Moving and Walking

It has been an eternity since my last post! Blake is 10 months old and mobile!  He enjoys eating, going on walks, and his "businesses".  These include: pulling all the toilet paper off the roll, eating bugs and spiders, walking, getting into cabinets, and falling.... a lot!

We have enjoyed a summer of swimming at Grams, BBQ's, and bike rides (we are still learning to be OK with our helmet.)

On some exciting news we move in less than two weeks to Orange, CA.  I have been exciting myself with thinking about his 1st birthday party over packing.

In actuality though, I have a day by day lay out from now until the drive, of what will be done every day so I don't get overwhelmed.  Andrew's dad was kind enough to take off some work to help with the drive and move.  Jan and Eliza will be flying out with Blake the day before the rest of us drive.  That way he can be spoiled and enjoy his grandma's the rest of us work :)

Blake loves to eat just about everything.  He is a good eater and generally sleeps well.  He keeps me one my toes and makes me laugh.

4TH of July Hike

Businesses

I love my "aminals"

OBSESSED with the computer

4th of July Boy

Relaxing in the tub!

As promised here is the Andrew's Super Birthday Cake Recipe.  It is a spin off of my Great Grandma's Buttermilk Cake, and his family's Carmel Cake.  WE LOVE IT!  The cake can also be made with chocolate frosting on top OR cream cheese frosting on top :)

Buttermilk Cake:

Cream together:

1/2 c Crisco  (never use butter, it doesn’t work)

1 1/2  c sugar  

Then add:

3 eggs  

2 t vanilla

In a separate bowl mix/sift together

2 ¼ c flour     

1 ½ t baking POWDER      

1/2 t salt 

**1/2 c. cocoa powder if making a chocolate cake- if not do not add  

Mix and let stand until bubbly

1 c buttermilk- room temp  ( 1 ½)     

1 t baking SODA  (1 ½)

Hand mix, alternating with flour, then milk mixtures –start with flour and end with flour,

Mix well and pout into 9x13 greased cake pan.  

After the flour you can add any number of things:

Banana Cake:

2 bananas mashed

MARBLE CAKE:

Split batter into halves, to one add 1/3 c cocoa powder made into a paste with 2 T. water.  In a prepared pan then add spoon fulls of the chocolate and vanilla batter.  Swirl with a knife.

Cherry Cake:

Maraschino cherries chopped and some cherry juice to make cherry cake

Bake 350 for 30 minutes, Frost with either, chocolate, cream cheese, or burnt butter frosting, depending on the cake you made.

FOR ANDREWS SUPER BIRTHDAY CAKE:

Make either a marble or chocolate version of the above cake.

Mix together caramel ice cream topping and a can of sweet and condensed milk.  Poke with a fork or toothpick lots of holes over the cake after it has cooled for 10 minutes.  Pour caramel mix on top and let cool completely.

Beat 1 pint of whipping cream until soft peaks form.  Add some powdered sugar and vanilla to taste. (about 1/2 tsp of vanilla and 1/4 cup of sugar).  Spread over cooled cake.  Cover with crushed skor or heath candy bar (You can usually buy it crushed in the chocolate chip section of your grocery store)

Store in the fridge!  Enjoy!

Judgement Day

I have been thinking a LOT lately about 2 experiences I had about 2 weeks ago.  The first happened while I was attending a service at the temple.  (Think of it as a religious ceremony in a synagogue or cathedral)  As I went to sit next to my family there, I was stopped by a women who informed me that she was saving seats so her family could sit next to each other.  The result was that my family had to sit apart from each other.  Later in the ceremony we all moved around and again were informed that their family was saving seats, and again we all were forced to sit apart from each other.  To top it off we all had to wait several times for their family.  I was thoroughly annoyed and very put-off.  I could not help but think of how inconsiderate these people were, only focused on their wants at the expense of others.

The second experience occurred the next day while at church. There was a woman who was pregnant and she was taking her 7-year-old son out of the meeting.  She was yelling at him.  People were staring at her.  She was using her mom demon voice (we all have one) and yelled "I am so done with you, get in that room!"  She was trying to get him to go into a classroom that was down the hall from the Chapel where they had come out of.  He was crying quite heavily and wasn't moving.  She then grabbed him by the ear and shoved him into the room to which he fell flat on his face and began to sob.  I could tell that he was actually pretty hurt and she was irate.  Not knowing what to do I walked away.  She had actually hurt her son.  It was in front of other people.  I was afraid of her and also afraid for her son.

