Hello Kitty ♥

Aa sudden thought of blogging... Not for anyone to see but to express my feeling out.
My ex boyfriend just break with me. In this r/s, is like only i the one cherish. Aall the while you want me to change, i change for ur sick. I am trying to change... But why despite i did so much, you still like that treat me. I dun knw what to do now, i am feeling v sad, sick of life etc. I am used to having u in my life that i dun knw what to do. i didnt expect it to be so painful, painful till i cant breathe. i guess you can still laugh etc ba.
2 Yr plus r/s, what am i suppose to do
i see my hp, i think of u, having de urge to text u, hoping to see ur msg. See the photo i think of u, see comp i think of u, my soft toy my clothes whatever things around me alr had memories of being with you tgt that i cant erase frm my brain... Think of ur care, sweetness, love, concern etc. i cant take it anymore... I cant.... Is jus torturing me... Is really torturing...
Dear thanks for the 2 yr plus... thanks for ur care. This 2 yr out of my 19 yr of life, i actually feel that in the world there is someone like u there to care for me, love me... I feel v fortunate really... Going out with you, explore food, go out play , take pic, kiss ur sweetness.i am v happy. Sorry i make u suffer, i dun think u will view my blog, but really thankful to you... I really enjoy this 2 yr plus being tgt... Future, i wont be wif u anymore, muz take care of urself. Dun find a gf like me :(

I made a wish
8:29 PM

Tired tired tired!!!!!!!! Everyday school till 6 or even later... Stand the whole day hand became rough le la!!!! Seriously lack of sleep. today cook fried rice... well taste okok to me lei, Thanks hubby for going all the way to tp and fetch me muackx love you:( and sad!!!!

I made a wish
11:02 PM

Today is another sad day...
But pepper veronica!!!!!!!! Happy sweet 19th b'dae hahhaa... Old le wor ah ma hahaha but soon i will be joining u too :( sorry cant celebrate with you but i really miss you lots. there are lots things i wan to say to you :(
In school i try to be happy but the sadness still remain in me... Anyway thanks for lending me ur shoulder. I know crying in front of u u will only feel irritating and annoy but seriously sorry. I am trying my hard to control le...Hais after crying i do feel better but sadness in my heart still there... Hais why muz i be treated in this way from you, family member etc. hais think i dun deserve to be in this world at all...
I hope world will end now, but at the same time i dun wish to die yet. I HAVEN TRAVEL AROUND THE WORLD, haven set up my own family, haven get to marry hais there are lots of things i wish to do... But this world is making me to feel like giving up my life... I am tired le....

I made a wish
10:01 PM

Stress Stress and stress!!!!!
there is no one i can talk to.
The earth is moving, things changing and so do people.
Recently one uncle i know had commited sucide. Its quite shock to heard the news as few days ago i still saw him chatting with people hais. This world is so stressful. Money is so scary. People die becuase of money, r/s end due to money etc. Although i not close to him but i felt sad for him and his family members. Also, i admire him that he have the courage to do so. I alway want to have that courage but i am too timid. But his funeral hen sheng da :) this is the 1st time in my life i saw a funeral with so many people and when chu bing that day, the entire road was crowded with people and cars. My bf told me that most of it are sport car, wow!!!! and even causes traffic jam. The band playing those sad songs which even me will feel like crying. Cant imagine how his daughter is going to accept de fact that he is gone and he commited sucide hais. They carry de coffin and walk all the way from telok blangah to bukit purmei ( which i only saw till there) and the whole traffic jam all the way there too. Hais may he rest in peace. I wonder is it really die le jiu no more worries?
Hais today is mother day :) happy mother day to all mum and my bf mum too... But is a sad day for me. Is it wrong for a gal to wish that their bf will console them when they angry or sad? Is it v hard to console? why u keep changing, sooner or later i scare u will change to someone who i dun even know le. You want me understand i tried to but i said before i oso nd ur console. Give u chances, didnt i give u alot of it le ma? but did u do anything to it?
When i sad, i got no one whom i can talk to.. Not even you. ur words will keep in my mind... when i sad, when i cry, when i approach u, hope u change & console but what i got from u is " is this crying going to continue? i am sick of it alr" I bear with you that u lie to me. even wv\hen i know i cant trust what you said but i still choose to trust. But what i gt is you saying i nt understanding. I think for u etc u say me like that? Although there are parts where i nv show understanding but not all arhx. u should know today i feel sad but.... i am ill did u bother? i told u i cant go till hg neither can go hm, u care? Those 2 days u totally neglect me but what i gain is not ur console but scolding... i scare u late for school rush you faster leave hse u scold me. hais actually i should not love u so much or miss u that much now u totally take me for granted... an eye on an eye ma? Hais i seriously cant take it anymore le... wish to let go but zhuo bu dao hais... I done whatever i can le but hais... Today oso why bluff me sia!@!!!!!! didnt we promise to report whr we going reach le etc ma? why u wait till reach work place then say and even worse u lie to me. after all de lie, insist of console apologise, u scold me blame me shout at me? why u dun dare let me go ur work place find you? why lie to me that u still at vivo why???? i told you before cant bluff me anymore u promised. Why all your promises like useless de. Why am i de only one being scolded when i did nothing wrong!!!!!!!!!!! I walk and walk under de rain think and think... Who am i to you? seriously... I dun know... 0% secure... i sewriously cant feel any single love... Really hope someone will tell me what to do... Hate life i hate my life!!!!!!!!!!!

