Anyway she came over today before getting her new laptop from Suntec. And look what I've prepared for her :
Ingredients: Linguine Black pepper Salt Egg yolk ( yeap, just the yolk) Ham Garlic Onion Lemon juice Lemon skin (sliced) Dried scallop (just a hand full) Fresh milk Olive oil Salmon steak Ginger (to kill the smell)
And salty bug says it is not salty enough. I think I added about 2-3 teaspoon of salt for the sauce. SALTY BUG SALTY BUG! And yea, a little bit of presentation problem. Didn't take the effort to arrange them properly. My salmon steak broke into 3 pieces due to lousy flipping and the ham looks messy because I just poured the sauce over the pasta without arranging. And lack greens. Carrot in pasta? Geez!
She recommended me some sugar rolls from this confectionery and suggested me to buy home for my family as breakfast. So alright, I took her suggestion and went to get the sugar rolls.
My parents (2) My sisters (2)
I am meeting her for breakfast so I don't have to get any. Thus, four.
When I got home, I told my mom ," Melissa got breakfast for you all." And she just ," WOW! WHAT DID SHE GET FOR US?"
I was hoping that she opened up the box and count there are only 4 rolls and ask me why so that I can say , " I am meeting her for breakfast tomorrow," with a wide grin slapped across my face.
Recently we got kinda closer. I feel that we did, might be one sided. And sometimes she can be so sweet, yet so irritating at the same time. Forcing me to attend classes with her, croaking by the phone when she asked for a lullaby. I give in to her usually. She can be so demanding at times. Yet she sees a need to be demanding and she sees the need in me, I guess.
I've transformed into an insulator. An insulator to her temper. The shock AND heat at random moments. One moment we can be hugging and kissing, the next, poof. It might be work, family, or just because she wants her unavailable milk tea. And still, I gave in to almost all her reasonable demands. And note, I've given her a personal alteration to the "reasonable" scale.
I hate it so much that I have to learn to understand that she might not be able to spare time for me, all the time. She has other commitments as well. Thus, even cooking a meal for her might be difficult because most of the time she can't afford to drop by my place. She stayed over for a few nights when we were together. We spent two nights at a chalet once. One night at the beach.
She sometimes said that we can't be together because her parents will never accept me. Yet at times she said that she will never fall for me. There were moments she even insisted that nobody will ever fucking carry a torch for me.
Yes, the feeling is one sided. How can this one-sided thing make somebody feel good?
I do.
Somehow I figured that it is not what she is, but who she is. Not what is it about, but who is it about. It is just her, that I am feeling happy.
And this is why I feel down.
I've never been the best boyfriend prototype. Never. I don't have the looks, the money and defiantly lack the character and manners. All I can offer is a sub-standard me. Probably witty lines on a good day.
See, she always feels that she is letting me down. Making me feel rejected. Sometimes she blames herself for not being more nonsensical (yes, to her being moderately nonsensical is a plus point). But she hasn't realized that I am happy with her being who she is. Probably the "rejected" issue has to be worked on, but not just her, but us.
On the other hand, I've failed to give her what she wants. Not what she wants from me, but what she wants, from the one. I guess everybody wants his/her significant one, but to her, I am not that absolute one.
Now I am wondering how does she feels with me around. And if at the end of the day, I feel sour that we are not together, damn, I better wake up my fucking ideas because this sweet girl isn't enjoying what I have been enjoying throughout this period.
And that is to be able to spend time with the one who means the most to her.
We were classmates for the first time! It was quite pressurizing trying to be a good student next to her. She was quite attentive (I think) as I tried to stay awake. I even used my eclipse candy box to keep my head up .
Oh, and if the girl sitting at my 10 o'clock were to visit this blog I would like to say :
I saw your black panty and a little of your butt crack, powder face =]
It was like playing Screamer 2 on time attack mode. I was supposed to complete the course in 10 minutes. Luckily I passed through a gantry and got 2 minutes time extension. It was quite squeaky towards the end due to liquid emission from within.
