I Just Kept on Staring

I was crossing the street at Ashland and Hubbard and this dude was stuck in gridlocked traffic, windows down, just staring at me. I could feel his eyes on me- watching me cross the street and wait for the bus. I first tried to ignore him, but then I felt myself getting angry- it was like I was letting him control me, and it made me feel frustrated. So I took a breath, looked up, and just stared his ass down. I even moved my feet apart a little to take up more space on the sidewalk. Just stared him full in the face, and tried to give him a look that said I was in control and didn't feel like having him stare at me. He was surprised and he looked away in discomfort. He checked his phone. I just kept on staring. When traffic picked up, he looked up at me again- and I was still staring at him with my intense, no-nonsense, don't-fuck-with-this face. It felt awesome. I think more people should try it. It's kind of like turning the tables. It let the dude know that I didn't appreciate what he was doing, and gave him a taste of his own medicine.

--Arline

How do you Explain Sexism to Children?

A reader recently e-mailed me to ask for advice or resources. I'd love to help her out so please let me know if you have any recommendations!

"I was wondering if you know of any resources that specifically deal with the issue of explaining sexism and street harassment to kids. I have a friend who is always really trapped between A) wanting to say something but not wanting to 1) use harsh language in front of her daughter, 2) not want to put her daughter in danger by saying something/ teaching her to say something and B) not wanting to teach her daughter that it's okay for men to say things to her or her mom on the street. Yeah, I just thought I'd give it a shot to see if you've ever stumbled across anything."

-Jean

It Wasn't My Fault

I was walking to the gas station today to get some dish washing liquid. A group of 5 young boys walked by and one of them said "hey shawty what's your name?"

Of course being the person I am I ignored him 1. Because he was ugly and 2. He was young as hell like 15 or 16. Anyway after I ignored his comment he struck back by saying "Damn! You don't know how to speak!" and he kept walking I thought that it was over after that but I was wrong.

When I walked out the gas station the group of boys were not too far down the street they were like 2 blocks away so I knew if I walked by again something bad probably would've happened so I went to the opposite side of the street and once I walked past here came the harsh comments: "You ugly slut!" "You bitch!" "You hoe bet u suck dick!" "You ugly as fuck" etc.

These comments ensued until I was one block away from them. Pissed and frustrated at me thinking before acting I didn't say anything back to them because I figured that it would turn into something worse than just a few harsh words. I ran in the house trying to find a weapon and get some male friends to basically...well kill all them.

I was calmed down by my family members though before stuff started to escalate I regret not standing up for myself...but yet I feel that it wasn't my fault that they got so angry with me. Also, mind you, my hair was messed up, I had on a gray hoodie so nothing was exposed, and some dirty pants...he was fucking desperate if he was trying to holla at me!

~Submitted by Tiffany C.

You still win. You made him run.

I like to write. And though I'll eventually write something more polished about what happened to me this weekend, I want to get it down now in case this creep is still lurking.

On Friday, April 15, I took the day off and took myself to a movie. I couldn't remember the last time I'd been to the movies alone and it just sounded good. I love solitude, but I rarely seek it outside my own home. Now I remember why.

I was about an hour into "Source Code" when a man came up into my row and sat two seats to my left. My heart immediately started thumping. I'm not usually immediately intimidated by unknown men but my body knew something was up. He had not been sitting in the theater earlier (there were only about 10 of us in there) and I was the only lone female. As I tried to relax and focus on the movie, I caught the telltale signs of what my body had already predicted. I heard him unzip his pants, saw him pull his jacket into his lap, and heard the rhythmic brushing of his hand against the material of his jacket. I started to think about the kind of person I am - the kind of person I've always been. I'm quiet, keep to myself, and never call people out in public. I know - have always known - that I'm the exact kind of woman these guys look for. I'm polite. I'd decided I didn't care what this guy, or anyone in the theater, thought of me. I reached into my purse and got my phone. The man stopped moving his hands and brought them out from under his jacket, folding them in his lap and pretending to watch the movie. I knew this wouldn't be the end of it, and I'd already missed crucial plot points, so I turned my phone on and got ready to take his picture. He zipped up, but only partially, and ran. He was holding onto his pants with one hand while he ran out. I sat for a moment, and then ran after him, leaving my coat and purse in the theater. I chased him into a theater across the hall, and this is where I made my mistake: I went down the hall to get security. Had I stayed there, someone would have come along eventually, and he'd have been trapped in there, easy for me to identify. But when I came back with security, it was clear he'd either made his way into another theater or slipped out the back exit. I sat in the lobby of the theater for the next hour, praying to see him walk out. I was going to follow him down the sidewalk with my cameraphone on the video setting.

