Godspeed.

There is no purpose.

Living in fear can't become life itself.

How can you contain so much hate?

160 deaths later.

Hundreds, thousands, millions

of people's lives change in accordance to your actions.

Was it worth it?

Look at the blood, at the fucked up mess

and tell me that it was worth it.

A worker was killed during the Black Friday rush at a Walmart.

He was trampled to death by hundreds of people.

I can't speak lest I start crying again.

I'll love you all my years alive.

I don't know how you feel about that
If you're sad
If you're mad
If you're glad
But I do know the feeling of
waiting and waiting
and falling so slowly

Say Anything.
This would be so rad.

*

I lost my fucking Macbook charger.
It's ridiculously difficult to function without it,
I feel like I've lost an ear or index finger,
something I don't exactly notice everyday
but still require nonetheless.
And I def require my Apple 60W MagSafe Power Adapter.
[The name is fucking obnoxious, I don't know why.
Power Adapter.
I WILL CALL YOU A CHARGER
AND YOU WILL FUCKING LIKE IT!!!]

Edit: I have also just lost my dead-bird-in-a-cage.

This is fucked up,

I am misplacing everything.

Tell me you don't miss these brown eyes & that you're not in love.

Cause this ain't where it's at

My friends will second that

And I gotta admit, sometimes it's pretty sad

I won't let them take you, hell no no.

*

I'm listening to the new 3EB, Non-dairy Creamer

and I like it but really

I don't want anything political,

I just want songs about sex and drugs again.

Should have grown up in the 90s.

*

I figured it out.

But why do you get to be happy,

while I'm still struggling with

functioning regularly?

I'll get my shit together

when I have the energy to.

Now it just seems easier to

remain angry and broken and

take drunken swings in the dark

at unseen enemies than to

sit down, outline my problems

and tackle them.

"LOW POINT! Low point."

Pronounced: Kok.

*

Watched The Holiday [practically throughout the whole day]

and High Fidelity with Sylvia.

I think we're weird cause most people

wouldn't notice little things like "Muh Maggie"

and "WHAT. FUCKING. IAN. GUY?"

Had two really strange phone calls from

unknown numbers in the evening.

I think someone wants to jump me, trufax.

"I HAVE BRASS KNUCKLES HANGING FROM

MY NECK AND MY CHAIN."

Grrr I'm badass.

Before we all burn.

This excruciatingly slow slide.

Nights drag out too long and

mornings break too early.

I want to watch old cartoons on the couch

at three in the morning,

and dress up only for breakfast at Mcdonald's.

Wear second-hand clothes and take the bus

but always use expensive perfume.

Shiang Nee and Clara are finishing

their As.

Yay I'm going to have my friends back.

I listen to Underoath on the way to school.

I like [seemingly] wordless anger.

*

I need this.

This is becoming a catastrophe.

*

Last night a breakdown saved my life.

Weekend Tripppppp baby,

saw The Arrant End, Vermillion, Misissued,

Sky in Euphoria and A Vacant Affair.

I was pleasantly surprised by the two bands I didn't know,

not let down by the two I do,

and the kok one is still kinda kok.

["Do you want a Vermillion badge?

You get their single too."

"Errr I have Jessica Alba, and no thanks."]

Sylvia can be my gigging friend now.

The Usual Sinking Feeling during Vermillion's set,

so we set about drinking up our Smirnoff.

Mmm, Vodka.

So I was in NO condition

to run into him and his girlfriend.

But knowing my luck, I did.

Sylvia and I tripped past them,

me practically yelling "HALLO" into the stunned silence,

followed by maniacal laughter.

Not. Cool.

Oh well Awkward First Ex Sightings

are always kok right?

But this isn't really the first time.

It's like 18721992019th kok-to-the-max time.

You are not some fucking charity.

"anything at all u can still call me"

I won't.

*

At three plus in the morning,

I grabbed some copies of Nylon to show Shan

on Skype then there was a woman's voice,

singing clearly.

Sylvia and I had been drinking, but it

wasn't possible that we were having the

same hallucination.

I was like, this kind of shit I can't deal with.

[On further investigation today,

I found that it was a singing birthday card 

my grandma had sent me.

God.]

*

And lip ring.

I'm slipping in between you & your big dreams.

Isn't that what you said?

*

Sylvia & I have been living

for the fifteenth for a week or two now.

It had better be good.

I'd go Alanis Morissette on your ass,

but I do things with class now.

