____________________________ runasfastasyoucan // and don't look back;

Saturday, August 20, 2011

it's always at this point, where the thoughts keep running in. i don't know what i can do about that.

anyway, is there any point to be so negative? no, there isn't. so why you sitting in the corner, sapping about all your regrets, all your lost loves, all your failed exams, over all the endless arguments that you've had with people your loved ones? is there really a point? come on pick yourself up, wake up, brush the sand off those knee caps and do something about it.

i have no idea what this entry will be about. it has been a long time since i've actually written something. and now that it feels that there's so much in my mind that i could go back to doing what i used to do way back in the past.

as the music plays, the emotions is so dependent on what the song is. people go to the rides at theme parks for the roller coaster. i don't have the time and the money, i use my ipod.

people fall in love. falling always results in some degree of pain.

from the moment people started running, there have been many results from doing such an activity. there has been many notable health benefits but however, on the dark side, there have been many many injuries and as well as many countless deaths. more dare i say than skateboarding, and most other extreme sports. thus, that makes running one of the most extreme sports in the world. i am an extreme athlete.

go out with someone you truly hate. then only will you realise what a bitch life is.

a few wise quirks that enter my mind day in, day out. nothing much else to say really.

x Nav ran as fast as he could

[[ never look back ]]

Monday, July 25, 2011

sometimes we love to torture ourselves. we listen to sad songs. confuse our ownself by living by the lyrics and the emotions that are played out in those songs, and then telling ourselves that we relate to the lyrics. often i find myself relating to different songs, from different ends of the musical spectrum.

like for example, when i'm angry, i find metal songs especially perfect for that moment when i'm smashing my mom's favourite vase and flipping the neighbours off. when i'm feeling like really down and spiraling down eternal depression and cutting my wrists in the corner of a room, i switch on to emo rockers and find that it's the perfect soundtrack to a tragic death by self-mutilation.

club songs, especially those with picking up girls, are perfect when you feel like every girl is a whore and deserves to be fucked not once but twice in a single night, just because it's only polite. and of course there are there are those electronic tracks that just require you to put your fuckin' hands up while drinking til you're fucked up (and as well as til you feel a sudden bulge growing where your liver used to be), just because Lil' Jon told you so.

but of course, there are those moments when a sappy song starts playing on your ipod, and you start thinking about how your loved one has left you for apparently a childish reason and you want to hate her, but you feel so helpless, so what you eventually do is mope about and draw circles in the sand like some autistic kid. i kid, i kid. i kid the autistic kids and their inability to comprehensibly explain the reasons why they do such shit.

no, seriously, i'm kidding.

anyway, yeah. lately, everyone i know has been moping about. and i perfectly understand their situations. i can't say i can understand their feelings, even if they are going through the exact same thing as me. that's because, we all have different thought processing dynamics (a.k.a process philosophies) which influence the different involvement of feelings and emotions to a certain thought or memory or situation. so i hate it when people say, i know how you feel and instead of wasting my energy and going on about the whole science behind it, i just go up to them, and say the following polite words: "motherfuck your understanding, bitch."

went a little bit ghetto there. damn, a little bit angsty today eh. and now i sound canadian. fantastic.

what was i talking about? uh yeah, the whole "She's out of my life" phase of life. yeah, i understand situations. i believe that any guy can get any girl he want. i believe that. you've gotta do it the right way. right way, meaning targeting your demographic with the right tools and putting forward a good proposal. of course none of those clingy shit and weird stalker packages. if you believe something will work, it will. simple. cause your mind is fixated on how much you want that goal, that your process philosophy formulates the steps you need to focus on in order to achieve your goal. i mean, after all, how hard can it be?

but yeah, i failed in getting the girl i wanted.

someone once said to me, "i have never ever met a guy who has been so into a girl for two years without even getting close to her". what can i say? nice guys finish last? maybe i should start treating girls like trash? yeah, that song really speaks to me. but you know, you've gotta move on. if you keep on regretting and moping about over such a matter (trivial or not), you start to lose all attention on what's going around you and the people who actually are reaching their hand to you (but face it, no one's that nice nowadays to really reach out to unless there's some incentives for them in return). it seems hard. but let's put it this way. a problem is like a d**k. a pe**is. it's there. you keep thinking about it, it slowly gets hard. crying over it and thinking about it over time and realising your world is going to end and that misery is going to be your only friend from now on - those are all viagra (nice huh). get where i'm going with this. but i do not know how to end this. oooh, maybe, you've gotta keep working to get rid of it and get to the happy ending.