I remember being pregnant and feeling like crap some days.  I remember teaching 8th grade while being pregnant and feeling worse.  Now I am a mother of a baby.  I have felt frustrated.  What should I have done in the situation?  I was concerned for her child, but more afraid that by saying something I would cause a scene.

Going back to my temple story.  As I was sitting there I had a thought, I realized that the family was fumbling to put some of their ceremonial clothing.  It occurred to me that there were probably greater needs of this family.  They may not come often to the temple and this may have been a "big deal" that they were all there.  Sitting next to each other was just one way they were dealing with any intimidation.  If you hadn't gone to church in a while, you might want to sit next to your friends and family too.

Being a deeply religious person I stopped to think about Christ.  Though I am a Mormon and not a Baptist I had a TRUE WWJD moment.  Whether you believe in Christ or not, or whether He is important to you or not is really beside the point.  It is the principle.  In my situation how would Christ have felt, and what would He have done?  In the end, allowing myself to be put-off or annoyed by my experience really just hurt me.  The family that saved seats didn't know me and most likely never will.  I however needed to recognize that their needs were greater than mine, even if they weren't...and treat them as such.  Then I would have been much happier.

My second story is much like the first.  If that were to happen again, I think I might have humbly said,"I know what it is like to have rough days.  Can I help somehow?"  In that moment I would have come to her in a loving and non-threatening way.  Though the mom who hurt her son may be completely crazy, chances are she was just thoroughly tired and tired of her son.  It happens.

There have been moments were I have felt judged or compared.  I never really compare myself to others, BUT I do set unrealistic expectations for myself.  The mom world can be lonely and daunting.  It can be filled with frustrations and missed expectations.  From helicopter moms to fantasy moms- (moms reliving their lives through their children) most of the time there is a reason they are that way.  Just be glad it is not you and if it is you.... be honest and improve.  Some moms have easy babies and hard marriages.  Some moms have hard babies and fabulous marriages.  Some moms have mixed kids and no marriage.  Some moms have husbands who make good money but have deep wounds from their previous life experiences. Some moms have no money but an amazing family.  Some of us live in beautiful houses.  Some moms live in creaky, leaky old apartments.  Some moms had the house and dream job and lost it.  Some moms are still waiting for the house.  Some moms are still waiting to be called mom.  We all probably fit in there somewhere, and most of the time its a little bit of a lot of things.

To quote one of my favorite General Conference talks (Really big world-wide Mormon meeting):
"When it comes to hating, gossiping, ignoring, ridiculing, holding grudges, or wanting to cause harm - please apply the following: STOP IT!" Dieter F. Uchtdorf

We all fall in there somewhere.  Love your own kids, husband, job, and life.  Anything else.... just STOP IT.  We don't know what it is like.  My moto is: Forgive quickly and love deeply.

Blake laughing as his dad sings in a silly way (hence the shaking)

Happy after a long nap

Look forward to a spin on a classic cake that is one of Andrew's favorites.  He asks for it every birthday.  I call it super birthday cake because it is no where near better than...... 

Oatmeal Cookies and Spring

It's the official start of spring today!  Happy Spring!  Contrary to what some may think, I feel it has been a record breaking warm winter.  With the exception of the "cold snap" it really was pretty mild.  I was able to walk/jog most days. Woo Hoo!  Blake loves going out in the stroller and I love to go out.  I've always been more of an "outdoor exerciser".  I would like to maybe plant some flowers as it warms up.  I love long days where Andrew and I can go on a family walk with Blake after dinner.  Even though it can be a bit brisk, we just bundle up and enjoy the sun.

As promised, I am posting Andrew's all time favorite cookies.  They may be mine as well.  They are addicting, and it is terribly hard to eat just one.  So I give fair warning.  I created the recipe entirely on my own.

I would like to add a caveat-- We have a family friend who makes the most amazing Coconut Cookies.  These will never be hers.   These are completely different, and we love them.

Andrew's BEST cookie EVER

Preheat oven to 350

2 sticks butter softened NOT melted
1 c. white sugar
1 c. brown sugar
2 eggs
1 1/2 tsp vanilla
1 1/2 c. flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
1 tsp cinnamon
1 3/4 c. oats
2 c. corn flakes
1/2 c. chopped butterscotch chips
1/2 c. chopped pecans
2/3 c. coconut

Crush the cornflakes to smaller pieces.  Chop the pecans and butterscotch chips.  Place in a medium size bowl with flour, cinnamon, oats, coconut, salt, and baking soda.  In a stand mixer cream butter and sugar.  Add eggs, and vanilla.  Slowly pour in dry ingredients mixing on low until incorporated.  Form into heaping cookies.  Bake for 10-12 minutes.

