Drinking back, drinking for two.

We're so screwed up haha but sometimes it's okay to be a mess,

knowing that the next day when you wake up

you'll still be just as stupid but that's fine, nothing's changed.

Met Foo Fighters Boy today, for comparing the holes in our Vans

that we can wiggle fingers in,

and surveying refridgerators

to live in at Best Denki.

School is starting and I am scared.

I emptied out my veins onto a page, set to a scream you just can't gauge.

The first day will be bad, and then it gets worse,

before it gets better.

Heaps of music constantly playing,

a long bus ride to clear my head,

and screaming into mics randomly during jamming.
Going out again tomorrow, I dread wednesday

which I will have to face alone.

Maybe I'll get the tattoo or a piercing

because physical pain sounds like a nice

prospect right now.

This is of the major suckage variety.

*

[edit 3.16 am]

Maybe I'm not doing you any favours

so maybe I just won't for awhile.

Take your time and I'll take mine

and we'll meet somewhere

in the middle.

I could only sing you sad songs, and you could sing along.

If it was the right thing to do,

then why does it still suck so bad?

I just need to get my head around the fact that I'm alone again,

but it's not the same as being lonely.

*

Believe me when I say that everything that happened was real.

It was real and it matters to me so much.

*

I hate nights where everything goes to fuck

and you're lying on the ground

in desperate need of cigarettes and direction,

then you realize that nobody else can help you anyway,

besides providing the lap for you to crawl into and

not allowing you to pollute your lungs,

and you still have to make

your way home alone, to sleep alone.

I hate the tears building up and the moment

that they finally go away because

they were proof that you are actually human.

I hate really crying then, in this pathetic

shoulder-shaking, eye-reddening way

and then falling asleep because you can't

stand knowing how stupid you are

for even just one more second.

*

Your self-righteousness angers me.

You have no fucking right.

Don't hold your breath because you’ll only make things worse.

Literate and stylish
Kissable and quiet

I feel awful knowing things too late

and telling everyone but the person involved.

I should just figure out my shit because

this isn't fucking helping.

If you need me

I'm out and on the parkway,

patient and waiting for headlights,

dressed in a fashion that's fitting to

the inconsistencies of my moods.

I'm not perfect.

I'm not perfect for anyone either.

I'm a fucking mess, if you want the plain

and simple truth.

Sometimes I don't do nice and that's

when things screw up.

My timing is awful too.

If it's not keeping you up nights

then what’s the point?

There is no point.

I can't bring myself to say

what I think is happening

because it's the worse thing

that I could say.

Best friends means I pulled the trigger

Best friends means you get what you deserve

Encircle me, I need to be, taken down.

A lonely night of uploading 5 albums worth of music into

my itunes and starting out

on those Adventures of Pete and Pete DVDs.

I couldn't take it anymore.

I had given up on being an extra because

I am 'white' [GRRRR YOU DIE]

but I wasn't going to pass up on the afterparty!

I snuck out of the house at four in the morning

to meet the kids for prata at Thomson

and driving around in the van to the airport.

Got home by The Sunrise at Seven.

I lose track of where I'm going and lose track of how to get going again.

Lily, Danny, Tommy, Patrick and Jack.

*

"What are you doing?"

"I'm packing."

"Why are you packing?"

"Cause I gotta go home, and see my friends and go to school."

"But I don't want you to go home!"

Glass galleons anchored, ocean floors.

Can you believe they let Danny Noriega go?

Maybe he was just *TMTH.

I'm living in my skinny jeans and in the cold of Boston.

I took the 'T' to Boston College yesterday to visit Nicole.

I liked the ride, and being alone for a bit.

There were little old ladies yammering away in

cantonese on their cell phones,

there was a cute boy with flippy hair and a lip ring,

sipping his Dunkin Donuts coffee,

and there was me, the girl bundled up in her red coat,

staring out the window.

My grandma was uber stressed about sending me out alone,

but I was pretty sure nobody was going to mug me or whatever.

We are all commuters on the same train, we just all

want to reach the end of the line.

Wherever that end may be.

I don't know if my 11.11 wish will ever come true,

it has been the same one for a long time now.

But right now I just wish for happy days and comfy chairs,

flat abs and good hair, hot vanilla lattes and

people who love me.

I push it sometimes.

"You don't know it yet, but you're happy.

You'll look back and say 'hey I really was happy back then.'

But you can't come back to the here and now and live

it through again.

So just ... be happy.

Cause you really are, you just don't see."

*Too Much To Handle