Precious few days remain in this year, thank heavens the Mayan Calendar thing was wrong. As I sit here watching my sick child sleep, I reflect on the events of this year. As always the days are too busy, the nights too short, pressure is thick.
My kids swam, cheered, ran track and cross country, played soccer, danced, sang in the chorus, took art lessons, and tried volleyball.
They took tests, did book reports, memorized math facts, wrote papers, and learned to read.
New experiences for us included: kindergarten, homecoming, confirmation, high school, and sleep away camp.
In all the seven of us travelled to Mexico, Yosemite, Iowa, Indiana, Las Vegas, the Great Lakes, Florida, and Tennessee.
It was a year jam-packed with laughs, joy, frustration, faith, goals both reached, and unachieved. There was yelling, hugging, tears, smiles, anger, and lots of love.
We opened our home to foster animals, and in the process adopted a puppy. Every animal who entered the house received love and a second chance. All of them got great new families.
I give thanks to God for all the blessings in my life, which are so many. I ask forgiveness daily for all the many things I do wrong. It is my hope that 2013 is just as good.
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Wednesday, November 07, 2012
My take on one long election season
Today was a weird day. Election over, people seemed unsure what they should do now.
My liberal friends wanted to gloat. They wanted to shout from the treetops that their hero was still in charge. They wanted to look cool though, so they did things like post patriotic images, praise the states that made them proud, and lecture the other side about being unhappy. Whoa, what? Your side just lost the leadership of the free world and you are supposed to shut up and pretend to like Obama. Free birth control, and abortions for all! Sorry, slip of tongue, funded (by the undeserving rich) birth control and abortions for all. After all anything less would be a "war" on women...
My conservative friends were sad and despondent. A few tried half-hearted analysis on the party line. A few tried the "time to respect the office" speech. Mostly they were just dead silent. Eerie silence. Many of them believe with true hearts that Armageddon is upon us. A few who are less doomsday think that we just sold out our foundations.
Me? I just think we have to wait and see. I hope and I pray that the liberals are right. I hope that Obama has a magic pouch of beans that can make everyone equal. I hope that he can also convince people that they did not work that hard that they should care when the government reassigns their paycheck. It is not my wish to see the country fail. I love America. I love freedom, and I love the fact that we choose our government. (let's please just remember that they work FOR us- we PAY them to govern, make wise choices, and offer organization in a crisis, sound military judgement, and protection FROM tyranny.)
I am a truly independent voter. I voted for Clinton, Gore, McCain and Romney. I believe in choice, women's rights, and giving basic assistance to those who can't get anywhere despite great effort. I do not believe that our government should just give us everything we need. I think this is fundamentally the wrong path. I think that without incentives to work hard, people will just not do it. I fear that this is where we are headed. I see the plan as our federal government having a finger in everything we do. I want an in between party that says I have to be all or nothing. I want to believe in socially liberal, and progressive things that do not cost my family our home.
Once you have lived in different places within the US, you see that the cultures and flavors of a place are unique. People in the southwest are just more laid back. There is not the same uptight time driven society that we enjoy here in the midwest. The values of the people dictate that culture, and they are different than how I grew up. I don't see a need other than to require basic civil and human rights to interfere with the rights of a state to govern itself. (why do we want all the sameness anyway?) Sure, it took some getting used to seeing people with guns strapped to their belt, but that is what people there wanted. While I personally found kids in Texas taking a YEAR of Texas history instead of geography odd, I do not think there should be federal tampering with the curriculum. While these examples I kept purposely kept light and trivial, I do believe the same holds true for bigger issues.
So now what I wish is this: I wish that my liberal friends would stop touting the "get over it" line. It has been 24 hours, allow for a period of mistrust, and anguish, the same one you would feel if your side lost. I can only imagine the sad 47% laments if Romney was packing to move into the oval office. I wish that my conservative friends would not assume the very worst. It is possible that Obama will reach across the aisle and try to accomplish a productive middle ground strategy. As for me? I am going to be willing myself to pray daily for the strength to endure things not being how I want them and future for my 5 kids that does not involve default on a loan to China (The only FB message I did like today reminded us that Jesus is King no matter who is president) I am going to delete a few facebook friends, get back to worrying about which kid did not put the candy wrappers in the can, and try to stockpile cash in case gas goes to $8/gallon before someone creates an efficient alternative to my vehicle for a family of 7,and study up so I can remain one math level ahead of my 4th graders.
