Wednesday, January 12, 2011
here i am. standing in the fire. facing the one of the many crossroads in life. what do i do? many people would of course call in a friend, prance around a bit, have frozen yoghurt and then have a discussion about the predicament they are in, with, of course, inevitable digressions. some would (bankers and the sort fall in this category of people) throw others into the fire to divert the fire away. who are the ones who just stand there and face it?
i have to learn to do that. i have to learn to step up. and i am doing it. and it's going to hurt. hurt a lot. i may even collapse after going through it. but you stand up again. that's what we do. it's not about how hard we fall, but how much we can fall and then get up. the pain that i will feel is only temporary. like the great lance armstrong said, "Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever."
we all need to go through the gates of hell. and i am doing it now. i'm gonna keep up my integrity. i'm not gonna indulge in self-interest. the whole idea of it puts me off. but it seems nowadays that everyone is doing it. i want to carry on living by my rules. because it is those who live by their own rules that make something out of themselves. this are the values that i hope to instill into myself. it's been a rough start to a year. but to hell to those who shun me away and push me aside. all of a sudden, the belligerence of the situation is kicking in and though it makes me uncomfortable, there is no fear that i hope to bring out of myself at this moment. a little fear is good. it gives you that rush of adrenaline when you know you're challenging fear. and yeah, i need that rush. i need it.
so i dunno why i started talking like this. it makes me wonder sometimes. i dunno. am i becoming a little too dark. i want to be a writer. but where do i start? how do i start? will people even allow me to start? there are things around me that i wish to share my opinion about. but of course, nowadays opinions are always not welcomed (as evidently seen on youtube's comment pages). aim high. shoot high. success will then chase the forerunners.
and talking about youtube.com, here's a little something.
x Nav ran as fast as he could
[[ never look back ]]
Sunday, January 9, 2011
and so begins a new year. and even though i may be 11 days late to post something with the energy and relevance of the whole new year high. sure spirits are being dampened by school which has inevitably started to be a burden on our shoulders with the sudden rush to meet project deadlines.
and when we are talking about school, rarely does happiness go into a positive equation with it. with a prevalence of unduly and unnecessary stress, death and humiliation to name a few (in no particular order of any sort, i may add), school has become a game so dangerous the people up top do not have a bastard clue about. or maybe it could be a facade. maybe they know about it. maybe in someone's sick, cruel, twisted and sadistic mind, it could be a ploy. after all, they are practicing crystallization - putting the entire student body into a fiery burning furnace (much like hell, for those individuals who believe in reincarnation and have been there at some point of their after-life) and seeing who emerges as the victor. is it really required? well, the schools really have something to gain from these - their reputation. you think the best schools in singapore would just let their boys prance around just cause they happen to have a urge to do so. they'd probably say, "wait for the exams to end my sons, for then, you will be able to do it gaily". well, that could be true but if you were to look at it, by the time the exams are over and the holidays come, you've got like 1 week for yourself and the rest of the two months is for you to hit the books, revise and get ready for the new school year. and oh, even if the boys are allowed to have a little free time, the discipline masters will be there to make sure they do it in a gentlemanly and genteel manner.
sitting in class earlier and going through one of the exam paper of which i am happy to say that i passed but disappointed to admit that i didn't do good enough, was fascinated to hear that the marking scheme was followed so closely that to me, is a bit of a revelation. well, not really a revelation cause it has been on my mind for a long time now. we poly students are encouraged to think out of the box but how are we to do that when the box is already so tightly sealed that we can only see a glimmer of light through a small airhole. yes ladies and gentlemen, we have been reduced to hamsters. and not the cute ones either. we're the rodents that were picked up by nuclear power plant, after years of unknowingly consuming potentially-deadly, DNA-altering chemicals into our blood-streams. i have nothing else to say but, we, my son, have had it.
in other news, i have received my insoles. and if i could just get the bloody pictures up. apparently some problem with the bastard uploading thingy-magicky. it can locate my pictures. oh what the heck. just look it up at my facebook photos. it looks, well it pretty much looks like how any sole would look like except for a little more exaggerated curve in the middle. after a week or two or wearing in the soles and getting my feet used to the new contraption. and very soon, i'll be starting my training regime. already doing what i can right now, by doing statics. so alright, i'll end this now.
x Nav ran as fast as he could
[[ never look back ]]
