"Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses." -- Lord Thomas Dewar

there's a whole mix of emotions inside of me.

one part of me is : depressed ; dejected ; angry and dis-heartening.

another part of me is : nervous ; worried and excited.

can anyone really feel sucha whole range of emotions. its so eeeyuck. i hate saying "wahlau" even if i do it everyday. i hate swearing. its so bad. but everyday, i feel like swearing. its whole emotions thing just suck.

i dont even want to feel some of these feelings.
i dont want to be like that.
i dont want things to just affect me like that.
i dont want to be affected by people who doesnt give a damn about me.
i dont want to get bothered by these things, these people.

oh man, this sucks. i seriously have better things to do than think about stuff like that. but like, highly emotional and petty people, i cant let go of it. i seriously admire those people who actually can get over stuff.

damn damn damn damn it.

p.s. i am going vegan next tues with david. yippee.

"Big dreams, they tend to own you there " -- Diana Degarmo, Cardboard Castles.

argghhs. felt in a mood to diss people off. but i thought it was just me to shoot off answers like that. maybe its the weird little stuffs hanging ard that make me depress. this felony.

had a diabolical time playing fire with phoebe. got wax and all that. its seriously cool. i love matches. they are exhilarating. more fun then lighters. X)

serious nervous about friday. everything and all. super scary. freaked out. nurghss.

i dont care. i LOVE my books.

i feel pukey.

"Rebellions of the belly are the worst." -- Sir Francis Bacon

felt a weird mix of emotions today.

1) felt hardworking. i did my guides badges, my maths homeowrk, my english file, and i completed my eng portfolio. thus, from this day on, i have decided to work hard for my 'o' s and get all a1s. i will be a hard working girl.

2) felt like going vegetarian. it seems so wrong to eat all these animals. to cut them up abd eat them, yet we think its immoral to eat humans? its a little illogical. a little inhumane. but i cant survive without meat. i hardly eat vegetables. maybe i could eat eggs. maybe eat less meat. =) humans are bunch of cruel people.

3) felt left out. of some things and stuff. and it jolly well SUCKS. at least the lessons werent too bad. mrs lai played the squirrel,trees game with us. like, weird. and after school just hung ard the canteen with the other guides ppl. den got ncc people too. den did 2000 pumpings with them. not 2000 each but go in one circle and everything. i can do kunckle okay? sweet.

going to polish up on my reader's badge. woohoo!*cheers*

goal: to be hardworking. so effort+hardwork= perfection.

what the mind can concieve, it can achieve.

"Religion is all bunk" -- Thomas. A. Edison

i hate the ants in the tents. they crawl amidst the dirt and lay their seething white stuff in the deeoest wrath there. leading us, the unsuspecting victims to kill and stamp out the whole lot of freaking ants. YUCKS.

biscuits have a weird effect on phoebe and me. especially if you gorge down a whole lot. you get a little high and do barbaric things. its hilarious. *fells down laughing*. super un shu nu.and the weighing machine is spoilt okay! everyone gained 3kg of flabs. i strong oppose.

the new timetable is okay. eunice and i are running out of topics to talk about during the chinese periods. -sigh-

the secret remains to be concealed until its revlealer deems fit to do so.

"这一生这一次为自己抬起头 至少要骄傲的盛开过 " -- Mayday, Hua

feeling in a better mood today. bcos i bought 2 lovely new books today.

the undomestic goddes -- sohpie kinsella
the rule of four -- Ian caldwell and somebody else.

but i still want:

The sacred cut -- David hewson
the curious incident of the dog at night-time -- unknown
the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy -- unknown
life of pi -- unknown

would somebody please please get them for me? still want many others but i gotta remember which ones! i LOVE reading.

and my homework is almost done. left with 2 segments of my a*maths. as i say,

hello genius!

school tomorrow. bloody hell. hate facing everything! and the bloody timetable. if i dont get to eat at recess, complain to tcs i must.

it just aint right and its just so wrong. this phrase, this term has no meaning to me.

"Dreams are just dreamsWhen they're stuck inside your head." -- Diana Degarmo, dreams.

the things that have made me very sad during these past few days. people keep complaining that i never look sad. weird huh.

1) cant join soccer thing. parents objection. VERY unfair.

2) unable to watch Initial D

3) homework and chinese book review uncompleted.

4) holidays are going to end and a new disgusting timetable just came out.

5) unalbe to watch dragon tales which are gonna air next fri at 9.30 a.m!

6) the whole "i hate you thats why i am ignoring you thing".

7) the whole soccer and cca thing.

8) unable to acces the s.h.e. forum.

things that made me feel better.

1) the barney song.

2) humming the sabrina animated series theme song. i love that tune man.

3) mapling.

4) watching I Guess.

5) jmac.

6) LZX! the lovely guy. SHOW! think he is nice while watching another show. burr.

seee? i am SAD. like, NOW!

"look at the girl with the broken smile." -- Maroon 5

its just so hard to be happy. to be truly happy and smile a smile without any worries. to get rid of all the mess and debris.just aint that happy girl. nobody listens, no one bothers. its okay. to learn to strengthen one from within. need a little something to cheer me up.

the lovely barney theme song.