But I never saw him. Still angry, I called the cops to give a description. He was older - late 50's or early 60's, white, heavy-set, balding but with some greyish / white hair, glasses, a grey/beige sweatshirt and jeans. One of the officers asked if the man appeared to be mentally impaired, and I was humbled a bit. There are truly sick people out there - people we should be helping - and it's possible this man is one of them. But I can still be angry if that's the case, because men who are that ill should NOT be left in theaters unattended. What if this was summer and he'd done that to a young girl? Since I can't know whether or not he's clinically ill, I can only do what is well within my right, and say something - make him aware that his behavior is wrong and hurtful. I was still kicking myself for not getting his picture when my best friend said, "You still win. You made him run."

~Submitted by Kelly K

That's enough of that! You are being creepy!

Location: CTA Red Line Chicago, Heading North between 47th and Sheridan

On a half empty subway train with empty seats this guy was sitting next to women who were sitting in the window seat trapping them in next to him. Then he would start hitting on them. I noticed this happening from the other side of the train, he did not do it to me, and it didn't really piss me off until one lady, obviously uninterested, asked to get up so she could move away from this guy. He just barely shifted his weight, and did not move out of the way. The woman rolled her eyes and was forced to slide her body over his to get out. She was forced to make physical contact. He got this smug little smile when he made her do this. I lost it. I waited till he sat down next to yet another girl and got up in his face and took a photo. "THAT'S ENOUGH OF THAT. You are being creepy!" I said to him. I told him exactly what he was doing and that he needed to stop. I told him no one was interested and he was not "smooth" making girls touch him who did not want to. He got offended and said he was just "talking to them" and yelled at me for a minute but stopped his harassment. He stood by the doors till I got off. I walked right past him and wished him a blessed day.

~Submitted by Caitlin

Technical Note

Hello Everyone!

I am very sorry to say that, due to a technical error, I had not been receiving a lot of the submissions to this blog. I finally found all of my missing e-mails and will be posting a bunch of stories today. I am going to backdate them to the actual date they were sent so if you are looking for a story you sent, look in the archives. Again, I am deeply apologetic for missing so many of your submissions, you deserve to be heard and I dropped the ball.

Please continue to send me your stories, I have resolved the issue with the e-mails so this should cease to be a problem. Thank you for your patience with me.

Your moderator,

Cortney

I Was Afraid

I'd just gotten off the Blue Line at the Western stop,
on my way to a rehearsal at church last night. This man - slightly
homeless-looking, but not altogether unkempt, shouted at me as I walked
by him: "Hey cutie!" I turned to see who it was (could it be someone I
know?) and he had a "lusty" expression on his face. I made a disgusted
face and walked away from him just in time to hear him shout out
something like "Oooh, sexy lady's mad!" So, pulling my phone/camera
out of my pocket, but not having time or coordination to get the
camera on, I turned around and took a big step toward him and shouted
"Don't make me take a picture of you and put you up on the PERV
website!!" No response from him except wide eyes. I turned around and
walked away, and when I got about 10 paces away I heard him mutter
something inaudible.

I've been to afraid in the past to actually take photos of these
a**holes, but this was a step in the right direction for me.

~Submitted by G

Hi Hollaback!