When I've completed , I popped champagne and she was there to accept the massive tsunami of my champagne. But we have lots to clean up after that. Dang. We wasted a towel in the process. My favorite orange and white stripped towel. I managed to save my Adidas shirt which was given by my sister ( not because she loves me, but because she couldn't fit into the shirt )
Phew.
=]
One fine day we shall play Screamer again. But less messy this time =] Lets watch more Screamer 2 tutorials online before proceeding to the next adventure.
My invasion to her privacy. Yeap, every single layer of it. Only I get to explore and discover. A zone where she is so secretive about, and makes me feel cheeky just by getting involved with.
Okay people, I don't care if that got your imaginations running wild. But, go ahead go ahead. I am not stopping you, nothing is, nothing will.
19th August. Hmm. Anyway, I feel no pain after my surgical. I manage to eat semi solid food now, even fried dumplings (Tested and proven withTakashimaya's Crystal Jade).
Thanks Mom for the $650 surgical claims. Thanks ,uhh, for the doctor recommendation. Thanks Dr.Lim for the surgical well done.
Alright, I just bought a pair of berms probably last week. I didn't wash it because it was a new piece. She did the quality check for me before she paid on my behalf. And today while reading Peanuts, I couldn't help but notice something colorful vertically next to the book.
There is a hole in my pants. Not that I didn't zip. It was BELOW the zipper. I was so fucking well behaved today. No stupid actions because after going through a series of well controlled test, I came out with a practical theory that as long as there is no huge movement performed, the hole is visually non-existence.
FUCK! (Yes, this needs a new paragraph)
Spectacular, spectacular. She wore a dress, as requested by me. Somehow I just wanted her to be in a dress today.
And my dad told me not to be late when I am meeting her, so my dad gave me this watch, which later on, she adjusted it to be inaccurately faster by 10 minutes from +8GMT. Okay. I have a watch which doesn't tell me the time accurately and will only be completed with a calculator and a constant reminder that I have to minus 10 minutes. Amazing.
Secret Recipe after movies! Oh ya we met Dave Ming Zhang. He is so fucking weird. He speaks with great formality and has sick twisted ankle. Ouch!
We played some orientation camp games along the way home. Some camps told the students to pass straws this way. Some have to pass ice creams. Maybe potatoes. This game is quite addictive actually. We played about 30 times today. And, uhh... Yay!
Vote me for Prime Minister and I will provide the true WORLD CLASS TRANSPORTATION. Trains will have safety belts. This is a human prototype. Don't worry, your transportation fare will not increase. And I've traveled from Tanjong Pagar to Bugis during the peak period. I understand how you people feel.
I love this shot.
Black dress : What are you looking at? Checkered : Upskirt! Shh!
Black dress : Awww, you are the best Checkered : *Responds by smiling*
-Lying can't be detected in blogspot.com-
Same time shown, okay. SO WHY IS SHE ABOUT 20 MINUTES LATE TODAY?!
My wisdom tooth have been surgically removed. I have 6-7 anesthetic shots in total. 4 before the process, 2-3 during the process as I could still feel pain.
Now its still bleeding.
[WARNING] Don't scroll down if you can't take gore.
Today I became X-men because I've gone through X-ray! And before my mutation, I sent her to meet her project mates.
And this is the photo she snapped after my mutation :
Hail Klown! The new generation X-men. By touching his ass, you will be poorer by 50 cents!
I told her to smile. And she spent 80% of our lunch time saying that Cheng should be cast as the midget of Narnia. She doesn't believe that their height and features can be digitally altered. And if Andy were to be with us, he will comment, " Hui Ting and Cheng can be good couples", while taking the Parmesan and chili flakes dispenser as a form of object prototype. What a genius! Well, at least that got her excited. And I fucking signed the bills without checking.
"Ewwww, he eats these shit?"