school is equally stress. Why the lecturer so cruel? our lesson started from 8 to 6
almost everyday where do we have the extra time to do our project? Assignment coming in one by one and the due date of submission is like few days later only. Where do we have the time to do??? By the time we reach home is equal to a piece of dead meat le hais. Even wkend also cant relax. Stupid yog thingy too... I seriously need a long rest sia!!!! everyday late sleep early woke up... stand in the kitchen for almost 9 hr... face oily, sweaty etc. This is the chef life. hais regret taking this course.
Sometime i hope i am crazy so i wont have worries, wont feel sad etc. I also a human!!!!!!!!!!

I made a wish
10:13 PM

Well guess what im now still in school. Now is only 4.30pm and my account lec start at 7 pm =( Today my 1st account tutorial so scare as no one same class with me and im so bored. when i 1st enter the class i go woahhhhhh!!!! so few people haha. starting of the lesson we play ice breaking when we form into group and get to know each other and tell each other what animal u wana be... Haha so lame!!!! So i group with 3 other guy who sit beside me as the ask me join them. We chat and 1 wana be chicken another wan to be pig & the one nxt to me wan to be hmmmm eagle??/ hahaha well for me i wan to be a dog cos i love dog =) Well i briefly glance through the textbk and well i love account hahaha but this cds no exam only class test hahhaa. i was wondering is it gd or bad thing. Of cos no exam i definitely love it but what if we fail our quizes or test? means gonna retake 1 cds? hmmmm Hope it will be a easy sub so i can gt a A & pull up my gpa =) I hate food chem =( can say im sux in science but im in a science course arghhhhhh so sad today have to go for account lec as all the info will be given at tat time and homework too ( maybe ) so no choice =( haix it will be tiring day
Ytd i slept late & blaise msg me a weird msg telling me what i will alway be a gd frenz in his heart etc and i was like so weird & he told me he will be disappearing for few days and said bout he can see his friends hse so clearly etc i was like huh!!! & guess what ? he told me tat he was at the top lvl of his blk wanting to commit suicide. Haix i scolded him. Wondering die izit the only choice when we are sick of our life? hmmm I dun knw although i thought of ending my life oso but i still haven enjoy my own wedding, i stilll haven go japan, korea etc i dun wish to die w/0 doing those things. Well no choice life is like that? i was wondering sometime, if i die will any1 really feel upset ? hmmmmm.... in the end i consult him till i fallen asleep =( so sorry!!!! was damn tired. wow i wrote so much hahahha lets tried to enjoy our life ba =) and im trying

I made a wish
4:33 PM

HOHOHO time passes very fast =( 1 mth plus holiday finally come to an end and now we have to welcome new semester, new friends, new modules etc etc ... At firest thought it would be more relax sem but who know the time table sux! end at either 6 or 7 ,... but luckily haha friday will be my off day =) hohoho....i was given sociology and public speaking for my cds... when i 1st saw my timetable i begin to feel that i really no luck, everytime i will not get what i want. So i went to find my cp to change my cds and hahhaaaha here come a good and bad news . Lets listen to bad new 1st ba... Bad new is that no one is the same classs with me =( SO SAD SO LONELY!!!! and the good new will be haha awhile later after i go find my cp haha he called me and told me that there is space in accounting ask if i want hahahaa OMG!!! thats my 1st choice sia!!! But i am so lonely. WELL today when to my 1st tutorial lesson with hui xin =( so scare when we were outside the classroom and everyone is seated down ard =( but overall quite ok?... poly life is project project and project !!!! ARGHHHHHHH sux

I made a wish
8:58 PM

Suddenly fall sick =(
I am like half death today haha =) Flu, headache ulcer de
Early morning woke up at 9 am =( Actually i can enjoy sleeping till at least 11 plus but stupid construction going on from morning 8 am till afternoon 5pm. Is damn noisy that i can hardly listen to my aunt talking and i have to increase my tv volume till the max ...
Sianx if im not wrong tomorrow the construction will be even more noisy
Arghhhh!!!! Time passed so fast 1 week time school gonna reopen again =( have to study study and study le ....
Went polyclinic see doctor today wahhhh the consultation fee increase to $9... Not $4.30 anymore .... sob!!!!
Well shall end here =) gonna check out on my cafe(fb game).

I made a wish
10:16 PM