Barney is a dinosaur from our imagination
And when he's tall
he's what we call a dinosaur sensation
Barney's friends are big and small
they come from lots of places
after school they meet to play and sing with happy faces
Barneys shows them lots of things
Like how to play pretend
ABC's, and 123's
And how to be a friend
Barney comes to play with us
Whenever we may need him
Barney can be your friend too
If you just make-believe him!

"Rank is what you wear, respect is what you earn." -- mdm Cindy

back from everything. from thailand, from camp.

thailand.

shopping for three whole days. shopped till my legs were exhaustingly tired. bought lots of stuff, didnt see the bag i wanted. the stuffs there were bloody cheap. but its kinda dirty there. at least the ppl dont spit there. the airline i took was a little lousy. didnt like it. but it was cheap. what can i say?immedietly back from thailand packed my stuff and went to camp complete with a pedicure. =)

day0ne of camp

arrived when they were playing their games and pitched tents. and i experienced bunk inspection. didnt realised things were so tough for them. even if i felt that we were a bit unreasonable. but the uniforms were a must to be neat and tidy of course. its not easy to scold them though. the dinner was not at all nice. the rice was hard and everything. then washed up and stuffs. didnt get to sleep. we talked and everything. solved the problems, talked over things. den it rained. had to evacuate them. bloody cold. den slept in their bunks with them.



waked up damn early, had to prepare their breakfast, make their milo and stuff. den did some foot drills. and went kayaking next!. my shoes and socks were flooded with sand! eeew. mega gross. partnered with princess No1. i believe we were great kayak-ers. we were one of the top 5 to reach the raft persone very single time. professionals or what? in the end i got seasick. felt like vomiting. the other boats kept banging into mine. and shook my kayak. super giddy.then went back school. we had bunk inspections too and we forgot to take the guides room key out of the guides room. slight oversee on our part.

then wore our adorable campfire PJs. emcee for the day, pardnering with phoebe goh. bimbo woman.the campfire wasnt a total failure as i thought it would be. there wasnt a "leng chang". everyone was sporting and enthusiasitc. really happy about that. the performances were amazing considering the time for them to prepare wasnt so long. they all laughed and cheered. very glad about that.

slept for 2 hrs den had to change to full guides u to meet the mdms. but in the end the mdms were alsp too. then had a night interview with the sec 2s. their answers werent very satisfying but it wasnt horrible for the first time i guess. maybe they had to elaborate on their answers.



was darn sleepy the whole morning. kept dozing off everywhere. on the canteen table, outside the guides room. had no recollection of preparing breakfast. they had their last bunk inspection. it wasnt perfect but at least there were improvements. den had promotion. gna miss the senoirs all very badly. the last pumpings were really great. i enjoyed the pumpings. very different from the rest. i will miss being cadets all over again. now, we have to stand on our own. no more mdms to guide us.

NCO'o5 is the BEST!

and i wanna thank all the seniors and mdms. for everything they have done. words alone cannot descride the time we have spent together. i guess egveryone will miss them badly. they really helped changed guides. and mdm cindy's letter was really touching. thanks for eveything.

congrats to weiling and cheryl for becoming CL and ACL respectively.

congrats to xy, phoebe, jolene, wanjoo, shuian2 and me for becoming PLs.

congrats to karen and mingxuan for becoming secetary and housekeeping respectively.

too miserable and unhappy.
kept tearing.
this is not the happy holidays.
i amd sick of this life,
i hate this world and everything in it.
nothing is gonna be alright.

"Just play. Have fun. Enjoy the game." -- Michael Jordan

soccer. is. just. great.

all we did today was to go to the gym. slack a while and catch some balls. i love ccas like that! maybe cause it was raining. no idea how to break the news to my parents. you get free boots, free jersey and free gloves. bliss. i have always wanted to be a soccer player. bwahas.

then went to amk library for camp discussion. seems okay. and flying off on fri morning thus i cant go out on thurs. haven even started packing.

everything is down. photobucket is down. cbox is down. the lousy server internet system these days. argghhs. it is probably prearranged. idiotic. grrrhs. my life will be back on track.

"Lack of money is the root of all evil." -- George Bernard Shaw

today was fun. it was horny. the lovely guiders went crazy. we were supposed to assemble and pitch and wash the tents. and now i can proudly say " i can pitch a tent!".

then we were supposed to wash the tents and the p.s. got quite pissed off with the sec2s and the other sec 3s. cause they failed to notice some dirty tents in their way and failed to wash them. then they were oblivious to the fact that they had to dry the tents. how clever. we were fed up and scolded them and everything. then the poor p.s.es had to wait for the tents to dry before we had to fold them up.

thats where the horniess started thanks to wanjoo and shuian2. and the ultra hornny phoebe. and we couldnt stop laughing our asses off. i mean, a 22inch ****. and all bout erectiveness. weirddd.

going out tomorrow. soccer training on wed! cool. SOCCER! soccer.