My liberal friends wanted to gloat. They wanted to shout from the treetops that their hero was still in charge. They wanted to look cool though, so they did things like post patriotic images, praise the states that made them proud, and lecture the other side about being unhappy. Whoa, what? Your side just lost the leadership of the free world and you are supposed to shut up and pretend to like Obama. Free birth control, and abortions for all! Sorry, slip of tongue, funded (by the undeserving rich) birth control and abortions for all. After all anything less would be a "war" on women...
My conservative friends were sad and despondent. A few tried half-hearted analysis on the party line. A few tried the "time to respect the office" speech. Mostly they were just dead silent. Eerie silence. Many of them believe with true hearts that Armageddon is upon us. A few who are less doomsday think that we just sold out our foundations.
Me? I just think we have to wait and see. I hope and I pray that the liberals are right. I hope that Obama has a magic pouch of beans that can make everyone equal. I hope that he can also convince people that they did not work that hard that they should care when the government reassigns their paycheck. It is not my wish to see the country fail. I love America. I love freedom, and I love the fact that we choose our government. (let's please just remember that they work FOR us- we PAY them to govern, make wise choices, and offer organization in a crisis, sound military judgement, and protection FROM tyranny.)
I am a truly independent voter. I voted for Clinton, Gore, McCain and Romney. I believe in choice, women's rights, and giving basic assistance to those who can't get anywhere despite great effort. I do not believe that our government should just give us everything we need. I think this is fundamentally the wrong path. I think that without incentives to work hard, people will just not do it. I fear that this is where we are headed. I see the plan as our federal government having a finger in everything we do. I want an in between party that says I have to be all or nothing. I want to believe in socially liberal, and progressive things that do not cost my family our home.
Once you have lived in different places within the US, you see that the cultures and flavors of a place are unique. People in the southwest are just more laid back. There is not the same uptight time driven society that we enjoy here in the midwest. The values of the people dictate that culture, and they are different than how I grew up. I don't see a need other than to require basic civil and human rights to interfere with the rights of a state to govern itself. (why do we want all the sameness anyway?) Sure, it took some getting used to seeing people with guns strapped to their belt, but that is what people there wanted. While I personally found kids in Texas taking a YEAR of Texas history instead of geography odd, I do not think there should be federal tampering with the curriculum. While these examples I kept purposely kept light and trivial, I do believe the same holds true for bigger issues.
So now what I wish is this: I wish that my liberal friends would stop touting the "get over it" line. It has been 24 hours, allow for a period of mistrust, and anguish, the same one you would feel if your side lost. I can only imagine the sad 47% laments if Romney was packing to move into the oval office. I wish that my conservative friends would not assume the very worst. It is possible that Obama will reach across the aisle and try to accomplish a productive middle ground strategy. As for me? I am going to be willing myself to pray daily for the strength to endure things not being how I want them and future for my 5 kids that does not involve default on a loan to China (The only FB message I did like today reminded us that Jesus is King no matter who is president) I am going to delete a few facebook friends, get back to worrying about which kid did not put the candy wrappers in the can, and try to stockpile cash in case gas goes to $8/gallon before someone creates an efficient alternative to my vehicle for a family of 7,and study up so I can remain one math level ahead of my 4th graders.
Monday, October 01, 2012
Guest Blogger: Steve (on politics)
The following was written by my brother. (Guest Blogger: Steve Raushenberger) No matter what your vote is in November, you should consider all sides. I found this thought provoking.
My 2 cents worth, (minus taxes of course)
This is not my attempt to become an internet blogger, but with the pending, and possibly historic election, I've noticed friends and family highly polarized and even at odds with one another, and so I felt compelled to weigh in. Recently our 12 year old granddaughter asked me who I would vote for, and why. It struck me that though she couldn't vote yet, she had a right to ask me since she'll surely experience the outcome of what we do now.