You can easily omit the pecans and if you really hate butterscotch you can lose those too.  I do not love large bites of butterscotch myself that is why I chop it up very fine to add a mild flavor that truly enhance the cookie!

Happy Happy Spring!

Trying a blackberry for the first time

I think he likes it!

Happy 6 Months Blake!

We had a busy and eventful week.  On Wednesday Blake turned 6 months old.  I can not believe how fast these 6 months have gone by.  My former life of parties, working, eating out with friends...is a distant memory.  I made a goal this week to try and do one chore around the house a day.  My mom was so good about this growing up.  I remember that Thursday she vacuumed and cleaned the kitchen.  She did this until after I left for college when she finally hired someone.  My grandma cleaned her house by herself until she passed at 71!  Blake has gotten a lot easier.  He is able to play and roll around happily.  He also pretty consistently takes 2 naps a day.  This gives me time to tidy up.  I thrive on schedules and routines and so do babies.

Blake is growing up so very fast.  He is very close to sitting by himself for long periods of time.  He rolls all around, eats all sorts of food, and this week he was able to have a baby rice cake to celebrate his 6 month birthday.  I also had the very real feeling that I needed to enjoy this time with just me and Blake.  I found myself feeling a little more patient and willing to hold him and comfort him.  Of course I always do, but it just felt different.  I let my world stop and just hold him for the first time in a while.  I realized I will never have this moment, in this time, ever again.  Soon enough he will grow up there will be more children to divide my attention with....all of these changes will be good and exciting, but for now its just me and my boy. (oh and Andrew...Blake's favorite time of day is playing with dad.  My favorite time of day is relaxing with Andrew when Blake is in bed :)

As I was holding Blake this is what I couldn't help but think:

Son, I'm so glad for this moment.  I know it's small and short but you are my boy.  I've known you for a while.  I remember the first time I felt your presence and knew you were waiting patiently for me to be your mom.  Thank you for being patient with me.  I can see you as a teenager, full of life and an example to all your friends.  A quiet leader.  That's what you are.  I see you as a young man getting ready to marry and start a family of your own.  Thank you for being such a good example to your siblings.  In a way I've always known you, and you'll always be my boy.  I love you son.

Sorry, had to be a little sentimental.  After all it is sentimental Sunday.  (I know that isn't really a thing...but I am always sentimental on Sunday's so it is a thing for me!)

By the way this week I'll be posting Andrew's ALL TIME FAVORITE cookies I make him.  They are oatmeal, or as we call them "Big Fat Magical Oatmeal Cookies".

Happy Sunday!

Sitting like a big boy

Being silly with dad in church

He's a happy guy

I think we have some musical talent!

6 Month Celebration!

Grandma's House

A little over 3 weeks ago, I got a call from my dad asking if I would come work or him for 2 1/2 weeks.  I talked it over with Andrew and we decided it would be a good opportunity to make some extra income for our family.  After the tickets were purchased, I felt like I was running around my house trying to get everything together because I was leaving in 2 days.  Both Andrew and I also felt a little like we had rushed our decision once we realized how long we would be gone from each other, not to mention that we would miss Valentines.

Blake always loves being at his Nammie Shaundi's house.  He gets lots of attention, and it's just easier having a baby in a house.  

At first I was really enjoying working.  I felt accomplished.  However,  I started to miss my old life as a stay-at-home mom.  It was so humbling to be out there.  I really realized how blessed I am that I get to raise Blake full time.  I know there are so many amazing moms who balance a career and raising kids.  I applaud you!  

However, for me I realized 2 important things while I was out here in California.  A few Sunday's ago we were visiting with a family friend and she said, "How do you like working?"  I told her that I was really enjoying it.  She then said, "Working is easier that being a mom huh?"  I said YES!  Even on my hardest most frustrating days as a teacher or nanny it was never as hard and my hardest moments with Blake.  So interesting.  

My next and most important light bulb moment came from another family friend.   She is in her 80's.  She turned to me in Relief Society (Women's church meeting) and said, "Jennifer your baby is so cute!  I bet being a mom is different than what you thought it would be?"  I confirmed that yes it was different than I thought it would be.  She then said, "But it's a good different."  She is right.  Being a mom is good different.

Blake has LOVED being in CA.  Warm weather and lots of attention.  He is growing up too fast.  Rolling, eating food, holding his own bottle, and sitting by himself (we are still working on perfecting all of it.). The best news of all is his digestive issues appear to be resolving.  He is now on
Goat milk.  He is so much happier.  I feel bad my little guy was so uncomfortable for his first 5.5 months of his life! I have a whole new baby.  He laughs at things, and loves to entertain us.