I Tumblr.com too much for my own good.

My favourite chords.

I don't know what I was doing here,

but it sure looks fun.

*

This is me, my incredulous look.

I hope you don't miss it or misread it.

What the actual fuck.

I hope that it'll last, this time,

not because I'm big and generous and

"I hope you'll be happy, with or without me",

but because then this will fade,

and be boxed away with outgrown pants

and my worn-out Vans [Oh god, when that day comes...].

I am not that kind.

But yeah, I don't wish you bad things.

I am not that spiteful or bitter.

I just wish you away.

*

You are a radio, you are an open door.

I am a faulty string of blue Christmas lights.

You swim through frequencies,

You let that stranger in, as I'm blinking off

and on and off again.

*

A boy like this.

He would kiss his mother good morning,

and spend approximately 4.6 seconds on his hair.

He would laugh at you but

not scoff.

He would listen to you when you speak,

and carry around earphones

so you can share music.

He would hold your hands

and your heart and treat them better

than you do yourself.

Now if only I could believe this to be true.

Slow night, so long.

Something to break your heart around, everyday.

It was eleven eleven.

I still haven't changed my wish.

[and no, that's not it]

*

Shaun White used to be so cute.

*

This is me,

circa Most-Nights.

It's getting easier, but it's

back to In-Between-Time.

I look for you in everyone.

I've got to find a way to stop you falling into my mind.

I am an addict.

I live in a society comprising of ambulance chasers

and people who watch the news to seek out the next disaster,

it is no wonder.

I can't let go fully, I cross my fingers behind my back

and fool myself once again,

even though I've been beaten around the head with the truth.

Deep breaths now.

Everything you have thought to be true... has just fucked you over.

I'm clutching at my heart, grasping at straws.

I'm giving resigned sighs, practiced smiles.

I'm dancing carefully and alone,

but at least I'm still dancing.

I'm getting awfully protective of who I am,

because it's seeping out from corners

and I'm losing bits of my colour and shape.

Maybe, maybe I need to return to my charts

and continue to watch the stars

and read the signs.

Maybe I got them wrong.

But still.

You fucker.

Lie, Lie better next time.

I don't know to to credit this properly so

I'm taking it in its entirety and just putting it up here.

It's for me, and maybe for you too?

*

This Goes Out To All The Girls

leahcreates: ambernicolek: skysignal:

(And partly to All The Guys Who Should Know Better)

Here’s to all those girls who used to be his number one.

The ones who waited all night for him to call, only to check your cellphone the next morning and be disappointed. The ones who made it through that bitter break up, dried your own tears, and moved on with your life, only to have him walk back in it months later like nothing ever happened. Those of you who cried on the first day you talked again because you knew exactly where this phone call was going. The ones who listened to him say, “I only want to be your friend”, one day, then listened to him say that he loves and misses you, and the next when he doesn’t want to be anything at all. Here’s to the ones that took him back, hoping that maybe this time, he was different, hoping that maybe people really do change.

We listened to our friends tell us that we were stupid for even thinking about giving him another chance, got crap from our parents, and even snuck around to see him even for a while. We went through the great stage with no fights all over again. We started this out thinking it would be just friends, and ended up falling in love with him again. We wanted nothing more in the world than to hear him tell us he loved us too, that even though things were bad in the past, they would be different this time. And when we finally heard it, it was like we were dreaming. This is for us.

Here’s to the ones who believed what he said, sat around all over again waiting for a phone call that might come in a few hours, or a few days. Here’s for the tears cried and dried all over again. We wanted so desperately to believe that he was really busy, he couldn’t possibly call us at that moment, or even that he fell asleep early. We trained ourselves to believe the lies because we wanted to believe we had found the one for us. We learned to SETTLE for someone who didn’t treat us the way we should be treated.

Here’s for the ones who did their hair and make up and put on their prettiest everything, only to hear him say that he couldn’t see us today. The ones who never believed it when people told us there might be someone else. We just couldn’t believe that he could do this to us again.

This is for those great girls, who loved him more than words can say, and took him back no matter what happened last time because they couldn’t bear to look back on their lives one day and wonder “what if”.

This is for the girls that stayed up all night long listening to him whine about an ex girlfriend who cheated on him, and cried during the entire conversation. The ones who hoped he would realize that he deserved better, that he deserved us.

When he said that he loved you, but he was in love with her, he didn’t mean it.

This is for the ones that held on to something that was never there to begin with.

