Letter to My Baby: Week 4

Wednesday, October 20, 2010 10:07pm

Dear Ryder,

Today you are one month old!  This month has been such an exciting time for your daddy and me.  I can’t believe how quickly it went, although in some ways it also feels like no time has passed at all.  Every day gets a little better.  We are beginning to figure out a routine and how to live everyday life while taking care of you.  It has been so wonderful getting to know you better. 

Granni has been visiting all this week and it has been fun doing things with her. We just dropped her off at the airport this morning.  We are sad to see her go, but will look forward to seeing her in a couple of months.

 You are definitely a growing boy!  You are now eating 2-3 oz at every meal and starting to outgrow your newborn onesies and diapers.  We are having fun dressing you in Halloween outfits; you make a very cute pumpkin and monster.   You are also looking a little bigger, and your cheeks keep getting more chubby and kissable.

This week your daddy went back to work.  He was so sad to leave you and is so excited when he comes home at the end of the day to hold you.  He is also a little obsessed with your poop, making sure that you have gone every day, since he knows that is the mark of a healthy newborn baby. 

 You and I go to a new mommy group at the hospital where you were born.  It is fun to see other little babies your age.  You love staring at the bright lights in the room and listening to all the new voices and sounds.  Yesterday at the group you got sat on by a toddler!  You were startled and cried a little bit, but you weren’t really hurt.  We are getting better at going out together; just you and me, and I look forward to having lots of adventures with you.

 I’m so glad to have you here and in my arms baby boy!  I wouldn’t trade the past 30 days for anything.   I love you so much it almost hurts.  Thanks for being you.

Mamma

Perspective

Many of you know that I struggled with nursing and ultimately had to give it up very early in Ryder's life.  I chose to post my story here:
http://fearlessformulafeeder.blogspot.com/2010/11/fff-friday-this-is-but-small-moment.html

I wrote out the above the night I decided to stop, and I think it reflects the angst I felt.  Fortunately, that is much better now.  I still feel some regret, but I know time will heal that too.  What I have found most interesting about this whole experience is how many moms are out there who aren't nursing or partially nursing (for whatever reason) and how much isolation and shame is associated with it.  It's too bad that so many amazing mothers are left feeling so inadequate and alone.  I may have more to say on this subject later, when I have more time and energy for reflection.  For now, I am sharing my story for those of you who have asked and are interested.

Letter to My Baby: Week 3

Wednesday, October 13, 2010 6:25pm

Dear Ryder,

Three weeks old.  I can’t believe that by this time next week we will be celebrating your first month with us!  You are continuing to grow and change every day.  This week your cheeks are looking chubbier although I still call you my little “turtle face.”  When you stretch out your neck and purse your lips while trying to get a good look at the world you look just like a turtle peeking out of his shell.  You still fit into your newborn onesies, even though they look SO tiny!

One it rained and was cold.  My favorite memory from this week is holding you in the rocking recliner by the window watching and listening to the rain fall.

 Most of the time, you are a pretty happy and content baby.  Sometimes you have a “witching hour” where you fuss and cry and nothing we do really comforts you.  Usually it is because you have some air bubbles in your tummy and once they’ve worked through your system you settle down and are okay again.  You are very alert for such a little person and love listening to mom and dad’s voices.  When you try to focus your eyes on something you lift your eyebrows up high which crinkles your little forehead.  Both your dad and I think it is so cute! 

This week you got to meet your Granni.   Granni LOVES holding you and I have to remind her to sometimes let me have a turn.  She is very good about putting you to sleep and you like to rest together on our recliner.

We took you to your doctor appointment on Monday (your 3 week birthday!).  You are now back to 8 lbs. 3½ oz. and you are 21 inches long.   Both your daddy and I predicted wrong.  I thought you would weigh 9 lbs, and your daddy thought you might even be up to 10!  I am so glad we were both wrong because I love having you little for just a bit longer.

I love you!

Mamma

a few firsts

 Ryder got his first bath at 3 weeks old.  At first he didn't like it very much.  Then was okay with it.  At least until we washed his hair...

He didn't mind the towel, but the getting dry part was too cold.

Worn out from the big adventure.

We also got a great deal on a stroller through Craigslist and couldn't wait to go on our first walk.

Letter to My Baby: Week 2

This week I am playing catch-up.  I have been writing weekly letters with the intent of posting, just had to find the time to do it.  Hopefully I can get them all in this week.

Monday, October 04, 2010  11:17pm

Dear Ryder,

Today you are two weeks old. Already you are looking bigger to me. This makes me a little sad, becauseyou will grow so fast and I just want to hang on to your tininess and newness for as long as I can. I miss feeling your kicks and wiggles inside of me. You are so much a part of me. It is hard to imagine what life was like without you.

 I finally feel that I am getting to really enjoy you.  We were both so sleepy our first week together that it all seemed to have passed by in a blur.  Your second week was a little tough because we were all figuring stuff out; solving your eating issues, adjusting our sleep schedule, etc.  I’m afraid your mom was a bit of a mess all week; trying to process your birth, mourning giving up breastfeeding, healing from surgery, and simply adapting to life with a newborn.  Holding you through my tears was so peaceful.  Thank you for giving me lots of baby snuggles.

You are such a beautiful baby.  I am astounded by how beautiful every time I look at you.  It’s funny, because I didn’t expect this before you were born.  I thought you would look more like a “typical” baby, bald, slightly wrinkly, non-distinct features.  I am amazed by your blond hair, your clear expressions, and bright eyes.  You are going to be such a handsome boy, and I can’t wait to see how you grow.

Do you know that you already have a reputation for being stubborn?  In the hospital the nurses laughed at your crying when something was not to your liking.  You were recruited to be the star baby for the maternity tour.  You decided that you wanted nothing to do with it and wailed for the whole half hour before.  Luckily, you calmed down right in time to capture everyone’s hearts.  Both in the hospital and here at home you purse your little lips of you don’t like something, or when you are finished with your bottle or binky.  You can go from being perfectly content to crying at the top of your lungs if you decide you don’t like something.  When you are really upset you cry so hard that you turn red and run out of air before gulping in a deep breath to wail again.  My heart melts at your deep, throaty little cry.  Your dad and I just love it, even as we try to comfort you and make you stop.

Your first couple of days home you mostly just ate and slept as you worked on rebuilding your strength.  Now you are a little more alert and letting us know what your preferences are.  You love to be held, and will gaze at me or your dad with your big, bright eyes.  You also like me to wear you in a wrap, where you are against my chest and can listen to my heartbeat.  I love feeling your warmth and listening to your breathing as you sleep.  

Your dad and I have taken you on a few outings to the store or to people’s homes.  For the most part as long as you are fed and dry you are a happy and content baby.   You sleep a lot.  You have also started giving us smiles in your sleep.  I am still in so much awe that you are here and are mine.

I love you baby boy.

Mamma