This is a message from Wales to let you know about our Government's latest campaign- www.stopblame.org, (featuring a video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yGI-b60BWN4).

The campaign seeks to challenge the endemic culture of victim blame for rape and sexual assault, asking that we all stop blaming the victim for having dressed in too little, drunk too much, flirted and not put up a physical fight. Time to stop handing him all the excuses he could wish for and start to reattribute blame for these behaviours to the rapist/ assailant.

Please take a look and share with your network.

Happy to provide more information if you need to know anything else about the campaign.

Happy Christmas all,

Anna

He continues unless the woman screams in his face to stop

There's a guy who takes the 147 headed south during the morning rush. He's about 30-ish, about 5'8", medium build, medium length dark brown hair (slicked down), always wears sunglasses (large mirrored ones), appears to be Latino. He has a very trimmed facial hair - basically a chin strap. He usually gets on the bus at Foster and gets off at Pearson.

On several occasions (including this morning) I've seen him rub against women standing near the front of the bus. This happened to me about three weeks ago, and I can't stand seeing this guy do it to other people. He stands against a woman at the front of the bus even if there is space to not stand so close and presses his crotch against the woman's body. He becomes visibly aroused doing this, and continues unless the woman screams in his face to stop.


~Submitted by Kate

"You better be scared of me, baby"

I walk home everyday. I have to pass by the Veterans Hospital at Damen and Taylor St. at about 3:30 p.m. I am usually harassed everyday by men waiting in cars parked along the sidewalk. My friend told me about HollaBack and I decided to "holla back" today.

As I passed a car with two men in it, one of the men said, "Hey baby, you lookin' fine." I stopped and politely said, "You shouldn't say things to women as they walk by, it scares them." He responded with, "You better be scared of me, baby." I walked a little further and remembered I should take a photo so I took out my camera and snapped a shot of the creep as he was getting out of the car. He started yelling at me. I shouted back, "I don't know you. Stop being rude." He called me a racist and I said "I don't care if you're white or black, you are a creep. Stop being rude and stop harassing women."

There were many, many people who witnessed the incident. Several workers from the VA were there. I felt very empowered, but now I'm afraid to walk by there tomorrow. I think I'll have my boyfriend meet me and walk me home.

~Submitted by Teri

That's so funny!

I was walking down Lawrence in Uptown and this guy looked me up and down as I passed and said, "Heeey babyy" after I had already passed him. I turned around and pointed my finger at him and started loudly laughing. He nervously chuckled because he didn't know what else to do. I took my camera out while laughing and saying, "That's so funny! It's so funny how you're picture will end up on the internet for being lewd!" and he stopped laughing after I snapped his photo.

~Submitted by Alma

I wonder if anyone else on the train saw, and just pretended they didn't?

I'm pretty sure that a guy tried to take a photo of me on his phone this morning while we were on the brown line. He came up to stand behind me in such a way that his arm was around me and his body was to the side of me, and he was sort of crowding me into the side of the train. Of course, the train was crowded so at first I figured that he was just trying to squeeze in and couldn't find anywhere else to put his arm. However, I felt like he kept sidling a bit closer to me, even though he never touched me.

I was feeling more and more crowded and was just considering asking him to move, when I saw a flash out of the corner of my eye. I immediately knelt down and sort of lurched backward so that his arm was no longer around me and gave him a death glare. I would have actually said something if I had truly seen his phone pointed at me, but since I wasn't sure I bit my tongue. For the next two stops he acted normal, so I didn't have a chance to say anything.

I feel a bit frustrated with myself for not reacting more strongly, but I now feel that in the future I'll have more courage to lash out when something like that happens. Incidents like these make me furious. I wonder if anyone else on the train saw, and just pretended they didn't? All I know is that if I ever see that happening to someone else, I promise to myself that I will confront the assailant immediately.