where did that come from, i have no idea.

okay, so i was supposed to have presentation today. postponed to next week. that sucked. i was supposed to watch harry potter (yes, i haven't watched it yet). postponed to a later date. that sucked. i have a test to study for. i have only a slight inkling of what that module is about. that sucks.

you can look at life two ways. either life's a bitch or life's a beach. but no matter how you look at it, life is always a bitch.

x Nav ran as fast as he could

[[ never look back ]]

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

some of the songs to make you go a little misty eyed, with a little rock edge to just make it that little bit more manly.

the legendary metallica with an amazing song about just being able to let someone in that dark abyss you once used to call your heart. deep huh?

enjoy.

x Nav ran as fast as he could

[[ never look back ]]

Saturday, July 16, 2011

so with a little alcohol still in my system and the urge to complete an entry in spite of that, i feel i am about to accomplish a worthy achievement for my first entry in weeks (months?).

first of all, i'd just like to start off by saying that i had one of the best nights ever. it's partly due to the fact that i really got genuinely, but not literally, touched. i hate to start with a sombre, serious, teary-eyed message, like i've been given a notice by my doctor of how long i'm going to live. no no no, none of that, but, still you never when you gonna die. this is starting to sound more serious and sad than it already is. back to the main point. gathering around a group of what i used to call my colleagues, i held back all i could as much as i could when showered with a surprise. speechless. caught short of words. just really, i was so damn touched.

i dunno how to explain it. maybe i should share a bit of light why i get touched by the littlest of things. i wasn't particularly showered with true care by another group other than my own family. could be due to the fact that i got pushed away by the people that i care about, or push away the people who do care. i always had this fear of getting close to a particular group, because saying goodbye on happy terms, is just so damn freaking hard. at one point, my fear got over me and i stayed anti-social for a while. okay, not that drastic actually. but still. and then to have the fact now, that such things like yesterday had happened and possibly more in the future, i just wonder how it'd be like when i finally hand in my resignation and say 'peace out' to a great bunch of people. thus why the reason i always hate to say a proper goodbye. but why am i getting so pointlessly melodramatic about something. actually, i am pretty melodramatic. can't help it. people always assume i have a joyful, painless, happy-go-lucky life with a non-serious attitude and a tendency to be the class joker. well, if you look at most of the 'clowns' n history, you will realised about how messed up their lives are and how frustrated they are at society.

but that's another story, for another day.

so the chalet yesterday, besides the whole heart-warming issue, played numerous games of which involved some sick form of punishment. and when i say sick, read 'fun'. drinking a shot was the most common for the meantime til the idea of adopting the classic forfeit system. so then began the madness of doing completely random forfeits. and as the games carried on, so did the drinks. shot after shot. with everyone under the influence, all actions were then caught on camera to last forever, to completely fixate itself as a tool of humiliation. and might i say, it is a very good tool. thought some of the stunts that we had to pull had to be toned down (to my disappointment), it was still an overall success. which prompted me in declaring (i remember this clearly, but though to my own detriment i guess to a certain extent) that the next chalet should be 2 months later and yours truly will foot it. well, 2 months, enough time i guess.

they say you keep learning in life. what i learnt from this chalet is what i found out about myself when i find myself being a little too liberal with the alcohol speed pourer. i happened to speak mandarin for some reason, for one. that's clearly weird. and then never allow me to hold a phone in one of my hand while my other hand is being used to stabilise myself, for as that is when the drunk-dialing madness will ensue cause a stir of confusion, humiliation and degradation of mankind on a whole. everyone gets a little hopeless and helpless and uncontrollable under the influence, and i'm one of them. and another thing i've learnt that indians do have a high alcohol tolerance level. but of course, it has to come with practice as well.

