It had been confirmed that my mum is suffering from Dengue. I can't really pay her a visit till Thursday, due to my CIP, or work rather. Feeling real guilty now. However, dad says she's getting slightly better now. Hope she will be fine soon.

CIP today has been rather fun, considering working with more than half of the people from my class, packing goodie bags and stuff. Left with 20 000 packs to go tomorrow. Had quite a lot of fun today in the arcade during our break time. I'll never play the Cantonese version of Bishi Bashi again =

I am very worried. I am very worried for my mum. Her blood test results were out. The doctor said that she's highly likely suffering from Dengue Fever. The number of white blood cells in her body is very low. She has to go for a confirmation test tomorrow. If the results turn out to be positive, she has to be hospitalised immediately.

Mum is very weak. Her antibodies can't do much for her now. I don't know what will happen to her in the next few days.

Photo taken during Seniors Farewell Assembly back in October:

Yu Cheng, me, Teck Kuan.

I'm going to miss them loads. People who added colours to my life.

Good things never last, very well said.

Take care, both of you.

Love, Shuyu =)

Good news good news!! I'll be the photographer for NJC Seniors Farewell, aka Prom Nite this year!! Bad news is that the attire is formal, and I can barely fit into my pants.

Class chalet was great, though I only managed to go for the first day. Glad that the 1st intakers and Ms Chen came to support us. Was really happy to see some of the seniors as well. Well, cuz we might never see our seniors again..

Some of the photos Xiao Ting took, which I copied from my class blog:

I was happy that night.

I guess I will not talk to him again, unless he takes the initiative to talk to me first. But oh well, dream on. hhahahaha. Sounds really childish, right?

Today is a very bad day for me, dad just recovered from fever, but I think he passed on to mum. Mum is so sick that she nearly fainted in the polyclinic. The docter had this very irritating look. Long story, nevermind. During lesson today, I did all the wrong stuff. Whatever could have gone wrong went wrong; whatever should not have gone wrong went wrong as well. What a screwed up day.

Even my classmates realised that I mix better with guys. I don't know why. Kind of, I can never join in the 'girls' talk'. I have no comments regarding to most issues they talk about. Girls love to gossip; guys are worst. I'm not any better, honestly. However, sometimes I think that some of the stuff the girls gossip are really unnecessary and always give me this ' Err.. so? Do I care?' feeling. I'm sorry, but I have to admit that. I am quite tired of forcing out a smile sometimes. Sorry, girls.

Shuyu seems to be a happy and cheerful person, I'm sure that most of the people think this way. Now, I have to say that that's totally rubbish. Yes, r u b b i s h.

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"我不喜欢一个人，却喜欢一个人的自在；事实上我不喜欢一群人，却总是喜欢一群人的热闹，这就是我。"
- 取自于《刻在时间上的约定》hni(花仲穆)著 -

对呀，这就是我。

***

I ought to tell him, he said.

AQUA OGLs 2006!! =))

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亚松哥曾说过：

“ 都长大了！小时候的事即使记得也难以启齿。 不是不好意思，只是放在心里是种财富。”

我觉得挺有道理的，虽然我当时还太小了，对很多事情都没什么印象了，但我心中总有一丝丝的怀念。一个在城市中长大的孩子，生活真的很枯燥乏味，所以我很怀念那段在小镇里的生活；虽然没有城市那样繁华，但麻雀虽小，五脏俱全。而且，只要稍稍骑着脚踏车(又称自行车)往远走走，就能看见一片片的田野，那种感觉实在是太好了!

再过一年多我就有机会回去了!! =))

After reading one of my classmates' blog, I've decided to write down some similar stuff.

My JC1 Plan (2004):




hohoho. What have I been doing this year?

It has been very long since the last time I listened to any classical music. May be that is the reason why I feel sad/despressed/hyper frequently this year. Classical music can cure, I always believe. It helps in developing the character somehow. I don't know. I was not so mean and sarcastic, until I am totally detached from classical music. Seems that the two have no link at all. haha oh well.

Oh yah. Oldies as well. The last time I tuned to Gold 90.5 FM was while preparing for promotional exams. Oldies are beautiful. I miss them.

Try listening songs from Josh Groban, Sarah Brightman or Charlotte Church next time.



<--Isn't this beautiful? =))

So much about love, now it's time to think about life, human relations and most importantly, my future.

Dad just gave me another lecture regarding my future, my plans, my career. Seriously, I think I know what type of career I want. What I need is something that can pinpoint specifically down to a certain career, and not the type. Dad said that when he was at my age, he was already mature enough to take the risk to reject the offer from some university and retake the exam so as to enter a better one. What about me? Dad said that I am someone who has plans and knows what I want. But he just doesn't get it why I totally have no idea of my future career.

Actually I do have some plans, such as interior design and stuff. However, Dad says these courses will not get me high and far. My parents prefer me taking some courses under the business sector (of course, assuming if my results can make it), so that I can have a better living in the future. I understand that they want me to have a better life next time. But I feel that if I were to work just to get the money, I'm just wasting my life away. The world is about money. Money can get us a lot of things. However, I will not allow money to control my life entirely.

