Baby Photo Shoot

Too much cuteness.

Ryder’s Birth Story: Part II

Read Part I Here
 

Because I hadn’t progressed past a 4, I was started on a low level of pitocin.  As soon as it hit my system and I started laboring harder the baby again went into distress.  I was immediately taken back off of it and the nurse put an oxygen mask on me and called the doctor.  I’m not sure how much time passed between her calling and his arriving, but I remember thinking it felt very fast.  He spoke seriously with Tyler and I about a C-section.   He was very good about giving us the option of trying to labor longer, but expressed his concern that with all the factors going on that he would strongly advise a C-section.  He was worried that I was still only at a 4 and that anytime my body tried to labor harder the baby was going into distress.  Also, the baby was still "sunny side up."  He explained that if I was farther along or if the baby was acting fine he would be more comfortable with seeing how things progressed naturally, but there were too many other warning signs. 

Tyler and I both felt right about proceeding with the c-section.  The doctor left and the nurse started to prep me for the surgery.  Throughout the day I had wonderful nurses attending to me, but sadly, this nurse really lacked in bedside manner.  I was very unaware of her, but Tyler was frustrated at her reactions the last couple of hours.  She was doing the right things by placing me on oxygen and calling the doctor, but was not good at communicating with us what she was doing or why or providing any kind of reassurance.  Tyler was also irritated that she wouldn’t try to help me with tasks like rolling over or helping adjust things so I could be more comfortable.  I kept telling her that I was starting to feel contractions on my left side, which she somewhat dismissed saying that I could press a button for a boost from the epidural and that once in the operating room the anesthesiologist would be increasing the meds anyway.

After a while, I’m not sure how long, I was wheeled from the labor room to the OR.  I was disconnected from the medicine that was being fed through the epidural.  Tyler was given scrubs to change into and left in the labor room.  I was still feeling pain in my left side with every contraction, but was reassured that the anesthesiologist would be there within the next few minutes. 

What I remember most at this point is the pain.  The rest gets very hazy for me.  I remember the OR felt bright and very loud.  I asked for a towel or something to put over my eyes to block the lights.  I wished I still had my IPod, but didn’t have the presence of mind to ask for it.  At this point, the pain I had been feeling in my left side was now radiating through my entire lower body.  I was conscious of my lower body being exposed on the operating table, although I think at some point I was covered with a blanket to help with the tremors that had returned.  I was laying on my back, the worst position for laboring, and couldn’t move because my legs were still numb.  I started crying from the pain.  Tyler was not allowed into the room until the actual time of the procedure, so I was alone.  My nurse ignored me throughout the wait time, going on and on about how some nurses had eaten her pizza and now they owed her a meal.  When I think about it now, I am livid from her lack of compassion or professionalism.  Fortunately, one of the other nurses in the room noticed my distress and held my hand and explained what was happening.  She told me that the anesthesiologist was stuck with another patient doing a really difficult epidural.  I could hear my doctor in the hallway advocating for me.  I heard him say that I had been off pain meds for over 45 minutes and asking if there was another anesthesiologist that could be called.  He came in at one point and held my hand as well and said some comforting words to try to help me get through.

 Finally the anesthesiologist arrived.  She was also very kind and apologized that I had been waiting.  About 5 minutes later a second anesthesiologist who had been down in surgery arrived to make sure I was getting helped.  The medication was started, although it took about 10 minutes for it to work.  The anesthesiologist also talked me through the pain and I finally started to feel some relief.  The doctor came in and tested to make sure I had lost all feeling before he started cutting.  Tyler was allowed back in the room.  I was feeling really afraid at this point and continued to cry even though I no longer had pain.  Tyler, the doctor, the “nice” nurse, and the anesthesiologist were fantastic and reassuring.

The doctor let me know that I would be feeling some pressure from him pulling the baby out.  The nurse told me when they were suctioning out his nose and mouth.  Soon he was raised above the screen for me to see him.  He was born at 11:07pm.  I was sobbing and kept saying “he is here.”  He was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.  His cry was strong and I could hear him as Tyler cut the cord and the nurses worked on cleaning him up.  He was swaddled and brought over by my head where I could talk to him and see him.  He had such blond hair and his skin was so soft and smooth.  He was perfect.  I was so tired.  Too soon he was taken away with Tyler to the nursery for all the new baby stuff.

