It's weird that I'm calm as I write this.
I think it just needs to be said, even if
it may just be sucked into the black abyss of
the interwebz/my unpopulated blog.
I think the reason I'm so pissed is cause
everything we had is tainted with this,
and now when I look back,
I can't see any clean breaks where
I know for sure that it was all ours.
Just endless, glorious expanses of shit and
strange feelings in the pit of my stomach
that I can now identify: fear, dread, denial, anger,
acceptance.
I am the one, I am always the one.
It's easy, I have no idea why.
The put-on sympathy, the "I'll-be-there-for-you-always"s,
fuck you, you don't know shit.
I need one of these things to make it all better:
1) for you to get back together, and get your heart broken, again.
And I'll be moving on, thanks.
2) for you to be happy together forever, fucking amen
3) for you to come back and mean it
None of this "I care about you" business,
none of this "maybe" stuff.
More of "let's do this" or "let's not".
Aside: I hope you know that I don't hate you, I just
think you're a waste of time, you're embarrassing,
and you need to grow the fuck up.
I am so sick of people not needing me as much as I need them.
I am so sick of them thinking I'll be alright.