so any resolutions for my 21st? i guess one of the most prominent on my list is to get back in fitness shape and start training, without giving excuses (bring on the nike advertisements). gotta hit the track, lift the weights and down more proteins. well, not really. just eat a lot of steak and be prepared to suffer in hell when i eventually succumb to death's evil grip. and also another thing that i hope to achieve is a gold for my napfa test. yeah, gotta ace that shit. and i've gotta live by as much as i can to get through my poly life. and get a new wardrobe. and get a girl.

yeah, and i still haven't forgotten her. maybe that should be number one on my list.

what more can i say from here. guess this is the end of this post for as i find no other worthy notable mentions to include. so i guess i shall remember to post regularly as well. alright, i shall take my leave now, head to the dentist and demand them to remove my braces, for i have forgotten how i look like without them.

x Nav ran as fast as he could

[[ never look back ]]

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

grotesque to the old and the people who just don't get it, the streets along clarke quay's many twists and turns line up with smoking 20-somethings, stumbling half drunks and the occasional scene of the exchange of fists to each other's face that prove to be of some apparent form of entertainment. it's just another night for people rebelling for liberation, seeking for old and new connections and just having a, in simple terms if we will, good time.

the idea of clubbing isn't an old one, but for the sake of being entertaining, let's leave out the pedantically ridiculous historical facts and get down right to the 'juicy' stuff like who got pussy and who got pussied.

The Pre Warm-Up

after having a random, hilarious conversation with this pissed-drunk indian with his girlfriend wearing an ostentatiously large sun hat, i walked away towards my destination. i had a little alcohol in my system. surveyed the entire club room and emerged it ready and set to go. whatever that would be the eventual consequence of this night would depend on me and what i do. and also on the fact that if the girl i happen to be talking to has a boyfriend with biceps the size of my head. as i was taking a break outside, saw this chick sitting by herself, looking seriously depressed.

Damsel In Distress

i'll be honest. she wasn't the most good-looking girl ever. plump. looked like she just smelt a dead rat. i stood next to her. asked what happened to her and got nothing but a shake of the head before inviting me to sit next to her. she swayed a little then rested slightly against me. talking to her was exactly the same as talking to a wall. i was thinking in my head. go ugly early, and i mean this in no disrespect. i was hoping that her friends were at least cuter than her.

two girls then came towards us and i was like 'yes'. one had braces and had a figure that i would rate 6.7 out of a total 10 popcorns. what? popcorn rating only works when you are rating movies? why? the other girls was a little plump too, but she was cute to say the least. anyway, we started talking and then they left us, with me the babysitter as i usually turn out to be at the start of the night. out of nowhere, a pissed drunk hoodlum started to vomit which caused a gag reflex in her and she puked. thank god i didn't catch a view of her. brought her to the washroom and then brought her back to the club to find her friends. and then started to dance with them for a while, left them to find friends, and then choose to came back about an hour later. totally forgetting about their existence, i got pulled by someone and by who? yep you guess it. soon i was dancing with them, three in my arms, with the cute one eye-to-eye. all of a sudden, i turned around and saw these two girls smiling behind me. smiled at them (it's only polite) and turned my attention to the three girls, stil clutching on to them. couldn't help but turn around a bit. she told me there were leaving about 3-4 o clock. i saw the other two girls smiled once again. the three girls were slowly heading towards the stage. party rock anthem. fist pumped, high five-d with the cute girl. okay, i couldn't take it anymore, turned around once again. the two girls were at the same spot. need more blood to my head. my grip around the girls loosened.

The Night Is Still Young

rarely does it happen that a girl come up to you and give you the green light to hit on her by just giving you that cue like "you're cute". okay it did happen while i was sitting there waiting to get a drink. two things i could say "i know!" or "but you're walking away! why?!". i raised my eyebrow, looked at her and give her a shot of my smile and said "i know!"

i wonder why i woke up so early. got work later. and my goal to end this post off in the same way i started it has failed miserably and i shall now go into a corner and start thinking about the numerous ways of how i can kill myself.

