____________________________ runasfastasyoucan // and don't look back;

Friday, February 19, 2010

my legs are aching but i haven't been running at all. i feel full even though i'm still hungry. i feel tired but can't get to sleep. it just goes to show that life really is messed up in more ways than we can count. but then again, why should we complain. without these sudden shake ups, what's the challenge. what's the point in living a life where you seriously are so used to a routine that every day is just everyday.

i sit here infront of my macbook that has been dirtied over the past two years. it has seriously endure more than it can handled and is still going strong. okay digressing over redundant issues. but a hint though to those who are thinking of a birthday present for me. sure it may be a few months time but hey, com'on it's gonna be a sad day for me as turning 20 is probably the last thing i wanna have on my mind. freaking old. i think my mid-life crisis is coming early for me.

anyways, i know what is to be done. i know what i must prioritise and it saddens me partly to say that Red Fox is not on the top of my list. sure we may have cried over it. laughed over it. rejoiced and celebrated with brothers aplenty. but before i divulge into my current stance on my position in the scout unit. let me just ask something. what is it about us that's so different from the others who have graduated either with us or before/after us? was it because we felt we had a sense of belonging. but i'm sure the others felt the same. did we feel like we owe something. but surely, the others would have thought the same thing. is it because we were leaders and we were just so used to the power and authority? or is it due to the fact that many us just feel that we have unfinished business. there are of course many other reasons that have not been said but this could be one of the few. if we are so interested in this passion, mustn't we know why we are really there in the first place and why not others? and we must get this clear that scouts is really so different from a Uniformed Group. it just is. it's really, really different. the guides have already succumbed to being just an ordinary Uniformed Group, drilling and singing songs and playing ball games. should we indulge in the fact that scouts is getting misunderstood. sadly, it may fall or is already falling onto deaf ears. it's not ours, not doubt about that. okay, then comes on the mother of the issue, my priorities. i would say that as a person, scouting will always be on my mind. but of course, as a leader, i'm gonna have to stop myself at some point. there's only so much that i can compromise. i'm not saying that it's a burden. in this world, we have to be careful with what we say, how we say it. those very words we use to defend us, could be the ones coming back and bite us from behind. i'm just saying it that though i would really like to see it live, i just am not sure that i can be behind it most of the time.

that's just me. being real. alright. can't believe i've actually went on and on. it's 945pm. my accounting books is calling out to me. i need to climb all the way up there. and my mac needs to be there with me. which means i'm like practically moving my whole downstairs upstairs. have to bring up my stationery, my calculator, my books, my papers, my macbook, my phone, my macbook power adapter and my water bottle. and the mac's gonna keep me distracted. but have to study. damn it, i just realised i'd forgotten that i have online lectures for my marketing tests and i don't even know anything about it. gawd damn...

and something random, i wanna pick up malay again. after my many failed attempts to start so. so many things, so little time. it'll be stupid to say i wish each day had 48 hours. that would also make that human.

x Nav ran as fast as he could

[[ never look back ]]

Monday, February 15, 2010

can you believe this is the school song for my then primary school? it's a rap at the beginning and at the end. talk about being hip.but actually, my school at that time was hip. yeah, it was. and i remember i used to have a ball of time there. in my two years, the fun i had there. it was just great. good memories. and bad. i remember i broke a mirror in one of the music rooms when i was in primary 5. and then in primary 6, i broke a sink in the boys toilet. both by accident. and not my fault, serious. and i WAS good boy. i still am. though some of my affiliates would doubt that without hesitation.

it was also a good time back in my old primary school, haig boys school. before it got merged with two other schools. i remember i got a huge cut on one of my ear lobes in primary 3. long story short, someone pushed me, i landed on those wooden drawers and there was a huge piece of thin wood that was sticking out and it cut it. i didn't know i was bleeding til i saw the horried faces of my classmates, pointing with their trembling fingers at my ear. i touched it and there was blood. a few minutes later, i was sitting in the general office with a t-shirt drenched with blood and a principal next to me, smiling and telling me everything would be alright. and i was just sitting there, wondering if that meant i could go home early.