First of all, I've spent a fair amount of time reading about money and economics after the last election. Not on the internet, but actual books about how money works, so I wanted to share some of what I learned.
There can be no doubt, the current administration is conducting class warefare. It's written into almost every campaign add. "Millionaires pay a little more" "Romney cares more about big business" "tax breaks for the rich" What I wanted to know was, is this justified? The media creates an image of a heartless Bernie Madoff type character sitting in his 60th floor office, with the miniature pool table and box of cuban cigars, counting the profits from his illgotten gains. But is this right?
Here's some things I found. 93% of Millionaires are 1st generation rich. That means they weren't trust fund babies, or born with silverspoon, rather, they were regular folks who started with nothing and built wealth. On average it took them 17 plus years to achieve a million $ net worth. During those 17 years they worked an average of 60-80 hours a week. You won't know who most of them are, because they tended to live in a paid for house in a middle class neighborhood. Most were in a quality marriage, were people of faith, and tended to have high levels of integrity. The top 6% account for 62% of the charitable giving in this country.
A bit different from the "Bernie" image. Most of us have known some people with money who were great folks and would be eager to help others. Most of us have known folks who had wealth but were jerks. You will have also known people with very little who fit into either catagory. Point is, money will only make you more of what you already are. You're not good if you're wealthy, you're not bad if you're poor. For those of you who are people of faith, when did it become ok to steal someone's money rich or poor? Yes whether you use a gun, or a government, it is stealing, Robinhood was a thief no matter how much you like the story.
Author Dave Ramsey pointed out that money is amoral. That means it is neither good, nor bad, untill a human touches it, much like a brick. You can take the brick and throw it through a window, or you could use it to build a school, or a church. The brick doesn't care, it is amoral.
Obama wants us to believe that in order for someone to be wealthy, that someone else has to go without. What I've learned is that our economy is not like a pie with a fixed number of slices, but more like one of those candle lighting ceremonies at a wedding. If I light your candle, mine is not diminished, and the light in the room is increased. You prosper by serving others. When you provide goods or services that someone else needs, they give you certificates of appreciation in the form of money!
So as it turns out, these so called "evil rich people" are more a product of the American dream. Yes these are the kids who were studying in their dormroom while their buddies were at a frat party. Have you given thought to how many hours it takes to become a heart surgeon, or build a successful business from a card table in your living room? How many people support their families because of an invention of a nerdy college kid (Bill Gates) came up with? We should punish these people why again? Coveting, envy, are those good politics? Jealousy is "I want what you have" envy is "I don't think I can have what you have so I'll bring you down and take it from you.
Ramsey says, if you want something, get off the couch, leave the cave, kill it, drag it home, then it's yours. Is it possible we've become so "wussified" as parents, that we've created a generation where many 25yr old's only skill set is sitting in their parent's basement playing X-box and occasionally applying for a job online while still in their pajamas? Scripture tells us, "If you give a man a fish, he'll eat tonight, if you teach him to fish, he'll eat for a lifetime."
I believe there are good people in both parties who want to help others. Where we disagree is how to do it. How long can we afford to give fish before all the fishermen get tired of fishing?
As for the tax breaks for the rich. Clever wording. Turns out these are legal exemptions and shelters available to anyone. Wealthy people tend to use them, because like most of us, who wouldn't want to keep more of what they have earned. The rich get richer because they practice the habits that made them rich. No different than a diet & fitness routine. If you eat well, and exercise, you'll be more fit. If you lay on the couch & eat bon-bons, guess what? If you live on less than you make, save & invest you'll build wealth. If you spend a quarter every time you get dime? Not rocket science, and not evil either.
Are there people who really need help? You bet. But simple math tells us the ones who have an I-phone, multiple tattoes, a 52" TV, a $600 car payment, but no grocery money are gonna have to learn to fish! And no Romney won't take money away from seniors! Really AARP & Mr. President? I'm sorry but that just stinks!
I hope if you have kids, grandkids, or even just someone you're kinda fond of, I made you think. Those of you who had parents or grandparents that lived through the depression know they had some great core values as a result. Please don't forget them. Send this to anyone you want. Send me hate mail if you want, at least I'll know you read it, and I'm fine either way.