Friday's gonna be a good night.

x Nav ran as fast as he could

[[ never look back ]]

Friday, June 17, 2011

death. again. teenage deaths. i could go on and on about my views on it and what's the cause from my view but i was reading something over just now which pissed me off. recently, as some of you may have known to say the least, there were the three recent suicides, with reasons citing school stuff. hmmm, coincidence? can't be actually. i mean, we're not stressed at all. in fact, it's not that hard to earn a living in singapore. just get a good paper qualification and then we're pretty much on the way to leading a successful life with a beautiful spouse, three lovely kids and a huge mansion. but anyway, yeah, krystal was one of them. and after seeing the picture, i can't help but feel like i've seen her before. like more than once, i'm sure of that.

went to her blog and while reading through all the RIP messages, i read this.

"Rest in peace, Krystal.Such a pity to lose someone whom God loves.
If only you got to know Him.
A life could've been saved and changed.
I know its all too late but I just wanna say this to those who are facing the same circumstances, please, believe that God can change your lives. No matter what you used to be or what you've done before that even you cannot forgive yourself, God, will forgive you. Even when you're being despised by everyone including yourself, God doesn't despise you! Every life is precious to Him because He is your creator.
And on top of all that, He have a master plan for every single one of us to prosper us. He created you for a reason! So please think before you decide on ending your precious life because even people who have no relationship with you feels for you. What about people who loves you? Wouldn't it break their heart even more knowing that they wouldn't be able to see you smile or talk again?"

do we seriously need to bring this up? i'm not going to influence anyone by putting my views on it. seriously, do we really need this? now?

and another post got me slightly creeped as well. first i was chuckling to myself cause of the bad english. but then when i read the last part, i went "ooookay?".

"krystal,or those i don't know u.i get a the bad news that u have.....if i have read this what u have wrote...u will chat with u and talk with u.i trying to die before.but i.....may be i should have follow u,die is a releaf...hope u rest in peace.u will get the bless of god..happy always...if i brave enought,i might be joining u soon."

what is going on??

x Nav ran as fast as he could

[[ never look back ]]

Friday, June 10, 2011

two fathers gone.

it's sad that this is the sad truth of life. people die. it's easy to tell someone that it's the circle of life, part of life is for one to end and we have to learn to move on from there. but when it happens to you, when someone close to you dies, what do you tell yourself. and while you're grieving, you have to worry yourself with the ceremonial and ritual duties.

what would your reactions be now, if someone told you that you were going to die in the next few weeks? an uncle of mine, a raging alcoholic, died. liver failure. some tumor on the liver. i'm not too sure. i wasn't close to him at all. hell, i disliked him. but what got to me about his death was how he dealt with his knowing of his eventual coming death. he was in and out of the doctor's a number of times but he hadn't let his family know about it. once my mom saw him walking from the doctor's, unusually dressed in sports shoes and track pants. the week before he died, he painted the house. nobody knew why. he painted the house, but i don't know if he was done with it. but just imagine. what would you have done in his shoes? i don't know about you, but i find it a little thought-provoking with the whole painting thing.

three days later, another death came. i remember discussing with my mom to meet up before seeing my her brother, but just half a day before that, he died. he had a heart attack and wasn't found until it was too late. he was then put on life support. it was a pain, when we received the news late at night. at the hospital, it was just painful. even my uncle who rarely shed a tear, broke down. hard. it was just painful to watch.

on the day of the funeral, i stood there. watching the children. watching the wife. watching the siblings. never in my life had i thought that the first time i'll be using skype was for a funeral. i was skyping with my uncle who was all the way in australia. holding the phone in my hand, i could hear his heavy breathing. it was just too much. it's never like what it is in the movies. it never is.

i dunno what else to write. i don't even know why i'm writing this. it feels so incomplete. but life always is. but instead of living in regret over something i wish i've done before, whatever i feel like doing now, i'll do it. backpacking. road trips. scuba diving. mountain trekking. whatever. let's do it.

i'm not going to waste my time being some loser somewhere deciding to wait for something that may or may never work out. guess it's about time that i did that. there's never such thing as living your life right or wrong. it's up to you. why worry what the world says about you. that's probably the weakest excuse to stop you form doing something.

rest in peace.

x Nav ran as fast as he could

[[ never look back ]]