This is for us girls, who somehow managed to get him to forget about her, and get him to tell us that he was in love with us again, only to have him tell us three weeks later that “You’re just not the one for me.” or maybe, “things were going too fast, I’m just not ready.” (Then later on find out he has a damn girlfriend already.)

Here’s to the girls who couldn’t cry to their friends because of how stupid they felt.

The ones who held it all in when things came crumbling to pieces again. This is for the ones who couldn’t bear to even tell their mom what was going on, for fear of an “I told you so.”

The ones that could just TELL that they had made a mistake ever allowing him into their hearts, their beds, and their dreams again.

We knew that we deserved better the entire time, that we deserved a guy who would call when he said he was going to, one that would come see us whenever he got the chance, one that would really care about us. We just wanted the one that we loved like that.

Here’s for the ones that FINALLY realized that he never gave one thought about them.

Here’s for the time that he took to waste, breaking your heart … again.

This is for those days spent trying to hold back the tears, and the tears that turned into anger, then disappointment.

Here’s for us girls who finally realized that we deserve better.

This is for those confusing days, when you miss him, and want nothing more than to hear his voice, or feel his arms around your waist.

Stay strong, and remember that relationships are like broken glass, sometimes it’s better to leave it alone rather than try to put the pieces back together and get hurt all over again.

Remember the times you cried, and how long it took you to even be able to look at another guy like that.

When your song comes on the radio, turn the station.

When the day comes that he realizes what a mistake he made and tries calling, turn your phone off.

When he tries coming to your house, don’t answer the door.

Think of all the broken promises, and the lies, the manipulation and the tears, the wasted moments and staying up all night wondering where the HELL he was.

Think of how your heart used to jump when your phone would vibrate in the middle of the night, and how it fell to your stomach when you saw it wasn’t him, and realized that once again, he hadn’t called when he said he was going to.

One day, you’ll find a guy who’s worth all the tears, but he won’t make you cry. You may think that you’ll never care about someone like you did that guy that you always ran back to, but you will.

It’s gonna hurt like hell, and it’s going to need time to heal, but the point is, it will heal.

(via Nixx.)

because i’ve been there and it sucks.

this is for you, c. ily.

Overrated boys & attention-starved girls.

Last year, thinking you could be made for me

She said, some races can't be won &

so we fade with the setting of the sun

Va and I <3

Cel, Ain & I, Circa 2006.

And airplanes, they always leave the ground with confidence

and safely coming down, unlike us

We crashed and can't be found

I can't wrap my mind around this.

An act, then, now?

It's so frustrating because I know

I would never want a part of... this,

but it saddens me that we never

stood a chance to be that way,

even if I wanted to.

Let's recap how bad October was:

5) Headphones spoiling

4) Vans spoiling

3) School is the pits

2) Certain things I can't name here

cause I just want to live without drama now,

please.

1) Everything always ending in

being ignored, "I'm busy",

and Facebook Updates

[It used to be Myspace haha].

You get the Number One Spot,

happy?

*

It's funny, someone said

"I know how you get.

You'll just insist on thinking about it

all the time and wallowing in your sadness

and self-pity because

you like it."

*

I'm doing okay, really.

I will not be broken, though I am the one that bleeds.

I started off as a wind-up doll and with

Elise's blood, my costume improved ten-fold.

Only a handful of us really got into Halloween,

so we got stares in school,

we got stares on the bus,

we got stares in town,

we got harassed at Haji

cause like I said, Hipsters can't show enthusiasm

cause it would be uncool and unbecoming of them,

but OF COURSE it's cool to pick on the weird kids.

Sylvia was Kelly, Elise was a Ceiling Fan haha,

Clarice was a bunny, Ry was a demon child,

Tess was a HouseBunny hahaha,

Eva was a witch [sorry I don't have a picture].

Highlight of the night was when

Eva, Serena and I were waiting

for the train at Bugis and being stared and

giggled at like fuck,

when the train arrived and there

were TWENTY PEOPLE DRESSED UP AS

SLIPKNOT/MUMMY-LIKE THINGS.

FUCKING BEST THING EVERRR!

The whole lot of us bonded over the kok-ness

of the general public.

Clarke Quay was mad fun cause

everyone dressed up and there were

cute boys.

Tropic Thunder was rad.

Scaring people was so rad too,

I felt like a fucking tourist attraction though.

*

NO ATREYU?

No more Taste of Chaos then ):