~Submitted by Rebecca

I no longer feel like prey

I used to live in a high-crime, drug infested neighborhood in Louisville KY. When I walked my dog along my street, I noticed a new guy hanging out on a particular stoop – he made the ugliest, most belligerent catcalls I had ever heard in my life. Worse, there was an edge to his voice that told me without a doubt that he was the real thing and most likely would have no problem taking advantage of an opportunity if there were no witnesses around.

I was a member of the Neighborhood Watch, so I reported him with a description. The police officer said he sounded like one Joseph Schmoe – already convicted in a series of armed robberies and awaiting a sentence of 25 years to life. How charming! A couple nights later he dropped the last straw with a howl and “Ooh baby, I’ll take the dog AND the bitch!!” Something in me snapped, and I started taking martial arts lessons a couple weeks later.

That was two years ago. This story has a happy ending for me, because the martial arts training has had a powerful ripple effect through the rest of my life. Ultimately I was able to build up the momentum to leave the ‘hood behind and move to a sleepy rural town close to my extended family. I’m still hyper-vigilant about my surroundings, but I no longer feel like prey. I can’t say that I’m grateful to this maggot, but sometimes good things arise from bad situations.

~Submitted by Anna

I just act like I assume they're trying to bother someone else

I've had fewer instances of being harassed since moving to Chicago than when I lived on the East coast, but those few have been really unfortunately memorable. The most recent was just a few weeks ago. My boyfriend and I were walking down the street across from the Paulina Brown Line stop. We had just finished getting our hair cut and were looking for a restaurant to grab some dinner and enjoy our evening out. We were walking along chatting and holding hands, but when I heard yelling and loud comments like "Hey girl! Hey!" from behind, I immediately felt myself tighten up in fear...the familiar feeling of knowing some unpleasant asshole is about to ruin my day with his offensive comments, and especially the fear of not knowing how far it's going to go this time. My boyfriend started to turn around, but I yanked his hand and tried to tell him to ignore the yelling, to just pretend you don't even know they're trying to scream at you. That's my usual coping mechanism - I just act like I assume they're trying to bother someone else, and keep my head down till they give up.

Turns out it's an entire fucking tour bus full of drunk frat dudes. They were literally hanging from the windows as they rolled up to the stoplight next to us. In sleazy drunken unison they start actually chanting at us, yelling "Kiss her! Fucking kiss her! Yeah!" at my boyfriend. I was desperately trying to get him to ignore them, but he had already looked up. He flipped them off as their bus pulled away, and they returned in kind, still screaming abuse and obscenities and "encouragements" for my boyfriend to use me sexually in public for their amusement. I was so shaken, I didn't even know what to say to my boyfriend, even though we often talk about feminist issues and street harassment experiences, both my own and his female friends'. I felt really angry that they had still tried to get to me despite my male escort - that they had even actually tried to use my boyfriend as a prop in their "let's humiliate women!" game. It totally ruined my whole evening, and we gave up the idea of a night out, went home, and watched movies instead, unable to really talk about what had happened or why it felt so wrong. I'd just like to say, fuck those guys. How can you think it's fun to scare random strangers? And what's wrong with you when you assume that a random guy on the street just walking with his girlfriend will happily join in when you start trying to humiliate his companion? Fuck you.

....

Another incident happened a while ago, but it's really stuck with me. Coincidentally, it also happened in the company of my boyfriend, though he was driving at the time and missed witnessing it. We were pulling out of the parking lot of the Jewel-Osco in south Evanston. I saw an older black man in a white tank top walking on the sidewalk under the train bridge, and as I briefly made eye contact with him out the passenger window, he opened his mouth widely and made an exaggerated licking, swirling motion with his tongue. He stared directly at me while doing this. I looked away almost immediately in embarrassment and disgust, but not quickly enough to avoid seeing him break out in a shit-eating grin. He turned to stare after the car as we pulled around the corner. I was totally nauseated, and I wished my boyfriend had seen it. He was sympathetic when I told him what had happened, but I couldn't adequately explain the creepy, entitled look on the guy's face that had made me wanna puke...like he just knew I was totally powerless and had to sit there and take him mouthing his nasty tongue at me. I think about it every time I pass that spot.

