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Tuesday, July 31, 2012 I find myself awake one morning with a few thoughts so loud it came slapping at my face 1. The assignment that is technically 11 days away for submission with a word count of 10,000 has not begin counting because I've yet started 2. What the hell am i doing? or hells. because there is more than 1 thing that I should be doing but I'm not 3. Screw august, turning a year older. I promise to be happy and content on the 6th this month Do what it feels right, let it be. And stay true. Friday, July 27, 2012 Make sure Can you possibly move on when you're so physically and emotionally attracted to a person?  Perhaps there's no answer to this.  Do you feel the way i do right now or somehow the best part is falling, calling it anything but love... Can't help to think that the day that we eventually stop talking would be the day that we stop seeing each other :( Those walls she built over the years, all falls down. I never thought that you would be the one to hold my heart But you came around and you knocked me off the ground from the start silly willy  words vannie  writes at  the wee  hours you have the ability to expose vulnerability, my words to you are always unprocessed and that is probably why they stink because i can be myself with you. I don't have to hide my feelings, I could be true again :)  I hope for nothing and i will do nothing But to be sure that I keep my distance Wednesday, July 25, 2012 It feels good to be in the comfort of good music that sets me in some kinda zone free of worries but really just sinking in and listening to every detail of a song. I'm trained to be observant, I enjoy watching people, it's always about the little details that matters to me, it could be anything and everything under the sun. oh my goodness.... Nowadays, I need a reason to get out of bed and this is bad isn't it? My life at work? wait, there isn't any life at work. i can't even find the motivation to get out of bed! I wake up at 6.30am, monday to friday at the sound of my alarm and this is what happens... 1. shut down the alarm 2. stares at ceiling 3. today is ---day 4. am i really going to the office today? 5. why am i doing this to myself? 6. figures that i'll be bored if i were to stay home 7. got out of bed and goes to work 8. how long is this going to go on 9. goes back to 1. I just need something to happen I need a sign that things are gonna change I need a reason to go on I need some hope Tuesday, July 24, 2012 " There’s a reason I said I’d be happy alone.  It wasn’t ‘cause I thought I’d be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not make it.  It’s easier to be alone, because what if you learn that you need love and you don’t have it?  What if you like it and lean on it?  What if you shape your life around it and then it falls apart?  Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. It’s like dying.  The only difference is death ends. This? It could go on forever." -Grey's Anatomy Every word, comes together so perfectly. That's why I love watching Grey's, and i love how Shonda is just so amazing at what she does writing what people could relate to so well. Can't wait for season 9! And i often wish there could be someone in my life that we could catch Grey's together be it a bowl full of popcorn and chips in the living or under the sheets in the room  (keep dreaming) haha.... Tuesday, July 10, 2012 letter me author perplexed yet thee could almost imagine the fireworks playing and joy exploding from my heart Nothing can ever quite change my mind and let's just say, that's an attribute on a random note, i'm starting to love my shoes that gives me BLISTERS guess i'm walking too hard chaos. Wednesday, July 4, 2012 Rain drops on my window paint it's pouring outside the night is here and seems like the only right thing to do is to cover up and sleep away This morning, I was up and all prepared to conquer my day in the office while the sudden nausea and tight chest set me sitting on the bed and it felt so weak and useless all over again. there's a mess on the inside they're like knots tangled altogether but i'll try to untangle them one by one life is too beautiful to give up, i'm grateful to be alive. lastly, happy 4th july!