sometimes we love to torture ourselves. we listen to sad songs. confuse our ownself by living by the lyrics and the emotions that are played out in those songs, and then telling ourselves that we relate to the lyrics. often i find myself relating to different songs, from different ends of the musical spectrum.
like for example, when i'm angry, i find metal songs especially perfect for that moment when i'm smashing my mom's favourite vase and flipping the neighbours off. when i'm feeling like really down and spiraling down eternal depression and cutting my wrists in the corner of a room, i switch on to emo rockers and find that it's the perfect soundtrack to a tragic death by self-mutilation.
club songs, especially those with picking up girls, are perfect when you feel like every girl is a whore and deserves to be fucked not once but twice in a single night, just because it's only polite. and of course there are there are those electronic tracks that just require you to put your fuckin' hands up while drinking til you're fucked up (and as well as til you feel a sudden bulge growing where your liver used to be), just because Lil' Jon told you so.
but of course, there are those moments when a sappy song starts playing on your ipod, and you start thinking about how your loved one has left you for apparently a childish reason and you want to hate her, but you feel so helpless, so what you eventually do is mope about and draw circles in the sand like some autistic kid. i kid, i kid. i kid the autistic kids and their inability to comprehensibly explain the reasons why they do such shit.
no, seriously, i'm kidding.
anyway, yeah. lately, everyone i know has been moping about. and i perfectly understand their situations. i can't say i can understand their feelings, even if they are going through the exact same thing as me. that's because, we all have different thought processing dynamics (a.k.a process philosophies) which influence the different involvement of feelings and emotions to a certain thought or memory or situation. so i hate it when people say, i know how you feel and instead of wasting my energy and going on about the whole science behind it, i just go up to them, and say the following polite words: "motherfuck your understanding, bitch."
went a little bit ghetto there. damn, a little bit angsty today eh. and now i sound canadian. fantastic.
what was i talking about? uh yeah, the whole "She's out of my life" phase of life. yeah, i understand situations. i believe that any guy can get any girl he want. i believe that. you've gotta do it the right way. right way, meaning targeting your demographic with the right tools and putting forward a good proposal. of course none of those clingy shit and weird stalker packages. if you believe something will work, it will. simple. cause your mind is fixated on how much you want that goal, that your process philosophy formulates the steps you need to focus on in order to achieve your goal. i mean, after all, how hard can it be?
but yeah, i failed in getting the girl i wanted.
someone once said to me, "i have never ever met a guy who has been so into a girl for two years without even getting close to her". what can i say? nice guys finish last? maybe i should start treating girls like trash? yeah, that song really speaks to me. but you know, you've gotta move on. if you keep on regretting and moping about over such a matter (trivial or not), you start to lose all attention on what's going around you and the people who actually are reaching their hand to you (but face it, no one's that nice nowadays to really reach out to unless there's some incentives for them in return). it seems hard. but let's put it this way. a problem is like a d**k. a pe**is. it's there. you keep thinking about it, it slowly gets hard. crying over it and thinking about it over time and realising your world is going to end and that misery is going to be your only friend from now on - those are all viagra (nice huh). get where i'm going with this. but i do not know how to end this. oooh, maybe, you've gotta keep working to get rid of it and get to the happy ending.
where did that come from, i have no idea.
okay, so i was supposed to have presentation today. postponed to next week. that sucked. i was supposed to watch harry potter (yes, i haven't watched it yet). postponed to a later date. that sucked. i have a test to study for. i have only a slight inkling of what that module is about. that sucks.
you can look at life two ways. either life's a bitch or life's a beach. but no matter how you look at it, life is always a bitch.
