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Thursday, September 29, 2011 Keeps coming back for more Major sigh... sigh.. sigh.. sigh.. Just came back from dinner with R. Even though it was barely 2 hours I learnt to appreciate these moments, they keep me coming back for more... driving me crazy blogging now that is. Your schedule is so packed! This is what happens when you're in love with someone out of your league. I need to fully understand that you won't even have time to catch me while you breath, eat or sleep. Is this what I want? Can I? Really? Honestly don't know how long more I can tahan not spilling the beans. Obviously if i tell R how i really feel, we might not even meet again, WORSE CASE SCENARIO. And boy, i'm not willing to take this risk. The price is too high to pay. Conclusion> One step at a time. . . very slow and small ones. . . Will you hang around long enough to be us? :) Love has lots of uncertainty and trails even before it begins. After 5 long years, jumping into the waters again. Missing R. Wednesday, September 28, 2011 you make me want to slap myself in the head all the time... for asking you stupid questions, for our dinner dates, for your over use of "la" in our convos. BUT I LIKE IT! :p Our text message interval is 12hours, believe it or not i'm enjoying it. Now i'm getting pinched because he replied fb status 3hrs ago on his wall but totally forgot about me! In linda's context of expression: *Pouts* Gees! What is happening to me! haha Thursday will be a good day. Tuesday, September 27, 2011 It's so hard to focus when your mind is constantly so drained. Mentally tired, its shitting me. No amount of coffee is helping, driving me nuts. you're taking too much space, now get out and let me focus on what i have to. Cafe Americano Worrying is so redundant. I tell myself that I've tried hard enough over the past few days and it's getting no where Gonna show my lecturer whatever I have later, hopefully some advice would be given so i can complete the case study due in 7days. Fair time frame to work with, just need to strike that balance. Have some confidence vans! you can do it! you will do well! Sunday, September 25, 2011 Roller coaster You can't search for love, you can't choose who your heart falls in love with. Time will tell. Thursday, September 22, 2011 Burning midnight oil 20% into my case study. Time check: 3.30am Isn't it sucky to find out that you're most productive during wee hours? Lots and lots of research and referencing up ahead, 11 days left for submission, fair enough duration for just one case study. sometimes you read through the question so much, you've got so much words inside your head but none on the screen. I'm stopping for tonight, will continue at work later! :) Had a good run earlier, you don't know how far you can go until you decide to push yourself. 6k tonight, will i hit 10k? I wouldn't know until i try! :) Is Saturday gonna happen for us? The ball is at his court, he decides. Not having any hopes though. haha Tdy we had a debate over food, it's so funny. His favorite spot is chomp chomp while i brag about bedok block 85s yummy food. Wednesday, September 21, 2011 Words stuck in my throat Missing you so much yet i can't utter a word Wanted to tell you so much yet there's too much risk involved. Hold on, it will get somewhere from this no where! hope for the worst, remember be still. Tuesday, September 20, 2011 Stress bug Many times when i want to exclaim that i'm stress, then i thought about trillions of people who might be in a even more stressful situation that i'm in. I turn mute. Works the same when i want to shout out that i'm tired too. There are billions of people out there who are more tired than me, who am i to shout tired when i get to rest. Work wasn't stressful at all. School is. Absolutely disconnected in class today, it was freezing.. brain not absorbing at all. Exam in 18 days, i'm trying to connect the dots for this module and it sucks because it's way deeper than it should be. Can't they just illustrate things simply? oh, we have this thing called "case study" 3000 words. Next year, my case study would consist a minimum of 10,000 words. HELL YEAH! FML! i better do well. I expect myself to do well, my expectation for myself is sky high. Because it is the only person who will not disappoint me is me. Great morning :) If only every morning is like today! And I just realized my schedule this week looks amazing, call me workaholic please. Mon- RM Tues-RM/Sch Wed-RM/Sch Thurs-RM Fri-RM Sat- FLEA MARKET Sun-RM It is not because i'm a workaholic la, but really because i'm earning too little! Not forgetting that it pays pathetically. Please help me to pull through this week and i would appreciate lots if i'm well and healthy. Don't give me migraine, don't anyhow faint, don't flu, don't fever. Just be well! PHEW> Finally i'm on my bed, breathing. not face-booking. haha It's been a week! I didn't wake up to your text this morning, was a little sad but got over it. Then ta dar! your text still came in before i reached workplace. Was expecting your reply in the evening or during ur lunch but to no avail... got a hunch that you had a bad bad day so didn't text you till 9ish in the night, so right. women's 6th sense. BINGO. Wish i could talk to you but decided not to, thought you might be too tired, or already fallen asleep since by the time i replied your message was like what... close to 11pm? That was how late my lessons ended tonight! Still controlling myself emotionally, never letting this heart go wild again. Focusing on what i have to, studies. Easier said then done, those who went through this phrase of uncertainty would know. still waiting to catch Crazy Stupid Love!! rahh! Monday, September 19, 2011 Pixel Pixel. I'm so in love with Tumblr. Really. Everyday people upload pictures of their voices, and these photos communicates all over the world. On this platform called Tumblr. Amazing stuff. I find myself reblogging many of those photos in a day, most of the time it tells how i'm feeling at that moment. Sometimes they inspires me, other times it's just way too good to not reblog after. Can't even begin to explain, there is so much talent out there. And i sincerely hope that their talent gets discovered one day. Pretty much seems like my life is like a puzzle, slowly revealing pixels and bits of this life. I met someone awesome lately, it's going really slow, 100% uncertainty. Again, i'm not having any high hopes! just taking things slowly. . . very slow. . . i love how slow it gets actually, you kinda know if it's love or just a crush as time passes? Gonna confess