i remember all the people i met back in my second primary school, tanjong katong primary (the one with the song that has the requirements to make it on the hip hop charts). good and bad. that girl. wonder where she is now. really do wonder. still trying my best to find her. and also, all the fun that me and my buds (the NTILs a.k.a the indian boys who sat at the back of the class during mother tongue class and rotted to perpetual boredom), running around the campus and playing role-play counter-strike in the library during class period til we got banned from the library.

all of a sudden, a feeling of nostalgia is kicking in and i just have a big smile on my face. or is it because of something else. or maybe it's these two things combined together. my endorphins are racing. i'm getting charged. i'm gonna sleep a happy man. hopefully, this mood i'm in now doesn't end til the end of the exams. if not, i'm so screwed.

another thing that i'm so happy about is that i've found out how to make your voice sound like t-pain using garage band. and it's simple. and freaking fun. and you know what, i think i'm gonna see if i could use it for the campfire. although i'm not sure if that's possible cause it can only record and alter the tuning, but it can't play. but you know, you could get an auto-tune microphone. i've seen it. and it just alters your voice. and it makes everything you say cool, even if it's the most dullest thing. as demonstrated by ellen degeneres. is that how you spell it?

and all of a sudden, i'm feeling hungry. damn, my whole blog post for today was actually planned differently. wanted to write it in some profound way and make it redundantly long. but damn, the whole idea flew out the window. must be the damn wind.

and i just came up with something. you know how they came up with the word window? well, it all started when this guy was shocked that there was a hole in the wall but there still wasn't any wind. so he thought that maybe there was no wind at all. as he was about to pop his head out of the 'hole' his head hit the glass. and this was what he said 'how come there's no wind-OW!!'. thus the name of window came about.

x Nav ran as fast as he could

[[ never look back ]]

Friday, February 12, 2010

'Seize the day' by Avenged Sevenfold is playing right now. keeping me company as i sit in my room, trying to cram for the upcoming exams, with the fan by my side, blowing away with a little extra help to keep me cool with the cold chill from the outside. it's a nice feeling. that cold chill. it kinda just puts you in a very good mood. and thus you've gotta keep selecting the best songs to suit it. very soon, you'll find yourself drifting off to reflecting on your life.

looking back at my past 20 years, i start to realise i've been wasting away my whole life. what have i done much? have i completed a marathon? have i been academically outstanding? have i been proud of myself lately? have i donated to the poor? have i...there's so many have i's. but the thing is, it's too late to cry over what i have not done. it's time to wake up, start dreaming again. start a fire. and keep it going. i know i can. i've seen myself do it. i've gotten the inspiration, the motivation. i've smelt the fear of not achieving anything, and boy, would i take the smell of the garbage dump just about 250 metres away any day. i'd even live in it.

but see, that's the thing. we all know the smell, hopefully most of us, if not all. but what do we do the next day we wake up? we start back the same routine. it's time to break the routine. instead of brushing with your right hand, brush with your left hand. instead of taking the bus to the MRT station, walk down (unless of course you take the bus to your destination or the MRT station is 5 miles away, in which case, you'd probably be better taking the bus). instead of reading a good-for-nothing 8-Days magazine, why not pick up something that's more useful for your everyday life. or instead of reading magazines at all, why not pick up a good book if you haven't. simple things to break the routine of what we're used to. by doing so, we see what we've been missing, and possibly what we will or will not be missing.

i will be doing so. i wanna get a bike. a road bike. instead of jumping onto the bus to ferry me all the way to the MRT to get squeezed, why not wake up a little earlier. enjoy the morning breeze. get to see the world from a different view. slowly watch the dawn break and see it break the clouds and blind you with the sun rays peeping through the parting of the clouds. of course, you'd have to deal with the cars on the road, zooming past you and ignorantly forgetting the fact that you do have a right on the road as much as the next car. but then again, we complain a lot, but that's another story.

my accounting practices stare back at me now, with my pen sleeping in between my textbook, uncapped. i remember now why i'm still awake at 0022 hours. exams are in about one week, give and take a few more days. or rather just GIVE a few more days. have to keep reminding myself that. one more thing i've gotta remind myself, start my running back on sunday. can't wait to get back into my shoes and hit the road. after exams, get on a training regime and see where i go.