As far a sleep.  He is sleeping better too.  He usually only cries if he really needs something.  We are having so much fun with him!  We will be glad to be back with Andrew again.  Blake loves his dad and I do too!

Playing on mom's bed

Houdini Boy getting out of his swaddle wrap

Nammie taught me to hold my own bottle

Being silly at church

Flirting at the mall

Being silly with dad in the mirror

Enjoying the warm, sunny weather

Blake and I really enjoyed the warm weather, and especially enjoyed when Andrew came to visit us!

5 Months flew past!  This week marks 6 months!

Croup and Cookies

This last week Blake started having some serious trouble sleeping.  Ever since he had an intestinal bug he had been waking up 2 times a night and I was getting tired.  I was feeding him because he had lost 2 lbs.  He was not eating very well during the day so I knew he was waking up out of hunger.  This bug went straight into the croup.  Last week Monday he woke up 7 times.  I took him to the doctor in fear of an ear infection.  I found out it was croup.  He was very sick.  He has proceeded to wake up 7-9 times a night for the last 7 days and Andrew and I are so sleep deprived.  Last night was the worst so far.  Out of complete desperation we have decided to sleep train him.  I realize he might not be feeling well, he might be hungry....but most of the time it seems to be he is struggling to comfort himself and has become a little too attached to his binkie.  From 3-8 in the morning he spits in out and starts crying almost every hour.

We are implementing a sleep plan.  Though it may be a tough week or so, we are going to teach him that the binkie is not used in his crib.  We got a book called Sleep Sense by Dana Obleman.  It makes a lot of sense. It basically just explains how important sleep is to you and your baby.  He needs his sleep and so does his Mom and Dad.  Some may think that babies will just grow out of it.  Her point is that we can teach our babies.  Babies and children can learn.  We can help him learn to self-soothe.  There will likely be some tears, but I know it will be worth it.  I look at it this way:  There are many times during the night where we might stir slightly, but we usually just turn over and go back to sleep!  This approach will likely involve Blake crying.  I have talked to so so so many moms who say, "I can't ever stand to hear my baby cry!"  I agree.  It gets me every time Blake is sad, hurting, or scared.  But the question I have to ask my self is, when he is crying at night is he any of those things?  Crying is all he knows how to do.  So if I can help him to learn to sleep better, why wouldn't I help him!  Sleep is the key to health and brain development!  I will be documenting our sleep journey in my posts to come!  (No I do not have all the answers, and we have no idea how this will all end up)

Just as a side note, my post last week created a lot more attention than I was expecting!  While some may have judged, others may have sympathized and felt I was speaking what they had been feeling.  Just to be clear:  I love and adore my son and being a mom.  He has made and continues to make me so happy.  I have never wanted to hurt myself or my baby.  However I have really enjoyed getting out some of my frustrations through kickboxing lately.  I used to jog but lately with some of the snow I have found a new love for kickboxing.  I just use online videos.  My former post was simply me being honest about my journey so far.  I was very prepared to be a mom.  HOWEVER you have no guarantee about the personality of your baby.  Blake is at times stubborn and was very very very colicky for the fist 3 months.  For all your moms out there who have had a colicky baby... I feel your pain and it does get better!  For all the rest of you, DON'T JUDGE!

I look forward to sharing our sleep adventures next week!

Morning after a very sleepless night!

Thanks Nammie for the new shoes!

Here is the much promised cookie recipe courtesy for my Miss Kay's cookbook.  Its a good one.  I make them big and fat.  I have to say I got Ann Romney's and Miss Kay's cookbook for Christmas.  Much to my dismay the recipes in the Romney cookbook have not impressed me.  I love the Romney's but the cookbook needed some more proof reading.  I enjoyed the stories though.  I feel the fish recipes may redeem the book.   However so far the "Mitt" movie was much more appreciated than the cookbook.

Jenny's Version of Miss Kay's Chocolate Chip Cookie

2 sticks butter
3/4 c packed brown sugar
3/4 c sugar

1 large egg

1 t vanilla
2 1/4 c flour
1 t baking soda
1 TBS corn starch
1/2 salt
1/2 or more chocolate chips  (I use a mix of semi-sweet and milk)

Preheat oven to 350.  With electric stand mixer beat butter and sugars.  Add egg and vanilla.  Mix.  In a separate bowl mix flour, baking soda, corn starch and salt.  Slowly add in flour mix to butter and sugar mix.  Add more flour if needed.  If the dough is too wet you will have flat greasy cookies.