~Submitted by Rae

CTA Responds

I was sexually harassed on the train one night this week. Not the first time it’s happened, and not the worst time it’s happened – but it happened and I hate it. I’m perhaps more sensitive to these things than some other women – but I KNOW when it’s harassment and not just the usual undesirable bumping/crowding that happens on mass transit.

In this case, a woman got off the train and the man that had been sitting next to her moved aside to let me into the window seat. That didn’t set off any alarm bells – maybe he was getting off the train soon, or just preferred the aisle seat. I sat. At first, he just had his shoulders and legs VERY far apart and was crowding me. Okay, so he’s a jerk, but that’s something I can deal with. However, he began rubbing his foot against mine. YUCK. Then his hand “accidentally” fell on my thigh. I shot him a look and he moved the hand. The foot and leg rubbing continued. His hand “fell” on my thigh again. I looked at him pointedly, and said “Do you mind?” He moved the hand, continued the rubbing, then the hand was on my thigh again. Fortunately, when I stood, he let me out of my seat (he could easily have kept me pinned in there) and I was able to get up and get out of that seat and away from his disgusting rubbing.

Another time, maybe two years ago, it was much worse. That time, I was in the aisle seat. A man got on the train and stood next to me – and began rubbing his crotch against my upper arm. Luckily, in that case I needed only to shoot him a death stare making it obvious I KNEW he was masturbating against me – and he left the train at the next stop.

I’ve seen the new CTA campaigns regarding “If it’s unwanted… it’s harassment” but honestly, I’ve felt uncomfortable reporting harassment. I fear other riders will think I’m overreacting and resent a delay to their commute, We all just want to get where we’re going. I fear further inciting my assaulter – what if he hurts me in an attempt to quiet me?

I talked to some friends. One noted that I should have said something specific, like “Get your hand off my leg” so other passengers might hear and know what was happening. (Rather than my vague “Do you mind” which could be as innocuous as crowding or burping or whatnot.) I looked online and found various reports of harassment, and suggestions like taking a picture with your cell phone.

I contacted the CTA this week – and my initial response was met with a stock answer that didn’t make me feel heard in the least. I then contacted James Higgins directly, getting his email off another victim’s post on a blog. Mr. Higgins responded quickly and thoughtfully:

Thank You for the response. We have a dedicated crew that views video taken on Buses and in CTA stations for the purpose of identifying persons such as you describe. We do have great success and this success starts with people like you. When you see something, say something. Walk up to the operator of the vehicle and request that the “Event Save” button be activated. The Operator presses a button and this stores video of what you think may have happened. Call us if you do this and we will look at the video. Here is my 24 Hr Cell phone number or (Office)

Well, that’s better. I feel heard. However, I feel they put the largest responsibility for change on the VICTIMS of harassment. In my own situations, assuming I can get away from my assaulter (as both times they had me pinned inside a seat on the train), I then have to travel the length of the train car, and announce my concerns loudly to the train operator via intercom, with the operator then responding loudly back so the entire car can hear. This, at a minimum, further humiliates me – and potentially puts me at further risk. Even using my cell phone to call the CTA – again, my assaulter and fellow passengers can hear, and I may be humiliated or put at further risk.

~Reproduced with permission from Lynette

To read more on her suggestion for CTA, check out her blog.

He Snapped a Shot, She Snapped Back

Olivia's recent post 'Construct Something,' was most moving for me. really articulate and insightful response to such a hateful display. Sickens me that anyone should have to encounter that once, let alone with any kind of frequency or regularity.

Unfortunately, I have one of mine own to share:
He waited for me to go up the flight stairs while transferring from the red line to the blue line at Jackson CTA stop and took a pic of me from behind. I saw the flash and the disposable camera he put back in his pocket. I was too cowardly to say anything but silently took a picture and even Tweeted about it. I think this was the first step of action I've taken during an incident like this. However, this is not the first time it has happened to me while walking alone.