The doctor finished stitching me up.  It was amusing, but strange, to have him commenting on my internal organs.  His first comment was how my uterus and ovaries are nice and healthy for a couple more babies and I should come back and see them next year.   My response was next year would be too early!  He also asked if I was dancer because I had a really strong stomach muscle.  I told him that hopefully that would mean that it would help me get my strength back faster.  The last phase of the operation was the doctor placing staples and then I was done.  He had called another doctor into assist, whom I was barely aware of, and he congratulated me and left.  My doctor also spoke with me, saying I had done a good job and to get some rest and he would see me in the morning.  He then left and the nurses got me cleaned up and moved back to the labor room for recovery.  Tyler met me in there and I asked him to bring in the baby so I could look at him more.  I was so exhausted and overwhelmed and needed the reassurance that he was here and okay.  The nurse helped place him on me so we could try to nurse, although both of us were too sleepy for too much of that.

After maybe an hour I was taken to the postpartum area.  I hardly remember getting from the one place to the other.   I had been given Morphine, so I was very spacey and once in the room was finally able to sleep. 

The doctor spoke with Tyler while I was getting cleaned up and moved.   The baby had the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck, which we actually knew from an ultrasound prior to labor.  However, in Ryder’s case the cord was really tight, and the doctor confirmed that doing a c-section when we did was the right decision.  He said that things would have definitely gotten scarier if we had tried to continue normal labor.  It was reassuring to hear as I had really hoped to not have to go the cesarean route. 

 

Ryder’s birth was an ordeal.  It was one of the hardest things I have ever done.   It was the most horrible, scary, awful, disappointing, exhausting, beautiful, amazing, joyful, miraculous event of my life.  The intensity of it all is impossible to describe.  I am just so grateful that Ryder is finally here and safe in our arms. 

Ryder’s Birth Story: Part I

A friend observed that women who have been through childbirth have a need to share their stories.  I agree.  It seems that writing and talking about what occurred is part of processing the whole experience.   As such, these next couple of posts are very much for me; a chance to voice my thoughts and emotions.   I’m posting Part I tonight and Part II tomorrow.  Please feel free to skip the text and just enjoy the pictures.

I can admit now that many aspects of this pregnancy have been difficult and/or scary.  Bed rest lasted from July 7 – September 7.  There was also the ultrasound at 36 weeks which suggested low amniotic fluid and a week’s worth of non-stress tests and extra concern about the health of the baby.  I couldn’t face the possibility of something going wrong, so found myself talking to friends and family about how it was all okay and going to be fine because that’s what I needed to hear in the midst of so much concern.  My worrying was mostly confined to late at night, adding to an already screwed up sleep schedule.

All during week 38 I experienced pre-labor on an almost daily basis.  Looking back, it could well have been my body ramping up for the big day, but mostly I just felt frustrated as almost every night I would experience strong, semi-regular contractions only to have them stop around 2 or 3 in the morning.   Each time it happened I would start to think “this is it” only to feel discouraged as they gradually slowed and stopped.  So when I started feeling contractions Sunday night I convinced myself that this was more of the same and tried to keep from anticipating the real thing.  I didn’t bother with trying to sleep, because from my previous nights’ experience I knew that sleep would be difficult until things slowed and stopped or I got so tired it didn’t matter anymore. 

  

Finally at about 3:00 I realized that rather than slowing, the contractions were getting more steady and regular.  I decided to move from dozing on the couch to the bed, figuring that I would try to get some good sleep, just in case, although I was still mostly in denial at this point.  I fell into a fitful sleep, incorporating contractions into my dreams.

I woke up at about 6:00 still having contractions that were now starting to feel slightly more intense.  I started actually timing and realized they were coming about 6-7 minutes apart.  I woke Tyler up at about 6:30 to let him know that I thought I was in early labor and to get some help with seeing how long contractions were lasting, since it is really hard to look at the clock and breathe through the feeling at the same time.  We got up and in between contractions spent the morning “nesting” in the apartment; doing dishes, making sure we had everything for the hospital, showering, etc.  Ty kept asking if I wanted to call the doctor and I told him I wanted to wait for a while.   There were two reasons for this.  First, I was still afraid that the contractions were going to stop, and I could think of nothing more devastating than going to the hospital and being sent home.  Second, if I really was in labor I didn’t want to get to the hospital too early.  I knew labor was probably going to be hours and I wanted to be home where I could move freely, eat, and not have monitors strapped to me for as long as possible. 

I finally called the doctor’s office around 10:00 Monday morning.  My doctor spoke with me directly, asked about contractions (now about 4 minutes apart and 45 seconds long), and told me to go ahead and head into the hospital.  We arrived around 10:30 and I was hooked up to the monitors for observation.   The nurse also did an exam to check for dilation.  You can imagine my disappointment when she said that while I was definitely having contractions, I wasn’t at all dilated.  She called my doctor who gave instructions for me to get up and walk through the contractions for a while, and that he would be in to see me after he was finished with a scheduled cesarean in about an hour.