I had this crazy dream, dreaming that I would go Holland some day and set up a farm, planting tulips, lavenders and daisies. I know that a life like that will be very tiring and hard. But if that's what I enjoy, why not? I do not need luxuries, home threatres or anything. All I need is enough money for my medical expenses, my basic necessities and perhaps, may be for emergencies. Crazy? Ridiculous? Incredible? Yeah, I know. But that's my dream.

Just now during the lecture, something suddenly flashed in my mind. I have a new option now. I'm doing some research on this course right now. Hopefully I will find something useful this time.

Below are the results of some career test I took:

Shuyu is interested in ideas, concepts, and meaning as part of perceptual and mental activities. Intellectual, theoretical and/or creative activities are balanced with other activities and do not have a priority or emphasis.

Shuyu prefers and needs change and variety. Change is motivating, stimulating, and energizing. Shuyu looks for new options, challenges, assignments, acquaintances, relationships, and even new careers in new places. Shuyu tires of sameness, repetition, and routine even in activities that were interesting at the start. Once things become routine for Shuyu, this becomes a motivation to move on to more interesting things.

Shuyu's preferences toward 'literary and/or communicative' are, or could become, the basis for sufficient motivation to be vocationally important. Emphasis is on communication: 1) picking up information from the minds of others, or 2) communicating to the minds of others. So Shuyu tends to be media-conscious for absorbing or expressing ideas, or both. This may be an activity dedicated to itself, like journalism, or it may be part of other activities: teaching, library work, publication, administration, etc.

Shuyu is moderately motivated by being "on stage" in order to pleasantly influence others toward a particular viewpoint, objective, or product. Shuyu probably has moderate to high motivational levels in other gregarious and persuasive traits. Shuyu is comfortable with a spokesperson role, and may even prefer it or be personally energized by it. Shuyu is only moderately motivated within this trait, she is probably not "stage-struck" toward entertaining or acting to the exclusion of other activities or responsibilities. The preference is more toward influencing rather than promoting or selling.

* * *
I don't know what I want to be. I just want something that has to face many changes, and have to travel a lot. Headache.

I am such a bastard. I am such a sucky person. I am being too insensitive, ignorant, inconsiderate, disturbing, demanding, loathsome, stubborn, arrogant..etc. I don't know. I am some horrible creature creating troubles for the rest in this world. I hurt people around me unknowingly. I make stupid assumptions, assuming that people won't mind those nasty comments I made. But I'm a BIG FOOL. I am such a fool.. I am going to offend people eventually if this were to carry on.

I must watch out for what I say. I must learn how to shut my BIG FAT MOUTH up. I must learn to USE MY BLOODY BRAIN before saying anything. I am already eighteen. But I'm so darn immature! Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

Come and kill me, please. I don't see how I will contribute to this world. I'm such a big 废物．

有些病，不是按时吃药就会好的，当我无穷无尽地思念你，就觉得自己已经无药可救。

- 取自于<<夏天，很久很久以前>> 晴菜 (Helena) 著 -

Very well said.

I am very happy now. Something finally went right this year =))

Below: Photo taken during primary school class gathering.


Below: Photo taken during Halloween Party 2005 this year. Saw the person beside me in that striped shirt? Those strips are taped on. haha.

I like people who can appreciate the beauty of plain bread. I like people who enjoy solitude. I like those who will sit beside the window during rainy days, drinking coffee slowly while appreciating the beauty of rain. I like those who can always calm me down..

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体验了这么多年后，我终于得出了一个结论：

经历过越多事务的人，他们的世界就越是充满了悲伤。

该如何说起呢？我每当我和身边的这类人说话，我总会发现他们的眸子充满了悲哀与忧伤。 他们总是喜欢用欢乐来掩饰自己；即使他们根本不快乐。他们的眼神其实已出卖了自己。他们仿佛已经看透了整个世界，而且看得很彻底。我也不知道他们为什么会这样，不过我真的好替他们担心。是因为放弃了希望吗？还是因为对这个世界没有了信心？他们总会让我感到一阵刺骨的心痛，让我无法自拔地更想了解他们，想成为他们能吐露真情的人、能倾诉的对象。也许有很多人会觉得我只是想让自己看起来更为大而已。管不了那么多了，因为我只是觉得这是一个朋友应该做的。我们伤心的时候，也希望有人来嘘寒问暖，不是吗？

但愿他们能早点找到自己的幸福，能早点离开那个伤心的地带。能看见他们打从心底地笑出来，对我来说就是最完美的礼物。

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有些感觉，还是埋藏在心里比较好。我不想别人知道，别人也不需要知道。它只要埋在最深的地方就行了。时间会渐渐地冲淡一切。或许真的会像书上所说的：也许将来的某一天，曾经的刻骨铭心也会销声匿迹。

对呀，月亮是不会撞上地球的，就是这样。

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人生就像一场戏，
天天伤心又何必。
凡事不能总如意，
笑看人生最有益。

- 改编自于《莫生气》-