Smell of a man? How does a guy smell like? So far among all e guys I know, zZ smells the best. Yet that's not the smell of man, err that's man's perfume? hahaa. Anyway I'm feeling much better now. The motivation is back.. partially =) Maybe I shall go band tml n say hello to my juniors. Haven't been to band prac for a week. Ok, I gotta admit, I'm lazy to go band, but I like band life.

Thanx for bringing me back to life, though I bet u don't even know what's going on.. cuz u can't even recognise me even though u looked straight into my eyes..

You are generally quiet and have control over your emotions. It is difficult to predict what will upset you, so when you do lose your cool, people don't know how to react. Your temper is like that of a raging bull, and anyone trying to pacify you will be the first one to get a verbal bashing. You generally get upset when you are concerned or when people accuse you of doing something wrong. You also hate being reminded about mistakes you抳e made in the past. You also have the potential to be terribly vindictive if rubbed the wrong way.

Very very true.

Well, recently, I've been/I'm:
1. Too rude
2. Too ignorant
3. Getting irritated/annoyed too easily
4. Too selfish
5. Too insensitive
6. Too demanding on others
7. Not making any new friends. (jiu de bu qu, xin de bu lai)
8. Slacking too much
9. Throwing temper like no one's business
10. Having attitude problem

Screwed up chem test today. Juz knew it, I can never do organic chem. Or maybe Ms Cheong was right, I need more practice.

Got back my common test report slip. First time to hit a 'gd score of' L1R5 20. Well, CT2 wasn't that hard, cuz everyone improved.

Emptiness is starting to eat my life again. I can't take it. I can't..

Having flu sux. Didn't make it to school today.  Supposed to go to e bandroom to collect my things.. file.. scores. Maybe I should leave them there. I don't know. I chose not to join the alumni band, or maybe I didn't have a choice. I'm not gd enough to join the Yuhua and Rv alumni band. U know, it's one of the best bands in Singapore. And Mic  was right, imagine u sitting beside Benny Wong, who's one of the best trumpeters in Singapore, u won't feel good. Mic herself didn't join. Since both my SL n ASL didn't join, n considering I'm not even half of their standard, I gotta say good bye to rvcb forever. Or maybe band life, cuz heard that life in Sa band is quite hard, for Ms Chan's students that is.

Ok, my life's in a mess too. Laggin behind for Amaths, Chi. Didn't start revision for Geo. Haven't been touching E maths for ages. Still can't master organic chem yet. Phy's crap.. I dun get it, juz don't get it. Juz got back my prelim EL oral results, B3.  Meaning EL's gone.

Up to now, I still don't understand my bro.. which is really v sad case. Maybe I'm really v shibai, can't even read my own bro's mind. In the past, I remembered that I can easily predict wat ppl wanna do or wanna say. I could understand them without much diffcult. However now, I dunno wat I'm doing. I can no longer understand ppl and offer them my help. Is it because the world's getting more complicated? Or is it because I'm no longer as mature compared to my peers? How should a 17-yr-old girl behave like? How am I going to uphold e trust n respect ppl had in me?

Had my very last band performance ytd. oH yesH, I have more time to study now!! oH no.. I'm going to miss my section, my trumpet... the band life.. the music...

Rushed back home to get changed. Dad drove my wife, Big Mac n fren plus myself to SJI. Ok, the 3 of them were really damn impressed by the school itself. I went into e Chapel again. wah.. it's juz so nice.

The concert itself was wonderful. SJIMB can play pop music w feel, smth that my band can never do. Melvin is such a gd drummer, haha. They played How Deep Is Your Love. Ma de, no one told me that before e concert loh =\ The main band n the junior band were very entertaining. The sec 1s juz look so cute when they danced below the stage. Vig freaked many ppl out with his ultra high frequency screams.. -_-" lol. Miss Mr Yea so much.. dunno when I can see him again..