As Ty and I paced back and forth in the hallway I tried to keep my focus on staying positive and mentally encouraging my body to do something.  After 40 minutes or so we headed back to the room and the doctor came in and did his own exam.  He asked if I had ever had cervical surgery before, to which I responded no.  He said that I had some kind of lip that wasn’t dilating, but behind that lip I was dilated to a 4.  He discussed how he wanted to help progress the labor by breaking my water and would also try to manipulate the lip open.  I got the impression that if he did that it was going to be really painful, and when I asked him about it, he said that yes, he would probably recommend an epidural at this point for that reason.  He asked if I wanted a natural childbirth, and I told him that while I was hoping to do as much as I could on my own, I was open the epidural under the circumstances.  When he realized that I hadn’t been officially admitted yet, he reassured me that yes, I would be staying, and spoke with the nurses about doing admission and calling the anesthesiologist.

By this time the contractions were coming every 3 minutes or so.  I signed the necessary paperwork, and was placed on an IV as well as the monitors.  Time ceased to have any real meaning for me.  I was very much in my own headspace, very focused on breathing through contractions and staying relaxed.  Labor was intense but I was finding it manageable, despite the increasing length and strength of the contractions.  I started getting more active labor symptoms, such as uncontrollable tremors.  Listening to a mix of lullabies and meditation music I had put together and rocking in the rocking chair helped. 

Several hours later I still hadn’t seen the anesthesiologist or had the epidural.  The ward seemed fairly busy that day, with several other women in labor, and I think because I wasn’t screaming for drugs I got lost in the general bustle.  As some point the doctor called and got after the nurses for not following up on this sooner.  I was aware asking the nurse around 5:00 if I would have to work with a different doctor since it was after regular working hours.  She reassured me that my doctor would be there regardless of what time I delivered.

The anesthesiologist arrived and I moved to the bed.  I don’t remember much about the actual epidural, still being very much in my own world at that point.  I remember feeling some fear and Tyler holding my hand and providing reassurance.  The relief from the epidural was almost instantaneous, and I realized that I hadn’t known how intense labor had become until I was given a break from it.  The doctor came in and broke my waters and it was shortly after this we had our first scare when the baby’s heart rate dropped too low.  He placed an internal monitor.  He also told me that the baby was “sunny side up” and gave instructions for me to lay on my right side to try to encourage him to turn. 

Somewhere in the midst of all this I fell asleep for a couple of hours and while I was sleeping my contractions started to slow down.  When I woke up the nurse said that they were going to start a pitocin drip.  Even with all the labor, I was still only dilated to a 4, although the lip had disappeared.  

Read Part II Here

More to Come...

As most of you already know, we have our baby boy, Ryder, safely in our arms. I will be posting LOTS in the next couple of days - birth story, announcement, reflections. I have been chronicling all of it throughout the week, but need to spend some time editing to make sure my midnight ramblings are coherent to the rest of the world. In the meantime my good friends Kristen and Maxine have both blogged about the awesome baby shower they threw me at week 38. As I don't have the picture files, feel free to link over for a peak at their amazing decorations and food spread!

Bel far Neinte: The Beauty of Doing Nothing

While on bed rest for the last 7.5 weeks I have had plenty of time to contemplate the 'beauty of doing nothing.' I'm trying to appreciate it, knowing that in a few short weeks I am exchanging nothing for a lot of sleepless nights and a whole lifetime of something and someone. Ironically, even now there are a lot of somethings I could do to fill the nothing hours, but I lack motivation. Maybe part of the answer is being grateful for the choice?

Days are long right now, but even reviewing the past 8 months, time has gone and will go quickly. So for now, I will count down and try to find beauty in nothingness while I wait.

Taken on Mother's Day (May 9), 20 weeks.

Taken on June 5, 24 weeks, at Rhett's wedding reception. Ty's cousin Tiffany is due around the same time, expecting a girl. Apparently pregnancy uniform for the evening was purple shirt and white ruffled skirt.

Taken on August 21, 35 weeks.

On A Saturday Morning

Anyone else have an ongoing love affair with the farmer's market? Our local market is open every Saturday from 8-12. It isn't the biggest out there, but has all the yummy, fresh produce my heart desires. I love the simplicity of picking out a bunch of carrots or fresh ears of corn, and exchanging cash and small talk with the vendors. Getting fresh shrimp from the "fish monger." Sampling ripe nectarines, strawberries and cherries. Makes me want to do nothing but cook and eat healthy, crunchy green-ness and ripe juicy fruit.

Mawwaige is what bwings us togethah today

This is Ty's baby brother, Rhett, and his cute fiance, Jade. They are getting married this Saturday at the Manti Temple. Rhett was ELEVEN when Tyler and I got married. I feel old.