~Submitted by Libby

I've Been Denied the Right to Move Freely in Public Space

While walking to the train the other day, I noticed a group of young men ahead of me who were standing off to one side of the sidewalk. At this point, there was plenty of room for me to walk by, but once they spotted me approaching, they seemed to all exchange a look and moved to spread themselves across the width of the sidewalk, blocking my path.

Once I reached them, I had to attempt to weave my way through them. While I was doing this, they started at various volumes to say nasty things to me and one grabbed my butt. I quickly passed them and continued to hurry to my train stop. The whole experience was infuriating on so many levels. I wanted to lash out at them and to defend myself, but being outnumbered, I felt powerless and concerned for my safety not knowing what else they would do seeing as, clearly, they had no respect for me or my body. Also, I was on a busy street. There were tons of people around. NONE of them responded to the situation or tried to help. Some looked in my direction, but when I met their gaze, they quickly averted their eyes, avoiding my silent cry for support.

It's incidents like this that have affected my daily life. They have become contributing factors when I'm making decisions about what to wear, if I'll go somewhere, which route I take, what time of day I'll be out, etc. I feel as though the right to walk freely in public spaces is one I've been denied.


~Submitted anonymously

Construct Something

I got up early today to go to my first day as an intern at Young Chicago Authors. The day unrolled in front of me and I felt so much hope: working with high schoolers, helping them develop their writing and life skills. Good stuff. I got dressed. I headed for the train. Positive. Hopeful. Open.

On the way to the train I ate an apple and as I was throwing away the core I heard a man's voice say, "Yeah, I see you walkin' shorty...I like that haircut. Why don't you walk that ass over here?"

First let me say this: this happens every day. Not just to me. But to almost every female in this city; tall, short, ugly, cute, gorgeous, nerdy, black, young, old, white, freckly, brown, furry, sophisticated, weak, powerful, all of us.

So this was no surprise to me. Had he said "I like that haircut" I would have responded politely, "Thank you" and moved on, as I do often when men feel the strange need to pass on these little compliments. But the way that this particular man chose to address me---"Walk that ass over here"---does not deserve a polite response. I chose NOT to respond and merely gave him a dirty look and continued walking across the street.

Next I hear, "Yeah...well F*CK YOU then."

Um....excuse me?

And here I begin my rant.

Why is it f*ck ME? F*ck me? Really? It's f*ck ME because I chose to ignore your oh so articulate hate-disguised-with-lust? It’s f*ck ME because there are some construction workers (other men) across the street who saw you get “dissed”? It’s F*CK ME because this “little lady” didn’t switch her way over to your place next to the trash can to fill up another cup of your misogyny?? It’s f*ck me?

But because such a Neanderthal wouldn’t understand this kind of logic, I turned around in the middle of the street and said “F*ck me? F*ck me? No, bitch, f*ck YOU!”

Cue the opening of the floodgates.

This morning by the Trash Man (as he will henceforth be known) I was called a bitch, a whore, a whitetrash cokehead, a dog, a cunt. (**For those that live in Chicago and know how it is up here, and even for those who don’t, let me note that this man was not homeless, mentally challenged, insane, or anything else. He wasn’t by the trash can because he was digging through it for food and not in his right mind. He was walking down the street just like me, probably headed to work. So no excuses.)

You name it, it was probably hurled at me across Congress Pkwy today. And why? Because when told to “walk my ass over” to the Trash Man, I didn’t bat my eyes or look afraid or offer sex or avert my eyes or run the other direction or WHATEVER it is that such a man can hope or expect a woman to do after being told such a thing. Because I cut my eyes and rolled my neck, and because when told “F*ck you” I responded in kind, I am a bitch, a whore, a whitetrash cokehead, a dog, a cunt.

Two minutes ago he wanted me.

I told him so, which spurred another onslaught. But the worst part?

The worst part is the fact that the construction workers, the ones he was so “shamed” in front of, didn’t say a word. Not a damn word.