"Wtf, how can she eat without smelling these crap?
Sometimes when you are facing an issue, a complication or any difficulties, the solution can pretty much be the knot itself. Sometimes, analyzing and countering the problem by flipping the whole situation over might just be the very, absolute solution to the brain-wrecking shit.
We went to Kinokuniya's "search engine", covered at least 40% of total area, scrutinized through at least 6-7 shelves, combed our way through the uncooperative crowd to find this book which was sitting innocently at the very first shelf we stationed ourselves at before even approaching Kinokuniya's "search engine".
Come on, flip the book over to the cover page.
Pink gender says : The train is empty, lets take photos Blue gender says : You or us? Pink gender says : Us
Blue gender says : Okay but I don't want to see my face. Too ugly.
She hardly leans over to me. Other than occasional hugs, tugging of arm and dragging me to see [inserts anything which is fascinating in her opinion]
I got myself prepared for my wisdom tooth surgical (just in case I have to go through one). Thanks to her persuasion, I borrowed Peanuts comics from the library along with this epic book titled, " Girls for breakfast" which is capable of providing , as quoted, 100% of your RDA of sarcasm, ambivalence and immaturity. X-ray on Saturday and right now my diet decisions no longer revolve around "Yum, not yum", " too unhealthy, good enough" but " requires chewing, doesn't require chewing". So I've summarized my diet into 3 categories :
1) Mashed and gulpable 2) Drink down 3) Insert a tube and inject it to my body.
Under table business. Shhh
Mugging for tomorrow's paper. GOOD LUCK =]
I don't know why is she laughing but I call this photo, " from my point of view"
And she slept -.-
And this is the book I was talking about. AND WHY THE FUCK AM I READING A BOOK?!
Anyway, the above content has no relation to the title.
=]
I told her, " Know what, now that our faces are so close, how I wish you can move one inch closer"
"Why are we doing this?" "Why are we not doing this?"
I used to change my bedsheets every Saturday. Today, I just did again. In the past, she always tell me after I visited her place
"My pillow has your smell. I miss you"
I know she wouldn't say the same when she gets home after a short nap at my place. But I know my pillow is stained with her shampoo smell and that will hopefully hypnotize me to sleep tonight.
Things are not the same anymore. Probably she played along last time to coordinate with me. I feel both happy and sad at the same time. Its like trying to psycho myself to be contented but deep down inside I know that there is a drastic emotion gap between the both of us. Her confusion probably is " why am I " instead of " why are we ".
She has never left me because she was never mine. Should I feel sad or relieved upon realizing this?
I woke up at 4 am wondering why is there such a pain in me. Once again, you have appeared, haunting me all day all night. I lost my appetite. Everybody noticed a change in my mood today all thanks to fucking you. You made your existence more evident than before. I'm having headaches now due to the lack of sleep and the pain you've brought to me. I hate it when you are around. Fuck them if they were to say," hey, this is all part of growing up."
Fucking wisdom tooth, seems like you are here to fuck my days again.
Well took some photos today. Not gonna post any because I don't have one with all of us in it. And just when I thought she loves taking photo, her little sister is so much (worse) than her.
ECLIPSE *snap* >EMPTY< COFFEE CUP *snap* PHONE *snap* DUSTBIN *snap*
I used to say," I am single right now, so before I get a girlfriend, meanwhile just earn as much as possible before reaching the need to balance between financial and love."
But little did I know that I don't exactly need a girlfriend before arriving to this point. All it takes is to love someone. And yes, I did.
At the end of the day, I walked out of my company, asking if she still needed me.
No reply.
I am undesirable, unwanted, under performing in many aspects. To her, I am a ," if you are around, okay, if you are not, okay too"
This thing has been one sided all these while. She has never loved me from the start. Thought that she did,yes. Probably while thinking back, she might feel silly that she was thinking that way back then. But don't worry, she isn't alone. I thought she felt the same way too, as well.