As you may have guessed by now, yes I'm sticking to my God and my guns. I hope you review your own core values, stand for something, agree to disagree, and treat each other well! God Bless
Steve
PS. The average millionaire reads on average 6 non-fiction books per year about something that interests them.
(Financial Peace Revisited by Dave Ramsey)
(Thou Shall Prosper by Rabi Daniel Lapin)
(Quitter by John Acuff)
(Boundries by Dr. Henry Cloud)
(Rich Dad Poor Dad by Robert T. Kiyosaki)
(The Richest Man In Babylon by George S. Clason)
(Think & Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill)
(The Millionaire Next Door by Thomas J Stanley Ph.D/William D. Danko Ph.D)
My 2 cents worth, (minus taxes of course)
This is not my attempt to become an internet blogger, but with the pending, and possibly historic election, I've noticed friends and family highly polarized and even at odds with one another, and so I felt compelled to weigh in. Recently our 12 year old granddaughter asked me who I would vote for, and why. It struck me that though she couldn't vote yet, she had a right to ask me since she'll surely experience the outcome of what we do now.
First of all, I've spent a fair amount of time reading about money and economics after the last election. Not on the internet, but actual books about how money works, so I wanted to share some of what I learned.
There can be no doubt, the current administration is conducting class warefare. It's written into almost every campaign add. "Millionaires pay a little more" "Romney cares more about big business" "tax breaks for the rich" What I wanted to know was, is this justified? The media creates an image of a heartless Bernie Madoff type character sitting in his 60th floor office, with the miniature pool table and box of cuban cigars, counting the profits from his illgotten gains. But is this right?
Here's some things I found. 93% of Millionaires are 1st generation rich. That means they weren't trust fund babies, or born with silverspoon, rather, they were regular folks who started with nothing and built wealth. On average it took them 17 plus years to achieve a million $ net worth. During those 17 years they worked an average of 60-80 hours a week. You won't know who most of them are, because they tended to live in a paid for house in a middle class neighborhood. Most were in a quality marriage, were people of faith, and tended to have high levels of integrity. The top 6% account for 62% of the charitable giving in this country.
A bit different from the "Bernie" image. Most of us have known some people with money who were great folks and would be eager to help others. Most of us have known folks who had wealth but were jerks. You will have also known people with very little who fit into either catagory. Point is, money will only make you more of what you already are. You're not good if you're wealthy, you're not bad if you're poor. For those of you who are people of faith, when did it become ok to steal someone's money rich or poor? Yes whether you use a gun, or a government, it is stealing, Robinhood was a thief no matter how much you like the story.
Author Dave Ramsey pointed out that money is amoral. That means it is neither good, nor bad, untill a human touches it, much like a brick. You can take the brick and throw it through a window, or you could use it to build a school, or a church. The brick doesn't care, it is amoral.
Obama wants us to believe that in order for someone to be wealthy, that someone else has to go without. What I've learned is that our economy is not like a pie with a fixed number of slices, but more like one of those candle lighting ceremonies at a wedding. If I light your candle, mine is not diminished, and the light in the room is increased. You prosper by serving others. When you provide goods or services that someone else needs, they give you certificates of appreciation in the form of money!
So as it turns out, these so called "evil rich people" are more a product of the American dream. Yes these are the kids who were studying in their dormroom while their buddies were at a frat party. Have you given thought to how many hours it takes to become a heart surgeon, or build a successful business from a card table in your living room? How many people support their families because of an invention of a nerdy college kid (Bill Gates) came up with? We should punish these people why again? Coveting, envy, are those good politics? Jealousy is "I want what you have" envy is "I don't think I can have what you have so I'll bring you down and take it from you.
Ramsey says, if you want something, get off the couch, leave the cave, kill it, drag it home, then it's yours. Is it possible we've become so "wussified" as parents, that we've created a generation where many 25yr old's only skill set is sitting in their parent's basement playing X-box and occasionally applying for a job online while still in their pajamas? Scripture tells us, "If you give a man a fish, he'll eat tonight, if you teach him to fish, he'll eat for a lifetime."
I believe there are good people in both parties who want to help others. Where we disagree is how to do it. How long can we afford to give fish before all the fishermen get tired of fishing?