The construction workers sat over there in their hardhats and their orange vests with their sledgehammers and watched, shaking their heads at the Trash Man.

I should have said, “What are you doing? You got on a hardhat; GET TO WORK! CONSTRUCT SOMETHING! Construct a NEW DEFINITION OF MANHOOD! The Trash Man is shamed because I walked past him in front of you. Why don’t you SHAME HIM? ACTUALLY shame him! For the right reasons! Shame him because that’s not how you talk to a woman, or a man, or a person. Shame him because his definition of manhood is telling me to “walk that ass over” and shame him for that manhood’s frailty! What are you doing in your hardhat? CONSTRUCT SOMETHING.”

But I didn’t. Next time I will. Something’s gotta give in this world.

I didn’t write this because I hate men or think that all men are like this or that women should curse out men who try to talk to them on the street. That was not the intent. The intent was to advocate the destruction of tolerance of this kind of behavior. Hold people accountable; not just people like the Trash Man but people like the construction workers too. Not just in areas pertaining to gender relations, but ALL areas. If you’re living in this country, then you need to be an active citizen; not a silent witness. What good are you if you are silent?

CONSTRUCT SOMETHING.


~Submitted by Olivia

This is What We Have Taught Our Boys

I was in my car stopped at a red light (Irving Park and Pulaski) when I heard some voices whistling and saying things like, "hey baby, hey gorgeous, howya doin' baby." I looked around and saw no men, and no one else was reacting. I figured out that the voices were coming from the car next to me. I glance over and there's two pre-pubescent boys sitting in the backseat of a car (because they were too small to sit in the front seat!) and hollering at me, while the woman driving just stared straight ahead with her hands on the wheel!

I couldn't believe it! So I turned to them, took their picture, and said, "Your faces are going on the internet for having a bad mother who can't stop her kids from yelling at women." And all the despicable woman could say to me was, "I'm not their mother!" If anything, that's MORE reason to bitch them out for being sleazy little bastards.

How awful. I don't remember the last time I felt so awful after being hollered at.

~Submitted by Alma

I Wish I Had the Courage to Stare Back

I was watching the Tyra show about racial stereotypes and how it feels to be followed in stores based on how you look. An older woman of color said no one understands what it is like to be followed and under suspicion in an affluent area in a store when you are completely innocent and trying to shop like everyone else. Funny -its exactly how I feel when security leers at me and no one else. Then people stare at me and I think they think I must be a thief. I feel humiliated and don't automatically think they'll see he's attracted to me.

At Barnes and Noble in Evanston my bf and I were sitting downstairs in the cafe. I lifted my head up to stretch for the first time in 2 hours of sitting. A man in a baseball cap was awkwardly perched on the balcony. He had his head cocked awkwardly and was leering at me and only me in that perverted way. It was unclear whether he was undercover security... my bf's view was that he was not.

I looked up 20 minutes later and yes still leering. My bf looked again since I was frozen with fear and yes he was still leering. A cop came over to him at that time and it seemed to stop after that. It is possible the cop was wondering what he was up to.

I'll never know if he was working with the cop, but it brought up a range of emotions. It is the most scary thing when someone in authority finds you sexually attractive. I feared had I reported this individual, I would have been told , and I'm speaking from experience, "oh he's just doing his job and surveying the area."

Even though we had our heads down for 2 hours straight in our Macbooks. Security guards because of their authority have caused me the worst type of pain stemming from harassment and the ensuing resentment and I hated revisiting this last night. The leer not only makes me feel unsafe and scared (he could take it out on me if I react) but what does that say about his ethics and the job he's suppose to be doing? I wish I had the courage to stare back at him. At least I snapped this picture. Again, not clear whether he was with the cop but that's both of them in the picture, and you can see baseball cap is leering - I am not facing him but held my camera phone to the side.

As usual while everyone else gets to study for their finals its yet another time I have to be wrapped up in this and repressed even further.

~Submitted Anonymously