It has nothing to do if she is worthy of having me to feel for her, or whether she feels worthy of my feelings because at the end of it, I can't explain why do I feel this way towards her.
Taking the theory that the Earth is round, yes, she is within reach.
She won't understand my point, and neither can I , because we feel differently towards each other and all I can pray for is that one day our hearts synchronize.
3rd day in a row feeling this way. Other than random stuff which cheered me up a little, overall it has been mulling over things which probably are too big for me to even take the initiative to spare a thought for.
I am worth, but not irreplaceable, that is if I own a place in her significant enough to be mentioned.
Don't tell me things like," when you make fun and mock at somebody , try being in their shoes and be considerate." Well, I am in their shoes, or more like, my shoes. I have nothing to be proud of. Nobody is proud of me for anything.
And to all losers, HAHA to you. Hope you enjoy my company.
"Anticipation an·tic·i·pa·tion /ænˌtɪsəˈpeɪʃən/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[an-tis-uh-pey-shuhn] –noun 1)An act of waiting to knock off, get accessed to the phone to be able to talk to her."
Anticipation not replied.
I held on to my phone throughout the bus ride, starring out of the window, pretending not to be anxious over anything.
I held on to my phone throughout the bus ride.
Seems like I can just work till I'm left with bones.
I am not expecting, probably hoping. Working towards what I hope for. It is like chasing the end of the rainbow for the pot of gold. Naively optimistic, probably nobody persevered long enough to really find the pot of gold, and this time I am giving it a shot and run further than anyone else.
I spent more than half my day thinking about nonsensical stuff. Considering a whole lot of stuff when from the start, it is not even required. My role is too small to even draw out the concepts, what more planning how to execute and balance.
Daydreaming.
I always feel bad for only being to do so little for her, play such a small role. But it is just an ego thing for who am I to play a bigger role and to perform anything beyond where I stand? But still, at the end of the day, my heart will do the thinking, not my brains.
My mind grew quite a lot since I've realized that I am a right brain-er. And creativity is something that doesn't stop at one point, it will just go on developing. And today happened to the day when I've realized how much more I've evolved.
I thought of something to do if I were to be granted the chance to which requires a lot of planning, coordination, luck and definitely a lot more progress. And the concept doesn't just stop at that very point, it went on and on. The level of difficulty to showcase this gift is scraper high but the pre-requisite to even have the chance to even start planning is more than just a notch higher.
Summarizing the previous paragraph; I have nobody, am nobody.
I do have someone in mind but that someone isn't someone I have. And I am not someone in her mind and not someone she wants to have. Thats how things are right now. And this has been the case since I know her years ago. I never had her.
A little bit of Bart Simpsons reflection and Homer's sincerity, with a stroke of luck with her, probably things will work out fine.
And whenever I think of such things, I tend to hide it from her. She will just wonder," why are you still thinking of such things?" And I don't think I can use the line , " you just don't get it, do you?" forever. Different frequency.
I am not gonna comment. Neither am I gonna criticize or question what did significant insignificant said to significant significant.
A brick wall is there to let us work our way around. A brick wall blocks off people who don't really want things that badly. But, what if you manage to get your way through the wall only to see theres nothing left for you to grab?
Nobody knows what will come next. But sometimes, this line is used just right after a sub conscious decision is made, or seem to be made. So what am I to do other than to convince that I have made a decision as well, probably different from yours, but I have decided
After 2 fucking weeks, we finally got a chance to catch this movie. Why so serious?
We?
"Hey pretty baby with the high heels on, you give me fever like I've never,ever known"
Red Girl and I! =]
And I?
Yes, us!
This is Red Girl and Red Girl tiny. Sleepy smile. This is what Uni do to people. They inject air and fluid under your eyes! And for her case, my eyes too. And HELLO AUNTY (Yes, the one behind)
I don't know why we got this picture taken. This is at Cathay anyway.
My virgin debit card payment went to today's movie tickets.