As for the tax breaks for the rich. Clever wording. Turns out these are legal exemptions and shelters available to anyone. Wealthy people tend to use them, because like most of us, who wouldn't want to keep more of what they have earned. The rich get richer because they practice the habits that made them rich. No different than a diet & fitness routine. If you eat well, and exercise, you'll be more fit. If you lay on the couch & eat bon-bons, guess what? If you live on less than you make, save & invest you'll build wealth. If you spend a quarter every time you get dime? Not rocket science, and not evil either.
Are there people who really need help? You bet. But simple math tells us the ones who have an I-phone, multiple tattoes, a 52" TV, a $600 car payment, but no grocery money are gonna have to learn to fish! And no Romney won't take money away from seniors! Really AARP & Mr. President? I'm sorry but that just stinks!
I hope if you have kids, grandkids, or even just someone you're kinda fond of, I made you think. Those of you who had parents or grandparents that lived through the depression know they had some great core values as a result. Please don't forget them. Send this to anyone you want. Send me hate mail if you want, at least I'll know you read it, and I'm fine either way.
As you may have guessed by now, yes I'm sticking to my God and my guns. I hope you review your own core values, stand for something, agree to disagree, and treat each other well! God Bless
Steve
PS. The average millionaire reads on average 6 non-fiction books per year about something that interests them.
(Financial Peace Revisited by Dave Ramsey)
(Thou Shall Prosper by Rabi Daniel Lapin)
(Quitter by John Acuff)
(Boundries by Dr. Henry Cloud)
(Rich Dad Poor Dad by Robert T. Kiyosaki)
(The Richest Man In Babylon by George S. Clason)
(Think & Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill)
(The Millionaire Next Door by Thomas J Stanley Ph.D/William D. Danko Ph.D)
Monday, July 02, 2012
Who would have thought it?
My triplets are at camp. Sleepaway camp. Ten minutes ago they were 3 screaming infants drinking from podee bottles. Eight minutes ago they were learning to walk, biting each other, and potty training. Six minutes ago thery were entering kindergarten, and losing their first tooth. Two minutes ago, they were still coming in my bed at night-afraid. Now they are at camp for a week. Bags packed, apply sunscreen, don't let the other campers pick on your sisters, sleepaway camp.
I was very excited to let them go. Nervous, sure, but happy to have a few days of peace and quiet. Looking forward to playing with Hadley, talking to Ian, and going out to eat without needing the banquet room. Two days in- I miss them. Really want to reach out and hear their voices miss them. I am craving knowledge of how they are feeling. I wanted the peace, but it is weird not having physical control of the children that are always by your side.
I would miss my big noisy family if I didn't have it. Who knew?
I was very excited to let them go. Nervous, sure, but happy to have a few days of peace and quiet. Looking forward to playing with Hadley, talking to Ian, and going out to eat without needing the banquet room. Two days in- I miss them. Really want to reach out and hear their voices miss them. I am craving knowledge of how they are feeling. I wanted the peace, but it is weird not having physical control of the children that are always by your side.
I would miss my big noisy family if I didn't have it. Who knew?
Friday, May 25, 2012
Parenting them into the ground
Every parent hopes for great things for their child. Happiness, talent, love, and intelligence to name a few. I am guilty of wanting each of these things for my own children.
The thing is, all of these come with a double-edged sword that we have to hold carefully.
Take happiness for example. My children are very happy to eat crap, skip homework, buy things we cannot afford, and let someone else do anything unpleasant and difficult for them. As a parent it is my job to make them UNHAPPY sometimes by saying "no, not now, not yet, or get off your butt!" Not everyone agrees with my parenting philosophy that is you can't do it if it is going to unduly burden someone else, (including me) cost a lot for little return, make your teacher hate me, or be something I have to explain to the dentist. I recently watched a couple hold up a flight because they would not make their child sit down for take-off. While I empathised with both the crying, and the rude comments others were making about said child, this is a no brainer to me. As my friend Tina put it, one parent karate chops the gut and the other buckles when he folds in half. Simple. Kid continues to scream, but the end result is the same. Flight goes, kid can get up again. Flight attendant does not have to get increasingly crabby while she offers, cookies, juice, etc. There are times when "because I said so" IS good enough, and I am kinda tired of hearing that their sense of self, or some other bull will be adversely affected.
