaking guy who always try to ruin my life.

hEyAxXx.. sooOOo lOng neva blog ler.. *sigh. jus dun have the mood & everything larh.. my life suCKs anyways.. =X


as usual & always, he can't be bothered wif me larh.. i dunno wat big fuss m i rambling abt.. but i jus.. *misS him barh.. oh well.. *pOwEr of loVe* & the reason 4 this new blog: Ahhh.. dun let MarCus read!!! =X lolx~ no larh.. so that i can fa hua chi in peace.. but of cos not now when i have simply NTH to be happy/fa hua chi aboUTs..


heEs.. my bloggy nice rite? 1st time i sort of "created" it kays.. took me SOoOOo long & so much effoRt.. but thank god it turned out well larhx.. =)


HmMm.. there's bowling tomolo. let's see wat happened yarh.. but i know nothing will come out 4 good lor. i can only look at him, though i m so close to him..*sigh


& guys r really the weirdest creatures i find on earth. have 2 complete examples to testify my statement. They get SAD when i didn't even do anything.. wth??? HaiX.. i seriously dunno them.. anyways i guess i neva could. *bleah. wateva lah. life jus sucks ooOoonNnnn...

too tired to write.. another day ba. FINALLY finish my blog. *sort of.. *yAy