like Buzz Lightyear said, "To Infinity and Beyond". run it, pedal it, push it. damn the chill's back.

x Nav ran as fast as he could

[[ never look back ]]

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

yesterday, this time, i was rushing through my project, trying to figure out the reason why a website software could just immediately decide to delete a web page on its own accord? was it that time of the month?

but i really can't help feeling that sometimes we are smothered by the society's expectations and are definitions of success, which causes us to forget what life really is about. what are we living for? examinations? school can only teach so much. it's the moment you're out of the confines of the four walls, restricted to a overhead projector unit, a whiteboard and an incessant habit of being taught how to pass a test that you learn that it's seriously a different world out there. it's vicious. it'll eat you alive. and that especially if you're wanting to break out and be something more, to put it in a very loose word, successful. i mean, we are always ready to claw our way and step on people just to get the fatter paycheck, to bring home the more expensive piece of meat, to be prepared to place an immediate deposit on the apartment in ardmore park. to hell with the people who savour the breaths of life. breathe on your own time. either you lose or you snooze. i'm not in the working industry yet, but i'm very keen into understanding more of this.

okay and i've gotta say this. i didn't want to bring this up today but, has anyone of you seen the show "Beauty Files". if you haven't, please do go and see it. i urge you. only after watching it would you realise why that show should probably be given the most horrible death of a tv show that can ever be thought of. i dunno whether what i said make sense but, heck. the show's probably scripted. the people interviewed have probably the worst english ever known to man. and the way, the tone of saying it all. it's so fake. it's exactly how a kindergarten kid would speak like. like a word at a time. and the host, angela may, she ain't hot, and nor does she cause eargasm. more like ear-pain. and the questions she asked, it's probably the reason why our intellectual level is declining.

alright, gotta squeeze more information into my brain by doing my accounting later. i can't help it but feel that i've really no time. and now i'm wondering, why am i online? why? oh god, why? but kinda feeling sleepy-ish. yawning in front of the computer now. stupid web site project. if i have to deal with more of those IT-related modules, i swear i'm going to, well, what can i do? i just have to do it, don't i? i could choose not to flunk it. but where do i go? how am i supposed to buy my Lamborghini Murchielago when i've already calculated and planned my paying scheme. i've already found out how much is the deposit.

x Nav ran as fast as he could

[[ never look back ]]

Thursday, February 4, 2010

alright. exams are coming. and it's time to prioritize and manage myself properly. you know, that usual stuff. currently got some IT project to worry about, which is actually kinda fun, believe it or not. and some other class presentation that apparently isn't being done yet. which i don't wonder why actually. nvm...less than a week to it. still got time.what doesn't have time is the amount of time left to squeeze all the info i need into my head. Statistics the number one worry. it's a bitch. and the amount of stuff that's tested. and the way they phrase the question. i ain't complaining. i'm just saying. but tests don't really test you of what you're capable of. it's like bulimia. you stuff everything in just before the test. then on the day you regurgitate everything out and then a few days later, you'll be wondering what just happened.

Statistics can be made to prove anything - even the truth.

alright then the rest, i guess i just have to perform a little better than i usually did. like accounting, economics. stuff like that. yeah, the rest is in the bag. it's all good. then start up the engine next semester in some option (dunno which yet, hopefully something interesting) and then rev up and get an even better GPA. it can be done. hell yeah.

The death of one man is a tragedy. The death of millions is a statistic.

then i've gotta put my training on hold for a bit. try to get more time in. gotta stop for three to four weeks? yeah, i'm gonna be cold the next time i go running. but after that, i'll come back tougher. stronger. harder. faster.

The average human has one breast and one testicle.

alright as you can see, all my quotes today are about statistics. i'm gonne make myself crazy over stats. that's the way man. shout out to those mugging though, all the best to all.

There are two kinds of statistics, the kind you look up and the kind you make up.

wish i could be going for sundown though.

x Nav ran as fast as he could

[[ never look back ]]