Talent is tough. As a parent, it is our job to question our motives here. Do I want my child to be talented so I can modestly (smugly) smile when he beats your kid at something? Do I want him to feel good about trying stuff? Is it good to not be the worst kid on the team? I am really starting to get annoyed when people think their child is better at something than he/she is. While I bite my tongue clear through, I hear one parent after another talk about how their child has such "passion" for dance, swimming, basketball, piano, etc. A wise man (Anthony Liebrant) once wrote about how parents need to have a plan B because most of our kids are not going pro... I once had a parent offer to buy her child an expensive electronic device if he beat my kid in swimming. It is hard to have the right words for that occasion... Recreational stuff is what we neuveau parent nut jobs were raised on, and I cannot figure out when that all changed. When did "travel" become a good thing to do for your child's activity. What is wrong with being good locally? It is not longer good enough to kick ass in your own hometown, now your kid needs to travel to do it. I have had kids in many activities. Sometimes they are the standout, sometimes they are the kid the coach wants to hide, both experiences are valuable.
Love. I love my children with a passion. I would take a bullet for any of them, and shove Kevin in front of a train to save them. I think they are awesome little people who have big potential to be nice, solid citizens. I do not think that loving them means I have to want to spend every waking minute with them. It does not mean that I have to think they are the best at everything, and mostly it does not mean that I have to defend their flaws. I am the first one to call my kid out when they are being a pain in the butt. I often use the radius rule. (Playing children need to maintain a five foot radius around talking adults) I do advocate for my child when necessary to meet their needs, but I do not make myself a total tool to give them everything they want. We follow the rules. I do not insist that an exception be made to make my little junior happier... That is teaching them the world does not revolve around them alone, and their spouses will thank me some day. Loving your child does NOT mean giving up everything you want/need to make them feel good. (that is stupidity) I want to love who my child becomes, and by handing them the world they become a problem.
Intelligence. Every child cannot be the smartest one in the class. It is not a race to see who's child reads earliest, does math 2 grades above the norm, and studies their way into a gifted program. I was labeled "gifted" early on in life, and that meant 2 things. 1) my hometown was small 2) I was a teacher's pet. Many kids I grew up with went on to do greater things that I did, and many of them were not "gifted". I know a parent who's 8th grader has taken the PSAT 3 times already. Why? Have we really bought into the idea that your kid is only as smart as their best test score? I am married to one of the smartest people I know, and his mother recently gave us all of his standardized test scores. In 10th grade he scored a 17% composite. In many ways that proves that he was indeed smarter than the rest of us drones. While we read each question carefully, and pondered the best strategies, he made designs with his #2 pencil, and had free time to goof off. That ITBS test did not adversely affect his future. (see every teacher affected by no child left behind shudder) Plus most of the really smart people I know, are either kinda mean or very judgemental, neither trait I want to nurture. My kids are plenty bright, and I don't need straight A's or perfect test scores to wave in other people's faces. My biggest pet peeve is people who post the kids grades on Facebook. Really? You need every 'friend' in your life to view you child's report card for validation? If your child is smart people will notice when they talk to them, life is not an audition.
So why would I write all this? I guess I have felt a lot of the pressure lately to parent better. By better I mean, I feel inadaquate a lot when I read/hear people talk about impossible schedules like they are nothing, that private school is the only way to go if you want your kid to go to college, and how little free time anyone has because they are pouring it all into creating a little utopia for their children. I am taking the time to analyze my reality, and the truth is I think doing the best I can to create nice and relatively happy people with no long term scarring is all I can do-- that is enough.