*guffaws* *sniggers* *laughs till snot drips from nose*

i cant wait. its gonna be great.

"This strange disease of modern life, with its sick hurry, its divided aims. " -- Matthew Arnold

i haven been hear in a billion light years. i am losing my creative touch. my "i need the com" life issnt present anymore. thus, i live on cable tv, and trips to the outside world. i am getting a life!

erm. recent updates on getting a life. over enthu-ing at the npcc campfire. watching madagascar with andrea and vanessa. seeing her new bf picture. hearing fantastic stuffs bout shopping their asses off in thailand and how fucking cheap everything is. and watching pck musical today. how exciting. not. its okay i guess. not mind blowing exciting. but better than the stay home, go school routine.

i am so excited. ohoh! and i got my new roxy wallet. not exactly what i expected but still, not bad. its PINK. i wanted black, white and pink. but this one is pink, white, pink and pink. ahhas.

fucked up bout stuff okay? all this erm *** stuff is sorta stressing me out. great!

"To oppose something is to maintain it." -- Ursula K. Le Guin

I WANNA THANK DAVID CHAN JIN TIAN for THIS LOVELY NEW JESSE MCCARTNEY PIC. issnt it cool? and fantabulous? and booboolicious? ahhhs. many many thanks! PROX MAN!

i mean, look at it. its a work of art, a piece of genius. totally incredible. *smirks* i have the best jesse skin ever.

my limbs are breaking. not much to say. maybe got a lot but its too public out here.

errr. no comments. cant wait to go out on sat and mon. new roxy. and hello initial D.

i am living the life. i admit, i have no idea how i lived before cable tv. its heavenly.

and so much to do, so little time.

i will be another girl each day.

"i dont know why i even bother" -- Squidward.

sometimes i dont know why i even bother. really. cos its not worth all that effort you put in sometimes. shitty ass. bloody hell.

school over and over again. and my portfolio is still not done. had guides stuff today. learnt how to scold. i bet i'll really scold damn well if i was shouting at evonne and wan ghee. did fun drills. fun drills are better than strict drills. ayee.DNA course tomorrow.

from now onwards i am gonna establish myself as a soft spoken demure lady.

i have failed terribly. the mistake cant go on any longer.

the girl who once was.

"The victor will never be asked if he told the truth. " -- Adolf Hitler.

by the statement above, even hitler knew the fact that history is not to be trusted. reasons why i took history as a subject, there are reasons that even i cant phantom. history is written solely by the victors alone which is why all evidence in world war II points to Japan and Germany being the cause of the war. The victors were the Allies. so thus, we wrote history. so see? history issnt reiable. its made up of opinions and discrimination. history sucks la.

i feel that i am a model student by most standards. i do not mulit-task like nobody's business okay? when i study, i only do 2 stuffs at a time study or music; study or tv. i am not even that attached to my phone, it can go missing for a few days for all i care. if i can refrain FROM THE BLOODY COMPUTER AND TELEVISION FOR 2 LONG WEEKS, i totally can become a model student. its totally within my capability to get a L1R5 of 10. it just depends on how i maximise my time and stretch my intellect to the best of its ability.

an i do not want to become an ahlian. be cause i do not want to look at myself and discriminate my self. i do not want to belittle myself. i do look at ah lians and think loser. in a way. cos they like, have nothing to do except pulverise people. just like all the ah bengs. waste of shit. they feel bimbotic too. thats why i refuse to rebond my hair. i think i am gonna refrain from dying too! but multiple piercings are okay i guess.

i am so gonna be a nerdy book-loving ass. a philosopher. a thinker. a schemer. a genius. a plotter. a mastermind. a legend.

" i think - therefore i am single." -- Lizz Winstead

tired out. didnt sleep at all last night. thanks to that izuan guy. tell SO many ghost stories. still scare and scare. and its not made up.(not counting the scaring ones) terrifies me.

late at night when u are all alone in the darkness, this weird images starts to form in your head. imagining the worst yet fearing to look. trying to sleep and ignore all noises and sudden movements. praying that the thing you fear would not appear.

you know how terrible it is? this psychological fear? its keepingme awake. i wanna be able to sleep again tonight.

went for the guides north division day thing. my grp had telematch. kiddy fun. i span so much my head was still spinning when i was skipping with cheryl. felt like puking after the whole thing. only that part was fun, then the mood was gone. borring. i was unable to sing the guides song. OH! the disgrace. the humiliation.

then super tired went back school to hand up proposal. then went amk central to walk with woman, woman and woman. all women okay! LOL. then pass by the vcd store it was plaing jian gui shi so coincidental arhs? den we watched. cant see how funny it was. but the stupid vcd store only showed a portion of the movie. so mean. so no choice gotta continue walking. den we passed another cd store. showing same movie different portion. MORE COINCIDENTAL! so we stayed there and watched. then i went home while the rest of the women went to j8.

oh, and my brother so has my genes. he used the words and phrases like, tampered document, inject humour into the story and awkardly structured sentences. LOOK! the family resemblence. we all use bombastic words. cool.

gonna try to sleep tonight. i do not want bloodshot eyes tomorrow!