Went to Meridian to have supper.  Julian n ppl were there as well. Mf, stop teasing me n XXX la it's not funny u know, I mean, there's nth to tease abt wat cuz things have changed, get it? Grace.. dun worry too much abt me la watever I say hor.. is really 'say say' only, I'm still v guai one k.. hehex. This goes to Ruth n my bro too. I'm totally alright ya. Anyway, up to today, I've lost 8kg! Ha! =D
 

My Wish List

1. Sleep earlier( I can't afford to doze off during every single physics lesson, Os is juz ard the corner!!)
2. Don't stress myself up by thinking that I'm under stress.
3. Continue reading no matter what.
4. Plan my holiday schedule( the China trip).
5. Learn to compromise more( though I'm trying my best already I suppose.. well there's always room for improvements).
6. Stop being so crazy abt SAJC, cuz it seems that mant Rvians are going tt sch fr my batch, so I'll rather go ACJC, provided I can make it(I don't whish to see any Rvians ard, except my frens).
7. Lose weight!! Still got a lot to go..
8. Help my cousin with his studies so tt he can at least make it to a good neighbourhood sch like BBSS( though he wants to go SJI, I doubt he can get 230 n above =x)
9. Try to follow up with my revision timetable, maybe up to at least 90%.. or else I'm just wasting my time away..
10. Try to be more patient( I've been getting irritated n pissed off v easily recently.. haiz).
11. Save $$ for 'Post O-levels' use. ( Considering I only receive 20 bucks a week n still owe my auntie 45 bucks for e broken fan issue.. got a lot to go).
12. Keep my hair longer, but not long enough to be caught by the discipline mistress( My bro insisted.)
13. Learn to walk properly without falling down or getting my ankle sprained when wearing shoes with higher heels. Mind you, is higher heels, not high heels( Or else my bro will laugh his head off again).
14. Stop actually saying out e 'F' word n use 'Fish' instead when I need to use it( must be more civilised).
15. Stop pointing my middle finger no matter how o(-_-")o I feel. Use 'fill in e blank' or 'read in between the lines' as a substitution( I haven't been pointing it for quite sometime already).
16. Pay attention during SS/Hist lesson no matter how boring it is(think of O levels!)

Band today was fun. I mean the sectionals. Was blasting like hell when practising e pieces for tml's performance. Wang Nian was like: "eh? How come last time I cannot hear you guys n now you are so loud?" -shrug-

The new band uniform for 'casual' performances arrived in the afternoon. I like e shirt. It's very nice, bluish white colour, juz like Sajc's uniform, though a bit transluent. However, MY BERMUDAS ARE SO DAMN SUPER SHORT N SMALL!!!! Wat the F*** man e tailor made it according to e measurements they had n yet it doesn't suit me at all!! I mean, I can't even sit down when wearing it, or else it'll crack in the centre. I even had problems climbing the stairs!! I can't imagine how am I supposed to wear it tml in front of e public. I look damn the bloody weird!! Like an inverted cone, or carrot, with large top(the big shirt) and a narrow base. My juniors say that I look like as if I'm wearing swimming trunks, I mean those for diving one.. watever it's known as. SO TIGHT!!! Mrs Chak tried to change for me, but can't find a suitable one. In fact I can wear the guys' one, but all of them refused to exchange, cuz the cuttings for boys and girls are different. Ma De!!!! Gotta ask my mum to redo the whole bermudas for me latter. Think she's going to have a hard time tonight.

My sec 1 trumpet juniors gave me a surprise today.. Each of them bought a present for me.. Cuz I'm passing out soon.. -So damn damn touched- This is my first time receiving so many presents in one day.. haha not even on my bdae =) Thanx, yinn yan, lina n michelle.

Diaries are interesting, aren't they? They sound much more realistic compared to science fictions. Diaries can show the characters' emotions much more better than other stories books.

I love to read my diaries too. I mean my real diary. yea, I do have one, though I haven't been writting for 7 months. It started off as 'Quote of the day' in July 2002. As time passed by, I realised that I have more n more to write each day. Thus this 'Quote of the day' slowly developed into my diary. I wrote everyday, seriously everyday. This continued till beginning of Dec last yr. Think my last entry was on the first day of e Sixth Sense chalet 2003. Busy, that's e only excuse I can give. Anyway I'm not really worried, since I've this blog. Well, a diary serves as a personal journal to me only. Haha.

Therefore, one of the most impt things I have to do after O-levels is to, UPDATE MY DIARY!!

P.S: sai, ma de since when did I say I want to keep long hair? I only said I want to keep longer, not long hair. diAo

SYF Opening Ceremony today!!! RVCB did a wonderful job!!! It was raining during e parade, but we carried on. Ruth, Grace, Mr Yea, Mr Lester Lim n Cheuk Yin came. I love that song.. the Song Of Hope. =)

It was so close, yet it seemed so far. Courage, is all it takes. I need it.