Take happiness for example. My children are very happy to eat crap, skip homework, buy things we cannot afford, and let someone else do anything unpleasant and difficult for them. As a parent it is my job to make them UNHAPPY sometimes by saying "no, not now, not yet, or get off your butt!" Not everyone agrees with my parenting philosophy that is you can't do it if it is going to unduly burden someone else, (including me) cost a lot for little return, make your teacher hate me, or be something I have to explain to the dentist. I recently watched a couple hold up a flight because they would not make their child sit down for take-off. While I empathised with both the crying, and the rude comments others were making about said child, this is a no brainer to me. As my friend Tina put it, one parent karate chops the gut and the other buckles when he folds in half. Simple. Kid continues to scream, but the end result is the same. Flight goes, kid can get up again. Flight attendant does not have to get increasingly crabby while she offers, cookies, juice, etc. There are times when "because I said so" IS good enough, and I am kinda tired of hearing that their sense of self, or some other bull will be adversely affected.
Talent is tough. As a parent, it is our job to question our motives here. Do I want my child to be talented so I can modestly (smugly) smile when he beats your kid at something? Do I want him to feel good about trying stuff? Is it good to not be the worst kid on the team? I am really starting to get annoyed when people think their child is better at something than he/she is. While I bite my tongue clear through, I hear one parent after another talk about how their child has such "passion" for dance, swimming, basketball, piano, etc. A wise man (Anthony Liebrant) once wrote about how parents need to have a plan B because most of our kids are not going pro... I once had a parent offer to buy her child an expensive electronic device if he beat my kid in swimming. It is hard to have the right words for that occasion... Recreational stuff is what we neuveau parent nut jobs were raised on, and I cannot figure out when that all changed. When did "travel" become a good thing to do for your child's activity. What is wrong with being good locally? It is not longer good enough to kick ass in your own hometown, now your kid needs to travel to do it. I have had kids in many activities. Sometimes they are the standout, sometimes they are the kid the coach wants to hide, both experiences are valuable.
Love. I love my children with a passion. I would take a bullet for any of them, and shove Kevin in front of a train to save them. I think they are awesome little people who have big potential to be nice, solid citizens. I do not think that loving them means I have to want to spend every waking minute with them. It does not mean that I have to think they are the best at everything, and mostly it does not mean that I have to defend their flaws. I am the first one to call my kid out when they are being a pain in the butt. I often use the radius rule. (Playing children need to maintain a five foot radius around talking adults) I do advocate for my child when necessary to meet their needs, but I do not make myself a total tool to give them everything they want. We follow the rules. I do not insist that an exception be made to make my little junior happier... That is teaching them the world does not revolve around them alone, and their spouses will thank me some day. Loving your child does NOT mean giving up everything you want/need to make them feel good. (that is stupidity) I want to love who my child becomes, and by handing them the world they become a problem.
Intelligence. Every child cannot be the smartest one in the class. It is not a race to see who's child reads earliest, does math 2 grades above the norm, and studies their way into a gifted program. I was labeled "gifted" early on in life, and that meant 2 things. 1) my hometown was small 2) I was a teacher's pet. Many kids I grew up with went on to do greater things that I did, and many of them were not "gifted". I know a parent who's 8th grader has taken the PSAT 3 times already. Why? Have we really bought into the idea that your kid is only as smart as their best test score? I am married to one of the smartest people I know, and his mother recently gave us all of his standardized test scores. In 10th grade he scored a 17% composite. In many ways that proves that he was indeed smarter than the rest of us drones. While we read each question carefully, and pondered the best strategies, he made designs with his #2 pencil, and had free time to goof off. That ITBS test did not adversely affect his future. (see every teacher affected by no child left behind shudder) Plus most of the really smart people I know, are either kinda mean or very judgemental, neither trait I want to nurture. My kids are plenty bright, and I don't need straight A's or perfect test scores to wave in other people's faces. My biggest pet peeve is people who post the kids grades on Facebook. Really? You need every 'friend' in your life to view you child's report card for validation? If your child is smart people will notice when they talk to them, life is not an audition.
So why would I write all this? I guess I have felt a lot of the pressure lately to parent better. By better I mean, I feel inadaquate a lot when I read/hear people talk about impossible schedules like they are nothing, that private school is the only way to go if you want your kid to go to college, and how little free time anyone has because they are pouring it all into creating a little utopia for their children. I am taking the time to analyze my reality, and the truth is I think doing the best I can to create nice and relatively happy people with no long term scarring is all I can do-- that is enough.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Donating to the NAHS, stay tuned for phase 3!
