Hit the heartbrakes.

Picture spam, it's nice to have friends.
*

New Year's Eve, let's go out and make merry.
I just need an excuse to
be out late and consume
copious amounts of ...
concoctions that I don't even know the
components of.

I want something epic to happen.
Crossing fingers and toes
it comes SBB-shaped.
[I know fuck, can't I just make up
my mind?
No.]
I really don't know about the other one,
so maybe I'll just leave it, for now.

My one resolution:
To be as irreverent as I can fucking be.

Suddenly between sheets & eyelids, I am reminded why I don't do this.

Lying on the bleachers

at the Padang and

taking in the city lights, upside down.

Got home early for once,

it's another night here so

I have to wonder why I'm not

out there living my life.
*

I am the best friend,

I am to treated politely but

kept a distance from.

"Is she always like this?"

"Yes..."

I'll endure the many introductions

[all running into a huge blur now]

and sudden disappearances,

and being left out.

It doesn't make me angry.

It's just the way the world works.

I try my hardest and

I will always be trying

but it will always fall short

of just being enough.

Clara knows what Taina is thinking haha.

*

Maybe I would have been something you'd be good at.

We are not the same.

I don't think you fully understand

what I meant when I said

"I left everything behind

- that includes you."

This is me, the proud owner of Reasons to Leave by A Vacant Affair.

The album is BRUTAL, I am pleased.

I just wish I'd gone to the launch yesterday

at the Esplanade.

Hello sophisticated side-ponytail,

just for you okay BE.

Yay haha I am 'sibei sui',

I should do this more often.

[But not too often]

*

Not as shit-faced as I'd like to be,

 maybe New Year's

we can has more booze pleeze?

*

I would say these are my standards

but that's pushing it in this town.

My tastes are kinda... evolving I must say.

Nothing bad about it I guess.

EDIT:

I sound so gross and elitist here.

Okay, what I'm saying is...

WHAT IS WITH ME AND MY

UNCANNY ABILITY TO NOSE

THE SHORT, BAND BOY

OUT OF THE CROWD?

That is all.

Cause the proof is in the Kodak.

I'm becoming one of those girls.

One that will find something attractive in almost

every passable guy that she crosses paths with.

"Would you scream at me... if I tell you that

I think Freddy's kind of cute?"

I grin at Bryant and he nods gravely.

Matter dropped.

I was feeling crazy enough that night to pester Bry

for ten minutes to make out with me,

but to no avail [thank you Bry].

I liked how the music was louder than

my thought processes so I didn't

have to listen to my inane dithering

and I could just plunge headlong

onto the dancefloor.

Yes, I dance, but only

when I'm halfway to inebriation.

I'm losing it, slowly.

Can still be saved but am

throwing all caution to the wind

on New Years with The Kids/Sylvia and

it will just damn me.

I am looking forward to it.

Take it, Have another little piece of my heart now baby.

*

Jesus I have bedbug bites all over my

arms and legs from the chalet at Changi,

it is a nightmare, my limbs look deformed and I am

itching out of my mind.

I'm slathering on copious amounts of Calamine and Mopiko

but it's still hurting a bitch,

this is going to be a long night.

*

I don't know what changed.

I hope it's just in my head.

I'll see Sunday, I hope I hold out till then

or else it's buh-bye all subtlety and aloofness,

I'm already treading dangerous ground as it is.

*

It's Christmas, and my mind is

 rebelling against it.

New Years...

Shit.

Poor coherency due to lack of sleep.

Time to snuggle under the covers alone.

You have a dangerous face & illegal taste.

This is ridiculous on all accounts.

I... I need to admit this,

in written word.

I want you.

This isn't 'I like you',

at least not now, not yet.

This is just

wanting, wishing.

It's weird how this works,

your eagerness, my disinterest.

Your annoyance, disgust, disappointment,

my desperation.

Fuck.

*

Edit 3.12 AM:

I was just bloghopping and

I came across SBB [Jesus H. Christ, I know

he's like fucking everywhere]

and I was reminded of

the reason why this is

so difficult,

because boys like him exist out there

and it makes it harder for me to

convince myself that this

isn't settling.

I said I wouldn't settle.

*

"I think you're abnormal!"

Jesus ma, thanks.

This is why I love my family.

"You gotta make your plans to start making plans alone."

So careless with your music,

with your words and your touches.

So flippant, so cavalier,

such a waste, really.

Want to move forward but can't decide how to.

I want to get epically smashed over Christmas/New Year's

in the event there isn't anything fun to do.

Anyone?

*

So read your books, but stay out late

some nights, some nights,

and don't think that you can't stop by the bar.

You haven't shown your face here since the bad news

I'm here till close, with fingers crossed

Each night, cause your place isn't far.

*

I was going to use my other favourite line

from Palm Reader but I thought that

would be too obvious.

Let's meet in the purgatory of my hips & get well.

I had a huge urge to update arlowepicfail

so this is me, "Good Lord I am turning into a hipster" edition.

Sylvia and I watched Twilight, which

was kok beyond words because

 of numerous things such as:

1) "ding ding ding" sound effects when Edward glitters

2) "SHE IS NOT A BACKPACK!!" Edward flings Bella onto

his back as and when he chooses

3) Kok instrumental soundtrack throughout,

then suddenly there is Muse as they play baseball?!?

4) Awesome lines like "Is he indie?"

Muh god.

5) FUCKING MONTAGE AT END OF FILM.

ENOUGH. SAID.

Only redeeming factor of movie was hot people.

Jamming with The FuShus,

we had to wait for the man for an hour and a half.

Breakfast for a late lunch, the best kind

of lunch there is.

3 dollar Neoprints,

it really doesn't get any more awesome.

We decorated it with an eggplant

and a random floating sphere thing.

Let me draw the blinds for you

You can watch the sunset from

the bed in your hospital room.

Love you daddy.

Then visited BE and somehow

got roped into supper with

the Icc crew,

tres fun.

I am working FRIDAY & SATURDAY NIGHT

AND THE WHOLE OF SUNDAY this weekend,

please visit me if you can.