Take a large cookie scoop or spoon to form dough balls.  Bake for 10 minutes.  Adjust heat and time of cookies based on your oven.  You know your oven and if it runs hot or cold.  The cookies should look browned on the bottom.  They may not look super golden on top.  Let them sit on the cookie sheet to cool an additional 10 minutes.  (I owe this trick to my friend Megan Nelson.)

You may be thinking, "Cornstarch....REALLY?!" Yes really.  It makes the cookies have the perfect outer crisp to soft middle ratio.  These are not gourmet.  For those cookies I use another recipe that is a lot more work.  BUT these taste like the-best-homemade-straight-from-moms-oven-to-your-mouth-cookies!

Good Moms Make Cookies

And keep their house clean.....

This is not a story of Blake's birth, nor is it a look at a picture perfect life.  It is me being honest about the first 4 months with Blake.  (This is also not one of those annoying rants moms post that make them look nuts)

Long before I had Blake, somewhere in my subconscious I believed once I got married and had a baby I would be happy.... so happy that I would never be sad, angry, lonely etc. ever again.  After all that's how our mom's were right?  I was fulfilling my duty as a good Mormon girl.  I had been groomed to be a good mom.  I had tended other children for 11 years.  I had been a teacher of the hardest age.... 13.  I was ready.  Nothing could go wrong.  I had it all under control.  I understood babies.  I assured my husband, "I've taken care of other people's babies for as long as I can remember... don't worry."

Backing up to pregnancy and birth.  Pregnancy is long.  At the end carrying a baby the size of a watermelon feels.....well..... "Heavy". (To quote a former student who once asked if I felt heavy...at the time I was 20 weeks....no I didn't feel heavy.  At 34+.... yep I felt heavy)

The day Blake was born I went on my usual morning walk.  I had been having stronger and stronger contractions for weeks.  Most the time I went on walks I would actually get contractions so strong I would have to stop, I often thought I would have him right there in the street. (silly me)  I went to Costco after my walk.  My contractions were getting stronger, but I was convinced I was fine.  I realized I was bleeding.  I called my Dr.  He told me to get some monitoring at the Hospital.  I drove myself there.  My husband was in school and I didn't want to worry him.

Well I was in Labor.  I was progressing.  The Dr. wanted to see how I'd respond to a little Pitocin.  I was ready.  By 3 am I was ready to have Blake.  He was in a weird position, so with my Epidural completely phased out I went to work.  Every time I pushed I felt better. After a little less than 3 hours (of pushing) Blake came!  I was so empowered!  I was definitely in need of some pain meds after that :)

Blake was Jaundice, so we had to supplement with formula.  After that he never wanted to nurse again.  I killed myself over that.  I was convinced I was an unfit mother.  I got over it.  Blake loved bottles.  I just had to find the right formula because he had a sensitive tummy.  Finally got him on Gerber Good Start Soothe.  

I had a wonderful husband, and cute baby.  I would never want for more!  Wrong.  Babies are the hardest thing you will ever do.  You look in the mirror and don't recognize yourself.  You don't get to do whatever you want.  You are tired, hormonal, fat....but you are supposed to smile, look perfect, keep your house clean, make all the meals, and don't forget.... make cookies.

I love making cookies.  I love skinny jeans.  I love going to the movies.  I love going on long runs.  I love being able to have my house organized.

Guess what....it's gone.  I have a perfect baby.... who had terrible colic.  I never got anything done.  Then after a long day I would look in the mirror and not recognize who I saw.

These are the facts.  Why cant we be more honest with each other?

I have never felt so whole and complete in my life.  My son has my nose and lips.  He smiles at me.  He talks to me.  He gets excited when I come in the room.  I am everything to him.  I love him and he loves me.

Sickness, sleep regression, continual gut and feeding issues.  I deal with them everyday.  I am a nut.  I don't recognize myself, but I am the new me.  I wanted this remember?  I would never go back.  Some days I have moments of weakness where I wish I could be back in my cute (small) teacher clothes teaching about the American Revolution.  I felt empowered.  I felt accomplished.  That was then.

I created a human.  I am learning to be a mom.  Once and a while I still make cookies.  I go on walks with my son.  My house never stays very clean.  I manage to make dinner most nights.  Movies...they don't happen.

My son is perfect.  I am not.  He is teaching me.  I need to listen.

I am whole.

(PS- Bless my husband.  Don't forget your husband. Take a look here)

I'll be sure to post Andrew's favorite cookies...