Tomorrow is donation day for pet pins. The kids will be presenting a check for the proceeds of pet pins to date (around $600). This is really exciting for all of them. 7 little kids who just wanted to sell a few pins to help the animals found themselves learning a lot about the generosity of people. They learned that when people believe in you, they open their hearts (and wallets) to aid your dreams. Thank you, thank you to all of you from both near and far away who have told my kids they are doing something worthwhile with your support. The next step for the pet pins kids involves spreading the movement. Stay tuned for how you can be involved in helping animals nationwide....
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Big things happening for a little girl business
Pet Pins opened their "doors" just a few days ago, but already momentum seems to be building. Pins are being sold, there is now a facebook page to keep the world up to date, they have e-mail petpins@gmail.com, a paypal account for receiving $, and publicity has begun. The crew is getting along pretty well with only a few road bumps. They tested the door to door market in our neighborhood with great results. They had their first media request for a news interview, and there is now a public relations person who has offered to help.
It is somewhat problematic to let little kids run with a project like this. We are trying to keep them off the e-mail until it is previewed, and although they can reach the facebook page with permission, neither of us is good just letting the kids have free access to facebook. Jilly complained today that they are, "doing the work without any technology." Tough noogies kid, safe is better.
They visited an adoption event today and gave their card and donation to another rescue group. Angels on Wheels Animal Rescue. This group pulls animals from high kill shelters and other tough situations and fosters them in private care until they are ready to be adopted. All of them enjoyed that very much because they were hands on with the animals. It is exciting to spend time with the kids when they are excited and engaged in something outside themselves. I could not be more proud of their dedication!
It is somewhat problematic to let little kids run with a project like this. We are trying to keep them off the e-mail until it is previewed, and although they can reach the facebook page with permission, neither of us is good just letting the kids have free access to facebook. Jilly complained today that they are, "doing the work without any technology." Tough noogies kid, safe is better.
They visited an adoption event today and gave their card and donation to another rescue group. Angels on Wheels Animal Rescue. This group pulls animals from high kill shelters and other tough situations and fosters them in private care until they are ready to be adopted. All of them enjoyed that very much because they were hands on with the animals. It is exciting to spend time with the kids when they are excited and engaged in something outside themselves. I could not be more proud of their dedication!
Wednesday, March 07, 2012
"Pet Pins" open for business.
The little non-profit is up and running. It is a fun work crew, with lots of free time, so I can see the inventory growing leaps and bounds. We hope to have a "sale" very soon. In the meantime if anyone sees one they cannot live without, they can sell any pin for 1.00 Remember ALL proceeds go to the animals. You could help save a life! Shipping is on me :)
Tuesday, March 06, 2012
Saving the world! One Dog at a Time
Passion. It's a word my friend Monica uses when she talks about her kids. I admire that. She has fewer kids.... But to the point she makes a good statement. She would like her kids to be passionate about something. Not the best, not the most elite, not the favorite, just passionate.
Passion means you care about that thing all the time. Not just when you are winning, not just when it is fun, but on a level that makes you WANT to devote your time to the cause. Ava happens to be the 9 year old daughter of the friend I mentioned above. She is passionate about animals. Namely: rescue animals. She reads books about puppies, she volunteers to walk dogs, she does camp at the humane society. She does not have to be the best at this, just has to care a whole lot. Because Ava is a really close friend of my daughter, Ella, she is now drawn into the cause. Passionate people do that. They make other people care. These two little girls, with some help from a few fair weather siblings, want to do something that will make a differnce in the lives of animals.
Here is where you come in. Over the next few weeks I will be posting on the status of their new business venture. They are using their own money to buy supplies to make pins for their cause. Remember the old friendship pins? These are similar, but color coded. I hope to have sample photos up soon. They will be selling their pins to donate funds to the humane society. Ava has special furry friends there that she wants desparately to see adopted. Our goal is to start with a kick-off pin sale day where the girls both sell locally, and online. After that pins will be available ongoing, and open to special orders. These are not kids wanting to make a buck, they are donating every dollar of profit to improve the lives of rescue animals. Stay tuned for your chance to help them.
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