something really gross on my blog. I think about us so much, i dream about us every night even though we're pretty much nothing now. I'm not sure about future, but it's nice dreaming about us and waking up to see your text message just made my day. you surely sleep very early, after 9pm you vanished into lala land and you wake up very early too, before 7am for sure. you amazed me constantly and gave me new prospect in life, when i look at you i get so motivated to do well in life. Thanks :p *OKAY, EVERYBODY WHO JUST READ THIS I KNOW YOU'RE PUKING NOW* What more could i ask for? Is he the one? Only God knows. My job is to wake up every morning and move on with life, keep moving. Life goes on! :) Friday, September 16, 2011 When the wheel turns Just had a great wonderful Friday with my favorite people on earth! It's this close to perfect. Very thankful and happy. Robert Tims @ wheelock serves all day breakfast and pretty lattes. Contagions at lido shaw was good, I'm so glad to finally found someone who enjoy such movies with, laughs at the same scenes, and share many common food places. It would have been perfect if it didn't end so fast. well, i couldn't ask for more. It was that good. A date in the longest time, a real one. He asked me out, he opened every door for me, he paid for the bills, he paid for the movies. It felt so natural and good. FYI: I'm not a cheapo, usually i'll feel obliged to take out money or even go on dutch. Every girl deserves to be treated like a lady. Gentlemen still exist.. phew.. haha I don't know if there's a second, ain't keeping my hopes high to avoid disappointment. Guess I've had enough of those shitty days. haha... I'm a 100% all in kind of girl, it takes longer than you think for me to be alright after every shitty set backs. Now i'm back on my feet, all i could ask for is that balance. Gosh, I wanna do so very well for my studies well-ly!!! It's so hard, but it's all in the mind. Hard work will pay off, most often unseen, unspoken in the naked eyes. PUFF! *Pack for flea *Stalk my favorite people on FB *Preparing my heart for tomorrow's talk *MUG :( *Set alarm clock *Pray CHECKING OUT! Wednesday, September 7, 2011 Silence usually defer the extreme in reality First day back in school> Fucking stress Waited for someone to reply my message since Sunday > Fucking Emo Was the only one sitting alone in class> Can it get any better? Was also the only one who couldn't answer my lecturer's quest on current affairs>ULTIMATE. I swear the journey back home from school was one hell of a emotional ride, all i want to do is cry in the toilet or something. I was so upset with myself, I went to bed at 12am, tried to i meant, without my usual dim lights and soft music it was weird. Couldn't breath, couldn't breath, those deep breaths were so depressing! It was such a stressful atmosphere, and it's not even in class it was on my fucking bed. Literally felt like my body's collapsing. I whispered a prayer, and the rest was forgotten. I thought about those conversations so much that i dream about them every night. Now it feels like i'm on the highway too fast enough to step on the brakes. Am i falling again? Are You gonna pick me up? again? Oh God, I'm so tired even though I least deserve to even say that. Yes, i least deserve. Fucking emo, so fucking fucked up. Too stress, too stress. I got to de-stress. take a CHILL PILL Thursday, September 1, 2011 Every one craves to be loved Purposely came home late today, was greeted by momsy's breathless cough while dad must have been tossing all night trying to sleep. Ain't no idea why it's so vexing? Worrying wouldn't help, thinking too much or too deep is just pure nonsense that i totally foresee myself doing.. oh this sounds bad isn't it? STOP VAN!! STOP! you have to STOP! Not put them at the back of your head, not saving them at the front page of thoughts but STOP drowning into the negative side when a life vest is thrown at you, stop throwing that vest away when you obviously can't swim well! If there's someone i'm most unhappy about in life and often get frustrated at it would be MYSELF. When you point at others 4 fingers are pointing back at you. Well, I had a productive evening with some of the most genuine people on earth discussed some plans, and boy i'm excited to take off! There's so much going on in life sometimes I just don't know where to schedule a time to do the right things at the right time. Maximizing every potential, working harder, smarter.... This sucks but honestly, i'm not working hard enough like how a 22yr old women should. It pays to be a dream catcher, knowing my capability, capacity, and attitude in life, the only time i settle for a full time job would interpret that I have to take a break, earn the big bucks and catch another bigger dream. School is so starting next tuesday! YAY! One step closer to graduating, one more year to prepare for the full launch. Just want to stay genuine, confident and strong enough for this world. Only true gold can withstand fire, only the truth can withstand trails. BLOOP Crashed my own plans today, like dropping stones on my own feet. was supposed to be at ikea, do the laundry and clear my room. I was all dressed and ready to head out until my imbalance hormones affected me. sounds like a complete excuse? yea, i thought so too. So traveling to Ikea was off the list, i did the laundry and that was around 2pm? well, it didn't end up on the poles until momsy came home at 5.30pm. This is by far the laziest i could ever get at home, don't even want to hang the clothes!! soon dad came home, kinda watched some tv together with momsy as well for abit... and boy, this is strange... I find myself in silence, unlike the usual chatty self. It was as if i am not me, didn't felt like staying at home. Got out just before dinner, watched Smurf at the cinema, mac-ed to try out the new cheese shaker fries, ain't that awesome... bean curd city aftermath. It was good. Excited and excited. Working at Comex in afew hours, looking forward to giving my best over the next 3 days... I hope no awkwardness surfaces? Totally recalled my last show working, it was all good except during meal time, i'd rather not eat than go through that time eating n feeling lonely. HAHA! I'm not anti social alright, just that it feels weird. haha, let's just say I'm gonna stick to the positive side yes? It shall be great, far better than good, it will be great. great sales, great crowd, great people to work with. Somehow every show from now, i'm reminded of you. you were with me then. oh well!!!! BOOO HOO to you! Just when I'm allowing myself to trust again, you blew it.